Help

[jeffar]

OK im in need of serous help! Im pouring inside and caant take it. Im a male no father, only mothers and sisters and no friends (well no close friends/only casual...no firends ;() Was bullied in high school, so I kept my distance from people. messed me up I think. As Right now I dont know ''where I am''. So confused.. And have gotten fired few times because of this.. yes really. Mother, sisters mostly ignored me. yep, really sad life. The only one good thing i can say is that ive been told by people that im handsome. But ofcourse that wont help you in life.


Main thing though is I dont know if im gay striaght,bi or ace. Done it with a chick once but it was problematic for many reason that I wont talk about publicly. However one i can say is I didnt find the girl particularly attractive (can never seem to get it with a girl ''I think' looks attractive ;()


So what I' asking here is, I need some advice, please someone pm me?

[tenni]

Hi
In your short three paragraphs, you raise at least three issues. None of which can be solved here quickly on this site.

The best approach may be to seek out a therapist to discuss your situation with.

As far as your sexuality is concerned, again there is insufficient information and it is something that you have to determine.

If you are sexually and or emotionally attracted to men and women, you are more likely bisexual.

The issue of never getting a girl that you think is attractive is probably a common feeling for a lot of guys. (maybe with low self esteem?)

Good luck in your search.

[void()]

Fairly agree with tenni's assessment.

That noted I'll try a humble stab here.

0. Father

My dad left me when I was two. In some respects I grew up by the age of five, had to wear the mantle of being my own father. More and more of us face this, and more still will. I would tell you I'm sorry that you had to grow up without. That would be fibbing though. I cannot feel for you, what I can't feel for myself and that is sorry, either of us had no father.

It is rough, yes. Does it kill us? Well, you posted, I posted. Gee maybe we live, huh?

1. Employment

How did your sexuality cause you to get fired? Not sure I have heard of a direct case of sexuality getting someone fired.

2. Mother & Sisters

Buck up. My mom said it would be better having me dead. And I am the son that scares her. We think too alike at times although I remain near six steps ahead of her.

3. Beauty

Buddha to name but one great teacher, teaches that everything comes to those who expect nothing. Maybe what you think looks attractive I may think looks like a piece of sick toothpick easily broken during sex. Here's something that will ultimately warp your mind. I think every man, woman and transsexual person are each beautiful and attractive in their own regard. But I'm also not a person that is bogged down by physical wrappers either.

4. Sexuality

Not sure how this fits, if it does with these other things. It may or may not. You're the only to decide for yourself. It is not a choice anyone else can make for you. We might offer you explore such things as the Kinsey Scale, explore your own social interactions with men and women. It is still your choice, not ours.

Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional despite this absurd desire life seems bent to have me be. If any of the above offends, well, maybe being offended can help. You need to work through the issues you presented to clarify what help you need before we can dig in to help.

[sysper]

i think i might be able to explain how sexuality can get u fired, based on my experiances. can't say i've been fired because of it but there have been times questioning my sexuality has really been on my mind so much i couldn't concentrate on much else. my job performance was affected. not paying attention to ur job can get u fired regardless of why ur not concentrating. i'd like to say something about beauty too. it's true everybody has a different idea of what is beautifull. it's true u should be openminded but u can't force urself to be attracted to what ur not. but that attraction wears off, meaning it becomes 2nd nature after awhile & u have to look deeper for satisfaction because beauty is fleeting. hth :)

[pole_smoker]

OK im in need of serous help! Im pouring inside and caant take it. Im a male no father, only mothers and sisters and no friends (well no close friends/only casual...no firends ;() Was bullied in high school, so I kept my distance from people. messed me up I think. As Right now I dont know ''where I am''. So confused.. And have gotten fired few times because of this.. yes really. Mother, sisters mostly ignored me. yep, really sad life. The only one good thing i can say is that ive been told by people that im handsome. But ofcourse that wont help you in life.


Main thing though is I dont know if im gay striaght,bi or ace. Done it with a chick once but it was problematic for many reason that I wont talk about publicly. However one i can say is I didnt find the girl particularly attractive (can never seem to get it with a girl ''I think' looks attractive ;()


So what I' asking here is, I need some advice, please someone pm me?

WTF is ace? You think you're a card? Or you're sexually attracted to playing cards?

You will figure out your sexuality on your own.

If you're actually sexually attracted to both sexes women and men then you're bisexual. If you are only sexually attracted to the same sex or men only then you are gay.

If you are only sexually attracted to the opposite gender or women then you're heterosexual.

