In love with a bi-man. Just looking for some education and insight...

[Kceyes]

I am a straight woman but have fallen in love with a bi man. I was raised to be inclusive and non judgmental. Falling in love with a bi man has pushed me a bit outside of my comfort zone but I am growing daily knowing him. I know there is sexual fluidity in being bi. We are in a monogamous relationship and in our 40s. My fears revolve around our relationship ending. He was seeing a man casually when we first met but ended that to be more serious with me before we even became intimate. He was married to a woman for 15 years and has children. He says that ended due to lack of connection and growing apart vs wanting a male. I have asked him what makes him think he won't crave experiences with men while with me. He has explained a few things to me.

He says his physical attraction lies with women. That he craves female interaction and their bodies. He says that when in public, a woman is who attracts him. he doesn't see men as an object of physical attraction. He said that being bi was about pleasure and that he really is fixated on penises versus wanting realtionships with men. He has also said he loves anal and that being bi was a way of being penetrated when he could not meet a female who would indulge that sexual need. I am a female who will fulfill that need for him and I really enjoy doing it because his excitement gets me hotter. He says that as long as he is in love(and he has told me was before I could even think of saying it) that he will want to be with me and the need for a man is an after thought.

Does any other man experience their bisexuality on a similar spectrum? I think it helps to know that there are fellow travelers along with us on the road of life. It isn't that I doubt what he tells me, more so that talking to others may help me shed my preconceived ideas of bisexuality.

Also I ended a casual relationship with an ex(that I would still see occasionally) when I knew that my guy was beginning to fall to make him feel more secure. He has stopped contacting the man he was seeing casually but told me that he rarely thinks of him and that it was waning when he met me. But he has left the guy in the dark about why they don't get together anymore. The guy asks him to get together and he just says that he is too busy. Would it be wrong to ask him to give the guy some closure and help me feel more secure?

[pole_smoker]

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You wrote how he likes getting porked up the ass. So pork him up the ass with a dildo but keep in mind he's going to crave a real dick, a real actual fucking from an actual man who has a penis, and that guy's cum up his ass and in his mouth...and will probably act on it and just not tell you.

[tenni]

Based on what you wrote, your relationship has a good chance of continuing successfully as long as you keep the conversation open and your mind open to possibilities.

Whether he should tell the man that he is in a monogamous relationship or not is his decision. Don’t put any pressure on him to give the man closure under the expectation that he should because he in monogamous with you. It may just be wanting to keep the door open for him. Why is the question that only he can answer.

It looks like you may provide all of his needs with anal penetration. He doesn’t speak of a need to be intimate with a man at present and that shows probable smooth sailing.

What you need to be aware of is that many bisexuals are fluid with their attractions. This means that at one point he may have no need or attraction for male closeness or sex. Later the need may increase. He seems to have resolved his sexuality and is not coming at this from a repressed position. He does seem to fall in to the low level of male attraction but he might change one day… or not. Be aware that this is a possibility.

In your own mind, could you accept him having a fuck buddy for purely m2m sexual needs? If not, why not? It is different than your need for a man. Imagine that you felt a need to be sexually physically close to another woman and that might give you some indication. There is no emotion involved but physical needs in some biguys. Keep you mind open as this may never come up in his mind.

As you can tell by post 2, this is a common issue in mixed orientation relationships (although crudely presented) but suh crude behaviour seems to have ended the requests. Each decision is made by the couple. Developing rules of engagement are often worked on to both parties. Ultimatums may cause him to go under ground and stop open dialogue.

Good luck .

[pole_smoker]

Based on what you wrote, your relationship has a good chance of continuing successfully as long as you keep the conversation open and your mind open to possibilities.

Whether he should tell the man that he is in a monogamous relationship or not is his decision. Don’t put any pressure on him to give the man closure under the expectation that he should because he in monogamous with you. It may just be wanting to keep the door open for him. Why is the question that only he can answer.

It looks like you may provide all of his needs with anal penetration. He doesn’t speak of a need to be intimate with a man at present and that shows probable smooth sailing.

What you need to be aware of is that many bisexuals are fluid with their attractions. This means that at one point he may have no need or attraction for male closeness or sex. Later the need may increase. He seems to have resolved his sexuality and is not coming at this from a repressed position. He does seem to fall in to the low level of male attraction but he might change one day… or not. Be aware that this is a possibility.

