Consent

[Melody Dean]

I live in a college town, so consent is a big issue here.

What do you do to be sure that you have the consent of the person you're with? Anything special?

I recently had an experience where the guy I was with got very clear consent, and it was sooooo hot. When we were making out, he would ask, "May I...?" then describe what he was going to do. It got me so worked up, that every time I responded with an emphatic, breathless, "YES!"

[darkeyes]

I live in a college town, so consent is a big issue here.

What do you do to be sure that you have the consent of the person you're with? Anything special?

I recently had an experience where the guy I was with got very clear consent, and it was sooooo hot. When we were making out, he would ask, "May I...?" then describe what he was going to do. It got me so worked up, that every time I responded with an emphatic, breathless, "YES!"
Interestingly, and importantly, consent does not necessarily mean a person has been given carte-blanche 2 do as he or she likes as often as he or she likes. The word no still means no at any time as much after consent has been given as it would have been had consent been intially refused. Consent can be withdrawn... something far to many people, men in particular, seem to ignore or conveniently forget, and women often to their cost.

Not everyone, woman or man, likes every sexual act and that should b remembered b4 anyone even thinks of having sex with another person and also people do change their minds after commencement of the proceedings and often deeply into them for a myriad of reasons other than they are cock teasers..:eek2:

[Melody Dean]

Interestingly, and importantly, consent does not necessarily mean a person has been given carte-blanche 2 do as he or she likes as often as he or she likes. The word no still means no at any time as much after consent has been given as it would have been had consent been intially refused. Consent can be withdrawn... something far to many people, men in particular, seem to ignore or conveniently forget, and women often to their cost.

Not everyone, woman or man, likes every sexual act and that should b remembered b4 anyone even thinks of having sex with another person and also people do change their minds after commencement of the proceedings and often deeply into them for a myriad of reasons other than they are cock teasers..:eek2:

Wholeheartedly agreed.

[Gearbox]

Wholeheartedly agreed.
No mention of you asking HIS consent tho. My dear God, some women just take what they want, and not a dicky bird of "May I .....".:yikes2:

[Melody Dean]

No mention of you asking HIS consent tho. My dear God, some women just take what they want, and not a dicky bird of "May I .....".:yikes2:

That is a very fair point.

Personally, I'm usually in the position to be giving consent. But I can't say I never need to ask for consent, I'm not a starfish. But anytime I'm in that situation, we've always talked about what was going to happen first. And with most of my lovers, we've also had the, "When does 'No' not mean 'no' and what word does?" discussion.

[tenni]

No mention of you asking HIS consent tho. My dear God, some women just take what they want, and not a dicky bird of "May I .....".:yikes2:

ha ha ha
This from the man who wrote that most men will stick their privates in any opening that they think will fit...;)

i prefer to go by body reaction rather than a pre game analysis....but it it works for you.

Melody
No not meaning NO is confusing.:yikes2:

[Melody Dean]

i prefer to go by body reaction rather than a pre game analysis....but it it works for you.

Been there before too. But sometimes discussing first is necessary. And it can be hot too, like verbal foreplay.


No not meaning NO is confusing.:yikes2:
I was referring to needing a safe word. That it needs to be discussed before play if necessary.

[charles-smythe]

I live in a college town, so consent is a big issue here.

What do you do to be sure that you have the consent of the person you're with? Anything special?

I recently had an experience where the guy I was with got very clear consent, and it was sooooo hot. When we were making out, he would ask, "May I...?" then describe what he was going to do. It got me so worked up, that every time I responded with an emphatic, breathless, "YES!" …I think that if someone…male or female…puts themselves in certain positions… (In a private setting partially or completely unclothes…or etc…)…permission to have sex is a given…

[Melody Dean]

…I think that if someone…male or female…puts themselves in certain positions… (In a private setting partially or completely unclothes…or etc…)…permission to have sex is a given…

I'd say permission to have sex is assumed, not given. Can be rescinded at any time. And not if the other person is otherwise incapacitated (ie Drunk).

