Hi. New to this all. Wife is bi-curious

[Supportive Hubby]

I've have a lot of questions about lots of things right now. Just not shure how to ask them though.

After a long time of knowing something wasn't right between us, I was finally able to figure out what it was. My wife who everyone thought was Hetrosexual, including myself, finally amitted to me about being atractive to other females. She didn't want to admite them to herself eather.

It caused alot of fustration for her, and between us. But things are great now. I can accept it, and I don't feel threated about it. I've told her that its part of her and I married the whole package. As long as what ever happens, happens in frount of me and she doesn't hide it from me, She's not cheating or being unfaithfull.

She did say she wants me to be apart of what ever happens. I just want her to find someone who will be faithfull to her. I'm not shure just how I'll fit in right now.

She's happy right now, which makes me happy too. She has to find out what it means to her. We have to learn how its going to change thing for us. Not about us, we've been together for 12 years now, and we know how we feel about each other. Another person in our life will change things though.

Any insight would be welcomed. I wouldn't be surprised if someone here has had to deal with these and other issues. ;)

[Mrs.F]

(((((((((Welcome))))))))))

Glad you joined here. You will find many to talk to that have, are now and will be going through what you and your wife are. Sounds to me like you have already taken the first step and that was for her to realize and admit what she was missing and for you to accept that and be happy for her. One day at a time is all you can do. Talking and communicating is such a huge thing. I wish you luck on your journey together.

I still think it's hard for my husband to admit his feelings to me. I know he knows I accept him, but deep down I think he fears that I may change my mind or something. So, it went from him reasuring me that he loved me and would never leave me, to ME reasuring him that I will always love him and never leave him because he's bisexual. Funny how things change. But again..it's all one day at a time and lots and lots of talking and being honest about each others feelings.

*hugs* :)

[Long Duck Dong]

hugs ya hubby

awesome to see you are supportive and caring and loving... its good to have partners like that

I do have one issue with something you wrote..... and to best help you understand this...I want you to imagine yaself in ya wives shoes, you being bisexual and ya wife telling you that you need to do everything in front of her

good solid bisexual relationships are built on trust, understanding and love....and what you suggested, can be a big hurdle for your wife.... specially if she wants to follow a path with a lady that doesn't want people watching them but its most possible your wife may find a bisexual lady that welcomes you and ya wife at the same time and wants a threesome at times and a twoseome with ya wife at times..... go with the flow and that way you become a even better partner

now, hubby you need to realise that you are still number one to ya partner...you have not dropped in status but gained in status... you have shown that you are the one she wants, and can now talk to and trust openly
and that makes you a ideal partner

a new person in ya lives would change things... I do agree... but its how you and ya wife allow that person to be in ya lives, that dictates the changes.....
moving somebody into ya house and ya bedroom will create issues.... but having a regular trustworthy partner for ya wife that visits and sometimes stays with you both, will help you settle more.....
most of the bisexual people i know, have a couple of steady, safe extra marital partners that are also friends, but the lines are drawn clearly....the marital bed belongs to two people only and that the marriage comes first over the sex

[Supportive Hubby]

I know what your saying. Its all new to me and her. The real point is that not so much that I'm going to be watching, more like that I'm aware of whats happening, or may happen, and I'm close by for her. And that anyone she's with, we both have to feel ok with.

It may sound controling but if you knew her, you would understand. Even our friend who herself is a bisexual would tell you that. But she's not ready for that yet. And might never be. Thats up to her to decide. Right now she has things to learn about herself and we have to learn about us too.

Alot of things have happen to her in the pass, which caused her alot of problems and pain. Being quiet to everyone including to herself about being bi-curious has caused her a lot of pain. Not to mention what her secret almost did to us.

Right now I'm looking at what she can handle, what she thinks she can handle and trying to help her decided what she wants. She has some personal disability's. It doesn't affect her normally in her day to day life, she has her routine that she sticks to. But throw something she's not shure how to handle, and anything could happen.

Its part of her too. Some times it does make it rough, but I've learned how to help her with it. Still learning too. She's come along a long way since we've been together. She spent 21 years being told what she wants, what she does, and god knows what else, by a so called best friend. This so called friend isn't around anymore thankfully. Even her family is guilty of it.

I don't tell her what to do, I ask her what she wants. She's really surprised people since we've been together. People though she never do some of the things she's doing.

Sorry if this comes across as snipping or something else. It's just I know she can do more than she's been willing to try. And people keep saying its beyound her capability's. It hurts and make's me mad. but most importaint, it hurts her, and she ends up doing things she doesn't want to do. Or not doing things she wants.

Its taken me years to get her to really tell me things she wants, without worring about what I'm going to think or say. I'm the only one she will tell what "She" really wants.

Here's an example. When I set up a computer for her, her mom and dad didn't think she would use it. Well, she's on it just about everyday now. Shure, some things are difficult for her, but now if she wants to, she doesn't give up right away if she fails. When I first meet her, she wouldn't even try anything new.

I do appreciate you input. It show me that we will have a lot to talk about. Like I didn't already know that. lol!!!

