2bi2Bboring
Aug 8, 2015, 7:00 PM
It seems like an eon ago now, I've been out for twenty years. The landscape has changed dramatically in that time in some ways, in others it's barely changed at all. It's not much easier to hookup and meet other bi men, we're still forced to use the Internet as the easiest method of meeting. It still feels like we're committing a crime to express ourselves sexually. Most bi men on here are coming into their bisexuality late in life and have established a straight, vanilla life that their bisexuality opposes. That makes them hide their sexuality and forces them to be ashamed of it. That's something I thankfully avoided, at least. I can only imagine how my own life would have evolved if had to deal with those circumstances.
Being out was actually a situation that really kind of fell into my lap. I changed my whole life in one fell swoop, I shed a marriage, a career, and a state in less than a year. That was a life I'd spent 11 years building, I abandoned it and didn't look back. I had a three month affair ( for lack of a better word, I was already out of my marriage) with a beautiful, passable, transgendered girl that began this journey. She changed my world forever, and made me realize that living in the closet was no life to live. I came back to Indiana, my real home, with no real idea of who I was though. My scorched earth example of a marriage for 11 years had left me without any idea who I was looking at in the mirror. I decided that finding out who I wanted to be was my biggest priority.
When you're deprived of sex, or sex is used as a weapon to fuel marital strife, you learn quickly to not add any more ammunition to the arsenal of sticks available for you to beaten over the head with. Living with a person who has sexual issues so profound that they are capable of such behavior is no walk in the park. My ex was profoundly in need of mental health services, she was a nightmare. I emerged from my marriage to her with no sense of self esteem or what to expect from the world. I spent the next year exploring myself and my sexuality in order to prove to myself I wasn't so damaged as to be unable to function. In all that I made mistakes, I had successes. I tried new things, I abandoned a whole way of thinking so that I never would be put into a situation where someone else would have that kind of sexual power over me.
In retrospect I engaged in some risky behaviors but came out the other end unscathed but for one incident. I never contracted an STD, but found out the hard way that men are just as vulnerable to sexual assault as women. I'm not a small guy, not anyone you'd expect would be the victim of such a thing. But alcohol can render the mighty powerless, add a pair of handcuffs and multiple assailants and that's a recipe for a sex crime. I never allowed myself to be in that situation again. I learned from my mistakes because I had to. It was either that or come to terms with feeling so damaged that I would never venture into my bisexuality again.
I had relationships with men, and women, I was careful with both because I wanted to make sure my own identity was preserved and I stayed true to myself. I made sure my partners of both sexes were bisexual because that ensured my own identity stayed intact. I never hid my sexuality from them, I made sure they knew I still had desires for both sexes. There was never a doubt in my mind of my lack of monogamy. I could be emotionally true to the relationship but sexually I required freedom of expression. Some handled it well, most didn't. I always made sure my partners were involved or at least aware of my sexual adventures though.
I eventually met my wife through a FWB, she changed my life dramatically because she shared my sense of adventure and experimentation. We found solace in each other and filled a gap in each other's lives previously unoccupied by any other person. I shudder to think where I'd be without her, we've explored with other men, women and couples and had many sexual adventures over our 17 years together. I'm eternally thankful for having her as my partner, for her acceptance and participation, for her expression of her own bisexual nature. She is a gem among the rocks, and a beautiful person.
I am encouraged on the whole by the state of our progress as a society since my journey began. Acceptance for LGBT people is widening, same-sex marriage is the law of the land now. But there is a long journey ahead of us as bisexuals to find true acceptance in our society. Our existence within our own community is denied, I've heard gay people I called friends deny that bisexuals even existed. They think we're fence riders and can't handle the fact that we're actually gay and that we hide behind heterosexuality to avoid criticism. Horseshit! I'm perfectly at home with who I am, and have never hidden who I am a single day since I arrived at my sexual choice. I fought hard to get there why would I want to hide behind heterosexuality, especially since I'm not heterosexual.
It pains me to see so many other bisexual men suffering in the closet. Suffering because our society would see them as less than masculine if they were out of that closet. Social and religious mores force them to stay there and suffer in silence but for safe outlets such as this forum. I would say come out to them, but I don't live in their world. I don't live in the shadow of sexual repression anymore. I shed all the inquisitors that would judge me and put guilt on me for expressing my desires. I shed them because they were not true to who I am. No religion has the right to judge me, no societal construct should pass judgement on me because I desire to fuck anyone of my choosing. I judge no one, I require the freedom to live a life of my own choosing. I will not live a life of sexual repression because someone else wants to judge who I choose to be. They may choose to live whatever life they wish, according to whatever code they wish. But, as for me, I'm proud of who I am. No shame in my game.