In your own mind, could you accept him having a fuck buddy for purely m2m sexual needs? If not, why not? It is different than your need for a man. Imagine that you felt a need to be sexually physically close to another woman and that might give you some indication. There is no emotion involved but physical needs in some biguys. Keep you mind open as this may never come up in his mind.

As you can tell by post 2, this is a common issue in mixed orientation relationships (although crudely presented) but suh crude behaviour seems to have ended the requests. Each decision is made by the couple. Developing rules of engagement are often worked on to both parties. Ultimatums may cause him to go under ground and stop open dialogue.

Good luck .
Even if she lets him have a fuck buddy which is what you only have with men tenni, he's probably still going to get some more dick or snatch on the side, and just not tell her...as pretty much everyone in an open relationship will cheat on their partner or spouse, or break the rules so they can cheat. Plus this broad said she does not even want an open relationship at all.

[NjbiGuy01]

Hey Pole_smoker, why not just STFU ?

Are you now polluting the threads of others, besides the garbage threads you start yourself ? In case you didn't notice, it's growing tired.

Why not find another website to contaminate with your childish silliness.

35523

[charles-smythe]

I am a straight woman but have fallen in love with a bi man. I was raised to be inclusive and non judgmental. Falling in love with a bi man has pushed me a bit outside of my comfort zone but I am growing daily knowing him. I know there is sexual fluidity in being bi. We are in a monogamous relationship and in our 40s. My fears revolve around our relationship ending. He was seeing a man casually when we first met but ended that to be more serious with me before we even became intimate. He was married to a woman for 15 years and has children. He says that ended due to lack of connection and growing apart vs wanting a male. I have asked him what makes him think he won't crave experiences with men while with me. He has explained a few things to me.

He says his physical attraction lies with women. That he craves female interaction and their bodies. He says that when in public, a woman is who attracts him. he doesn't see men as an object of physical attraction. He said that being bi was about pleasure and that he really is fixated on penises versus wanting realtionships with men. He has also said he loves anal and that being bi was a way of being penetrated when he could not meet a female who would indulge that sexual need. I am a female who will fulfill that need for him and I really enjoy doing it because his excitement gets me hotter. He says that as long as he is in love(and he has told me was before I could even think of saying it) that he will want to be with me and the need for a man is an after thought.

Does any other man experience their bisexuality on a similar spectrum? I think it helps to know that there are fellow travelers along with us on the road of life. It isn't that I doubt what he tells me, more so that talking to others may help me shed my preconceived ideas of bisexuality.

Also I ended a casual relationship with an ex(that I would still see occasionally) when I knew that my guy was beginning to fall to make him feel more secure. He has stopped contacting the man he was seeing casually but told me that he rarely thinks of him and that it was waning when he met me. But he has left the guy in the dark about why they don't get together anymore. The guy asks him to get together and he just says that he is too busy. Would it be wrong to ask him to give the guy some closure and help me feel more secure? …I would pretty well say that’s about right for a bi guy…

[charles-smythe]

Even if she lets him have a fuck buddy which is what you only have with men tenni, he's probably still going to get some more dick or snatch on the side, and just not tell her...as pretty much everyone in an open relationship will cheat on their partner or spouse, or break the rules so they can cheat. Plus this broad said she does not even want an open relationship at all. …I think you mis-read her explaination…I don’t think they are in an open relationship…it was more like open comunication…

[lizard-lix]

Hi Kceyes,

I'm a bi/poly guy in a long term relationship (36 years) with a straight woman, and I can tell you that it can work (forget pole smoker).

We have been monogamous (except for one time we swung with a straight couple) for the whole time and from my perspective, it is no different that any other monogamous relationship, it is a decision and a promise. If you keep your word, it works.

For a little background, I told my wife my history before we married, she even met my ex long term BF at my parents' house (he did not know I told her, but it all worked out, we are all still friends). I had never been monogamous before her, so it was a challenge. For many years I buried my bi and polyamorous side. Then one day my mind just went back to where I was at 22 and wanted more. I wanted more sex, more exciting sex and sex with more people, both guys and girls. I talked to her about it and that began a very complex and dynamic 7 years. I wanted to open the relationship, especially since she had lost interest in sex. I was not sure if she was no longer turned on by me or had just left sex behind. She has never had a very strong libido so i figured offering her new opportunities was a good idea too, besides anything I wanted, she was entitled to as well.

