Funny Fucking!!!

[JaredT77]

Who here would like to share their funniest sex stories?

I did this before as a Blog last summer but would like to bring it back for people on here that just like to have a good time. Please if you aren't looking to have fun, please don't spoil it for those that do.

I'll share first:
When I was getting naked before I was about to have a bisexual mmf threesome back in '06, I was standing up and taking my jeans off and I stumbled and fell to the floor. Still had great sex but did hurt my pride for that moment. Second story was I was straddling this one lady's ass while fucking her and I got her to cum so hard that she whipped her head back and smacked me right in the face. Hard! I was alright and we had a great laugh. And more great sex.

[JackTexas94]

I was going to give a friend a blow job in high school and he was so worked up the exact SECOND I put my mouth on him he came! He said "oops, sorry!" We laughed about it later

[Gearbox]

I was fucking this lovely man and my phone kept ringing. I got Rawhide as a ringtone, and it really did suit what was going on at the time. We had a chuckle.lol

Another time I was fucking this other lovely man and my phone started ringing. It was Dolly Parton's 9-5. Made me wonder if that bloke I had my cock up thought I may be a bit gay.:rolleyes:

[Gsmoothbtm1]

Ok I'll jump in on this one. I was out having a great time with this girl and both of us were steadily enjoying the alcohol we were having just a bit to much of. We managed to make it back to my place, both of us more than a little twisted. I sat down and she instantly kneeled in front of me pulling my cock out and started sucking me. She was working my cock very well, had me totally into it, when she decided to go deep and as soon as she did, she puked all over me! Gag reflex and too much alcohol just don't mix. Needless to say drunken blowjobs are off my menu now. Of course I did meet up with her (sober this time) and gotta give that girl credit, she could suck a dick! Best blowjob by far I've ever had. Funny that the worst and best came from the same girl lol.

[darkeyes]

Me x hubbie screwing me from behind over bough of a tree.. bough broke and Fran and hubbie ended up face down in muck... trust me... can laff now.. but at time the bruises on me ribs and knees wer no laffing matter and having huge lummox drop on top of me even less so...:eek2:

[Melody Dean]

I had to double check the thread that I had started before to make sure I wasn't repeating one. I'll bump it, there's some good stories there too.

My husband and I are both klutzes. We purposely did not include the, "If anyone has any reason that this couple should not marry..." in our ceremony, because someone might have piped up and said, "Yeah, because they'll accidentally kill each other!"

One time, I was on top, and we had been going for a while. We were both really getting into it and getting close, when I leaned forward for a different angle. That worked for him, because at the same time, he jerked his head up. As we were both cumming, his forehead hit my nose hard enough to break my nose and make him pass out.

That's not the first time I had to cover up a black eye from our sexual misadventures. Hell, just the other day, we were wrestling, and his hand slipped and knocked me right in the lip! I had a big lip for a day or so there. Luckily, my friends know that there's no way he could get away with hitting me on purpose and still be standing.

[12voltyV2.0]

It was many years ago---I had this one g/f----I had taken her out on a boat my family had and when we got back to the dock and I had secured the boat up---it was getting dark and everyone had left the marina--we were sitting on the back deck on a lounge that was at the stern of the boat running from one side to the other.

She and I were making out and we were leading up to "doing it" I was fingering her and man--all of a sudden---the girl just lets her bladder go and lets a huge stream of pee----fortunately---the deck was just the fiberglass and not carpet----but all that pee was going down into the bilges.

I was surprised that she did it and she was embarrassed that she had done this--she said that it was something that she could not control.

Well---since she had done so much peeing---I didn't want that to go down and sit in the bilge and start to stink--that would not be something I wanted to explain to my dad as to how and why the bilges had pee in them.

I figured the way to get that pee out--was to actually put some water in the bilge---so I got a bucket---went to a freshwater hose and started putting water--with some soap in it--to get enough into the bilge to run the pumps and suck that water out.

It worked.

The girl and I did laugh about this in future get togethers---we didn't do anything more after that night since I wanted to get the bilges cleaned out----she never did pee like that again in our time together.

It was "just one of those things" I guess :yikes2:

At the time that this happened, though--between the shock she did that and I had to scramble to get the boat clean---it was more of a "WTF?" situation rather than it being a laughing matter!! LOL

[JaredT77]

I had to double check the thread that I had started before to make sure I wasn't repeating one. I'll bump it, there's some good stories there too.

My husband and I are both klutzes. We purposely did not include the, "If anyone has any reason that this couple should not marry..." in our ceremony, because someone might have piped up and said, "Yeah, because they'll accidentally kill each other!"

One time, I was on top, and we had been going for a while. We were both really getting into it and getting close, when I leaned forward for a different angle. That worked for him, because at the same time, he jerked his head up. As we were both cumming, his forehead hit my nose hard enough to break my nose and make him pass out.

That's not the first time I had to cover up a black eye from our sexual misadventures. Hell, just the other day, we were wrestling, and his hand slipped and knocked me right in the lip! I had a big lip for a day or so there. Luckily, my friends know that there's no way he could get away with hitting me on purpose and still be standing.

Yeah I did something like your "Sexual Misadventures" and this one back during last summer. I see we have a similar story too. My fiancée was the one that accidentally headbutted me with the back of her head but she nailed me in the forehead.

Ever do naked wrestling with your husband? That's normally fun. Lol!

[Melody Dean]

Ever do naked wrestling with your husband? That's normally fun. Lol!

Oh yeah. I figured the naked part of my wrestling comment was just assumed, lol!

[JaredT77]

Oh yeah. I figured the naked part of my wrestling comment was just assumed, lol!

Oh, right. Duuhhh!!! Lol! Who won? I would always let the female win.

[Melody Dean]

Oh, right. Duuhhh!!! Lol! Who won? I would always let the female win.

If all goes as planned, we both win. ;)

[JaredT77]

If all goes as planned, we both win. ;)

Did you give him a naked Stone Cold Stunner? Lol! Just kidding!!!

[Melody Dean]

Did you give him a naked Stone Cold Stunner? Lol! Just kidding!!!

Ha! Hey, my whole plan is to "let" him win. In which case, I win. It works out well. ;)

[secretasianman]

When I was younger (19), my girlfriend at that time and I did a lot of build up right before sex. Lots of kissing, licking, sucking on nipples, caressing, fondling, but no oral. However, one time I was so worked up doing that, right when I put my cock in her pussy, I came. It was embarrassing. However, she must have been just as worked up, because she orgasmed right after.

[Melody Dean]

my girlfriend at that time and I did a lot of build up right before sex. Lots of kissing, licking, sucking on nipples, caressing, fondling, but no oral.

There needs to be more of that. Sometimes it's nice to do a bit of making out and not just going straight to the punch every time.

[JaredT77]

When I was younger (19), my girlfriend at that time and I did a lot of build up right before sex. Lots of kissing, licking, sucking on nipples, caressing, fondling, but no oral. However, one time I was so worked up doing that, right when I put my cock in her pussy, I came. It was embarrassing. However, she must have been just as worked up, because she orgasmed right after.

Awww don't be ashamed! There should be no limit of how many times you cum or orgasm. Make it a game and see how many times each one cums or orgasms.

[JaredT77]

Ha! Hey, my whole plan is to "let" him win. In which case, I win. It works out well. ;)

See if it was me, I would be "letting" you win so I can win. Lol! That's if I was him.

[mas8092]

Sex as a contact sport! Funny stories.