I knew when I found this site, I found a good place to go and talk to people who are at and beyond the point we are at. Someone to give me a view from the outside. It gives me a different point of view to think about. And things I haven't thought of yet.

Thank you, again. :) (I'm another 2 cents richer)

[Sparks]

Welcome. Know that you are among friends here. It sounds like that you and your wife communicate very well. Continue talking, for it's the best part of a relationship. Don't be afraid. love her for who she is; and let her love shine back on you. :2cents:

[Driver 8]

I'd encourage you to examine your motives as well as hers. Limits like "only if I'm there" are common for people in open and polyamorous relationships; if that's the only way you're comfortable, stick to your own limits. What I'd warn you against is imposing your own fantasies of MFF threesomes on your wife's desires. You'll see a lot of discussions like that in here, where a woman says "I told my husband I want to explore this, and he said he was okay, but now he's insisting on a three-way (or being there) and that's not what I want."

That said, both of you should realize that the chances are nothing will happen anyway. The world is full of bi-curious women with straight spouses looking for a bi woman to join them, and there are a lot fewer bi women who are interested in that sort of arrangement.

[Long Duck Dong]

lol hubby thanks for the awesome answers....
your reply to my post was fantastic and very enlightening

I do understand what you are saying about the need to be there.... its good for your wife to know that you are there as a support, a friend, a good ear.... and a partner that will be a safe quard for her... its too easy for one person to make a bad judge of character in a potential partner/ friend... its a lot harder for two people to make the same bad judgement and i do apologise for misreading it as you wanted to be * in on the action *

i do have a few words of encouragement for you and ya wife......

one of the hardest things in life is making the grade in other peoples eyes....and you can quarantee they set the bar twice as high for us as they do for themselves....so ignore them.....a lot of the time people will never achieve what we do in life.....and they will never achieve what they wanna do in life

any person in life, is limited only by what they believe is possible... where there is a open mind and a willingness to go outside the square, there is a way to do things...... i never stopped beleiving that I can do anything.... the only limits to my life were the people that believed I couldn't do what i have done...and those people are not in my life now

inside our own heads, we are totally free to do what we want and we are free from judgement... that is the best pace to start being yourself... if you criticise yourself in your head, you stop yourself being yourself in the outside world

[Supportive Hubby]

Hey, You had a valid point to make! Communication is not agreeing, its also debating about things. Its impossible for someone outside of a situation to know all the facts. But a second or would that be third point of view can be helpful.

In Fact, what you said did make me think! I sat down with her today and we talked about what she really wanted. What her thoughts on possibly where she might like to take things.

Well, to make a long story... We've had to rewrite her/our profile on the sites we are on. It really makes me happy when she does something like today. She told me what "She wants", where she would like it to go, and to be honest, alot of what I thought was right, but I wasn't sure she was open for a few things.

Here's a few things she wants:

:tongue: Me there with her, she doesn't want to do anything with anyone unless I'm part of it. She said that if they didn't like it, she wasn't interested!
:tongue: :tongue: She wants a partner for our relationship, not just for her!
:tongue: :tongue: :tongue: She's interested in a marrage that had me, her and another woman.

Those where her wishs and hopes. I do know one thing though. Any lady would be very very lucky to have someone like her.
I've known I'm really lucky to have her for a long time. :smilies12

[couplepiper]

Good luck my friend my wife is Bi as well and I am straight. She started looking a couple months ago for a partner for her to join in our relationship as a equal to us. We got very very lucky and found our soul mate here on this site. Her name is Rachel she is a beautiful person inside and out and we love her very much and she has agreed to join us in our relationship as a equal. I hope you and your wife find the same as we have all found with each other.

The only suggestion I have for you as a straight male in the same boat you are in is being honest with each other and with your potential partner. Without the honesty you'll spin your wheels if not put the car into reverse for your wife.

[Supportive Hubby]

I've been in a few relationships where honesty wasn't part of it. I learned that lesson a long time ago.

I believe the only relationship worth having is where every one is honest, commited, and faithfull.


:offtopic:
(Jee, I wounder if the streights can get their heads around that one? Being faithfull! LOL)
mmm... No streights around here. I guess they all ran away screaming. :tong:

back to the point. Any one who is a potental, will be treated with the same values we share between us. And if they can't give us the same commitment, well their not a potental. I think its a simple thing, but its very important to us that a person gives us back what she will recieve.

That reminds me. I got to put an ad up here for us soon.

[csrakate]

(Jee, I wounder if the streights can get their heads around that one? Being faithfull! LOL)
mmm... No streights around here. I guess they all ran away screaming. :tong:

.
First and foremost...you need to get that notion that there are no "straights" here out of your head! There are many of us and we are here to understand our spouses and to be a network of support among ourselves. Secondly...don't ever assume so much as to demean or ridicule our support of our bi spouses...a very big mistake! Lastly and most importantly, there is such a thing as monogamy within a bi/straight relationship and we don't joke about it.

You seem far too eager to experience this new adventure than the average straight spouse who struggles to understand....so please...don't diminish what we go through with your excitement to find a partner for your spouse, a partner that you seem so overly eager to welcome into your sex life.