We tried everything.. She even let me go out on a date with a guy (just dinner, no sex) and we swapped with another couple once. We tried BDSM (me as the sub, that has been fun/interesting/enlightening), toys, porn, swinger's clubs and fetish clubs. All with varying degrees of success and failure. I kept working at it, and so did she.

That started a lot of things.

The good parts:

* She has thanked me for not letting her give up on sex, our sex life and the amount of kink has greatly improved and we both enjoy it a LOT more.

* We are a lot more open again, so it has really strengthened our relationship.

The not so good parts:

* It was a strain, we had a lot of difficult moments, but we never gave up.

* We are still monogamous, except for the one swing (she decided to do it BTW). It's great for her, a compromise for me.

She also decided to try the strap on and while it doesn't happen as often as I might like, it does happen, so that makes up for a lot. We still play a good bit of other kink (some light BDSM, sensation play, porn, visits to fetish clubs), so my compromise is not as big as it might have been.

The real story... I have talked about the deal, the mechanics and the results. The basis is that we love each other, still prefer each other's company over almost anyone else's and although I'd love to dive into pile of people and add Wesson, we are happy and together.

So, if you love each other and work at it, you can find a place that works.

OTOH, we have a lot of poly friends and that works for them, if you are open and honest and secure enough to deal with it, a poly relationship can work as well as a monogamous one. It has for me, but it's not in my wife's comfort zone, so i don't pursue it anymore, she gave it a shot and it didn't work.

Good luck!

Liz

[pole_smoker]

She even let me go out on a date with a guy (just dinner, no sex) and we swapped with another couple once. We tried BDSM (me as the sub, that has been fun/interesting/enlightening), toys, porn, swinger's clubs and fetish clubs.
Lizard where does your wife keep your cock and balls? Since you're totally whipped and her bitch literally. LOL

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[ghmutt1986]

You man sounds like me except I have yet to have sex with another man. My urges wax and wane. I do not want to have an emotional relationship with a man and am not attracted to men. However I am curious to play with another penis. I have desires to suck one to completion and to be taken anally. So far I have not had any luck, mostly because I know I would feel guilty. I am married but it is a sexless marriage. When I was having sex regularly the urges were not very strong and I really had no desire to pursue them. When my wife and I were having sex I tried to get her to peg me but she was not interested to say the least. Your husband is very lucky that he has such an understanding wife. I know if I ever do find someone to explore with I would not leave my family. It would be purely a sexual/physical relationship.

[lizard-lix]

Lizard where does your wife keep your cock and balls? Since you're totally whipped and her bitch literally. LOL

Close to her heart and often in her mouth.

PS, you really are an asshole, have no sense of love or commitment, and pollute every thread you join.

[Ja&Ve]

I am a straight woman but have fallen in love with a bi man. I was raised to be inclusive and non judgmental. Falling in love with a bi man has pushed me a bit outside of my comfort zone but I am growing daily knowing him. I know there is sexual fluidity in being bi. We are in a monogamous relationship and in our 40s. My fears revolve around our relationship ending. He was seeing a man casually when we first met but ended that to be more serious with me before we even became intimate. He was married to a woman for 15 years and has children. He says that ended due to lack of connection and growing apart vs wanting a male. I have asked him what makes him think he won't crave experiences with men while with me. He has explained a few things to me.

He says his physical attraction lies with women. That he craves female interaction and their bodies. He says that when in public, a woman is who attracts him. he doesn't see men as an object of physical attraction. He said that being bi was about pleasure and that he really is fixated on penises versus wanting realtionships with men. He has also said he loves anal and that being bi was a way of being penetrated when he could not meet a female who would indulge that sexual need. I am a female who will fulfill that need for him and I really enjoy doing it because his excitement gets me hotter. He says that as long as he is in love(and he has told me was before I could even think of saying it) that he will want to be with me and the need for a man is an after thought.