[JaredT77]

Sometimes just asking during the moment just means you're just trying to explore new territory or can be a form of power play that they are bestowing upon you. I like to ask during sex with a new partner or even when I have been with her for awhile. Mostly, I like talking about sex before having sex and discussing likes and dislikes and then just winging it during the actual sex.

[darkeyes]

…I think that if someone…male or female…puts themselves in certain positions… (In a private setting partially or completely unclothes…or etc…)…permission to have sex is a given…

Sex should never be assumed... it is often assumed, but no matter the circumstances or state of dress unless consent is clearly forthcoming, consent has not been granted. Melody is right in raising the issue of alcohol and incapacity... unless one is reasonably compos mentis, even if the word yes is spoken, this should not be taken as consent since to grant consent, a person must be in control, be able to think clearly, and be responsible for their actions.... sooo... Chas... u are wrong... permission for sex is not always a given.... think that way and u may just spend a few years in clink... and maybe a lifetime on the sex offenders register...

[darkeyes]

No mention of you asking HIS consent tho. My dear God, some women just take what they want, and not a dicky bird of "May I .....".:yikes2:
Didn't need to take what I wanted, me luffly wee Welsh chumly, because by men it was overwhelmingly given freely, gladly and eagerly and in the main I never needed to ask... but sometimes... either for consent to sex, tho more for a specific act (or simply to shag again).... not all men are macho, full of confidence, cocky bastards for every man is different... Some need to be cajoled and/or seduced and sometimes in the act of seduction, one needed to ask... but in the main, one was asked in one way or t'otha..

[darkeyes]

ha ha ha
This from the man who wrote that most men will stick their privates in any opening that they think will fit...;)

i prefer to go by body reaction rather than a pre game analysis....but it it works for you.

Melody
No not meaning NO is confusing.:yikes2:
Trust me, tenni, men knew exactly wot wos meant wen I sed no b4 and during sex... it may have meant no, maybe not... but tone, emphasis, posture and circumstance and the message was transmitted, received and understood... some guys persevered when meaning no means no, but a forceful follow up "I said no, now fuck off" and look of disdain settled things usually...:bigrin:;).

[elian]

Hmm, well for most of my partners when I've become more dominant in different activities, I stop for just a second or two and remind them that I don't want to hurt them, most of them have affirmed that the liked what they were feeling so we keep going. This may sound stupid but I still view sharing intimacy with another person as a gift - so to truly cause someone else pain would probably turn me off pretty quickly and is the exact opposite reason of why I want to be there.

I have found through some experiences that it helps to be at least a little vocal about what you like or don't like - it can be very erotic when you don't have to say anything, but it can also be a little frustrating trying to read someone else's mind.

[Gearbox]

That is a very fair point.
I was only half joking. Only half.lol

Basically the responsibility lays with the one in the dom position, as far as I can make out. As the lovely Fran points out - that can mean the more sober one of a drunk couple.
Many women get themselves rat-arsed, have consensual sex with men then decide it was rape when sobered up. Am NOT knocking women for that, but men too:
Many bi men have m-m sex then suddenly turn into guilt-fueled hetero rape victims when they cum.:eek2: In those cases the horn is the mind-altering drug, but the guilt is their burden alone.
I have known one bloke like that for a few years, and he returns coz he can trust me to stop when he needs me to. If I didn't stop, I'd class that as rape coz I AM aware of his nature and know that his distress is real. It's also a right pain in the tit for me. It's not easy to stop when you are in a state of unbridled pash!lol

Many blokes on here will vouch for the fact that many men have 2 personalities: Pre-cum & post-cum. You have to ask for consent to carry on when the other has cum.
Many will vouch for the wannabe-powerbottoms too: They GUARANTEE that they'll take that dick all night long as hard and fast as can be. Yet decide that wasn't such a good idea after only 10mins in to the night of arse destruction.:rolleyes:
Consent is denied as fast as it's given. It's not even given sometimes and I've had to stop a few from trying their luck with my lily white arse. Cheeky fekers!:yikes2:

Due to my little kinky ways, which may result in sex that has a few similarities to that of a rape situation....:rolleyes:...I make a point of asking "Are you ok?", throughout.
Not coz I may need that bit of helpful info in court, but coz sex is supposed to be a great enjoyable pastime, not a path down Psycho Avenue for flourishing sociopaths (like Charles-Smythe for eg.;)).
But we all KNOW that those with questionable self control & mental issues are out there. So when out for sex, and putting yourself in a vulnerable situation, responsibility has to be on you first and foremost!

