Bisexuality and Self Esteem

[glantern954]

Do you think that bisexuality has an imapact on your self esteem? I find myself regularly making comparisons to other men and striving to develop my body to look as good as I can possibly make it.

Often those comparisons are being made to unrealistic sources like fitness magazines, etc. I realize that many of these images are not real and recognize it as a problem, one shared by many women. I can't seem to help it though.

If I see a guy that is in better shape, more attractive, or more endowed I find mysef attracted to that person. I can't tell how much of this feeling is envy and how much is actual desire.

I read not too long ago that this problem was quickly becoming more and more of a problem for men, and not just gay men. I can't help but wonder how many other bisexuals are being impacted by this trend and to what extent.

[DiamondDog]

yeah I get this way too about my body.
I have a runner/swimmer's build so it's kinda hard for me to gain muscle or even weight.

[canuckotter]

In an odd way, I think I was lucky to suffer from self-esteem issues when I was young. I was forced to learn to deal with it and recognise for myself when comparing myself to someone else was fair and when it was silly. While I do want to improve my physical condition, in part because I think it'll make me more attractive, I don't think of it as being a victim of self-image issues any more; instead, it's just that I know what my flaws are and am willing to make reasonable efforts to correct those flaws. And since my flaws include potential health repercussions, correcting them makes sound medical sense. :)

[TashaSW]

I have issues :-) *looks down at her chest then think of other chests she's seen that are better than hers hehe*

But you know..... I think we should be GLAD with our bodies .....
some people are born without a leg or arm... can you imagine how they feel when they see people with both legs or both arms???

Tasha

[intuit2]

Actually, coming to terms with my bisexuality has increased my self esteem. Before acknowledging myself as bi (just last year), I always felt ashamed of myself..and thought i was somehow less masculine than other men because i was attracted to men. Once i acknowledged my ssa, and acted on them, i felt much more comfortable with who i was/am and no longer had the sense of somehow being less a man. Funny thing, my wife also sees the change in my confidence level.

As far as the looks/physique, etc. thing, i think being bi has made me more aware of that in other guys (or is it the other way around...being aware of that made me bi..guess i'll never know). I definately compare myself...and am attracted to those with the features i wish/hope i have, but i don't feel inadequate about it...but in terms of what glantern said, i can see how there is something attractive in the perfection we see in others that we wish we had, but don't always feel.

[Long Duck Dong]

* looks at tasha's chest, then at his own... and hands tasha his bra * :tong: :tong:

I dream about others bodies at times.... and I don't have a low self esteem..... I have scars....a car accident can really mess with ya body... and tho I still have the solid, powerful muscular build, I have the bones held in place by pins and plates.....and I know that bulking up, throws my body out of proportion now

I had carbon fibres sown into my back, chest and arm and shoulder muscles to support them and strenghten them after I tore a number of them in half.... and its created a misshappen effect... my right arm is now extremely strong... but the muscle mass is nearly double that of the left and cos i work out at the gym at times, my right arm gets a lot of looks... specially doing things like the one armed full pull up....( i stand on the ground, stretch my arm straight up and grab the bar and pull my myself up with one arm ) and i tip the scales at 190 pounds

[Azrael]

Well, I have noticed I care a lot more about how I look than I used to. Not how I dress, but keeping the body reasonably attractive.

[julie]

....yes, i do believe my bisexuality affects my self esteem... quite a lot really :(

...even though i love being bi and value, so very much, the empathy and depth of honesty and intimacy i share by being in relationship with a beautiful bi man....i still feel incredibly vulnerable..

...i think my vulnerability stems from suspecting(knowing?) that i will just never be enough..... that somehow my being a woman, though tough, fiesty and leaning towards androgenous... i do not think like a man and my way of being is not like that of a man... One of the costs of having three amazing children is a body that, ahem, has seen a few knocks and certainly taken a bit of a battering... and, alas, thanks to my womanly curves, can no longer be described as boyish.. :cool:

..and yet, although i am so enchanted with women, the prospect of being in a commited relationship with a woman feels overwhelming and just too intense for me to sustain... i value the 'difference' of being with a man.. but not straight men, men like me... men who are ambivilent about their sexual orientation!

..and the man who i am so close to holds all those qualities i so desire... and yet..because he, of course(!) still desires men, and will, at times need to address that desire... i have not yet fully accepted the fact, that that is just how it is... and whatever relationship this man has with other men... it does not detract from how he feels towards me..