Hugs,
Kate

[Supportive Hubby]

Sorry if I offended. I didn't mean to offened anyone.

I was refuring to people who don't support someone. spouse or friend.
We've been friends with someone who is. Its help! I've never felt any different about them than any other friend.

And as to my excitment, well I had lost my wife, and she had lost me to a secret! Well that secret is out in the open, We've got each other back. Every day is a bit better than the next. Mabey its something you've never experianced. So yes I'm excited, a stranger has left, and my wife is back!
She's happy, as I am. She can relax about her feelings. She's cuddling and more, for the first time in I don't know how long really! She's excited herself for her own reasons. So many things have chanced in the last little while.
The women I loved and married is back, and more! We're getting back to where we started, but she's more vibrant now! Its hard to explain. Its like she's been reborn, let herself loose... I just don't have the words to really explain it properly. We've just fallin in love alover again.

[Long Duck Dong]

smiles.... its good to see how a relationship can come together with a lil patience, a lil taking and a lot of loving

I sincerely wish you and ya wife, the best of luck and good wishes with finding the right person for your relationship... it sometimes takes a lil looking... but its the same with finding the right person to share ya life with lol....the *perfect *hubby / wife ...lol

[Mrs.F]

Sorry if I offended. I didn't mean to offened anyone.

I was refuring to people who don't support someone. spouse or friend.
We've been friends with someone who is. Its help! I've never felt any different about them than any other friend.

And as to my excitment, well I had lost my wife, and she had lost me to a secret! Well that secret is out in the open, We've got each other back. Every day is a bit better than the next. Mabey its something you've never experianced. So yes I'm excited, a stranger has left, and my wife is back!
She's happy, as I am. She can relax about her feelings. She's cuddling and more, for the first time in I don't know how long really! She's excited herself for her own reasons. So many things have chanced in the last little while.
The women I loved and married is back, and more! We're getting back to where we started, but she's more vibrant now! Its hard to explain. Its like she's been reborn, let herself loose... I just don't have the words to really explain it properly. We've just fallin in love alover again.


I understand totally what you mean. Suddenly my husband had drifted from me. We were struggling not only sexually but in our everyday marriage and friendship to each other. I could not figure out what I was doing wrong and because I didn't know....how do you fix it? Once his secret was blown (no pun intended..lol) he became more scared because he feared I would NEVER accept the fact that he wanted sex with a man. For me, it was never the thought of two men having sex that bothered me....it was.....OMG>>he's not happy because he doesn't want me, I'm not what he wants and he's going to leave me. But we found our way out of that little hole (damn, again no pun intended..lol) and we talked and talked and things are so much better now. He really came alive again too and the stress level in our house diminished. What I thought I was doing wrong was just him struggling to live his secret and it was getting too hard for him. :(

[Mrs. Taz]

just wanted to say welcome to the site and good luck. :)

[Supportive Hubby]

Thank you Mrs. Taz! :)

[wtp09]

hmm...

after all of the posts... i have to ask you a few question... are you afraid that your wife will stop loving you and start loving somone else? does it make you jealous that someone might be loving your gurl. are you jealous about someone else being intamite with your loveone? if any of the answers to those questions are yes... maybe you should re-evaluate you relationship with your woman.

love is never jealous, uncaring, it is never selfish.

love is sharing. it is the undying love for an other.... whether that love means dealling with the others dreams. love for your mate, is uncomparable to every relation we have in life....

[jennessex]

lol, if i didnt know better, i would think that you were my husband! My husband and I have been together for 12 years now, and he is my rock. Very supportive in all of whats going on also.

There comes to a point though when she might want to step away and think about what she's doing, does she really feel this way, is it just a phase, and at that point, be supportive of her as well.

With every relationship there are obstacles. Make sure you just hold her hand and go over that hurtle with her. Your in it for the long haul if your willing to do this with her.

I cant speak for you, or for your wife, but just continue to listen and be there for her. This is a whirlwind in my insides, it might just be for her.

Jennessex

[Supportive Hubby]

Its been very dynamic. I'm thinking that she's pent this up for so long that its coming out in a uncontroled rush. You might even say she's high on being able to finally not worry about her thought and desires. Its been interesting so far, to say the lest.

She knows that I'm going to stick with her through this, that I'll support her to the end. I'm not going to do anything but try and help her feel ok about whats happening, she has to decide for herself first where she's going. About the only thing I'm shure of is I'm always going to have her love. And she my love.

I have to wait and see where she ends up and enjoy this journey we're on together. We're the happiest we've ever been, she's doing things she never had the courage to do before. Just today she's started the prossess of finding her birth family. She didn't before becouse she was scaried of what her adoptive parents would say. She decided that its was something very important to her, and that no one really had a say in it but her.

Even if this doen't go anywere, she's come a long way. She feels better about herself, she's not doing things because someone tells her too. We're more affectionat toward each other, we talk more, its been a real improvement in our relationship. I know our marrage is stronger because of it!

And where ever she leads us, we both know that we both will be there together!