Sexual Misadventures

[Melody Dean]

I love hearing stories like this! What are some times when an escapade didn't turn out like you expected? (Funny is even better.)

For example:

I was at work, messaging and Skyping with my boyfriend when I should have been working. (Yeah, I know.) We were chatting via text so I wouldn't attract any attention, but I had the cam on and could see him on my phone, hidden away by stuff on my desk.

The discussion got a bit exciting, but I didn't risk doing anything about it for fear that someone would walk into my office. He was at home and didn't have that problem, so I was getting a show. As it went on, I was getting a bit fidgety in my chair, and I hadn't realized I had also scooted forward.

Just as he was about to cum, I scooted forward a bit too far, the chair rolled out from underneath me, and I fell flat on my ass!

He stopped and looked for me to see if I was all right, but I was out of view of the cam by that point. I had to give him a thumbs up. Then I got up, sat fully back in my chair, and we laughed for about 5 minutes before we regained composure and continued on.

[Backdoorman]

I was seeing a girl in Colorado and we had no place to have some play time but in a car. we went for a drive and found a country road. We started playing and soon there was a knock on the window. I looked up and there stood a police officer. He asked me to get out and asked if we were married and I stated no. He preceded to tell me I needed to hold off playing until I was married.

[Melody Dean]

I was seeing a girl in Colorado and we had no place to have some play time but in a car. we went for a drive and found a country road. We started playing and soon there was a knock on the window. I looked up and there stood a police officer. He asked me to get out and asked if we were married and I stated no. He preceded to tell me I needed to hold off playing until I was married.

My husband and I used my car a lot when we were dating, and I have so many cop stories. The worst one was the cop that acted like a dick, insinuated we were still in high school (my husband is 12 years my senior, but looks super young), and was trying really hard to bust us for doing something wrong but didn't actually catch us doing anything.

The best one was when we parked in a city park in the middle of the night. We were right in the thick of things when there's a knock on the window. We quickly covered up with the first clothes we could find and I rolled down the window to find a cop. He looked at me and said, "Ma'am, are you here of your own free will?" I said yes, and he said, "Okay, you have a good night," and drove away! Coolest cop ever! We joked later that he didn't ask my boyfriend if he was there of his own free will...

[pole_smoker]

I love hearing stories like this! What are some times when an escapade didn't turn out like you expected? (Funny is even better.)

For example:

I was at work, messaging and Skyping with my boyfriend when I should have been working. (Yeah, I know.) We were chatting via text so I wouldn't attract any attention, but I had the cam on and could see him on my phone, hidden away by stuff on my desk.

The discussion got a bit exciting, but I didn't risk doing anything about it for fear that someone would walk into my office. He was at home and didn't have that problem, so I was getting a show. As it went on, I was getting a bit fidgety in my chair, and I hadn't realized I had also scooted forward.

Just as he was about to cum, I scooted forward a bit too far, the chair rolled out from underneath me, and I fell flat on my ass!

He stopped and looked for me to see if I was all right, but I was out of view of the cam by that point. I had to give him a thumbs up. Then I got up, sat fully back in my chair, and we laughed for about 5 minutes before we regained composure and continued on.
You know that companies do track and record everything you do on the internet, right?

So they read all the dirty cyber sex you both wrote, and saw him naked.

[Melody Dean]

You know that companies do track and record everything you do on the internet, right?

So they read all the dirty cyber sex you both wrote, and saw him naked.

Some companies do, yes. But we're a small business with no IT, I'm the most tech savvy one there. I set up our internet and wireless, so I know there's no tracking being done. I've also accidentally walked in on one of the owners watching porn before too (I acted like I didn't see anything). (I swear, actual work does get done!)

And hey, say they were watching. I've admitted before that I have an exhibitionist streak, and they're not firing me any time soon.

[JaredT77]

I love good phone sex and love hearing the funny stories that came with the phone sex. No pun intended, wait, yes it was. I was told before by this one woman that I have a nice voice and sound like one of those sex hotline voices from back in the day. So I ended up having phone sex with this total stranger.

