Straight bi or gay .... Heavily weigh on me everyday

[Peterc82]

First off let me start by saying I have a gay aunt who I love to death, so by no means is any of this meant bad.


Ok so here's my story, a very intense and graphic one ..


I started watching porn in highschool like ninth grade. I begin masterbating to regular vanilla men woman porn, then I started doing it like twice a day . It slowly escalated through high school until I got bored of everything and got into incest porn ( would never do in real life just gave a craZy rush). So in college I got into incest porn and that a few years later escalated into shemale/ transsexual porn.


Let me give you a quick background of me before I get into the shemale subject. I was always very outgoing in high school but never had a girlfriend, I was always extremely shy around woman. Something happened after high school my confidence shot up, I ended up making out with at least 60 girls from college til now which is around 7 years later.


But I noticed one common factor, 90 percent of the time I tried to have sex I couldn't get an erection or would lose my erection within a minute or two of intercourse. Also still to this day I never have had a girlfriend just girls I have hung out with for maybe a few weeks or a month. At first I blamed the alcohol on the problem of not getting hard but then it happened a few times sober.


Back to the shemale subject, it got so intense that literally that's all I masterbated too and I would get quickly instantly hard just thinking about it. Like no point in my life would I get hard that quick or be that hard , only when I thought of transsexuals. I finally couldn't take it and I acted out with over 12 shemales for a total of probably 25-30 times. I did everything you could imagine, yes everything , when sex wore a condom obviously. The thing is 75 percent time I was dominant, but other 25 I was receiving and the Rush was so high I liked it.


My question now is, I don't know if that was a pre cursor to maybe not knowing I was gay, or that happened due to strictly porn escalation.


The thing is I never once growing up had a gay thought or even transsexual thought. Never had a crush on a man , if I noticed a guy was good looking i would get jealous because he could get woman.


But this transsexual thing has made me either realize I'm gay or made me develope severe hocd. It's like every time I see a guy who is good looking now I get real nervous and it's like I'm talking myself into thinking I'm attracted to him. I don't get hard or anything I just notice guys a lot more now and when they shirts off or whatever I get real nervous.


I've been told i am straight and developed a penis fetish which is possible because I wasn't attracted to the shemales personality just the penis.


I will say when I stopped watching porn for two months I wud get semi erections talking to girls. But still get nervous around men.


I jut don't get how a straight Male could be obsessed with penis like that.


Anyway this is on my mind constantly and was just curious if you think I was and am gay the whole time and didn't know and thought I was straight cuz society told me to. Or porn messed me up.
Like from experience did you guy always know from teenage years you were gay and never had a crush on a girl.

[pole_smoker]

Since you're sexually attracted to shemales, or dick/cock/a penis then you're bisexual.

If you were heterosexual you would not be sexually attracted to shemales, or be sexually attracted to a person's penis.

Just enjoy sex with shemales which is something you wanted to do and something you enjoyed.

What is "hocd"? A cumpulsive disorder where you worry if you're a ho, or realize that you are a ho?

[Peterc82]

Since you're sexually attracted to shemales, or dick/cock/a penis then you're bisexual.

If you were heterosexual you would not be sexually attracted to shemales, or be sexually attracted to a person's penis.

Just enjoy sex with shemales which is something you wanted to do and something you enjoyed.

What is "hocd"? A cumpulsive disorder where you worry if you're a ho, or realize that you are a ho?


Lol hocd is a form of OCD but where you obsess that your are homo sexual, it consumes you and is all you think about and most people don't like it.


The problem with what your saying is, my whole life I never was even tempted to do anything with a penis until my mid 20s. Some say it was porn escalation, stuff that use to get me rock hard when I first started watching doesn't even make my penis move anymore, it's like my brain just needed crazier and crazier things. But others say it's something I always wanted without knowing and porn helped me realize it.

[pole_smoker]

Lol hocd is a form of OCD but where you obsess that your are homo sexual, it consumes you and is all you think about and most people don't like it.