[Plumhead2]

This is such a complicated matter as can be seen in the comments of the posts above. Flirting, alcohol and drugs, and post sex guilt, as well as other factors all play into actions and decisions. Then, when you factor in young people without much if any experience with sex, the situation is ripe for issues and accusations. I wonder if "Flirting Training" or "Sexual Negotiations" should be taught in schools (certainly in college) with role playing certain situations built-in. It would sure help people negotiate the tricky paths of sexual situations in a calm, rationale environment before they encounter it in the heat of the moment when dating.

[pole_smoker]

…I think that if someone…male or female…puts themselves in certain positions… (In a private setting partially or completely unclothes…or etc…)…permission to have sex is a given…

That's not necessarily true.

[Melody Dean]

This is such a complicated matter as can be seen in the comments of the posts above. Flirting, alcohol and drugs, and post sex guilt, as well as other factors all play into actions and decisions. Then, when you factor in young people without much if any experience with sex, the situation is ripe for issues and accusations. I wonder if "Flirting Training" or "Sexual Negotiations" should be taught in schools (certainly in college) with role playing certain situations built-in. It would sure help people negotiate the tricky paths of sexual situations in a calm, rationale environment before they encounter it in the heat of the moment when dating.

Yeah, the subject of consent was never raised in any sex ed class that I was in. And it's a pretty major thing that should be taught! Granted, my sex ed classes were also abstinence based.

[charles-smythe]

Yeah, the subject of consent was never raised in any sex ed class that I was in. And it's a pretty major thing that should be taught! Granted, my sex ed classes were also abstinence based. …I’m so old that they didn’t even have ‘sex ed’ when I went to school…

[charles-smythe]

I'd say permission to have sex is assumed, not given. Can be rescinded at any time. And not if the other person is otherwise incapacitated (ie Drunk).
…after a certain point sex is assumed/a given…and permission can’t be rescinded…there is a point of no-return…

[Oralboy69]

…after a certain point sex is assumed/a given…and permission can’t be rescinded…there is a point of no-return…
There are no hard and fast "rules" for sex.

[charles-smythe]

There are no hard and fast "rules" for sex.…were I on the jury & some girl who changed her mind & yelled rape…I’d want to know what state the man was in when she said no…like I said…there is a point of no return…if she let the guy get to that point before she said no…it wouldn’t be rape as far as I was concerned…

[Melody Dean]

…after a certain point sex is assumed/a given…and permission can’t be rescinded…there is a point of no-return…


I HEARTILY DISAGREE!!!!! Either person can say no at any time, (pardon the crudeness) even when balls deep.

For example, what if she were in pain?

[darkeyes]

…were I on the jury & some girl who changed her mind & yelled rape…I’d want to know what state the man was in when she said no…like I said…there is a point of no return…if she let the guy get to that point before she said no…it wouldn’t be rape as far as I was concerned…Is it ur contention then, Chas, that a girl does not have the right to change her mind? Or a guy for that matter? There is, or should be b no such thing as a point of no return, not when it comes to making decisions about whether or not to to allow sex. From the second the word no is uttered, any subsequent sexual activity imposed upon the person who spoke the word is rape.. whether in the eyes of the law it is considered an illegal act depends on the law where one lives and often the vagiaries of the judicial system and the prejudices of the person or persons sitting in judgement, but irrespective, it remains, literally and morally, rape.

[pole_smoker]

https://consumermediallc.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/stqtxkj.jpg

NO it's not photo shopped.

