from NSA to relationship

[Christopher South]

A thread here just made me think of something related...

Have any of you started out in an NSA relationship and the other person developed feelings for you (or you developed feelings for them), resulting with your ending the NSA relationship?

Or, are you in a partnered/married relationship now that actually started out as an NSA relationship?

Explain please what happened and what you did.

[NjbiGuy01]

I've been with a few MF couples that I had fun with, but I think in some cases the woman may have developed feelings for me and the husband ended things. It's a risk in swinging. I had a NSA relationship with an ex-girlfriend (whom I almost married before meeting my wife), and romantic feelings came back and complicated the whole thing. We realized we couldn't play and be able to ignore feelings we still had for one another. Since neither of us wanted to leave our spouses, we ended it. Sometimes you have to wonder if "NSA" is even possible, especially if the sex is good....

[pole_smoker]

I've been with a few MF couples that I had fun with, but I think in some cases the woman may have developed feelings for me and the husband ended things. It's a risk in swinging. I had a NSA relationship with an ex-girlfriend (whom I almost married before meeting my wife), and romantic feelings came back and complicated the whole thing. We realized we couldn't play and be able to ignore feelings we still had for one another. Since neither of us wanted to leave our spouses, we ended it. Sometimes you have to wonder if "NSA" is even possible, especially if the sex is good....
LMAO!!! So that's who you got various STDs from. ;) :rolleyes: Eventually your "wife" who you have lied to, and cheated on for decades, and who you do not love will divorce your ass. ;) :rolleyes:

[NjbiGuy01]

Ass_pole_sAmoker: For a guy who claims to be so smart and hold multiple degrees, who's in such a great relationship you sure have tons of time to act like a dysfunctional tool. STFU

[Hypersexual11]

My first nsa was a gay guy. I was very up front to him in the beginning that I couldnt have feelings for a dude so if he started feeling something for me, it would be best if he told me. 15 years later he tells my wife that he loves me, that I'm gay, that I love him and I will be leaving her. None of this worked out for him.

[pole_smoker]

My first nsa was a gay guy. I was very up front to him in the beginning that I couldnt have feelings for a dude so if he started feeling something for me, it would be best if he told me. 15 years later he tells my wife that he loves me, that I'm gay, that I love him and I will be leaving her. None of this worked out for him.
If he wanted a relationship with a man, why did he get involved with someone that's married and cheating on their wife/partner, and then continue seeing them for 15 years?

[void()]

If he wanted a relationship with a man, why did he get involved with someone that's married and cheating on their wife/partner, and then continue seeing them for 15 years?

To state the obvious fact for you, as you are obviously educated too dumb to comprehend it. Go ask him, yourself.

Again, not stalking. Only reading and commenting on what is in public.

[cuttin2dachase]

I have only ever been in emotional/love relationships with women. I have no desire to be in love with or have a ltr with a man. I'm bi, not gay. With men it's the sex I want. Paradoxically I very much enjoy faux-romance and intimacy with men and the illusion that we are bfs who are only dating each other. Over the years I have never felt romantic or emotional love for a man. I have had man-crushes on a select few men to the point that I hoped for another encounter the same as I would with a woman with whom I clicked sexually. Still it has rarely happened that a male partner and I both wanted to keep seeing each other, but it does feel special when it occasionally happens. Every man I've been with knew it was for sex first and a FWB arrangement if we clicked.

I've had 2 gay lovers fall in love with me despite their being told upfront that I was bisexual and that I wanted women for emotional AND sexual relationships and men for strictly sexual relationships. When I reiterated that I wanted them for sex and friendship only, it was "you used me" or "you are gay, not bi and you are in denial that you're gay". If you went to bed with them and were a passionate lover, it meant to them that you loved them, just like with most women. Needless to say I distanced myself from them as soon as the drama and hissy fits began. It was on par with a jilted woman's drama. One of them even stalked me for a time. With women, drama is always there to some extent, but I am willing to accept some drama if I have emotional feelings for them. Since that can't happen with men, I accept no drama and am outta there at the first inkling of it. I prefer drama-free bi married or divorced men to single bi or gay men. I have never had to deal with drama from a married or divorced man.

[void()]

I have never had to deal with drama from a married or divorced man.

Likely due to the fact these kind of men themselves dislike any more
drama than they already handle.

