If I was never molested would I still be bisexual?

[sexygirl556]

I was 10 years old when my mom's friend's son molested me and told me to suck him off (he did not force me he just told me). I let it happen and I liked it during the time. I grew up and ended up loving going down on guys, I am now 20 years old, (male of course) and I still have that strong attraction. I developed Panic disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder years later when i was 16 years old. (It fucked me up mentally ever sense)

I am now 20 years old and still have strong urges to give blowjobs to guys but I can't tell if it was because I was truly bisexual or if it was because of what happened to me when I was younger.
But this is what i did find out about my self. I am strictly and only sexually attracted to men (I tried dating a guy it didn't work I felt no emotion) But when it comes to women I am both sexually AND romantically attracted to women where as I can never be romantically attracted to men and I know this for a fact (who else knows you better than you?).

What do i make of this situation? If i was never molested would I still be bisexual or not?

[pole_smoker]

I was 10 years old when my mom's friend's son molested me and told me to suck him off (he did not force me he just told me). I let it happen and I liked it during the time. I grew up and ended up loving going down on guys, I am now 20 years old, (male of course) and I still have that strong attraction. I developed Panic disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder years later when i was 16 years old. (It fucked me up mentally ever sense)

I am now 20 years old and still have strong urges to give blowjobs to guys but I can't tell if it was because I was truly bisexual or if it was because of what happened to me when I was younger.
But this is what i did find out about my self. I am strictly and only sexually attracted to men (I tried dating a guy it didn't work I felt no emotion) But when it comes to women I am both sexually AND romantically attracted to women where as I can never be romantically attracted to men and I know this for a fact (who else knows you better than you?).

What do i make of this situation? If i was never molested would I still be bisexual or not?

Get professional help for being sexually abused.

I know bisexual and gay men who had things like what happened to you, and they are still bi or gay.

[Sigstache]

I've asked that question myself, and I firmly believe had it not happened to me I wouldn't have a problem. My situation was not like yours though, I wasn't forced or demanded to do anything. Similar age, was maybe 12, the next door neighbors cousin and I starter palling around one summer. We had a sleep over and found a playboy. We popped boners and after a while he decided he'd had enough and started jerking off. I was completely ignorant of sex so I asked him what he was doing. When he told me I was confused, he told me to go ahead and try it. Me still confused, he impatiently reached over into my boxers and started stroking me. I was a bit in shock to what was happeneing but it felt so good I didn't say stop. We wound up having sleep overs a few times a week over the summer. One night before he was suppose to leave town (go back home), he offered me a blowjob. I wasn't ready for that so I turned it down. I still think about that summer and wish I'd let him blow me, which of course meant I would have blown him eventually, and I fantasize about it now in my later years.

After that summer I went on to chase girls like normal. Been married twice, have kids, etc.. I realized after a while that I was never attracted to guys, I'm just attracted to cock and stroking or sucking one.

My same sex sexual impulses really came out in my late 30s. I've been on the search for a blowjob buddy, and I know there's other guys out there like me. And most of them (who I've read here and other forums) share almost the exact same past experiences and sexual impulses. I'm convinced that early age same sex play/molestation imprints on our brains because it was the first erotic thing we experienced. I've learned to accept that. I've considered just letting it all go and suppressing same sex impulses because they're a pain in the ass and drive me to endless fruitless searching and obsession for finding something that has yet to work out (cant find anyone). My fantasy is talking over the fence to the new neighbor and it somehow comes out that he has the same impulses I do! Course that'd never happen, and so many people are on one end of the opposite spectrum; its either haphazzard blow and go types (hello stds) or they want to have buttsex, kiss, cuddle, have a relationship, etc...

So anyway, yes, I'd bet a paycheck had you not had a same sex erotic experience such as that at the early age of 10, you wouldn't be Bi and wouldn't want to do those exact things as an adult. Any psychologist who's arm isn't twisted by the gay agenda would tell you the same.

ETA: sorry bout the run-on sentences and grammer. I've had a few beers and I'm not going back all through that to correct 'em. Feel free to IM if you want to bounce any ideas or questions off me.

[tenni]

Ggod
I do not know whether sexual abuse has impacted your sexuality. I don't think that there are a lot of studies on bisexuality and sexual abuse. Some children might take what you have experienced and have found it enjoyable. I do know that children who are sexually abused or sexualized early tend to act out sexually earlier than non abused children. Girls can become sexually precocious and inappropriately approach men leading to further victimization. I haven't heard too much about boys being sexually prococous but the older boy may have explored with another boy. He learned it somewhere.

You refer to this as molestation rather than what others may call sexual exploration. It sounds like you felt forced to give the bj rather than looking at it as pleasurable? Many children do sexually explore with a slightly older other child and consider it pleasant. Or did those feelings surface from guilt looking back after you realized that society frowns on such behavhiour?

You describe a desire to give bj without romantic emotional connections. Many bisexual men report this and consider themselves cockcentric with no attraction to the rest of the man. Other bisexual men can develop sexual and emotional attraction to both genders. So, you are not that different from some bisexual men who have not had any molestation.

If it is bothering you, then sitting down with a bisexual positive therapist may help. Make sure that they are sensitive to bisexual issues.

[darkeyes]

What there is evidence of, and I know the OP is talking of molestation by another child, is that children who have been molested, often even by older children, are more likely 2 to become child molesters themselves. The degree to which this is the case I cannot say but children do copy other children and often behaviour which has been inflicted on them they inflict upon others. Most children grow out of this bullying and abusive behaviour, but not all...

Whether some of those who molest young boys and are gay or bisexual would most likely become gay and bisexual in ne case had they themselves not been molested is my best guess.. many, indeed most who molest young boys are considered heterosexual and molest because of their history... relatively few people of ne sexuality who have been molested as a child, men or women, become molesters themselves, just as many who do, were never molested as a child. It is a complex area, and in my opinion one which needs more research by academia and science, and more understanding by society.