The problem with what your saying is, my whole life I never was even tempted to do anything with a penis until my mid 20s. Some say it was porn escalation, stuff that use to get me rock hard when I first started watching doesn't even make my penis move anymore, it's like my brain just needed crazier and crazier things. But others say it's something I always wanted without knowing and porn helped me realize it.
It's probably that you wanted sex with a man/shemale but just didn't realize it when you were younger.

I know gay men who told me how they are not bisexual at all but have had sex with women when they were younger, and that fucking a woman simply told them that they're not sexually attracted to women or the female sex/gender, and that before that they would look at hetero porn both of women naked and dudes boning women and they could get off to it but they were young and horny and just wanted to cum, and didn't realize they're gay until they were adults and actually experienced sex with a woman and realized they're just simply not into women.

[Peterc82]

It's probably that you wanted sex with a man/shemale but just didn't realize it when you were younger.

I know gay men who told me how they are not bisexual at all but have had sex with women when they were younger, and that fucking a woman simply told them that they're not sexually attracted to women or the female sex/gender, and that before that they would look at hetero porn both of women naked and dudes boning women and they could get off to it but they were young and horny and just wanted to cum, and didn't realize they're gay until they were adults and actually experienced sex with a woman and realized they're just simply not into women.

Very possible with the transexual thing you said. But I have to disagree when you added man. I have never not once been attracted to masculinity or wanted to kiss a man. I have really only been attracted to transexuals penis, If I want a man it must be Reallllllllllly deep down inside and I must be in serious denial ( which could very well be possible ) I have nothing against it, I have aunt who is a homosexual.

[pole_smoker]

Very possible with the transexual thing you said. But I have to disagree when you added man. I have never not once been attracted to masculinity or wanted to kiss a man. I have really only been attracted to transexuals penis, If I want a man it must be Reallllllllllly deep down inside and I must be in serious denial ( which could very well be possible ) I have nothing against it, I have aunt who is a homosexual.
You're clearly attracted to shemales, and those are men biologically and physically, who are not actually women and are simply imitating the opposite gender/sex via cosmetic surgery and fake tits.

If they were trans/TG/TS they would get a full sex change and not keep their dick.

[Long Duck Dong]

when you talk about a attraction to she males, its a grey area..... as the argument can be that there is only male and female so you can only fit inside box A of straight, Box B of gay or Box C of bisexual.....

the trouble is that its clinical and clear cut, we just put the other person in the box of male or female. but we are not that clear cut.....

do you see a she male as a male or female, does the penis on a male invoke the same interest and desire as the penis on a she male... that is what is more defining of you because if you are bisexual or gay, it expands the way you define the label for yourself...... in the same way that we say, I am bisexual but I am only sexually interested in a guys penis, romantically interested in a female and sexually open with a female..... but joe blogs may be a bisexual that loves anal and relationships with guys, sex with females and no interest in trans / shemales...

it seems to me like your question is more of one of do you fit the criteria of gay, straight or bisexual... and if so, how and where ? and there is no real clear answers unless you use boxes

[Peterc82]

when you talk about a attraction to she males, its a grey area..... as the argument can be that there is only male and female so you can only fit inside box A of straight, Box B of gay or Box C of bisexual.....

the trouble is that its clinical and clear cut, we just put the other person in the box of male or female. but we are not that clear cut.....

do you see a she male as a male or female, does the penis on a male invoke the same interest and desire as the penis on a she male... that is what is more defining of you because if you are bisexual or gay, it expands the way you define the label for yourself...... in the same way that we say, I am bisexual but I am only sexually interested in a guys penis, romantically interested in a female and sexually open with a female..... but joe blogs may be a bisexual that loves anal and relationships with guys, sex with females and no interest in trans / shemales...

it seems to me like your question is more of one of do you fit the criteria of gay, straight or bisexual... and if so, how and where ? and there is no real clear answers unless you use boxes


Thanks for the input, honestly I guess I see the transexual as a female with a dick. It's the dick that attracts to me because when I see a transexual who you could tell is not passable , like their face you could see the man in them the. I am not into it, even if they have a nice big dick.

also, I have been submissive with the transexuals before and liked it but 90 percent of the time I have been dominant. Like I said it's this crazy rush I've never gotten before like instant hardon, I don't wana blame it on porn escalation totally but I think it is somewhat involved.