Does any other man experience their bisexuality on a similar spectrum? I think it helps to know that there are fellow travelers along with us on the road of life. It isn't that I doubt what he tells me, more so that talking to others may help me shed my preconceived ideas of bisexuality.

Also I ended a casual relationship with an ex(that I would still see occasionally) when I knew that my guy was beginning to fall to make him feel more secure. He has stopped contacting the man he was seeing casually but told me that he rarely thinks of him and that it was waning when he met me. But he has left the guy in the dark about why they don't get together anymore. The guy asks him to get together and he just says that he is too busy. Would it be wrong to ask him to give the guy some closure and help me feel more secure?

Good morning!

this is V. I'm the straight wife married to a bi male. Like you we are monogamous for the most part. However, we have some long time friends we goof around with from time to time with no issues. They are just as long time married and in love as we are so there are no issues. We all love each other dearly. The boys don't "play together" very much at all, but my husband likes the proximity.

You have reasonable fears about a relationship ending. But really everyone does. Our reasons are just a little more unconventional. Lack of communication and connection will kill any relationship, sexuality notwithstanding. Don't be afraid to talk about everything in good detail. The last thing either one of you is likely to do is judge, given your already unconventional dynamic.

your man's attractions run almost exactly like my husbands and the pegging satisfies it it almost 100%. The pegging is a means to a sensation end that he is looking for with another human being. And thankfully, the tech is getting better and better for us to be that means to an end effectively for our beloved ones. And when he says he is happy and satisfied, believe him. Especially if he is has given you no other reason to worry at this point. Yes, he is going to always have man on man fantasies, even if all it revolves around is the cock. At least as straight women, we can relate! :) but we have fantasies that don't include our men always either. So you have to be willing to be ok with this and even have fun with it. To do otherwise will taint the relationship. Be openly communicative with your questions and concerns and don't be afraid to ask for a little extra attention when you are having an insecure moment. I'm sure being with a loving, communicative and supportive lover will make him a very happy person all around. The safety of being with someone who loves all of you is very powerful and from the threads I see here, very rare indeed.

And like most casual encounters, if he becomes serious with another person, yes he should close the casual relationship off definitively. If for No other reason than to let the other person be able to move on to other relationships. I know I wouldn't want to be led on, and I wouldn't want to do it to others. Plus it gives you good piece of mind, and if he really is into you and wants you be happy and exclusivity is what you agreed to, it would go a long I think to help establish the security of trust you are looking for.

i hope this helps you some. Ignore the trolls here. Bimen are not monsters, they are not all philandering cheats or extreme risk takers. They are people who have hope dreams and a desire to be happy like any of us. Remember, the ones who tend to be happiest in their situations are not coming here to talk about it.

[biguy1940]

Even if she lets him have a fuck buddy which is what you only have with men tenni, he's probably still going to get some more dick or snatch on the side, and just not tell her...as pretty much everyone in an open relationship will cheat on their partner or spouse, or break the rules so they can cheat. Plus this broad said she does not even want an open relationship at all.

what is it with you that you always have to use the coarsest language and the most demeaning words for women ;i.e. broad, pussy, cunt,etc. i thought this site was for bisexuals, not gay woman haters...how sad it must be to be you

[pole_smoker]

what is it with you that you always have to use the coarsest language and the most demeaning words for women ;i.e. broad, pussy, cunt,etc. i thought this site was for bisexuals, not gay woman haters...how sad it must be to be you
I'm bisexual and so is my husband. But you happen to not understand bisexuality, or male bisexuality.

Neither of us "hate" women even if I am just real and don't sugar coat things for people.

[lizard-lix]

I'm bisexual and so is my husband. But you happen to not understand bisexuality, or male bisexuality.

Neither of us "hate" women even if I am just real and don't sugar coat things for people.

But you do certainly describe everything in the worst light, making everyone involved look as evil and mean as possible, well unless you are just trying to demean or degrade them.

BTW, congrats to you and your hubby for being the first and only ones to understand male bisexuality, and here I thought I might know a bit having been a bisexual all of my life, we all stand corrected.. Live and learn (oh, you might try that for a lark).

[pole_smoker]

But you do certainly describe everything in the worst light, making everyone involved look as evil and mean as possible, well unless you are just trying to demean or degrade them.