[void()]

i think i might be able to explain how sexuality can get u fired, based on my experiances. can't say i've been fired because of it but there have been times questioning my sexuality has really been on my mind so much i couldn't concentrate on much else. my job performance was affected. not paying attention to ur job can get u fired regardless of why ur not concentrating.

Ah, the old indirect; "You no work here so good, you fired!" I can understand that. What I could not understand was the more direct; "I see you is homosexual/lesbian/bisexual, we no like that, you fired!" Yet still what you suggest also to me at least, implies a means to condition out what oh hell, know the concept I'm thinking of and about, word in the way ...

You have homogenous society: "We're all God fearing Christians and we say these ideas are bunk. Therefore we offer punishment for any thinking these ideas, ergo then no one will think these ideas."

Then you got the dwellers of the verges: "Hey man, I'll think whatever I damn well please. Ever consider your God may have put the thought into my head in the first place? Neener Neener!"

Thought crimes against the mainstream, there we go. Think you can see where I'm going. And to me that's just fucking rubbish at best, bin that shite! Of course, I'm a nonconformist and apt to think, feel that way. To me it reeks of divisive tactics used to propagate fear, hate. Yet I've not really delved deeply enough into neural linguistics programming, social engineering(hacking) to actually solidify such a theory into more than that, a theory. I do believe though, the mark is not far away. There are others doing greater work, seeming to offer similar views as mine.

PS: Just to avoid conflict or drama I need to clarify a point.

The above mention of Christians was not intended as degradation of Christianity. I could have also said Whos and Whats, or whatever Dr. Suess used. The point being one group excludes another group. "We're X, you're Y. We can't play with you. You're evil, go away!"

This happens far too much and it genuinely needs to fucking end, right fucking now. It is this very tactic what is used to keep slaves(us) as slaves. Know I'm suppose to be full of love. This idea causes me to break out in cold loathing in spades.

The world no longer needs a slave and master mentality. Unless you're into BSDM and that's wholly another horse, go and enjoy. :) My point is the world at large here.

[jeffar]

i think i might be able to explain how sexuality can get u fired, based on my experiances. can't say i've been fired because of it but there have been times questioning my sexuality has really been on my mind so much i couldn't concentrate on much else. my job performance was affected. not paying attention to ur job can get u fired regardless of why ur not concentrating. i'd like to say something about beauty too. it's true everybody has a different idea of what is beautifull. it's true u should be openminded but u can't force urself to be attracted to what ur not. but that attraction wears off, meaning it becomes 2nd nature after awhile & u have to look deeper for satisfaction because beauty is fleeting. hth :)
Thumps up

and adding to ur first point, if the boss finds you attractive but u dont, however, giving off wrong signals, accidentally, it can be problematic..




0. Father My dad left me when I was two. In some respects I grew up by the age of five, had to wear the mantle of being my own father. More and more of us face this, and more still will. I would tell you I'm sorry that you had to grow up without. That would be fibbing though. I cannot feel for you, what I can't feel for myself and that is sorry, either of us had no father.

It is rough, yes. Does it kill us? Well, you posted, I posted. Gee maybe we live, huh?I grew up with no male figures is the point i was making (;no father no male friends)



2. Mother & Sisters

Buck up. My mom said it would be better having me dead. And I am the son that scares her. We think too alike at times although I remain near six steps ahead of her. My point is I had/have no one apart from my video games and random people id meet in stores...sad ik..


3. Beauty

Buddha to name but one great teacher, teaches that everything comes to those who expect nothing. Maybe what you think looks attractive I may think looks like a piece of sick toothpick easily broken during sex. Here's something that will ultimately warp your mind. I think every man, woman and transsexual person are each beautiful and attractive in their own regard. But I'm also not a person that is bogged down by physical wrappers either.

Buddy, Im trying figure my dick out here, inorder for me to do this i need to experiment with attractive people (either male or female), so far I feel nothing but admiration for good looking guys and a slight sexual interest with attractive girls (but strangely only when their into me) in other words, I feel like I want to see the girls naked but not the dudes.


WTF is ace? You think you're a card? Or you're sexually attracted to playing cards?Means asexuality..look it up.

[void()]

Thumps up

and adding to ur first point, if the boss finds you attractive but u dont, however, giving off wrong signals, accidentally, it can be problematic..



I grew up with no male figures is the point i was making (;no father no male friends)


My point is I had/have no one apart from my video games and random people id meet in stores...sad ik..