[charles-smythe]

I was 10 years old when my mom's friend's son molested me and told me to suck him off (he did not force me he just told me). I let it happen and I liked it during the time. I grew up and ended up loving going down on guys, I am now 20 years old, (male of course) and I still have that strong attraction. I developed Panic disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder years later when i was 16 years old. (It fucked me up mentally ever sense)

I am now 20 years old and still have strong urges to give blowjobs to guys but I can't tell if it was because I was truly bisexual or if it was because of what happened to me when I was younger.
But this is what i did find out about my self. I am strictly and only sexually attracted to men (I tried dating a guy it didn't work I felt no emotion) But when it comes to women I am both sexually AND romantically attracted to women where as I can never be romantically attracted to men and I know this for a fact (who else knows you better than you?).

What do i make of this situation? If i was never molested would I still be bisexual or not? …I tend to think you wouldn’t have been…you would have married & had kids…& IF being bi did manifest itself (like 1000s of other guys) it would not have came to the surface until you were in your 40s…

[itsnormy]

One of the better questions ever posted online. And I guess as many answers as there are persons involved. BUT, what makes men in their thirties, and forties develop an interest to suck cock ? Especially when they were not abused, or even involved in male/male exploration at, or near puberty ? One might as well say that the urge to such cock comes from some "hunger" being fed by memories of breast feeding as a child and not understanding, want the suckling experience, and porn or fantasies create an outlet ?

[charles-smythe]

One of the better questions ever posted online. And I guess as many answers as there are persons involved. BUT, what makes men in their thirties, and forties develop an interest to suck cock ? Especially when they were not abused, or even involved in male/male exploration at, or near puberty ? One might as well say that the urge to such cock comes from some "hunger" being fed by memories of breast feeding as a child and not understanding, want the suckling experience, and porn or fantasies create an outlet ? …food for thought…it’s a fact of life that many many men turn to guys for sex in their 30s & 40s…& I too have wondered the samething myself…the clasic excuse is wife no longer interested in sex…but that feels more like an ‘excuse’ rather than a ‘reason’…I tend to think the curiousity in a tiny degree is there in all guys…& for whatever reason that’s when it rises to the surface…your post made a lot of sense so I’ll give it thought…

[Hypersexual11]

If you read the threads here about early sex experiences, there are many. I was curious and asked the question in a popular swinger forum about early sex experiences. There was a ton of response but NO reports of childhood sex. If your opinion of swingers is that of crazy, hippy, loose people, it's the opposite. They are mostly card carrying republicans and very straight. But as adults, very sexual. So why the difference? I think that you were like many of us and were 'cockcentric' as a child but since you had little knowledge of sex, you had no way of knowing this. The fact that you just did it rather than telling him to fuck off, which is what he probably expected, shows your lack of sexual inhibitions. This lack of inhibitions leads many of us into doing things early that we could have avoided.

I believe that you eventually would have come out to yourself and probably earlier than the typical 40 age range. I pull this from my ass with no education other than experience, which is useless.

I hope you stick with the site for awhile. We are unmoderated so prepare to be exposed to some hate. I think it will help you to read a few threads here and realize you are not alone.

[Oztrich]

You need to get help. Not because there is anything wrong with being bi or gay or straight or whatever, but because you were traumatized, and that needs to be dealt with.

[fredtyg]

I was never molested or otherwise abused and I'm bisexual. I did have sex with other guys as a kid, the earliest being in elementary school. It seems to me molestation doesn't have much, if anything, to do with one's sexuality.

I'd actually like to think if some old guy had molested me as a kid, I would have probably enjoyed it since one of my big regrets in life is that I didn't have more m2m experiences.

[DerrekCooke2]

I'm sorry you got molested Ggod1995. I would go seek help since you were traumatized.

[matutum]

I played with others when I was about 6 until 17- the only time I felt that it bothered me when I was pushed into a situation I didn't like- if the other guy or guys were agreeable that was ok for me- but nowa days to go to a therapist and seek help is dangerous- they want names of who you with so they can report them-I was looking for some understanding as why I like to suck cock ect- I lived over seas and as on as a guy was open o doing this it was ok-here in America it is very wrong

[pole_smoker]

…I tend to think you wouldn’t have been…you would have married & had kids…& IF being bi did manifest itself (like 1000s of other guys) it would not have came to the surface until you were in your 40s…

Keep in mind that bisexual people, and LGBT people in general, are coming out at a far younger age nowadays than they were decades ago.

I was out as a teenager and so was my husband; but the majority of people we grew up with who wound up coming out as bisexual or gay as adults were not out as teenagers at all.

[pole_smoker]

I played with others when I was about 6 until 17- the only time I felt that it bothered me when I was pushed into a situation I didn't like- if the other guy or guys were agreeable that was ok for me- but nowa days to go to a therapist and seek help is dangerous- they want names of who you with so they can report them-I was looking for some understanding as why I like to suck cock ect- I lived over seas and as on as a guy was open o doing this it was ok-here in America it is very wrong
No they would not see it as 'OK' in other countries.

[charles-smythe]

Keep in mind that bisexual people, and LGBT people in general, are coming out at a far younger age nowadays than they were decades ago.

I was out as a teenager and so was my husband; but the majority of people we grew up with who wound up coming out as bisexual or gay as adults were not out as teenagers at all. …It’s not the coming out per se…the 40s is when the curiousity becomes strong enough to act….

[charles-smythe]

I played with others when I was about 6 until 17- the only time I felt that it bothered me when I was pushed into a situation I didn't like- if the other guy or guys were agreeable that was ok for me- but nowa days to go to a therapist and seek help is dangerous- they want names of who you with so they can report them-I was looking for some understanding as why I like to suck cock ect- I lived over seas and as on as a guy was open o doing this it was ok-here in America it is very wrong …what country were you in where it was accepted?...

[KevsBi]

I was never molested and never really looked at guys in a sexual way until my sophomore year of college, my roommate made a move on me one night while we were watching some porn and noticing how hard I was out of curiosity I just slid my underwear off and let it happen. I felt really guilty after we had finished because another guy had gotten me off but being molested would not have made a difference in your sexual life but then again talking with a professional would be a big help for you.