[Visexual]

I’m 67 years old and didn’t realize that I enjoy cock until I was 40. Like you, I’ve never found men attractive. But a woman with a cock, well, that’s just as good as it gets.

I’ve noticed so many threads about trying to figure out if your heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual. I don’t think I ever considered myself even bisexual. But I enjoy a nice cock.

I’m married and will stay married to a really great gal. We’ve been married for 43 years now and had a very active sex life until a few years ago. We delved into swinging a couple of times in our marriage and I’ve cheated a few times with women.

I just don’t like the drama that comes with having a sexual relationship with women so I restrict my sexual activity to men. Men don’t look as good as women but they’re sure more understanding.

So, what I’m suggesting is to just quit worrying about labels and enjoy sex the way you like best.

And, very honestly, if I could go back to before I met my wife and know then what I know now…, I’d be looking for a transsexual to have a relationship with.

[Peterc82]

I’m 67 years old and didn’t realize that I enjoy cock until I was 40.Like you, I’ve never found men attractive.But a woman with a cock, well, that’s just as good as it gets.

I’ve noticed so many threads about trying to figure out if your heterosexual, homosexual, or bisexual.I don’t think I ever considered myself even bisexual.But I enjoy a nice cock.

I’m married and will stay married to a really great gal.We’ve been married for 43 years now and had a very active sex life until a few years ago.We delved into swinging a couple of times in our marriage and I’ve cheated a few times with women.

I just don’t like the drama that comes with having a sexual relationship with women so I restrict my sexual activity to men.Men don’t look as good as women but they’re sure more understanding.

So, what I’m suggesting is to just quit worrying about labels and enjoy sex the way you like best.

And, very honestly, if I could go back to before I met my wife and know then what I know now…, I’d be looking for a transsexual to have a relationship with.

i agree, I don't know though I always feel sick after I am done with the act. My thing is I don't know if I truly want a relationship with a woman or I only do because society has raised me that way. With a gun to my head my guess would be that I truly do.

[pole_smoker]

i agree, I don't know though I always feel sick after I am done with the act. My thing is I don't know if I truly want a relationship with a woman or I only do because society has raised me that way. With a gun to my head my guess would be that I truly do.
Why do you feel sick after you've sucked a shemale's prick, or been fucked by, or fucked a shemale?

[Peterc82]

Why do you feel sick after you've sucked a shemale's prick, or been fucked by, or fucked a shemale?

I don't know that's the point but I immediatley regret it, one of the last times I did it I wasn't even into it once we started. It's like I get this rush to the ads and the lead up to it and the actual penis more then the intercourse.

[pole_smoker]

I don't know that's the point but I immediatley regret it, one of the last times I did it I wasn't even into it once we started. It's like I get this rush to the ads and the lead up to it and the actual penis more then the intercourse.
Have sex with a man, or with an actual woman who has a cunt and not a cock and who isn't a shemale, or TS/TG woman.

[elian]

It is not unusual to feel regret after "gay" sex if that is how you were conditioned to feel growing up. One of the hardest things I have ever had to do is admit that I liked playing a feminine role in an abusive relationship. I absolutely hate human subjugation now, but at the time it was like someone threw a switch - stockholm syndrome maybe?

The way I feel about it is that there is someone for everyone right? There are definitely trans people out there, and they need love too.

My question is, could you fall in love with someone who is a trans person? Unlike pole smoker, I don't think a transgender person is automatically male or female..they are in transition - and if you ask them - they will tell you what gender they wish to be..or maybe no gender at all if they don't want to be labeled.

I am sorry if you feel as though you can't be yourself - I have been there and known that. There are times I feel as though I am not straight enough to be accepted by the "Christian" community and not gay enough to be accepted by the gays. I am sort of old fashioned so bars and such are not my thing. It can be a struggle to fit in, I guess the most important thing to remember is no matter what, you are as loved and worthy of respect as any other part of creation.

I used to keep trying to prove to myself that I was "one way" or the other - either gay or straight, I would concentrate so much on one or the other, and then get frustrated just about the time I would think I had it figured out, I would see the other gender and be aroused.