Buddy, Im trying figure my dick out here, inorder for me to do this i need to experiment with attractive people (either male or female), so far I feel nothing but admiration for good looking guys and a slight sexual interest with attractive girls (but strangely only when their into me) in other words, I feel like I want to see the girls naked but not the dudes.



Okay, gotcha. To me it sounds like you should at least find a male bud or two. Then, try finding a gal you consider hot and get sexual. I wasn't meaning to come over as harsh. Everyone seems to face adversities now a days and it's often difficult to see how to offer help.

I would not suggest you get sexual with guys. Seems you're kind of put off in considering that. Hey no problem, each person likes what they like. :) Heck, bet you don't care to eat raccoon either, and I think it's fairly good. *chuckles*

[jeffar]

Okay, gotcha. To me it sounds like you should at least find a male bud or two. Then, try finding a gal you consider hot and get sexual. I wasn't meaning to come over as harsh. Everyone seems to face adversities now a days and it's often difficult to see how to offer help.
Thats part of the problem though...finding male buds. I always feel like im holding them back, like im a social ape and theyre..u get my point?

Edit: and with some of them I feel like their only hanging with me because they wanna.. do strange things..

I think i'd like to get the second one done first, would boost my self esteem, which will give me the right push, dont you think?

but I just dont know. maybe some advice via pm? anyone?


I would not suggest you get sexual with guys. Seems you're kind of put off in considering that. Hey no problem, each person likes what they like. :) Heck, bet you don't care to eat raccoon either, and I think it's fairly good. *chuckles*
Funny thing is, with a lot of women I tend to notice their faults right away while with dudes, fairly so..is that strange for a heterosexual or bisexual even?

Edit: But at the same time i cant understand why most chicks like certain dudes, like denzel washington or beckham for instance, they look very average to me...hmm

[SilkyHoseLover]

I find it interesting that you're posting from a profile identified as being a M/F couple, yet the substance of your post seems to indicate that you're on your own and unsure of your sexuality...

[void()]

Thats part of the problem though...finding male buds. I always feel like im holding them back, like im a social ape and theyre..u get my point?

Edit: and with some of them I feel like their only hanging with me because they wanna.. do strange things..

I think i'd like to get the second one done first, would boost my self esteem, which will give me the right push, dont you think?

but I just dont know. maybe some advice via pm? anyone?


Funny thing is, with a lot of women I tend to notice their faults right away while with dudes, fairly so..is that strange for a heterosexual or bisexual even?

Edit: But at the same time i cant understand why most chicks like certain dudes, like denzel washington or beckham for instance, they look very average to me...hmm

It can easily be summed with an expression often heard/read on the site. People like what they like.

No, I do not think you need to go fuck a guy merely to be confident enough to be friends with him. I understand feeling like a fifth wheel. That can feel as though you're merely an extension of someone else.

That noted being the fifth wheel like that can be advantageous. You get a leg over on all the people your buddy meets. When you go out like that with a buddy it is a loud and clear message to others. The buddy thinks highly of you, they should too. And I have that from experience of going out with a guy like that, as a buddy, for over twenty plus odd years. We were as good as brothers.

He met girls, I met the girl's friends. *chuckles* There were times I would say to the buddy, "hey man y'all need your time. I'm vanishing for a bit." I would make off with a new friend. Quite a few nice blowjobs come out of that, once thought it would be that, surprised he bent on over.

There's positive and negatives to every situation. We each have to decide how we see it, how we react, how we make the best of it. Nobody else can choose that but you. We can talk privately, yet think I am offering as much here as I could there.

As for a boss hitting on you and you not volunteering yourself, well, you could possibly look into suing that boss. You would need to discuss that with an attorney and I'm for sure not an attorney. I know laws exist to protect against such things and to set things right if such laws are violated. Beyond that, never really bothered in that area for myself. Had suspicion something like that got me fired once, but only suspicion, so I just kept going and looked for other work.

Again, these are more choices each person makes for themselves. I have suffered lowered self esteem. What I find cures or helps it, go out and do. You do not have prove anything to anyone beyond yourself. Once you know, you know and no one can tell you otherwise. All the advice in world means nothing if the person hearing/reading it does nothing.

[pole_smoker]

I find it interesting that you're posting from a profile identified as being a M/F couple, yet the substance of your post seems to indicate that you're on your own and unsure of your sexuality...
Yeah the guy is trolling.