BTW, congrats to you and your hubby for being the first and only ones to understand male bisexuality, and here I thought I might know a bit having been a bisexual all of my life, we all stand corrected.. Live and learn (oh, you might try that for a lark).
No I don't describe things in the "worst light" or "make everyone look mean/evil". :rolleyes: I'm simply realistic, and do not sugar coat things or play bullshit games with people when it comes to being honest about relationships, and human sexuality.

I simply replied with the fact that we bisexual men can and often do partner with other bisexual men, or even gay men, and yet we're not gay despite what closeted people who are full of lots of internalised bipobia and homophobia and self loathing think that if a man partners with a man that he must be, and is "gay". :rolleyes:

[Kceyes]

I just wanted to post an update for anyone who was kind enough to answer my original post and help me navigate the new relationship I am in. We have grown incredibly close through open communication especially about sex. He finally told his old FWB that he was seeing a woman. I never asked him to. He said it was a distraction and he didn't want any more distractions because he loved me. We have discussed both of our sexual histories a lot. I think that pegging has been very rewarding for us. I love it and he says that it is far more sensual and connected with me than with men. He says the he always fantasized about a beautiful woman fucking his ass and that his wish came true. This has been a revelation for me because I have found that I enjoy the fact that he likes to be submissive at times.

We are in love and I think that our open communication has deepened that. He says that he is happy with the way things are. I told him that if he thinks about men or cocks I am cool with him being open about it. That it is OK and he should share that with me. I feel that our love has deepened because he can be free with his fantasies and he could not with other women. Plus I am only the 2nd woman to peg him and the first was not into like I am. I give props to you men. Fucking is hard work but I love that power exchange. For now, we are really happy and in love. If he decides he needs cock (he may or may not) every once in a while, he knows to talk to me about it. I told him I want to know rather than him sneaking around. I will cross that bridge if we get to it.

I believe that embracing who he is has made all of the fears I had lessen. Thank you everyone for your excellent points of views and advice. I was ready to run like a rabbit. I explained my fears to him and we have promised honesty on both sides. It is the ONLY way this works.

[Ja&Ve]

I just wanted to post an update for anyone who was kind enough to answer my original post and help me navigate the new relationship I am in. We have grown incredibly close through open communication especially about sex. He finally told his old FWB that he was seeing a woman. I never asked him to. He said it was a distraction and he didn't want any more distractions because he loved me. We have discussed both of our sexual histories a lot. I think that pegging has been very rewarding for us. I love it and he says that it is far more sensual and connected with me than with men. He says the he always fantasized about a beautiful woman fucking his ass and that his wish came true. This has been a revelation for me because I have found that I enjoy the fact that he likes to be submissive at times.

We are in love and I think that our open communication has deepened that. He says that he is happy with the way things are. I told him that if he thinks about men or cocks I am cool with him being open about it. That it is OK and he should share that with me. I feel that our love has deepened because he can be free with his fantasies and he could not with other women. Plus I am only the 2nd woman to peg him and the first was not into like I am. I give props to you men. Fucking is hard work but I love that power exchange. For now, we are really happy and in love. If he decides he needs cock (he may or may not) every once in a while, he knows to talk to me about it. I told him I want to know rather than him sneaking around. I will cross that bridge if we get to it.

I believe that embracing who he is has made all of the fears I had lessen. Thank you everyone for your excellent points of views and advice. I was ready to run like a rabbit. I explained my fears to him and we have promised honesty on both sides. It is the ONLY way this works.

i am so happy to hear that you are doing well. Yep, pegging is hard work, but it is damn good fun!!

[Oztrich]

I like the penis too. My wife understands that. The man around it is there, and it is important to like him, but I could never fall in love with another man. Love has to be with an woman for me. Other than that, it's just the pleasurable physical experience, and the taboo "thing" of engaging sexually with another man. Nothing more than that.

[pole_smoker]

I like the penis too. My wife understands that. The man around it is there, and it is important to like him, but I could never fall in love with another man. Love has to be with an woman for me. Other than that, it's just the pleasurable physical experience, and the taboo "thing" of engaging sexually with another man. Nothing more than that.
:rolleyes: Why would any man think that having sex with a man is a 'taboo'? It's not.