It was really frustrating - I guess what I figured out is that bisexual people are attracted to a whole person, not just the genitals..and it doesn't mean that I'm a more promiscuous person - in my case I think I would be happy with one other loving companion - it's just that gender really doesn't matter. When I think back on it, I always felt that way, even as a young boy I wanted to share affection, not aggression - with ALL of my friends. It wasn't until much later when my parents tried to convince me that "nice" boys don't get ahead, that's when I started to feel guilt and shame about who I was.

It's funny, I used to live the way I thought people -wanted- me to live, because I wanted their acceptance so badly. But sometimes what you think people want, and what they actually believe are two different things. My mom said, "I just want you to be happy" - it was the same week that Obama changed his mind on gay marriage and the Pope said, "Don't judge".

At first I felt guilty for even having sex with men, then I felt guilty because I was -happy- in the arms of another man, then I felt regret because this was a one-night stand, not only would I have to leave, but I would have to leave and go back in the closet. Finally I think I've gotten to the point that I realize I could either be miserable trying to be what I -thought- everyone else wanted me to be, or I could be me and be happy.

I think that pr0n definitely can be addictive, and they have done studies that show it can rewire your expection of what sex is..that's why every once in a while I do delete my stash. Sex with a real human being is different, and if you love them you learn to live with the fact that people can't orgasm on command. How much of your life can you spend in bed with someone else anyway? Sexuality is an important part of your life, a gift to be celebrated - but you are a whole person, you are a lot more than just your penis..

I think google did an informal study once, and even straight men seemed to spend a lot of time looking at penises, men seem to be wired more for "body parts" - the thought of penis makes them think of sex, which makes them horny anyway, regardless of whether they like men or not...something like that.

I guess I sort of agree with pole in one respect, if you are single or your partner is very open to the idea why not experiment a little and see? Try not to judge yourself too harshly..very few things in nature are -completely- black -or- white .. and that's just fine.

[elian]

You know, human beings love stories. There is a narrative that says that at one point the divine was whole and androgynous, but that God wanted to know itself more fully, to experience life, to be aware of contrast - so it shattered itself into many pieces - some male and some female..different aspects, different beings..

There is a whole myth regarding sacred sexuality that says that men and women reuniting in a trusted, loving relationship brings wholeness back to the universe again. Such a myth could be abused, I am sure - but I have to admit the idea of being "whole" again is certainly appealing. Maybe that is why I am fascinated by the concept of non-duality.

I've always sort of resented/jealous of that myth actually, because I've always felt sort of feminine in a male body, but I guess maybe I just don't have the experience I need to fully trust in the "goodness" of the world and healing power of other people regardless of whether they have genitals or not.

[pole_smoker]

I don't know that's the point but I immediatley regret it, one of the last times I did it I wasn't even into it once we started. It's like I get this rush to the ads and the lead up to it and the actual penis more then the intercourse.
Go out and get boned by a guy, and bone an actual woman who isn't TG/TS, or a shemale.

Did you pay for sex with any of these shemales?

[elian]

You know, sometimes you just have to ignore him because he gets so excited about anything sexual..

[Peterc82]

Go out and get boned by a guy, and bone an actual woman who isn't TG/TS, or a shemale.

Did you pay for sex with any of these shemales?


Thanks Ellen for your response took some good points. As for the above comment by pole smoker, the thing is I don't want to go out and get banged by a man or vice versa, it's only shemales , and that seemed to wane when I didn't watch Shemale porn for two months. But I eventualy went back

[elian]

Well, I don't know - everybody has things they like.. It's like this - if I knew a friend at work liked to wear a ball gag I wouldn't think less of them just because that is what they are attracted to..as long as they were somewhat professional and could do their job it really isn't any of my business what they like or don't like (especially at work).

My view is obviously polarized by my experience but if it is consensual and no one is being disrespected then fine.


Thanks Ellen for your response took some good points. As for the above comment by pole smoker, the thing is I don't want to go out and get banged by a man or vice versa, it's only shemales , and that seemed to wane when I didn't watch Shemale porn for two months. But I eventualy went back

[charles-smythe]

http://imagehost.thasnasty.com/?di=C03P