I have to wonder how old he is?


means asexuality...
Asexuals are the most oppressed members of the LGBTQIAGFSM community.
They are not permitted to teach public school in 32 states and are unfairly accused of “recruiting because they cannot reproduce.”
They are erased more often than bisexuals, hated by heterosexuals, and shunned by gay gymn rats as if they were old drag queens out in daylight with five o’clock shadow. The A’s have the highest suicide rate in the LBJFK community (although still only once per person), and are incorrectly blamed for the rise in the rate of Lesbian Bed Death.
We need to lobby Congress so that Obamacare will pay to put Asexual children on puberty blockers as it is far easier for a person who detests sex to go through life with the undeveloped genitalia of a child.
The lack of support for A’s by the BLT community is especially shameful for if asexuals hadn’t started the Stonewall Riots, we would all still be slaves picking cotton in the Mississippi Delta.

[jeffar]

Yeah the guy is trolling.

I have to wonder how old he is?
I wasnt going to reply; Your username makes me hesitant..


Asexuals are the most oppressed members of the LGBTQIAGFSM community.
They are not permitted to teach public school in 32 states and are unfairly accused of “recruiting because they cannot reproduce.”
They are erased more often than bisexuals, hated by heterosexuals, and shunned by gay gymn rats as if they were old drag queens out in daylight with five o’clock shadow. The A’s have the highest suicide rate in the LBJFK community (although still only once per person), and are incorrectly blamed for the rise in the rate of Lesbian Bed Death.
We need to lobby Congress so that Obamacare will pay to put Asexual children on puberty blockers as it is far easier for a person who detests sex to go through life with the undeveloped genitalia of a child.
The lack of support for A’s by the BLT community is especially shameful for if asexuals hadn’t started the Stonewall Riots, we would all still be slaves picking cotton in the Mississippi Delta.
I know ur joking but just for ur fyi aces do have sex they just dont find either gender ''attractive''... Well from what ive learned.

I find it interesting that you're posting from a profile identified as being a M/F couple, yet the substance of your post seems to indicate that you're on your own and unsure of your sexuality...Honest mistake.

like couldnt that be an obvious consideration..jesus man....

[pole_smoker]

I wasnt going to reply; Your username makes me hesitant..


I know ur joking but just for ur fyi aces do have sex they just dont find either gender ''attractive''... Well from what ive learned.
Honest mistake.

like couldnt that be an obvious consideration..jesus man....
Myself and others here are wondering if you're even over 18 or an adult, since this is a bisexual sex site for adults who are over 18.

[jeffar]

i'm 25.

[elian]

There is an ignore feature on this site that allows you to block the comments of users you don't want to hear from.

As far as finding friends, (actual friends and not just hook ups) have you ever considered trying the Unitarian church, they are the least organized organized religion I could find. Maybe a board game shop? If you like sports how about the YMCA? If you are introverted it can be hard to overcome apprehension about being in a new situation or being around a bunch of people you don't know but guess what, sometimes other people are feeling just as bad .. smile and say hello.

A lot of people don't judge, except for some people who are already inconsiderate pricks themselves.

I noticed that your profile is M/F couple - does that mean you have a girlfriend? Have you discussed any of this with her?

As other people have pointed out, if you don't have that much experience sexually, you won't know until you really try it..although you should play safe - use a condom for things that are risky. If you aren't confident about your own sexuality you will stumble and you will fail, but you know what - maybe you don't really want that person who has their clothes off 10 minutes after meeting you...there's nothing wrong with meeting someone in real life and getting to know them first.

When we are in pain, we often seek out people who we think are just like us, whether your sexuality is truly more male or not I can't say. Maybe you just need love or reassurance, but that is different than wanting sex.

A lot of experience leads me to understand that there is no such thing as a full time knight in shining armor - we might all be able to take turns helping each other - providing love and compassion - but no one has the energy to do that full time, all the time. Unconditional love is amazing, but even knights have to take their armor off every once in a while and there are often scars underneath.

Each person is as worthy of love and respect as any other part of creation..and you ARE a part of creation - and you ARE loved by somebody.

http://amzn.com/157062903X

I grew up with a bunch of shitty male role models too - a lot of people are insecure and they'll take it out on anyone they think they can. Thankfully for me I also had a few things I was good at, a few good mentors, a few good relatives and folks I met at the church who redefined what I thought "being a man" really was. Being a man doesn't necessarily mean living up to what society views as stereotypical male behavior - like the 2D canned stuff you see on TV.

https://smallsphere.wordpress.com

[elian]

..an interesting lesson I have learned recently is how futile it is to try to convince anyone else that you are right..

If you spend all of your time trying to convince someone else that you are right you are wasting your time - everybody sees every situation differently because we have all had different experiences in life.