[Melody Dean]

I love good phone sex and love hearing the funny stories that came with the phone sex. No pun intended, wait, yes it was. I was told before by this one woman that I have a nice voice and sound like one of those sex hotline voices from back in the day. So I ended up having phone sex with this total stranger.

How'd you end up on the phone with her? Wrong number?

[JaredT77]

I think I was doing that old school Telemates phone line for meeting single women. I think I was on the gay dating line too but I was talking to some lady who said that I had that voice for phone sex.

[tenni]

interesting

[Realist]

I used to phone sex with a pretty, voluptuous, little brunette, on the phone, when I was 14.

I met her at a church camp and she was a wild thing! We'd kiss and grope each other and she'd let me touch her breasts, but there was too much supervision for us to do more. But, I got her phone number and promised to call her, if her home phone wasn't long distance. .

Back then, only local calls were free and even a person 10 miles away might have to pay a long-distance fee. Happily, she was within the limits.

Her parents both worked, so did mine, so we had a couple of hours to chat, before they arrived.

The girl and I had been getting more and more randy, the longer we knew each other. Neither of us had sex with the opposite sex, but we both wanted to....we would get extremely excited over the phone.

I had only recently had my first orgasm with an older male neighbor, but I didn't want to tell her that. When she asked me if I could cum, I just said yes, then asked her if she could, too?

She said she'd been masturbating since she was very young, but was getting tired of doing herself. She thought it might be fun to get naked and play with ourselves as we talked about sex on the phone!

Since we had no way to get together, that was our only option.

We began telling each other our feelings and would masturbate as we talked. We agreed, and would try to cum at the same time. That was pretty hot and we both would get off almost daily! The agreement was, no one hung up, until we both got off.

We did that several times a week....that was really fun and it was so easy to cum that way!

I can close my eyes, right now, and still hear her sweet, sexy, voice!

One day I called and she sounded just a little different than normal.

I said, "Alvine?"

"Hi....yes." she replied, cheerfully.

I said something like this..."I'm horny as hell this afternoon, are you, too?"

The voice changed and the next thing I heard was, "WHO IS THIS?!!"

I thought, "Aw shit, I'm in trouble!"

I said "Kevin."

"KEVIN, WHO!" the voice was seriously scary, by then!

"I....er, I'm ......Oh, I'm Kevin Smith!" (I promise you, my name's not Kevin!)

(I was very quick-witted, back then!)

"WHERE DO YOU LIVE, KEVIN?!" She sounded like it took everything she had to keep from screaming at me!

I said, "OOps, gotta go, time for my piano lesson!"

I didn't hear from Alvine for about a week.

Finally, one day, Alvine called.

She said she was at "Granny's".........she couldn't use the phone at home, anymore!

She'd been unable to get off, she said, without talking to me. I lied and told her I couldn't either! (I'd been visiting my neighbor)

So, for the next month, or so, we carried on our little game from Granny's.

In September, I was sent to a military school in Tennessee.

When I came back the following summer, the phone number I'd used to talk to Alvine, was disconnected. I never saw, or heard from her again.

There's been times when the sex I had with Alvine on the phone, was better than some real people I was with! I know it was mostly cerebral, but isn't the brain our largest sex organ!

[12voltyV2.0]

A funny story, Moody---I wished I had a sexual tale as humorous as that to report, not that I didn't have one, it's just that I cannot seem to recall one as funny as that one.

