Hi everyone NEWBIE here I have a question about my situation

[samhhap]

I'm 35 years old I've been married for 10 years my wife found out I was Bi 5 years ago by finding some porn on our computer. She excepts that I'm bi and jokes around about with me all the time she even does some role playing in the bedroom with me where I suck a dildo with her or she acts out a cuckold scene but she tells me if I ever act out my desire to be with a man again sexually she will leave me and out me. The confusion is killing me one minute I think she is cool with it and I start thinking about blowing a guy and the next she is cutting my balls off. Anyone else going through this?

[pole_smoker]

Beat her to it. Come out as bisexual, and get a divorce before you go and suck off any men, and cheat on her again.

[charles-smythe]

Beat her to it. Come out as bisexual, and get a divorce before you go and suck off any men, and cheat on her again....ditto...what he said...

[Cogent]

First, do you have children? If so, that changes everything

Second, other than this, how strong is your marriage? Are you close. Do you trust each other, are you partners in a realizing your dream,s

Third, if she is involves dildos in your play, and plays along with fantasies, that's pretty damn good. In fact, that fact that she didn't dump you when she found out five years ago that you were bi is HUGE So she is not cutting your balls off... she is acknowledging and respecting your fantasies... just don't confuse that with reality.

Just because you're bi, doesn't give you a blank check to have sex with others... there are health issues and emotional attachment issues. You start sucking other guys cocks, is that going to shut her out emotionally? Look at it from her side... and make a sincere attempt to understand that

So merely dumping someone because they are not down with you having sex outside the marriage is pretty shallow and you could loose a lot. There's something to be said for having a companion in life. And if you split up, you may be losing a big community including family, friends, etc.

[samhhap]

We do have children and do have a very strong relationship and you are right I am very very grateful for how understanding she has been and for going the extra mile to please me with role playing I guess like anything you start to want something and that want grows and grows add in having the fact that she is understanding of my sexual preferences makes it even more tempting to try or think about





First, do you have children? If so, that changes everything

Second, other than this, how strong is your marriage? Are you close. Do you trust each other, are you partners in a realizing your dream,s

Third, if she is involves dildos in your play, and plays along with fantasies, that's pretty damn good. In fact, that fact that she didn't dump you when she found out five years ago that you were bi is HUGE So she is not cutting your balls off... she is acknowledging and respecting your fantasies... just don't confuse that with reality.

Just because you're bi, doesn't give you a blank check to have sex with others... there are health issues and emotional attachment issues. You start sucking other guys cocks, is that going to shut her out emotionally? Look at it from her side... and make a sincere attempt to understand that

So merely dumping someone because they are not down with you having sex outside the marriage is pretty shallow and you could loose a lot. There's something to be said for having a companion in life. And if you split up, you may be losing a big community including family, friends, etc.

[fredtyg]

I came out to my wife over many years, starting by giving clues and then getting more obvious. Once it became fairly obvious I was queer, she'd go back and forth depending on her mood. One day she'd seem to find it amusing. The next day she'd seem disgusted. Over time she seemed to just accept it. Now, on occasion I'll make a comment about some guy being a hottie she'll laugh over it. Takes time, I guess, but we rarely bring it up anymore.

[tenni]

Hi
Fred has some good long term advice. I wonder if she is confused about your sexuality and the love concept? She seems to be willing to explore her role playing and may look at your sexuality more as a fetish(dildo) that should satiate you.

What you may want to re in force over and over with her is your love for her. Other aspects may be to keep the dialogue open. Get your need clearer in your own mind and then discuss it with her. Most important is to communicate this need for being sexually with another man has nothing to do with her and your love for her. It is a more basic identity issue. For some bi guys they are satiated by their wives strapping on a device and fucking their arse. For many bisexual men it may be a much deeper identity issue. The need to relate to men in a more intimate aspect.

Do some thinking. Some researching and a lot of communicating with her.

Good luck to you.

[cuttin2dachase]

Since she indulges your fantasies such as mm oral sex and being cuckolded during your sexplay, why not turn it in your favor and suggest/hint that she should invite a man of her choosing to have sex with her and cuckold you for real? You never know, she might just take you up on it. Although she definitely does not want you to seek out men on your own, she might go for a 3some if she feels in control of the situation.

[pole_smoker]

Actually sit down and have a talk with your wife.

Or if she's that vindictive do what Charles and myself suggested, and wind up getting a divorce since she's not someone you should stay married to since even if you were hetero she would have major trust issues like this.

[GentlePersuasion]

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[HappyHedonic]

A lot of good advice here so far, the common thread that I see amongst the ones I agree with is communication. Ideally you should be able to ask her "are you messing with my head?". One possibility is that she is just rolling with the role play in a manner that she thinks that you want and doesn't know exactly how you want it. I've been through this with my girlfriend when she wears a strap-on. Sometimes she gets into the role of the bitchy Dominatrix when I'm really just in the mood for a simple romantic pegging. If she is being serious then there is probably some serious feelings of jealousy and or anxiety going on. If its that then hopefully you can work through those issues with honest, open communication.

[samhhap]

Thank you everyone for the great replies its nice to hear from other people in the same situation or can atleast give a outside looking in oppinion from a bi mindset, my problem is I can't just stop it or pull the plug I think about it and act on it all the time wether im meeting a guy from adam4adam or going to a bookstore and cruising


Cuttin2, I have said that to her a few times, once again she seems into then other times not so much what I'm worried about is when she has a few glasses of wine in her she is REALLY into the idea of cuckolding and loves to flirt and get attention and it has almost happen once or twice but what I notice is her attitude towards it in the morning turns sour




Since she indulges your fantasies such as mm oral sex and being cuckolded during your sexplay, why not turn it in your favor and suggest/hint that she should invite a man of her choosing to have sex with her and cuckold you for real? You never know, she might just take you up on it. Although she definitely does not want you to seek out men on your own, she might go for a 3some if she feels in control of the situation.

[newbiguy09]

Samhhap,

I thought for a moment, that a post I made years ago had been reposted. My story started the same as yours. My wife found porn on my machine. Said she was ok with it, then decided she wasn't. After 8 long months she decided, that she would be ok with it. We decided to work on our marriage.

The key, is what's been said multiple times. Communication. Full on open and honest communication (be honest with yourself before talking).

My marriage ended 18 months ago. My wife wasn't honest. She wasn't ok with the thought of me being bi. If you guys can't be completely open about your feelings then things will not go well. If you have the discussion and she still says no, and you can't live by those rules. Then I'm sorry to say, you need to get out. Doing so will make it more likely you guys can get along later, than if she catches you screwing around.

It's a hard road being bi and married if your spouse isn't behind you all the way. Best of luck to you.

[pole_smoker]

Thank you everyone for the great replies its nice to hear from other people in the same situation or can atleast give a outside looking in oppinion from a bi mindset, my problem is I can't just stop it or pull the plug I think about it and act on it all the time wether im meeting a guy from adam4adam or going to a bookstore and cruising


Cuttin2, I have said that to her a few times, once again she seems into then other times not so much what I'm worried about is when she has a few glasses of wine in her she is REALLY into the idea of cuckolding and loves to flirt and get attention and it has almost happen once or twice but what I notice is her attitude towards it in the morning turns sour
Then cut your losses, and get a divorce. You're already cheating on your wife, and lying to her. This will just come back to bite you in the ass unless you can actually be honest and tell her how you have been cheating and want an open relationship or marriage. Or you just divorce her and come out as bisexual like myself and others have suggested you do.