[cuttin2dachase]

In your own words, he told you to do it, you went along with it and you liked it. You didn't say how old this other kid was at the time. If he was a kid about your age, I wouldn't call it molestation at all if he did not openly threaten you or otherwise imply he'd hurt you if you didn't want go along. Some kids around that age are already curious and exploring their sexuality and trying to introduce other kids to the pleasures of sex. Now if this kid was 14 or older or significantly bigger and stronger than you and even implied a threat, I would call it unjustified molestation. Still, in your words, it has fucked you up mentally. You obviously felt guilty afterwards for doing it, yet you say you ended up loving it and are still bisexual. Thinking about whether you should have done it and feeling regret and guilt over your decision seems to be at the root of it. It's a classic could have, would have, should have situation that you might or might not change if you could do it all over again. It's a no-brainer that you should talk with a counselor or therapist about it and get to the bottom of the issue. Even if you have to go into excruciating detail, let it all out with your counselor/therapist. It sounds like you couldn't go back and not be bisexual now even if you tried, so get help to come to grips with it and I think you'll probably embrace it and leave the past behind. You are only 20 and most of your sexual life is ahead of you :)

[woody1340]

I am in the same boat. Raped by a man at an age when I was sorting out my masculinity. I have gone beyond giving men pleasure. I know desire to be abused. I begged my wife to hurt my cock and would let her punch me in the balls. It hurts, but it's the only way to feel centered.

[cslutt]

Prior to birth, we are all endowed with both male and female 'parts'n'pieces'. One wins out over the other, fully developing while the other withers away, determining our 'sex'. However, we all retain to some degree both the estrogen and testosterone hormones. As we grow older, and our conciousness expands (just like our taste expands), we grow more tolerant to accepting new things and realizing new truths about ourselves. Plus, we are constantly on the quest for something new or different to titillate ourselves. So, don't over-analyse yourself; it's all in our hormones what drives us. Immediately after, you are appalled as to what you've done, but two weeks later you crave to do it again. Of course you have to control some urges like killing someone, there has to be a moral compass there. But, there is still a lot of room to mature and grow into new kinks and quirks that are not harmful to you or others.

[woody1340]

Very good advice cslutt. I went through alot of therapy to find my help for dealing with my desires. Accepting myself as bisexual helped tremendously. I now longer act on what was done to me. My desires are mine not his. Having an orgasm during a molestation brings guilt and self doubt. It can be alot to overcome but we are responsible for our own happiness

[wohali]

I was 10 years old when my mom's friend's son molested me and told me to suck him off (he did not force me he just told me). I let it happen and I liked it during the time. I grew up and ended up loving going down on guys, I am now 20 years old, (male of course) and I still have that strong attraction. I developed Panic disorder and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder years later when i was 16 years old. (It fucked me up mentally ever sense)

I am now 20 years old and still have strong urges to give blowjobs to guys but I can't tell if it was because I was truly bisexual or if it was because of what happened to me when I was younger.
But this is what i did find out about my self. I am strictly and only sexually attracted to men (I tried dating a guy it didn't work I felt no emotion) But when it comes to women I am both sexually AND romantically attracted to women where as I can never be romantically attracted to men and I know this for a fact (who else knows you better than you?).

What do i make of this situation? If i was never molested would I still be bisexual or not?

Sexuality is fluid and a number of factors have been demonstrated to influence but not necessarily determine sexuality. Genetics and environment both play a role on influencing us. So I would not label yourself. This need everyone has for labeling themselves. Don’t do it, there is no need, you are you. Unique.

I too was molested in kindergarten by a woman babysitter. Later a girl used me to give her oral sex without reciprocation. And finally was raped by a woman when I was 14. I played around with men because woman had hurt me. So for sex both turn me on. Like you romantically I am not into men. I am not attracted to men. Or I should say I find very few men attractive.

I should think that had I not had those experiences I would not be sexually interested in both.

[pole_smoker]

Sexuality is fluid and a number of factors have been demonstrated to influence but not necessarily determine sexuality. Genetics and environment both play a role on influencing us. So I would not label yourself. This need everyone has for labeling themselves. Don’t do it, there is no need, you are you. Unique. I too was molested in kindergarten by a woman babysitter. Later a girl used me to give her oral sex without reciprocation. And finally was raped by a woman when I was 14. I played around with men because woman had hurt me. So for sex both turn me on. Like you romantically I am not into men. I am not attracted to men. Or I should say I find very few men attractive. I should think that had I not had those experiences I would not be sexually interested in both. People who are heterosexual/straight, or who are gay/lesbian do not have a fluid sexuality; but people who are bisexual do have a fluid sexuality. The idea that being sexually abused makes someone bisexual, gay, LGBT, etc. is a crock of shit.

[void()]

People who are heterosexual/straight, or who are gay/lesbian do not have a fluid sexuality; but people who are bisexual do have a fluid sexuality. The idea that being sexually abused makes someone bisexual, gay, LGBT, etc. is a crock of shit.


I did not read the post you refer to as saying directly, "being molested
causes one to be bisexual, or gay". What I read was a well thought,
and well worded post expressing that many vectors can influence one's
sexuality. You may desire reading the post again, and maybe again so
you gain better comprehension of what it expressed. If you've that much
trouble with reading comprehension, and all those vaulted degrees, makes
me wonder if you weren't educated stupid? That does in deed, in action
happen.

[Bluehill]

Good thread. I was abused by a much older male friend of the family when I was 14. At the time I often felt guilty and to blame for enjoying it, at other times I hated my abuser for messing with my head as well as my body.

[Redo7163]

I was molested more than once at the age of 5 or 6. It felt good, that’s why the more than once, but it was wrong. As a result my sex drive, as well as my masturbating, has been locked in overdrive. I feel this is why I masturbate daily, well almost. It’s a general part of my wake up routine, so I guess my “pipes” stay cleared out. Also as a result, I feel that’s why I feel I focus some on the cock during straight porn.

[sysper]

I am in the same boat. Raped by a man at an age when I was sorting out my masculinity. I have gone beyond giving men pleasure. I know desire to be abused. I begged my wife to hurt my cock and would let her punch me in the balls. It hurts, but it's the only way to feel centered.
u might wanna see someone about that a counselor. u were abused at a sensitive time in ur life,that was wrong. i'm trying not to judge i know some people like it rough but if u have gotta be hurt bad in order to enjoy being sexual with someone that's not healthy. u deserve to have pleasure, it's a part of normal human experiance. i wish u peace & happiness & real pleasure.

