WTF???!!!

[JaredT77]

I saw this lady at the gas station the other day. She was smoking a cigarette while pumping gas into her CRV maroon colored car. She overfilled her gas and started leaking out running on her long sleeve to her blouse. A few seconds later her gas soaked sleeve was engulfed in flames and she was screaming in panic. Luckily, a cop was there and pulled out his gun and shot her. WHY?

BECAUSE SHE WAS CARRYING A FIREARM!!!

Right before I joined the Navy and was going to leave for bootcamp, I was working at McDonalds working with this guy that I knew since the 4th Grade. He told me this joke about the new recruit checking onboard his first ship and his 2nd Class Petty Officer (supervisor) was showing him around the ship and helping him get the new recruit's Check-In sheet signed by different departments. The last place the Petty Officer took the new recruit was to a wooden barrel with a hole in it. The Petty Officer told the new recruit to whip out his cock and fuck the hole in the barrel. So the new recruit takes his cock out and sticks it in the hole of the barrel to receive a awesome fucking blowjob while the Petty Officer stands by waiting. After the recruit blows his load inside the hole of the barrel (yes! glory hole), he asks his Petty Officer when can he do it again.

The Petty Officer responds, "Every Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays."

The new recruit asks, "What about the other days?"

"BECAUSE THOSE ARE YOUR DAYS IN THE BARREL, RECRUIT!" says the Petty Officer.

I hope you enjoyed those jokes. Anybody got any jokes to share?

[Neonaught]

A man walks into a tavern with a look of horrible sadness on his face and plops down at the bar. The barkeeps strolls over and the man says "Give me a double scotch please". Bartender pours and genially inquires "Gee mate! You look terrible. Is everything OK?". The fellow belts back his drink and say "I just came home and found my wife fucking my best friend". Barkeeps responds "That's terrible! What did you say to the wife?". The cuckold says "I told that whore to get out and never come back". The bartender nods sagely in agreement. "And what did you say to your best friend?" The fellow swirls the ice cubes in his glass and replies "I looked him right in the eye and wagged my finger and said 'BAD DOG! BAD DOG!'."

[JaredT77]

A man walks into a tavern with a look of horrible sadness on his face and plops down at the bar. The barkeeps strolls over and the man says "Give me a double scotch please". Bartender pours and genially inquires "Gee mate! You look terrible. Is everything OK?". The fellow belts back his drink and say "I just came home and found my wife fucking my best friend". Barkeeps responds "That's terrible! What did you say to the wife?". The cuckold says "I told that whore to get out and never come back". The bartender nods sagely in agreement. "And what did you say to your best friend?" The fellow swirls the ice cubes in his glass and replies "I looked him right in the eye and wagged my finger and said 'BAD DOG! BAD DOG!'."

LMAO!!! Good one, Neonaught!

[BiPantylover]

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender he wants 3 martini's straight up. The bartender asks do want them one at a time or all three at once. Guy says all three at once. Bartender delivers 3 martini's straight up and watches the guy gulp all three down as fast as he can. The bartender says fellow you must really be celebrating something real good. Guy replies yeah, I'm celebrating my first blow job. Bartender says, hey that's great I'll buy you another for that!!! No the guys says if I can't get the taste out of my mouth after three, I'll just live with it.

[cuttin2dachase]

A str8 guy and his gay friend are walking down a sidewalk and and are about to pass by a tavern. The str8 friend pauses out front and says to his gay pal "I don't know about you, but I could sure go for a cold one about now" and dashes into the tavern. He sits down at the bar and his friend has disppeared. Figuring his friend had stepped into the restroom, he orders 2 beers for them. 15 minutes later his buddy comes through the door of the tavern licking his lips. Puzzled, his str8 bud asks him: "Hey, where have you been?" He replies "I was next door at the funeral parlor !"

[JaredT77]

Hahaha!!! You guys are a trip! Thank you for sharing your jokes. I probably should have made the title to this Thread, "LOL!!!" instead. My bad.

[JaredT77]

Alright people, need more jokes here, please? I know there's got to be more people out there with a sense of humor and know a joke or two.

Joe is a mute guy and one day is talking to his fellow mute friend named Bob. Joe starts talking to Bob in sign language but Bob is actually talking back in the conversation. Joe asks how is it possible that Bob is talking to him using his voice and Bob tells Joe about this "special" doctor that used a special procedure to help Bob talk. Bob hesitates to give Joe the Doctor's phone number but after Joe pesters him, he relents and gives Joe the phone number.

A week later................

Joe shows up to his appointment with the same doctor that treated Bob. He is wearing nothing but a smock and the Doctor steps in the room. The Doctor tells Joe to bend over and grab the table. As Joe is bent over, the Doctor goes for a Louisville slugger and shoves it all the way up Joe's ass.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" screams Joe.

"That's good. Come back tomorrow and I will teach you how to say B," replies the Doctor.