[2bi2Bboring]

While in high school, I once went on a double date with my best friend and his girlfriend. My date lived the furthest away so we took her home first. My best friend and his girl were sitting in the back seat of my car and I was driving through the cornfields on a two lane road late at night. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw my best friend with his head thrown back grinning from ear to ear and the top of his girlfriends head bobbing up and down on his knob. We were going pretty fast in the middle of nowhere, and we're quickly approaching a railroad crossing. Like most railroad crossings in rural areas there was a slight rise and fall on either side of the tracks. As we went over the tracks at speed, the car bottomed out on the far side of the tracks, so did the girlfriend on his cock. She gagged and pulled off of him and immediately began to puke in the backseat floorboard of my car. I immediately pulled over both to let her finish outside the car and because I was laughing so hard I could no longer safely operate the vehicle. My best friend began to laugh as well, which soon raised the ire of his girl. I laughed for quite some time, long enough for her to finish puking and fussing at him. I giggled off and on most of the way home and wasn't able to keep a straight face around her for days at school. In my mind, I kept hearing her gag and every time I did I'd just begin laughing all over again. Mean, possibly, but I simply couldn't help myself.

[SilkyHoseLover]

I'm old enough to have been engaged in several of the scenarios mentioned here...

************************************************** *************

First one is the 'caught by cops' while parked scene, which occurred sometime in 1971 while my future wife and I were dating. We pulled into (what we thought) was a secluded lane a fair distance from the road, and began to enjoy ourselves. In reality and in our naivete, it turned out that this was a make-out spot very familiar to the local constabulary. Before long, there was a knock on the window and a flashlight shining into the car. Fortunately, we were both still mostly-dressed. I rolled down the window and was asked what we were doing. I responded 'Just relaxing...' The cop was decent about it and suggested that we find another place to do that, because there are dangers to be found in secluded areas where there's only one avenue for entry and escape.

************************************************** *************

The next one involved phone sex. I was at work one day in the early 80s, and my wife called. It's so long ago that I don't remember the details, but she was mentioning things or asking questions about something of an intimate nature that didn't make sense to me at all.

I finally asked her, directly 'What the heck are you talking about?' Again, I don't remember the details well enough to cite much more of the conversation, but it was clear that she was referring to a phone-sex scenario in which she'd just been engaged.

She probed me a little - figuratively-speaking - and finally asked me, 'So it wasn't you?' Nope, it wasn't me! She thought that I had called her and disguised my voice, initiating a steamy conversation. And she went along with it! Embarrassed, she realized that she'd talked a through a masturbation fantasy with a complete stranger! I was amused, and more than a little aroused to consider the whole thing, and she felt foolish. We did our best to laugh the whole thing off, and said our goodbyes.

A short time later, she called me again. The guy on the other end had called back! Several times! But now, knowing that it wasn't me, she refused to go along and hung up on him. She was a little afraid that this could turn into a stalking thing, but he gave up and never called again.

************************************************** *************

A couple of years later, we were at our work Christmas party at my workplace, which was a then-new major shopping center. Our party was after-hours, long after the center closed for the night. As it turned out, we didn't have a restroom in our work area -- the shopping center management gave us exclusive access to a restroom several hundred feet away, in an area which was still under construction and not yet open to the public. To keep it private, we each had our own key, and nobody else was permitted to use that restroom.

After some some food and some 'Christmas cheer', my wife needed to use the restroom. So I escorted her there and we both used the facilities. Afterward, my wife was washing up at the sink, and I stepped up behind her, grabbing handfuls of soft body parts and exploring underneath her clothing. Soon, her skirt and pantyhose were down, and my pants were unzipped, as she leaned forward with her hands on the sink.

Then I heard the unmistakeable sound of someone fumbling with keys at the door. Shit!!!! We covered up as best we could, but didn't quite manage to smooth our clothes or straighten our hair before the door quickly swung open.

In walked ---------- my supervisor! Fortunately, he was a pretty laid-back guy, and took what could have been a very embarrassing situation in-stride. I think it was very obvious what we were doing, despite the fact that we were mostly covered up, and he was wise to it. A cigar smoker, he pulled the stogie out of his mouth and made a somewhat wry remark, (which I no longer remember!) then excused himself, and my wife and I left, red-faced.

My boss never said said a word or even obliquely referenced the event the entire time I worked for him. Guess we got lucky!

[Melody Dean]

My boss never said said a word or even obliquely referenced the event the entire time I worked for him. Guess we got lucky!