[OpenMindedMan602]

Interesting thread. I skimmed some of the replies/posts. Some good points, some great points, and some mean folks, but eh, such is life.
Some of the readers' posts wrote that being molested (regardless of whether the reader wrote that they enjoyed it, hated it or felt conflicted about it) maybe makes them have gay sex or thoughts to this day. That made me want to post and ponder, if the converse is true? I was molested by both guys and girls. The guy was first (my babysitter's son), then by a girl (a different babysitter's daughter) and then by both guys and girls (opportunistic friends of the babysitter's daughter who came around and made us perform). to this day, the girls stick out more in my mind. Maybe because I was older when it happened, or because it went on longer, or because our parents' responses when they found out were so severe? Who knows). As a healthy adult, I live as a mostly gay man with budding bisexual tendencies and curiosities. It begs the question, was I just meant to be gay and the heterosexual abuse made me bisexual? Or did the heterosexual abuse made me not want to be sexual with women in my teens and 20s when I began exploring my sexuality on my own terms?

[void()]

Interesting thread. I skimmed some of the replies/posts. Some good points, some great points, and some mean folks, but eh, such is life.
Some of the readers' posts wrote that being molested (regardless of whether the reader wrote that they enjoyed it, hated it or felt conflicted about it) maybe makes them have gay sex or thoughts to this day. That made me want to post and ponder, if the converse is true? I was molested by both guys and girls. The guy was first (my babysitter's son), then by a girl (a different babysitter's daughter) and then by both guys and girls (opportunistic friends of the babysitter's daughter who came around and made us perform). to this day, the girls stick out more in my mind. Maybe because I was older when it happened, or because it went on longer, or because our parents' responses when they found out were so severe? Who knows). As a healthy adult, I live as a mostly gay man with budding bisexual tendencies and curiosities. It begs the question, was I just meant to be gay and the heterosexual abuse made me bisexual? Or did the heterosexual abuse made me not want to be sexual with women in my teens and 20s when I began exploring my sexuality on my own terms?

I think ultimately, sometimes, "a cigar is just a cigar." That aside a
plethora of vectors do emerge for all of us. Think it best to accept we
each define ourselves. Let us all quit trying to live another person's
expectations and instead live to our own right way. This seems to go
along a great deal better for those attempting it.

Ponder though if you feel you must. :) Suspect we all do it from time to
time. Not exactly sure I have considered it full on myself. Then, I have
always felt naturally bisexual and naturally a switch. I just accept the
Popeye clause. "I yam what I yam, and that's all I yam. Ugh ugh ugh,
whoa!" ;) :)

[itsnormy]

This is deeply interesting to the point I do have to say something. EVERYONE has to have the first touch, the first orgasm, the first awareness of sex between the human animals. How it is presented seems to make the difference in appreciation, rejection, confusion, and/or acceptance.

I have had an exceptional sex life, starting with my first ejaculation into the mouth of a neighbor boy, one year older than myself. In return I gave my first BJ, and swallowed his, at which time, I stomach wondered what the hell I had done.

Thru church activities I was introduced to, and became an active participant at 10-11 years old with adult males, doing it all... this continued daily thru my middle teen years.

At 15, I was invited to bed by a 46 year old female. WOW. From that day to this, my penetration by my penis was reserved for women. In my very happy, active, bisexual life, I have had well over 100 partners, male and predominantly female, with a ratio of 3 females for 2 males.

I feel deep sympathy for those who have been, and even yet, will be molested. I can only imagine the guilt and torture they feel, and it saddens me. However, in my case, the generalization that molesters are born by molesting. Many I have shared my story with, quickly judge that I was molested, and of course I deny it. If you strictly take the definition of molestation, it can be said that religion, in and of itself, brainwashing children into beliefs,which produce guilt instead of love and appreciation,is molestation..

But thats a subject for another day. again, guilt is a horrible burden and I am saddened for you. But, in answer to the original question, undoubtedly, my bisexuality is rooted in those early day events, and I stand proud and appreciative of them.

[pole_smoker]

This is deeply interesting to the point I do have to say something. EVERYONE has to have the first touch, the first orgasm, the first awareness of sex between the human animals. How it is presented seems to make the difference in appreciation, rejection, confusion, and/or acceptance. I have had an exceptional sex life, starting with my first ejaculation into the mouth of a neighbor boy, one year older than myself. In return I gave my first BJ, and swallowed his, at which time, I stomach wondered what the hell I had done. Thru church activities I was introduced to, and became an active participant at 10-11 years old with adult males, doing it all... this continued daily thru my middle teen years. At 15, I was invited to bed by a 46 year old female. WOW. From that day to this, my penetration by my penis was reserved for women. In my very happy, active, bisexual life, I have had well over 100 partners, male and predominantly female, with a ratio of 3 females for 2 males. I feel deep sympathy for those who have been, and even yet, will be molested. I can only imagine the guilt and torture they feel, and it saddens me. However, in my case, the generalization that molesters are born by molesting. Many I have shared my story with, quickly judge that I was molested, and of course I deny it. If you strictly take the definition of molestation, it can be said that religion, in and of itself, brainwashing children into beliefs,which produce guilt instead of love and appreciation,is molestation.. But thats a subject for another day. again, guilt is a horrible burden and I am saddened for you. But, in answer to the original question, undoubtedly, my bisexuality is rooted in those early day events, and I stand proud and appreciative of them. You were sexually abused by sick predatory adults who should be in prison or jail. :rolleyes:

[jaybooth60]

This has been a very interesting thread...

I am new here but not new to bisexuality (I prefer the newer "hetroflexible"). My experience as a 5 year-old surely shaped the sexual experiences that followed but I am also not sure it has made that much difference on who I am as a whole person. First, the details:

I am 60 now and remember this very clearly -- you might even say, photographically. I walked to and from Kindergarten in a large southern California city. (Imaging that, if you can, in today's world. It was maybe 1/4 of a mile and there was a cop stationed on the busiest corner of the route. No adult considered it nothing but safe...). When I walked home in the afternoon there was a house where a teenage boy would wrap the evening paper in rubber bands, load his bicycle and then deliver the paper. This process was a fascination to me! I would only watch for a few moments as my mom would be home waiting for me. After a couple of weeks the boy said he had something really interesting for me to see in the garage (I can only assume here...I don't remember a conversation. But why else would a go with him?)