..i know all this in my head and can talk perfectly objectively about it... but until my head knowledge can make that long journey to my heart... my bisexuality will continue to have a negative impact on my self esteem...

...and one day.. i do believe i will finally believe what i know to be true... one day soon.. i hope....

[threesome]

....yes, i do believe my bisexuality affects my self esteem... quite a lot really :(

...even though i love being bi and value, so very much, the empathy and depth of honesty and intimacy i share by being in relationship with a beautiful bi man....i still feel incredibly vulnerable..

...i think my vulnerability stems from suspecting(knowing?) that i will just never be enough..... that somehow my being a woman, though tough, fiesty and leaning towards androgenous... i do not think like a man and my way of being is not like that of a man... One of the costs of having three amazing children is a body that, ahem, has seen a few knocks and certainly taken a bit of a battering... and, alas, thanks to my womanly curves, can no longer be described as boyish.. :cool:

..and yet, although i am so enchanted with women, the prospect of being in a commited relationship with a woman feels overwhelming and just too intense for me to sustain... i value the 'difference' of being with a man.. but not straight men, men like me... men who are ambivilent about their sexual orientation!

..and the man who i am so close to holds all those qualities i so desire... and yet..because he, of course(!) still desires men, and will, at times need to address that desire... i have not yet fully accepted the fact, that that is just how it is... and whatever relationship this man has with other men... it does not detract from how he feels towards me..

..i know all this in my head and can talk perfectly objectively about it... but until my head knowledge can make that long journey to my heart... my bisexuality will continue to have a negative impact on my self esteem...

...and one day.. i do believe i will finally believe what i know to be true... one day soon.. i hope.... ------ sucking cock is a phyfical thing that all men have a fanisty about; I HAVE SUCKED COCK AND IF YOU WATCHED YOUR HUSBAND SUCK YOU WOULD LOVE WATCHING. You have nothing to worry about, he loves only you-----

[Azrael]

Perhaps it affects more than just self perception for me, but that's what I notice most.I do however notice myself becoming the more jealous sort. I used to look at a guy and think "I could kick his ass" whereas now I think "His belly is tighter than mine". I try not to be competitive, but it's an easy mentality to fall into. As julie said, I suffer from the idea that I will never be enough for anyone. I'm very androgynous but sort of split. Half of me is a total nancy boy and the other half likes to do things that are traditionally viewed as masculine. Therefore my friends tend to be on one side of this spectrum, but rarely if ever both. Even my longtime friends still don't get me. I'm really pretty basic, I just like to challenge the idea of what it means to be a man. In spite of all this, MY perception of myself remains pretty positive. My only friend who REALLY knows me is my ex-girlfriend, which can be a bit akward, but it's better than having no friends.

[JrzGuy3]

An interesting point I might bring up from the transgender perspective, for a long time I wasn't sure if I was both transgendered and bisexual.

For one, I'm well aware I'd rather have a girl's body than a man's. In the realm of truly understanding my own sexual and gender identity, I think that this is what I am most sure about.

So I've long wondered if my bisexuality is merely a manifestation of wanting to have female anatomy, and that maybe sleeping with men (or the desire to, at least) was not fundamental, but rather a means to an end, that end being the ability to pass in my mind as a female but submitting sexually to a man in bottom role.

I don't think this is the case anymore, as I feel if I woke up tomorrow a girl, I would still be bisexual and not a lesbian.


I have issues :-) *looks down at her chest then think of other chests she's seen that are better than hers hehe*

Just a thought... why oh WHY on a bisexual-themed community site are we critiquing our own bodies, when we have an entire body (hehe... I made a pun) of judges willing to do it for us? :bigrin:

[EludedSunshine]

I think in a lot of ways, realizing I'm bi has boosted my self-esteem. One of those ways has to do with how I view other women.

Back before I came out to myself, I thought of women very differently. They were a thing to be threatened by or to negatively compare myself to. Too many teenage girls suffer from "I wish I could have her body." I think it might do them a spot of good to instead suffer from "I wish I could HAVE her body." Before, women were like competition. Now they're fair game. :tong:

Seriously, though... Seeing someone as a threat and seeing someone as a challenge are two completely different things. Even if other women haven't changed, and still see me as a threat to them, I don't see them that way. I'm so much more laid back because I don't have to be on the defensive all the time. It's so nice not to instantaneously judge 51% of the population based on what's in their pants.