Being out was actually a situation that really kind of fell into my lap. I changed my whole life in one fell swoop, I shed a marriage, a career, and a state in less than a year. That was a life I'd spent 11 years building, I abandoned it and didn't look back. I had a three month affair ( for lack of a better word, I was already out of my marriage) with a beautiful, passable, transgendered girl that began this journey. She changed my world forever, and made me realize that living in the closet was no life to live. I came back to Indiana, my real home, with no real idea of who I was though. My scorched earth example of a marriage for 11 years had left me without any idea who I was looking at in the mirror. I decided that finding out who I wanted to be was my biggest priority.
When you're deprived of sex, or sex is used as a weapon to fuel marital strife, you learn quickly to not add any more ammunition to the arsenal of sticks available for you to beaten over the head with. Living with a person who has sexual issues so profound that they are capable of such behavior is no walk in the park. My ex was profoundly in need of mental health services, she was a nightmare. I emerged from my marriage to her with no sense of self esteem or what to expect from the world. I spent the next year exploring myself and my sexuality in order to prove to myself I wasn't so damaged as to be unable to function. In all that I made mistakes, I had successes. I tried new things, I abandoned a whole way of thinking so that I never would be put into a situation where someone else would have that kind of sexual power over me.
In retrospect I engaged in some risky behaviors but came out the other end unscathed but for one incident. I never contracted an STD, but found out the hard way that men are just as vulnerable to sexual assault as women. I'm not a small guy, not anyone you'd expect would be the victim of such a thing. But alcohol can render the mighty powerless, add a pair of handcuffs and multiple assailants and that's a recipe for a sex crime. I never allowed myself to be in that situation again. I learned from my mistakes because I had to. It was either that or come to terms with feeling so damaged that I would never venture into my bisexuality again.
I had relationships with men, and women, I was careful with both because I wanted to make sure my own identity was preserved and I stayed true to myself. I made sure my partners of both sexes were bisexual because that ensured my own identity stayed intact. I never hid my sexuality from them, I made sure they knew I still had desires for both sexes. There was never a doubt in my mind of my lack of monogamy. I could be emotionally true to the relationship but sexually I required freedom of expression. Some handled it well, most didn't. I always made sure my partners were involved or at least aware of my sexual adventures though.
I eventually met my wife through a FWB, she changed my life dramatically because she shared my sense of adventure and experimentation. We found solace in each other and filled a gap in each other's lives previously unoccupied by any other person. I shudder to think where I'd be without her, we've explored with other men, women and couples and had many sexual adventures over our 17 years together. I'm eternally thankful for having her as my partner, for her acceptance and participation, for her expression of her own bisexual nature. She is a gem among the rocks, and a beautiful person.
I am encouraged on the whole by the state of our progress as a society since my journey began. Acceptance for LGBT people is widening, same-sex marriage is the law of the land now. But there is a long journey ahead of us as bisexuals to find true acceptance in our society. Our existence within our own community is denied, I've heard gay people I called friends deny that bisexuals even existed. They think we're fence riders and can't handle the fact that we're actually gay and that we hide behind heterosexuality to avoid criticism. Horseshit! I'm perfectly at home with who I am, and have never hidden who I am a single day since I arrived at my sexual choice. I fought hard to get there why would I want to hide behind heterosexuality, especially since I'm not heterosexual.
It pains me to see so many other bisexual men suffering in the closet. Suffering because our society would see them as less than masculine if they were out of that closet. Social and religious mores force them to stay there and suffer in silence but for safe outlets such as this forum. I would say come out to them, but I don't live in their world. I don't live in the shadow of sexual repression anymore. I shed all the inquisitors that would judge me and put guilt on me for expressing my desires. I shed them because they were not true to who I am. No religion has the right to judge me, no societal construct should pass judgement on me because I desire to fuck anyone of my choosing. I judge no one, I require the freedom to live a life of my own choosing. I will not live a life of sexual repression because someone else wants to judge who I choose to be. They may choose to live whatever life they wish, according to whatever code they wish. But, as for me, I'm proud of who I am. No shame in my game.