We entered the garage, he took me to a hidden corner and dropped his pants. He exposed himself to me. I remember VERY clearly today the visual scene...where we were in the garage (it is still there), the light, his large erection and the strange dark mass of hair around his "tallywacker" (my parents hilarious slang for penis). He asked me to touch it and I did -- hand flat, palm facing down and moving it up and down the top of his shaft. This could not have lasted long and I have no memory of anything other than this happening. I don't think he came.

I ran home to mom and reported this strange, exciting new adventure. She did not see it that way. We did not speak of it again until I was an adult...so from that vantage point, here is what happened next. Those many years later she told me she was very upset and within a couple of days she had slipped over to the boys house and slit the tires on the kids bike. Might sound harsh but not when you consider that today he would have been reported to the police and given a life-long chain to drag around. Some reading this might agree and that is your right. My mom did not tell my dad and that was likely a very good decision.

We moved to another city within a few months.

I'll be brief here -- someday I want to write an entire book about the next 55 years of my sexual journey. By the time I was 7 or 8 it was always me that started the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" game on sleep-over nights with friends. I would sometimes even steal a touch or two. By jr. high, girls and school dances and spin the bottle games were fun. But so was PE and seeing 50 boys naked in the locker room and showers. My locker neighbor was uncut...I could barely avert my eyes when he dropped his towel -- stealing looks for as long as I could without getting caught.

In 8th grade, towards the end of the school year, I convinced my friend David to shower with me after playing outside after school. I lived with my (by then) single mom in a condo complex and there was a locker room and showers nobody ever used in the clubhouse. Shy at first, when we finally got undressed we were both hard and not embarrassed (as we would have been if you popped a boner in PE). I openly admired his erection and he mine. At one point and without asking, I took it in my hand and played with it. David returned the favor. (This deserves a chapter in my future book -- in fact the chapter is already written so I'll stop here..)

To wrap up, girlfriends and a wife came along (35 years happily married to this day) but by the time I was in my 20's, the M/M fantasies started again in earnest. I experienced my first oral sex and then started searching and finding mutual experiences. There would be a break of sometimes a year or 3, then a run of more same-sex oral fun. I got online very early -- 1988, taking advantage of bulletin boards then the WWW hit!

Isn't it hard to imagine that I would not have arrived here anyway (10 lifetime female partners and at least 50 or 60 male oral only couplings) whether or not the experience as a 5 year-old happened?

You are the first people I have even told this much to -- all of you strangers here. I didn't tell my wife about the 5 year-old thing until 2009. (I told her I was bisexual before we were married). I am not looking for answers or advice -- but it's nice to think there might be some people here who have gone through something similar. Love to hear your thoughts!!

Jay
Los Angeles and Palm Springs, CA.

[borntosuckcock]

Since my first experience was at 8 or 9 and it was with an older, married guy, I've often wondered about the same thing. Since my first experience was so good and I repeated it often, I think it imprinted me and I never had a chance to consider it being anything other than something I enjoyed doing. It was only later that I learned that society consider it evil, but by then, I didn't care.

[Grub Worm]

well we are all experts on sex here

[elian]

I have always known I was "different" than other boys - a lot of them had an urge to be aggressive - I would've rather cooperated than compete. I loved being affectionate, gender didn't seem to matter to me until other people I looked up to -made- it matter. I was like 7, the other boy was 13 or so - and he didn't MAKE me bisexual - but what he did do is destroy my sense of respect and warped my understanding of proper boundaries. It wasn't the sex that bothered me as much as the fact that he was an asshole - he used threats and intimidation to get what he wanted..which just happened to include sex. Despite being abusive he was the first man who genuinely held me the way a lover would. It was like someone threw a switch - almost like stockholm syndrome - I started to fantacize about what it might be like to be the "wife" of another male. I was always jealous of how easily women could attract men anyway.. So I am sure the latent tendencies were there, it took that experience to bring them to the surface. It took me years to rebuild proper boundaries and find a sense of positive self worth.. Those formative experiences do take a toll, but it is the same for all people..none of us are perfect, but we are all loved very much. I figured out many years later is that life is short, you might as well live doing what makes you happy. I stopped trying to measure my own self worth by the number of good deeds I could do, or what other people thought of me. Gone to a few gay clubs and a few drag shows (to support one of the performers who is a good friend of mine - a lot of hard work but she does an act with a dance routine and six costume changes in the space of about 4 minutes). Sitting there you know what I realized? No other adult REALLY cares...when you are old enough to pay your own bills your life is what you decide to make of it. If you like pleasuring others that is wonderful - I won't judge you for it, but know you are loved for more than what you can show with your body...seek health and happiness in all things..I still believe that if you work hard, good things can happen. I am who I am, you are who you are - and we're all okay.

[elian]

By the way there are certain philosophies and religious beliefs that contend to some degree we all possess both male and female attributes and that the trick is learning to unify those creative, nurturing energies into one whole, healthy individual. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vIYTraZMMio Another one for good measure: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLfPtLp3u3Y I guess maybe this doesn't fit in with talk of swinging and cock slurping, but I don't know a human being who isn't in need of healing at some time in their lives.

[elian]

Everyone struggles with something.. https://youtu.be/31QNiwCL77M

[tenni]

I have not read all of the posts.
If childhood molestation causes bisexuality, then all bisexuals would report being molested in childhood. I think that the same thought has been applied to homosexuality.

There may be some evidence for some sexual behaviour after child molestation but I doubt that it is a direct link to bisexuality.

[Annika L]

I have not read all of the posts.
If childhood molestation causes bisexuality, then all bisexuals would report being molested in childhood. I think that the same thought has been applied to homosexuality.

There may be some evidence for some sexual behaviour after child molestation but I doubt that it is a direct link to bisexuality.

Tenni, I have to point out the flaw in your logic here.

I agree that if being molested as a child was the *sole* cause of bisexuality, then all bisexuals would have been molested.

That is *quite* different from saying that "if child molestation causes bisexuality, then all bisexuals would report being molested in childhood". It differs in two important regards.

First, the majority of people who have been molested in childhood do not report it...not only officially at the time to a responsible adult; but even later in life or to themselves. As with rape generally, many dismiss it as a non-occurrence. Many repress it. Many are fully aware of it, but deny it when asked and generally don't want to talk about it.