I am starting to have more empathy for men who cheat. Still dislike the
act of deception a lot. That does not imply I need to dislike or judge
the human being doing the act. Been difficult in getting to this point,
for me, at least.

[pole_smoker]

I have only ever been in emotional/love relationships with women. I have no desire to be in love with or have a ltr with a man. I'm bi, not gay. With men it's the sex I want. Paradoxically I very much enjoy faux-romance and intimacy with men and the illusion that we are bfs who are only dating each other. Over the years I have never felt romantic or emotional love for a man. I have had man-crushes on a select few men to the point that I hoped for another encounter the same as I would with a woman with whom I clicked sexually. Still it has rarely happened that a male partner and I both wanted to keep seeing each other, but it does feel special when it occasionally happens. Every man I've been with knew it was for sex first and a FWB arrangement if we clicked.

I've had 2 gay lovers fall in love with me despite their being told upfront that I was bisexual and that I wanted women for emotional AND sexual relationships and men for strictly sexual relationships. When I reiterated that I wanted them for sex and friendship only, it was "you used me" or "you are gay, not bi and you are in denial that you're gay". If you went to bed with them and were a passionate lover, it meant to them that you loved them, just like with most women. Needless to say I distanced myself from them as soon as the drama and hissy fits began. It was on par with a jilted woman's drama. One of them even stalked me for a time. With women, drama is always there to some extent, but I am willing to accept some drama if I have emotional feelings for them. Since that can't happen with men, I accept no drama and am outta there at the first inkling of it. I prefer drama-free bi married or divorced men to single bi or gay men. I have never had to deal with drama from a married or divorced man.
:rolleyes: That's your homophobia/biphobia and bigotry speaking; but you're a closet queen who lives in your mom's spare bedroom. ;) :rolleyes: Only a "man" that's got a lot of internalized self loathing, homophobia/biphobia claims that they can't fall in love with a man or the utter nonsense that "I'm bi I do not fall in love with men...if I did fall in love with a man that would make me gay!" :yikes2: :rolleyes: Lovers? They were fuck buddies, and nothing more. :rolleyes: Women? What woman actually wants you? Your wives divorced your closeted ass, and ran far away when they found out what you were like! ;) :rolleyes: :shades::smilies15

[sysper]

i kinda have the same fears if i ever decide to experement with a guy.

[NjbiGuy01]

Likely due to the fact these kind of men themselves dislike any more drama than they already handle. I am starting to have more empathy for men who cheat. Still dislike the act of deception a lot. That does not imply I need to dislike or judge the human being doing the act. Been difficult in getting to this point, for me, at least.

I gotta agree. I have found many married men in my searches seeking relationships with similar married men here and on other websites. The usual motivations seem to be "wife lost interest", or wanting "more sexual variety". I think to some degree our culture is showing more acceptance of gay and bi people and this makes some guys more open to exploration of things that might have been considered more "taboo" years ago.

No, I'm not comfortable having an affair with a woman. Yes, totally too much potential drama. The few times I had an affair I came away with guilt as well as having feelings cloud what was supposed to be a little NSA fun. One time the girl proved to basically be a psycho I really felt wanted to ruin my life because I wanted to end the relationship and she felt extremely hurt. I scared the hell out of me. (As luck had it, she was pretty amazing in bed, but bat-shit crazy)

I have all I want in my wife and marriage. I own a lovely home, have two great kids, we run a business together, and get along well. Could we be more exciting in bed, yeah likely yes. The only thing I don't have home is that I do enjoy sex with men when the mood strikes. The wife is not really into adding someone to the mix. It's a combination of good old "Italian-Catholic guilt", and a fear of disease.

In my mind, I don't feel like playing with a man or a mf couple is cheating as much as it's getting something I simply don't have at home. It's like your wife keeps a Kosher house and you sneak out for a pulled pork sandwich.... ;)

The wife does accept that I think of myself as bisexual, I don't wear it on my sleeve. A few select people know I am. She does knows of my adventures before getting married, but (for now anyway) broaching the subject of allowing me to engage in this has not yet been addressed. We've come close, but not quite there yet.