Ha, those are great! On the work one, I mean, at least it was your wife and not a coworker! I think that makes it a lot less of a big deal.

[Melody Dean]

I brought this topic up because, well, I have a few.

It was a warm summer afternoon, warm enough to have the windows open, but not so hot as to need the air conditioning on. My husband and I decided to go up to the bedroom for a little fun.

Man, I love daytime sex, curtains open, sun shining in, especially with the noises from outside, birds and such, coming in through the windows... Ahem.

So, we were taking our time, things were getting heavy, and the room was getting hot. He'd rolled over on his back so I could be at his mercy for a while, and I got up to turn the ceiling fan on above the bed.

It's one of those light-fan combos. I pulled the chain for the fan, which somehow knocked the glass globe off of the light. It's that super thin glass, and it fell onto the bed, shattering all over my husband's legs. Thank god he wasn't scooted down any further on the bed, or glass could've hit more than just his legs!

He froze, and I got as much glass removed as I could before he got off the bed. He went into the bathroom to clean up his legs (a few little cuts), while I hung the sheets out the window and shook to hopefully get all the glass out.

It was a bit of a mood killer, but hey, starting all over from the beginning isn't so bad...

[darkeyes]

A few.. prob too many.. wudnt like 2 say wich wos the most misadventurist:eek2:... but in top 10 are defo the pash under some trees that me sister, the cow, took polaroids of me and me bf bein very naughty... took me almost 2 decades to get those pics and set a lite 2 them... teach 'er 2 keep them in 'er toy box and not have it safely hid...:impleased;

..and worse wos prob while married to me x hubbie having an affair and running off wiv a lickle bird called Linnet (Lynette) who crushed me in end... sad.. but wot goes around as they say...:(

[Swirl]

While in high school, I once went on a double date with my best friend and his girlfriend. My date lived the furthest away so we took her home first. My best friend and his girl were sitting in the back seat of my car and I was driving through the cornfields on a two lane road late at night. I looked in the rear view mirror and saw my best friend with his head thrown back grinning from ear to ear and the top of his girlfriends head bobbing up and down on his knob. We were going pretty fast in the middle of nowhere, and we're quickly approaching a railroad crossing. Like most railroad crossings in rural areas there was a slight rise and fall on either side of the tracks. As we went over the tracks at speed, the car bottomed out on the far side of the tracks, so did the girlfriend on his cock. She gagged and pulled off of him and immediately began to puke in the backseat floorboard of my car. I immediately pulled over both to let her finish outside the car and because I was laughing so hard I could no longer safely operate the vehicle. My best friend began to laugh as well, which soon raised the ire of his girl. I laughed for quite some time, long enough for her to finish puking and fussing at him. I giggled off and on most of the way home and wasn't able to keep a straight face around her for days at school. In my mind, I kept hearing her gag and every time I did I'd just begin laughing all over again. Mean, possibly, but I simply couldn't help myself.


Hy-larity 2bi2. Thanks for that.

[sweetpete]

sweetpete i would of love to seen that

[girlzgirl]

wow! lol.. that's something I would have done! :).. good to laugh at yourself

[cuttin2dachase]

Like Mel, I have had a number of misadventures. I am lucky that all of them were fun and and no serious consequences followed. I think I've posted about many of them in other threads but not sure if this is one of them. Please skip over this one if you've heard it before ! LOL

My 1st wife and I became young swingers very early in our marriage. We had attended a friend's wedding and were staying overnight at a downtown Atlanta hotel. It was 1:30 or 2AM and we'd both had a teeny bit too much to drink in the hotel lounge during and after the reception. We had tried and failed to pick up another couple or man from the lounge and we were both very very horny. We called it a night and went up to our room. We were all over each other in the elevator making out and groping. When the doors opened we went down the hall toward our room, but she literally could not wait. She ducked into the little alcove where the ice machine and snack machines were situated and said "let's do it right here!" Overcome with lust, we stripped naked on the spot and had a quickie doggie-style fuck. Instead of putting our clothes on, we gathered them and hurried down the hallway naked to our room, both of us leaving a dripping cum trail on the carpet. Problem was, when we got to the room, it wasn't our room ! It was then I saw the room number and realized she had drunkenly punched up the wrong floor because we were 2 levels above our floor. Just as I was about to suggest we slip back down to the alcove or the stairwell and get dressed, she giggled, then took off running back to the elevator. I had no choice but to run after her. We were laughing and giggling all the way back to our room, not caring that we might be seen or that we may have already been seen.