Secondly, child molestation could theoretically be *a* cause of bisexuality (at least for some people), without it being the sole cause. If that was the case, then some bisexuals might acknowledge it as a potential cause of their bisexuality without it being the cause of all bisexuals' bisexuality. I've seen quite a number of threads and stories here that indicate that many people do feel their childhood molestation influenced their sexuality...so this hypothesis is consistent with the reports, and shouldn't be ruled out.

[pepperjack]

Tenni, I have to point out the flaw in your logic here.

I agree that if being molested as a child was the *sole* cause of bisexuality, then all bisexuals would have been molested.

That is *quite* different from saying that "if child molestation causes bisexuality, then all bisexuals would report being molested in childhood". It differs in two important regards.

First, the majority of people who have been molested in childhood do not report it...not only officially at the time to a responsible adult; but even later in life or to themselves. As with rape generally, many dismiss it as a non-occurrence. Many repress it. Many are fully aware of it, but deny it when asked and generally don't want to talk about it.

Secondly, child molestation could theoretically be *a* cause of bisexuality (at least for some people), without it being the sole cause. If that was the case, then some bisexuals might acknowledge it as a potential cause of their bisexuality without it being the cause of all bisexuals' bisexuality. I've seen quite a number of threads and stories here that indicate that many people do feel their childhood molestation influenced their sexuality...so this hypothesis is consistent with the reports, and shouldn't be ruled out.


I'm inclined to agree with this argument which is also why I agree with the nurture vs. nature theory/ argument. :2cents:

[Annika L]

I'm inclined to agree with this argument which is also why I agree with the nurture vs. nature theory/ argument. :2cents:

Mmmm, not sure what I put forth was an argument, peps...just putting out some possibilities in a refutation of an argument. But I hear you.

[tenni]

Annika

“First, the majority of people who have been molested in childhood do not report it...not only officially at the time to a responsible adult; but even later in life or to themselves. As with rape generally, many dismiss it as a non-occurrence. Many repress it. Many are fully aware of it, but deny it when asked and generally don't want to talk about it.”


I don’t dispute that those who are molested may not disclose their experience. I’m bisexual. I am reporting that I was not molested as a child. I may have needed to use another sentence while referring to bisexuals and reporting. This thread OP refers to child sexual molestation and wonders if it is a cause of his bisexuality. I was stating that bisexuality is not directly linked for to all bisexuals and as a causal factor is debatable.(thus we are debating ;)


I scanned a few articles studies that do find a connection between child sexual abuse and homosexuality. One article did point out that being bisexual or gay is not a disfunction and should not be too quickly connected to sexual abuse as a cause. Just because you are bisexual doesn't mean that you have been abused sexually.


Pep
The nurture -nature argument is an old question that usually has no one answer. ;)

[void()]

Have some problem accepting that molestation leads to bisexuality. The
reason for this problem is rooted in personal experience. No adult
molested me sexually while I was a child.

Interesting point to this was when my mother visited my wife and I. She
had a few things in her vehicle what needed set out for us. She had
waited until right before leaving to set these items out.

Mom asked me to come up to help her, leaving my wife in the house. I
knew it was a cue to a private conversation. The conversation kind of
stunned me.

Mom asked if my step father had ever touched me sexually. She wanted to
know, she said. "if maybe he was why I had become bisexual?" It was my
turn to stun her.

I asked if she recalled my year in the third grade. She did. I prodded
farther, asked if she recalled P___ & S____.

It dawned on her gradually. She remembered getting a note from a teacher
saying I had a boyfriend and girlfriend. The teachers had decided on a
hands off policy, "it was just a phase".

So, mom stood there pausing to fit the pieces together. "He didn't fool
with you, then", she asked. I could see the tears welling in her eyes.

"Been dead sooner if he had, toss up between me, pap, uncle 'B___' who
gutted him first", I replied. She nodded in a manner that conveyed deep
and pure understanding. She knew I spoke the truth.

In life it seems I'm destined to ever clear hindsight. A few years after
this conversation it was revealed mom is bisexual and always has been.
Gee, mom you think I get it honest?

I have trouble also in asserting that either nurture or nature 'creates'
one as bisexual. My own father I learned a bit ago is a child molester.
I have no inclination to be that, no instinct to be that.

As far as bisexuality? Well, I always have been as long as I've lived,
had an idea about what it entails. I was even before knowing what it
entailed.

I love men & women. I enjoy sexuality with both. Always have, likely
always will.

So, doubtful molestation causes bisexuality, at least in my view. I
could very well be in error as all I may posit is experience, opinion.
Not a social scientist, psychologist, genetics freak or anything of ilk
to give a 'qualified' response.


NB: No apologies for this response seeming to say, "Not my
responsibility to offer an answer." In truth, it really is not my
responsibility. That I believe, is left to each individual to find
on their own. Sorry, none of us are granted clear charts,
instruction manuals. Why rely on some one else stumbling
out a path for you? Surely, you've a drummer calling cadence
the same as I. :)

[apantysnatcher]

I can only speak for me. I was used when I was in the 8th grade and for the next 2 years after that. I did not and do not feel he actually molested me. I know shortly after he would put me on the table and hand jack me off. I loved it. I could not wait to see him again. I never did him. He would always pull my pants and shorts down. Stroke me off then leave me to clean mysef up. I went for 50 yrs always watching other cock at the public bathrooms in the ABS. But I did not act on my desires till I was 60yo. Then once I did I never turned back. I am a MWM CD BI Bottom and love it. Did one have anything to do with the other. I do not think so.

[silvio]

Is hard to say.. Maybe when if you get "molested", and fucked nice in the ass.. to the point of really enjoin it and that experience marks you in a way that you will be looking for more dick in the future.. mmmmhhh "se la vie"! some peeps discover that at age 50, some never, and those will never feel what is is a dick in their ass or mouth, is all part of "life", or destiny

[Annika L]

I was stating that bisexuality is not directly linked for to all bisexuals and as a causal factor

This is what you were trying to say, perhaps. It's not what you said. Thank you for the clarification.


I scanned a few articles studies that do find a connection between child sexual abuse and homosexuality.

This is sufficient for me to believe (until further evidence is offered) that there is also a connection between childhood sexual abuse and bisexuality, though I agree with the cautions urged by the article.


Just because you are bisexual doesn't mean that you have been abused sexually.