[charles-smythe]

Is it ur contention then, Chas, that a girl does not have the right to change her mind? Or a guy for that matter? There is, or should be b no such thing as a point of no return, not when it comes to making decisions about whether or not to to allow sex. From the second the word no is uttered, any subsequent sexual activity imposed upon the person who spoke the word is rape.. whether in the eyes of the law it is considered an illegal act depends on the law where one lives and often the vagiaries of the judicial system and the prejudices of the person or persons sitting in judgement, but irrespective, it remains, literally and morally, rape.
. Is it ur contention then, Chas, that a girl does not have the right to change her mind? Or a guy for that matter? …not after a certain point no…There is, or should be b no such thing as a point of no return, not when it comes to making decisions about whether or not to allow sex. …we all know-whether we like to admit it or not, there is a physical ‘point of no return’ for guys…girls biologically seem to have a little bit more control…BUT I’ve known girls that had a ‘point of no return’ every bit as strong as guys…. From the second the word no is uttered, any subsequent sexual activity imposed upon the person who spoke the word is rape…Whether in the eyes of the law it is considered an illegal act depends on the law where one lives and often the vagaries of the judicial system and the prejudices of the person or persons sitting in judgement, but irrespective, it remains, literally and morally, rape….if a girl teases & leds a guy on…it is not rape…

[pole_smoker]

. Is it ur contention then, Chas, that a girl does not have the right to change her mind? Or a guy for that matter? …not after a certain point no…There is, or should be b no such thing as a point of no return, not when it comes to making decisions about whether or not to allow sex. …we all know-whether we like to admit it or not, there is a physical ‘point of no return’ for guys…girls biologically seem to have a little bit more control…BUT I’ve known girls that had a ‘point of no return’ every bit as strong as guys…. From the second the word no is uttered, any subsequent sexual activity imposed upon the person who spoke the word is rape…Whether in the eyes of the law it is considered an illegal act depends on the law where one lives and often the vagaries of the judicial system and the prejudices of the person or persons sitting in judgement, but irrespective, it remains, literally and morally, rape….if a girl teases & leds a guy on…it is not rape…


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8BV1Ft4BQ1o


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mGrQTRcxdTo

[Hoosier]

https://consumermediallc.files.wordpress.com/2015/04/stqtxkj.jpg

NO it's not photo shopped.
And if you had been paying attention, you'd have know this : http://www.inquisitr.com/2051182/budweiser-pull-slogan-after-its-accused-of-promoting-rape-culture/

All because some people assumed they meant sex.

[Hoosier]

..if a girl teases & leds a guy on…it is not rape…

And how many guys are sitting in prison right now that used that defense ? A lot of them.

[pole_smoker]

And if you had been paying attention, you'd have know this : http://www.inquisitr.com/2051182/budweiser-pull-slogan-after-its-accused-of-promoting-rape-culture/

All because some people assumed they meant sex.
I was paying attention, and that's how I learned about it. :rolleyes: It's about removing personal inhibitions, or getting someone to buy and drink more of a shitty beer via a slogan/ad.

[Melody Dean]

if a girl teases & leds a guy on…it is not rape…


Again, I wholeheartedly disagree. Just because a woman is flirting with a guy (or just being nice and it's being misconstrued as flirting), does not mean she wants to have all sorts of sex with him. Just because someone wants to kiss does not mean they want to fuck. Just because someone likes oral does not mean they like penetration. "Leading someone on" is not an open invitation.


…we all know-whether we like to admit it or not, there is a physical ‘point of no return’ for guys…


There is never a time when a guy can't pull out, or has to stay in when their partner pulls away.

[tenni]

[QUOTE=Melody Dean;285626]Again, I wholeheartedly disagree. Just because a woman is flirting with a guy (or just being nice and it's being misconstrued as flirting), does not mean she wants to have all sorts of sex with him. Just because someone wants to kiss does not mean they want to fuck. Just because someone likes oral does not mean they like penetration. "Leading someone on" is not an open invitation.

There is never a time when a guy can't pull out, or has to stay in when their partner pulls away.
.................................................. .....................