I thought we were home free when we arrived at our actual room, but I had lost the keycard that was in my pants pockets or either left it in the room. She had her duplicate card, but couldn't find it in her purse. She dumped its massive contents on the carpet and dropped to her knees to rummage for the card. Now this was just as the elevator doors began to open. I just knew it was going to be a hotel security cop who had seen us on his closed circuit monitor and was coming to bust us. Instead, it was just another couple whom we had seen earlier in the lounge and considered approaching. They stood there with wide eyes as we looked back at them, still laughing and giggling. It had to have appeared to them that she was in the middle of giving me a blowjob LOL. She retrieved the card and we finally got into the safety of our room. Later that morning after we'd woken up and made love, it occurred to us that we should have invited that other couple to our room for drinks .....

[Melody Dean]

Bump.

[darkeyes]

Bump.
Wellllll.... at moment I have 1 a them:rolleyes:... didn't come about as a result of a sexual adventure or misadventure... least not mine.. s'pose ya cud say the donor had a misadventure since his willie was no wer near me at time of supply, conception or implant:impleased.. the daft sod has cheek 2 tell me I wos cruel:cutelaugh. Tyvm NHS... wont have a word sed against ya!:tongue:

[BiFiHotspot]

once while engaged in some hot and heavy Yahoo Cam play I suddenly realized that I was not set to invisible status and my cam was open for all to view.Needless to say alot of my friends got an eyefull that night.

[Melody Dean]

once while engaged in some hot and heavy Yahoo Cam play I suddenly realized that I was not set to invisible status and my cam was open for all to view.Needless to say alot of my friends got an eyefull that night.

And that's why I don't use Yahoo cam...

[AGuyIKnow]

Yeah but now nobody has to wonder anymore. :bigrin:

[secretasianman]

I was having anal sex with an ex-gf, and she orgasmed. I didn't cum, yet, but as her orgasm died down and I pulled out, I saw her ass muscles involuntarily twitch. For some reason, it turned me on so much, I orgasmed right then and there. However, she was turning around to look at me and kiss me, but my cum shot straight into her eye and in her mouth. She had a gag reflex, and just watching her gag and trying to get my cum out of her eye was so funny, I started laughing while saying I was sorry. She got really, really angry afterwards. it sucked.

[Melody Dean]

I was having anal sex with an ex-gf, and she orgasmed. I didn't cum, yet, but as her orgasm died down and I pulled out, I saw her ass muscles involuntarily twitch. For some reason, it turned me on so much, I orgasmed right then and there. However, she was turning around to look at me and kiss me, but my cum shot straight into her eye and in her mouth. She had a gag reflex, and just watching her gag and trying to get my cum out of her eye was so funny, I started laughing while saying I was sorry. She got really, really angry afterwards. it sucked.

That's why she's an ex! I mean, you've got to be able to laugh at things like that when they happen!

[JaredT77]

I think my "sexual misadventures" was my entire marriage to my ex-wife. After her fucking me with her tongue, fingers, a frozen popsickle, dildos, vibrators, and a strap-on I actually married the bitch. Then my entire sex life with her was.............................I fell asleep from boredom thinking about it. Yawn.............oh well. Life goes on.

Lesson is DON'T MARRY A GOLD DIGGER!!! Or a bully.

[guyinphilly]

And that's why I don't use Yahoo cam...

+1 on that

[cuttin2dachase]

I use Yahoo cam and have yet to have a misadventure !