Certainly agreed. Very clear statement. I'd be surprised to hear anyone suggest otherwise.

[tenni]

http://www.bisexual.com/forum/images/styles/lifeElement/misc/quote_icon.png Originally Posted by tenni http://www.bisexual.com/forum/images/styles/lifeElement/buttons/viewpost-right.png (http://www.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?p=301073#post301073)
I scanned a few articles studies that do find a connection between child sexual abuse and homosexuality.

Annika wrote
This is sufficient for me to believe (until further evidence is offered) that there is also a connection between childhood sexual abuse and bisexuality, though I agree with the cautions urged by the article.
.................................................. ...............
Let me clarify one more attempt.

The connection that was referred to was gender based and did not refer to bisexuality but to homosexuality. Childhood sexual abuse of male children by males showed a link to homosexuality. It was not the actual study but a reference. Since boys are more inclined to be sexually abused by adult males than females the study was examining the gender factor. It could have been a control feature of usiing only males and excluding child abuse of females by adult women leading to homosexuality in adult female abuse survivors.

[Annika L]

http://www.bisexual.com/forum/images/styles/lifeElement/misc/quote_icon.png Originally Posted by tenni http://www.bisexual.com/forum/images/styles/lifeElement/buttons/viewpost-right.png (http://www.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?p=301073#post301073)
I scanned a few articles studies that do find a connection between child sexual abuse and homosexuality.

Annika wrote
This is sufficient for me to believe (until further evidence is offered) that there is also a connection between childhood sexual abuse and bisexuality, though I agree with the cautions urged by the article.
.................................................. ...............
Let me clarify one more attempt.

The connection that was referred to was gender based and did not refer to bisexuality but to homosexuality. Childhood sexual abuse of male children by males showed a link to homosexuality. It was not the actual study but a reference. Since boys are more inclined to be sexually abused by adult males than females the study was examining the gender factor. It could have been a control feature of usiing only males and excluding child abuse of females by adult women leading to homosexuality in adult female abuse survivors.

Oh no, I realized the connection in the study was to homosexuality rather than bisexuality. What I was getting at is that in the absence of evidence to the contrary, I refuse to believe that there is a connection between homosexuality and childhood abuse, but no connection between bisexuality and childhood abuse. I can't conceive of a plausible model of reality that would explain why abuse opening one door would *necessarily* close another.

[tenni]

Well, I found a report of a study of lesbians , childhood sexual abuse and adult sexual assault.


1/ lesbian and bisexual women are overall more likely to report childhood abuse and adult sexual assault than heterosexual women,


2/ women who described themselves as being more "butch" were more likely to encounter abuse during childhood, particularly physical and emotional neglect.


3/ On the other hand, women who identify themselves as "femme," and hence have a more feminine appearance, reportedly encounter more sexual assaults as adults.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/15/lesbian-and-bisexual-woman-child-abuse-sexual-assault_n_1600501.html


There seems to be an interesting differences between female and male childhood sexual assault but clearly childhood sexual assault impacts the victims’ sexuality in some manner.

[darkeyes]

The largest sexuality grouping we are led to believe, is the heterosexual grouping.. how much has abuse and sexual assault contributed to heterosexuals being heterosexual? Or at least thinking they are as many suppress what their sexuality really is..

...are societal, peer, parental and educational pressures to conform 2 the "norm" not forms of sexual abuse? How great is the affect on a child who, as he or she grows and identifies as gay or lesbian, heterosexual or bisexual and has known sexual abuse from a very young age? How much is his or her true sexuality suppressed? How much is his or her true sexuality affected so as to become the opposite and even oppressor of his or her true nature is open to question. The more I think about what makes us us, and our sexuality our sexuality, the more my head hurts.. nature or nurture? A bit of both I think nowadays, but the more I consider the subject the more I am coming to believe that deep down really we haven't a clue.

All sexualities are, in my view at least, in part determined by many different factors.. part nature for the majority of us most likely, but for many, (who knows, maybe even most) millennia of oppression has resulted in the complete subjugation of their true sexuality in favour of what is considered normal. That this subjugation often causes many people serious difficulties as they go through life as their true sexual nature struggles to breathe and the conditioning of ages reacts to keep that nature suppressed is something raised and discussed in these forums many times over the years, in particular with reference to men, but it is not a development from which women are entirely immune.

[void()]

... the more I consider the subject the more I am coming to believe that deep down really we haven't a clue. ...

I understand the context you used. I am going to extract this phrasing though a bit from context.

Religion & science both ever have been there guiding us. All either one seems fit to do is let
us know they are making guesses. Science having stemmed from religion, grew to be religion's
foil. Yet now, we have those who pervert science to serve religion. I'll posit the issue of global
warming as an example of that.

Reverend Thomas Robert Malthus Essay on the Principle of Population (1798)


the possible existence of a society, all the members of which should live in ease, happiness, and comparative leisure; and feel no anxiety about providing the means of subsistence for themselves and their families.(5)


Malthus argued that population always grows faster than the ability of the land to produce food, so that hunger and poverty can never be eliminated. Moreover, the poor should not be helped because that only causes them to multiply and more quickly deplete the resources available to the middle and upper classes.



In 1927 the U.S. Supreme Court upheld the constitutionality of forced sterilization, declaring,


It is better for all the world if instead of waiting to execute degenerate offspring for crime, or let them starve for their imbecility, society can prevent those who are manifestly unfit from breeding their kind.(11)

By 1931, thirty US states had passed laws to sterilize members of the “socially inadequate classes.”

Compulsory sterilization was promoted for: the “feeble-minded;” anyone thought to be insane, criminal or delinquent; epileptics, alcoholics and drug addicts; the deaf, blind and crippled; anyone with tuberculosis, syphilis, leprosy or any other chronic infection; and any dependents upon the State including inmates of government institutions, paupers, orphans and the unemployed.


http://is.gd/rCBIi5


Just today I read a snippet of an article which blamed ancient farmers for global warming. The refrain being
we as human beings cause global warming. There is little if any actually valid science to safely assert that without prejudice.

In fact with the onset of agriculture it was seen that conservation was undertaken in a lot of cases. Farmers wanted to keep farming and understood
nature had cycles, nature had limits which they needed to respect. Not saying all respected nature. By in larger though it was fairly clear to most you don't bite the hand feeding you. Further, as our technology for farming improved so did our yields, ergo we had more abundance, not less.