If you look at something like daytime court TV shows .. two people each tell their own version of the same story, a lot of times BOTH people believe what they are saying .. they both believe that their version of the story is the "true" one.

To catch someone at a lie, the question really should be, do THEY believe what THEY are saying? But I digress..

I guess the trick is not to focus on the judgement of other people but to figure out what -you- want out of this life.. not what other people should believe..since you really can't control other people. At some point those people in your past are no longer responsible for you, you will become responsible for your own actions and you can make your own judgements. You will gain experience, you will succeed and fail - It will be okay.

[void()]

jeffar, you ought to listen attentively to elian. He and I had a bit of a relationship. Who do I kid, I still love him, always will. :) He is now involved with someone else. And yes, I am happy for him, happy he is. No not because me and him had a falling out or anything. I'm just a nutty guy that loves very passionately, unconditionally like that.

He has a lot of experience in life and can be very sage in helping others. But do not let him anywhere near buttons. I think a bunch of us have finally broken him of turning into a gremlin yet we don't risk him seeing buttons. *chuckles* So, please listen to him as well as me. You'll find we'll likely say about the same things, the same ways, although we do have some differences. If I recall and it's correct, think he has a more feminine view.

[pepperjack]

Speaking of daytime reality courtroom shows, Judge Judy's favorite litmus test is, " If it doesn't make sense, it's probably a lie."

Just because someone "believes" his /her version doesn't make it the truth. That person could be in denial.

[elian]

Oh and speaking as someone who was also raised by a single parent mother I can understand how it might be confusing if your only memory of women = mom and sister or "mom's friends" - that's all you know - and eeew, who wants to have sex with your sister??!

Because I grew up around females I always saw them as "friends" and had little desire to lust over them the way I imagine a lot of guys do. Of course I've always liked guys more so maybe that's the difference. There certainly were a few women I was attracted to, but never acted on it.,some of them actually -needed- a friend. One I truly loved, but she's finally found someone who is a better match for her after quite a while searching. I wasn't 35 until I finally figured out that many women get just as horny about sex as men.

I also remember that it was like wishing to be female when I was growing up because I both loved and hated men so much. I was jealous of how easily girls could attract boys, and at the time all I knew was that if being a drunk, abusive asshole is what it meant to "be a man" - I wanted to be as far away from that as possible.

I am glad that later on in life I was able to find some good adult male role models who just accepted me for who I was as a friend. It's a lot easier just to live with the factory installed equipment after puberty.

It's okay just to be who you are - the right person will understand..treat people the way you would like to be treated and it will work out.

[abstractreality2]

Lose the gawddamn video games and get out of the basement....totally freaks me out that there are so many 20- and 30-somethings that fucking spend their lives hooked-up to fucking video games...THAT is the root of the problem.

[pepperjack]

Lose the gawddamn video games and get out of the basement....totally freaks me out that there are so many 20- and 30-somethings that fucking spend their lives hooked-up to fucking video games...THAT is the root of the problem.

Damn can I relate to this ! Was unfortunate enough to be stuck in a job during the Great Recession of late with these kind of losers. They're totally divorced from reality.

[pole_smoker]

Damn can I relate to this ! Was unfortunate enough to be stuck in a job during the Great Recession of late with these kind of losers. They're totally divorced from reality.
What are they like? I really do not hang out or know people who spend hours or most of their day playing videogames.

But I have been around women who text non stop on their cellphones and they write like darkeyes does. They are just as mindless, and ignorant as she is. :rolleyes:

[darkeyes]

What are they like? I really do not hang out or know people who spend hours or most of their day playing videogames.

But I have been around women who text non stop on their cellphones and they write like darkeyes does. They are just as mindless, and ignorant as she is. :rolleyes:Trust me dimwit.. me txt speak is far more abbreviated than owt I have ev written on this site.. as 2 mindless and ignorant, being accused of that by an arse of a mindless, dim, vindictive, evil wanker of a moron such as u I take as a badge of honour... so I thank you..:) Made me day u have...:impleased

[void()]

me txt speak is far more abbreviated than owt I have ev written on this site..

* ponders far more abbreviated, thinking Fran may not cheat fair and use semaphore encoded messages where each letter or symbol represents whole concepts buried in ancients tomes as those garish book things, on say page 3,330 of a 10,000 page work, the advance concept of how to fornicate whilst plonking plonkers via text messages and chatting with your love simultaneously ... sits stunned and in awe, bowing in further respect of Fran the QuadGr8 ... *