I think that there are grey areas. Melody gives a female perspective. If penetration has begun with consent and one person changes their mind, does it become rape from that point forward? Questionable. Consent has been given for penetration and then withdrawn. Certainly, it should end at that point.

Responsible behaviour should be expected from people regardless of their gender. If a person flirting, kissing and fondling in a public place and then changes their mind in private, they are a cock teaser...lol

Dump them unless there is ground for a reasonable explanation.

[Melody Dean]

Responsible behaviour should be expected from people regardless of their gender. If a person flirting, kissing and fondling in a public place and then changes their mind in private, they are a cock teaser...lol

Dump them unless there is ground for a reasonable explanation.

Cock teaser, yes. Dump them, yes. Have sex with them anyway, no.

[tenni]

Cock teaser, yes. Dump them, yes. Have sex with them anyway, no.

Well, isn't the point that you are in progress having sexual penetration? Continue having sex with them anyway...no.

To some extent there can a point in progress when you really really don't want to stop as a guy. That may be what charles is referring to. If a guy is having penetrative sex and he gets a sudden pain in his groin, abdomen or even his foot cramps..he probably loses interest/erection in continuing penetrating..:(

Is it different if his partner says stop...kind of. But he should stop penetration. It is selfish if penetration is painful for your partner. I've never known or heard of a cock teaser(female or male) going that far in screwing with guy's mind though..lol

[darkeyes]

Cock teaser, yes. Dump them, yes. Have sex with them anyway, no.
Not much 'tween u and I on this subject... unfortunately, there are those still in this world who don't think we (women) mean it when we tell them to pack it in and leave alone.. and those who dont think we should have the right to... and some who think both... and of course those who dont give a sod what we think... and interestingly, and equally appallingly, sadly such attitudes are increasingly coming to light in mano y mano encounters....

[Melody Dean]

Not much 'tween u and I on this subject... unfortunately, there are those still in this world who don't think we (women) mean it when we tell them to pack it in and leave alone.. and those who dont think we should have the right to... and some who think both... and of course those who dont give a sod what we think... and interestingly, and equally appallingly, sadly such attitudes are increasingly coming to light in mano y mano encounters....

Exactly. Which was kind of my point in starting the topic.

[Long Duck Dong]

Unfortunately this is why the court system is the way it is now....... women are no longer automatically the victim of rape.... they may be the victim of sexual assault but its harder to prove it is rape when a female has been a willing participant for much of the situation........

It is one of the grey areas that the legal system now faces as the idea of rape and sexual assault are all too often blurred by people. Part of the issue is that people do not know the difference between the two and they use the legal definition because it fits the criteria of their experience.

Does a woman have a right to say no ? yes, thats not really up for debate.... what is debated is what what point is it sexual assault or rape when a woman says no.

I remember the last thread about this subject and how hypocritical it became...... when I brought up the subject of how implied consent was not consent, and how often implied consent was given between two partners without a explicit YES...... the opposing argument was effectively that implied consent was not consent but not giving consent between two partners was acceptable if the partner had not given consent but was ok with the sexual interaction and did not say no.

that becomes the grey area in court..... a court has to decide on what grounds a person was saying no....were they saying no to a sexual act totally where there was no indication of consent at all.... or saying no to a sexual act that they encouraged, implied and used for self gain then said no.... as that is actually mixed messages to another person....

I have been in the situation of mixed messages... the female was pretty much a cock tease and a person that was inclined to use any experience as a way of gaining attention for herself with false accusations and when the situation did not go in her favour, she lied about what happened.... unfortunately for her, the police were wise to her games and no charges were laid.... she is now a person that proclaims how the police do not treat rape victims with any respect........

so it really comes down to one thing in all honesty... the guy is expected to respect the female at all times, but a female may not always respect a male or another female as evidenced in the other thread where it was stated that on a number of occasions the sex was not wanted or initiated by the person, nor directly consented to but the act was completed and that is acceptable ( between two females ) but if a guy was to do the same thing, its wrong.