But science is still hobbled and shackled to religion. Religion says we over populate, science has to agree in order to help the politicos make the pill easier to swallow. All one needs to consider is a fundamental principle. Nature abhors a vacuum. If we as a species were to start over populating, nature itself would correct the error. Instead we keep advancing agriculture to produce nearly silly levels of abundance, we keep advancing medicine to a point where the notion of living as immortals does not seem too great a leap of thought. Not saying we ought to live as immortals, merely that we're near enough we could likely consider it.

Thunder splits the air. A fellow with a few rice grains sees another with more rice. The guy with fewer tells the one with more, the thunder is a voice of some distant god, demanding the one with more pay the one with less in order to understand god/s. The one with more doesn't buy it at first. "Or the god, he kill you", the one with less says. The one with more pays up. Ever it goes.

It is a lot simpler to realize we are all making as best a guess as we can at it. Then, again I kind of figured that out a while back. So much smoke for there to not be fire, but there it is. And I'm a daft old codger, prone to not know too much. :)

[pole_smoker]

Well, I found a report of a study of lesbians , childhood sexual abuse and adult sexual assault. 1/ lesbian and bisexual women are overall more likely to report childhood abuse and adult sexual assault than heterosexual women, 2/ women who described themselves as being more "butch" were more likely to encounter abuse during childhood, particularly physical and emotional neglect. 3/ On the other hand, women who identify themselves as "femme," and hence have a more feminine appearance, reportedly encounter more sexual assaults as adults. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/15/lesbian-and-bisexual-woman-child-abuse-sexual-assault_n_1600501.html There seems to be an interesting differences between female and male childhood sexual assault but clearly childhood sexual assault impacts the victims’ sexuality in some manner. There are very few lesbians who have never been raped or sexually abused by a man, and a lot of lesbians have had horrible relationships with men, been abused either sexually or physically by men, and then become misandrist lesbians like darkeyes is. ;) :rolleyes:

[darkeyes]

Once again the dimwit talks through his nether regions and essentially subscribes 2 the hoary old myths of why lesbians are lesbian and because they are as they are must therefore be misandrist... sad wazzock..

[tenni]

"The largest sexuality grouping we are led to believe, is the heterosexual grouping.. how much has abuse and sexual assault contributed to heterosexuals being heterosexual? Or at least thinking they are as many suppress what their sexuality really is.."

My understanding or suspecion is that some sexually abused girls if not treated to deal with the trauma become heterosexually promiscuous. The references that I quoted were dealing with self identified lesbians and self identified gay men. I suspect that the research sought out lesbians whether butch or lipstick portraying as the control group. It did not examine self identified heterosexual women.

[darkeyes]

People, not simply women, but people in general react to abuse in many different ways. Some women do become what, tenni, u refer to as "heterosexually promiscuous", and possibly they become so because they were abused, but sexually "promiscuous" women of all kinds are more usually sexually "promiscuous" because they wish to be, seeing no reason why they should deny themselves the enjoyment in sex that men in general have... these women were not abused... more women these days are bisexually "promiscuous", as well heterosexually and homosexually "promiscuous" stemming from their bisexuality for the same reason... I do not deny many women are abused and as girls were abused and will never minimise the effects that abuse had and has on them.. but many women who were never abused, even many who were, are as they are because their nature tells them to be. They want to be because that is how they are made!

I am much less convinced these days by research on social issues especially where sex is involved. Preconceived opinion, morality and/or vested interest shape what research tells us all too often.. research can be made to prove or disprove anything.. I rarely dismiss research without examining it very carefully, but do always try and question so many aspects of it. Like a party political manifesto research should be treated with a healthy dose of scepticism.

[woody1340]

People, not simply women, but people in general react to abuse in many different ways. Some women do become what, tenni, u refer to as "heterosexually promiscuous", and possibly they become so because they were abused, but sexually "promiscuous" women of all kinds are more usually sexually "promiscuous" because they wish to be, seeing no reason why they should deny themselves the enjoyment in sex that men in general have... these women were not abused... more women these days are bisexually "promiscuous", as well heterosexually and homosexually "promiscuous" stemming from their bisexuality for the same reason... I do not deny many women are abused and as girls were abused and will never minimise the effects that abuse had and has on them.. but many women who were never abused, even many who were, are as they are because their nature tells them to be. They want to be because that is how they are made!

I am much less convinced these days by research on social issues especially where sex is involved. Preconceived opinion, morality and/or vested interest shape what research tells us all too often.. research can be made to prove or disprove anything.. I rarely dismiss research without examining it very carefully, but do always try and question so many aspects of it. Like a party political manifesto research should be treated with a healthy dose of scepticism.
I had an orgasm. It was like my body betrayed me. I hate that

[BisexualPisces3192]

Abuse of any kind will cause you to look at people and the world in a different way, but I don't think being abused will turn Someone gay, bi, straight, etc.

If every LGBT or straight person is the way they are then that would mean Everyone's born asexual, but not everyone is born asexual.

If you're bi it's because you were born that way, if you're gay it's because you were born that way, if you're straight it's because you were born that way.

I had to do my own research.

[ChiefH]

I can only speak for myself and my bi feelings!! I was 13 when a friend and me were wrestling around on the floor in my room!! I don't know what came over him, but he got me on the bottom and he unbuckled my belt and unfastened my jeans and pulled them and my underwear off!! He then sat on top of my legs and began to jack my cock off!! I can't remember if I came or not I was just so shocked, and yet so aroused at the feeling of someone else's hand on my cock!! He then got off of me and took off his jeans and underwear so I could jack him off!! Was I molested I don't think I was, I didn't have to be forced to jack him off!! But I did like playing with his cock and another friend's cock for the next couple of years!! I have kept my bi feelings locked away for many years now since I have a wife who wouldn't understand, as she had a girl friend who tried to force her into a sexual situation one night when I wasn't home!!

[SilkyHoseLover]

The above post is, perhaps, evidence that the 'Cooling Off' status is, indeed, the indication of a user being banned, as was suggested in the recent thread about pole_smoker's absence since August of last year.

This poster has left 3 off-the-wall comments since joining. none of which had anything to do with bisexuality or the thread's topic. Good riddance!