[pole_smoker]

I gotta agree. I have found many married men in my searches seeking relationships with similar married men here and on other websites. The usual motivations seem to be "wife lost interest", or wanting "more sexual variety". I think to some degree our culture is showing more acceptance of gay and bi people and this makes some guys more open to exploration of things that might have been considered more "taboo" years ago.

No, I'm not comfortable having an affair with a woman. Yes, totally too much potential drama. The few times I had an affair I came away with guilt as well as having feelings cloud what was supposed to be a little NSA fun. One time the girl proved to basically be a psycho I really felt wanted to ruin my life because I wanted to end the relationship and she felt extremely hurt. I scared the hell out of me. (As luck had it, she was pretty amazing in bed, but bat-shit crazy)

I have all I want in my wife and marriage. I own a lovely home, have two great kids, we run a business together, and get along well. Could we be more exciting in bed, yeah likely yes. The only thing I don't have home is that I do enjoy sex with men when the mood strikes. The wife is not really into adding someone to the mix. It's a combination of good old "Italian-Catholic guilt", and a fear of disease.

In my mind, I don't feel like playing with a man or a mf couple is cheating as much as it's getting something I simply don't have at home. It's like your wife keeps a Kosher house and you sneak out for a pulled pork sandwich.... ;)

The wife does accept that I think of myself as bisexual, I don't wear it on my sleeve. A few select people know I am. She does knows of my adventures before getting married, but (for now anyway) broaching the subject of allowing me to engage in this has not yet been addressed. We've come close, but not quite there yet.
LMAO!!! :rolleyes: Bisexual "men" like you who cheat on their wives and who are largely deeply closeted, are chickenshit cowards who give all bisexual men who do not cheat and all LGBT people a bad name.

Yes you are cheating and lying to your wife...even if you want to pretend it's not happening. :rolleyes: Your "wife" has STDs thanks to you. ;) :rolleyes: But karma, or fate will catch up to you. ;) :rolleyes:

[lizard-lix]

I have all I want in my wife and marriage. I own a lovely home, have two great kids, we run a business together, and get along well. Could we be more exciting in bed, yeah likely yes. The only thing I don't have home is that I do enjoy sex with men when the mood strikes. The wife is not really into adding someone to the mix. It's a combination of good old "Italian-Catholic guilt", and a fear of disease.

I am right with ya there, I have almost the same situation, just sub Irish for Italian and skip the kids...


In my mind, I don't feel like playing with a man or a mf couple is cheating as much as it's getting something I simply don't have at home. It's like your wife keeps a Kosher house and you sneak out for a pulled pork sandwich.... ;)

I guess that I couldn't do that, I've traveled for work all of our married life and spent 2 years out every week with a work partner who had an open marriage, this was back when they always put co-workers in adjoining rooms, I used to listen to the moans of his girlfriends and the headboard banging every night.

He even tried to pick up my wife at a company picnic. But I never even considered picking up anyone even when I was on the other side of the world.


The wife does accept that I think of myself as bisexual, I don't wear it on my sleeve. A few select people know I am. She does knows of my adventures before getting married, but (for now anyway) broaching the subject of allowing me to engage in this has not yet been addressed. We've come close, but not quite there yet.
That was where we were 10 years ago and it just didn't work for me anymore. Since I had agreed to straight, vanilla monogamy, I asked her if she'd consider changing. She very reluctantly agreed and we explored a lot of alternative sexual lifestyles, after giving it a fair shot, she decided it wasn't for her and we hung at an impasse for quite a while. We still went to fetish club parties now and then we both enjoy the spectacle. About 5 months ago now, she looked at me one night at a party and said 'I see it in your face, you need this.' I just nodded. She said, "OK, you need to get fucked by people like this, and it's OK, you can."

We've spent the last months working it out, we have reached a comfort level that assured us both that it would work and not break us (we decided just not to allow that, we have too much going for us and we're that happy together overall). I started looking for playmates and found another guy in my exact situation and we plan to kick it off this weekend. It's working!

On top of it, I hit a medical snag this week that gave us both a lot to consider, one of the first things she said to me on the way to the Dr for the consult was that she felt she had been silly all this time resisting it and that I 'could do anything I want.' All of the reticence vanished.

So I am one lucky guy! And at least for us, communicating and committing made the difference. We are both happy, together and I will get to get my bi and kinky desires fulfilled.

Good luck to everyone else trying!