Seeking advice..was i wrong by confiding in other women?

[frankunderwood88]

Ok, so it all started back when I was a senior in high school. I came from a rather small town, and people were super close minded there, including my parents. A few people had came out of the closet, but not many. Anyways, I would notice myself checking out other men's penile regions during P.E. I didnt think much of it at the time, as I thought it was normal and that I was just comparing the size of my penis to other guys.

Fast forward to my freshman year of college, and I noticed that I started becoming more curious about anything that involved the penis. From giving oral sex, to getting anal..the curiosity grew by the day. I started looking at bi and gay porn on occasion, and that just made the fantasies more intense, more vivid. Fast forward a couple years, and I meet my wife. Urges are still there, and trying to push them away. I began to seek the advice from her female friends after we graduated from college. I didnt know how to handle my thoughts, and thought it was a good idea at the time.

The sad thing was, it ended up costing my wife and i the friendship with her best female friend from college. The girl was in our wedding too. Apparently she didnt appreciate me talking to her before my wife. Anyways, presently I am in therapy for all of this, and my wife and I have spoken a few times about things..but its always kinda akward. It has been discussed twice. Once after she found out i had spoken to other women, and the second was after i had trouble performing during sex.

[pole_smoker]

No you were not wrong for coming out to that woman. It's not your fault that she's a bigot, and if she reacted that way when a person comes out as bisexual or something other than heterosexual then she never was a friend. Talk to your wife more about how you are bisexual or gay.

[charles-smythe]

Ok, so it all started back when I was a senior in high school. I came from a rather small town, and people were super close minded there, including my parents. A few people had came out of the closet, but not many. Anyways, I would notice myself checking out other men's penile regions during P.E. I didnt think much of it at the time, as I thought it was normal and that I was just comparing the size of my penis to other guys.

Fast forward to my freshman year of college, and I noticed that I started becoming more curious about anything that involved the penis. From giving oral sex, to getting anal..the curiosity grew by the day. I started looking at bi and gay porn on occasion, and that just made the fantasies more intense, more vivid. Fast forward a couple years, and I meet my wife. Urges are still there, and trying to push them away. I began to seek the advice from her female friends after we graduated from college. I didnt know how to handle my thoughts, and thought it was a good idea at the time.

The sad thing was, it ended up costing my wife and i the friendship with her best female friend from college. The girl was in our wedding too. Apparently she didnt appreciate me talking to her before my wife. Anyways, presently I am in therapy for all of this, and my wife and I have spoken a few times about things..but its always kinda akward. It has been discussed twice. Once after she found out i had spoken to other women, and the second was after i had trouble performing during sex.

…you should have just kept your mouth shut…& sucked dicks on the side…what happens in an adult bookstore/spa/parks/rest stops…stays in the ABS/spas/parks/rest stops…

[kikigrace]

I'm not really clear whether the problem is/was that you confided something personal to someone other than your wife, or if the problem is that your wife and her friend are uncomfortable with your bisexuality, or whatever it may be. As a wife, I guess I would be a little hurt not to be the first confidant of such an important and intimate topic, but I wouldn't hold a grudge. Sometimes people do (or say) things without realizing it might hurt someones feelings. As for the awkwardness with your wife, don't give up trying. I'm surprised she isn't more curious actually. She might be freaking out though...do you think she might need reassurance that none of this means you don't love her? (assuming you do of course). Maybe you should have couples therapy too? I knew about my husband's bisexuality before we were a couple, and I would say at first, when we were more in our "honeymoon stage" I would try to not think about it too much, because I couldn't deal with him or understand him being attracted to anyone besides me! But over time (15 years) we have talked about it a lot, and I have come to accept it very deeply. It's even something I like about him...he's just who he is, and I love him, and I even think it's kind of funny that he loves penises so much- I mean, I DO like them too, but for me they come attached to a whole person, for him, they are great in their own right! Now ask me if I am threatened by his attraction to other women, that's another story...just starting to work through that insecurity! Anyway, good luck.

[onesucker4u]

I will not tell any women including future girlfriends that I am bi . The told last girl I was with and even had a 3sum with 1 guy 1 X and after we broke up im pretty sure she told my friends because almost all of them dont talk to me anymore.

[pole_smoker]

…you should have just kept your mouth shut…& sucked dicks on the side…what happens in an adult bookstore/spa/parks/rest stops…stays in the ABS/spas/parks/rest stops…

That's not true anymore, people talk, and a lot of people film people having sex with a mobile phone either consensually or in secret and then put pictures or video on the internet.