To tell or not to tell?

[Confused4life]

OK here is my question….hope this doesn’t sound ignorant…

How do you know who you should come out to? And who it shouldn’t matter if you do or not? I am not sure if I composed that question the right way or not..so let me just give you a little info. I discovered my bisexuality in January, and since then only my two closest friends know. However, I have this “mom” (she is not my real nor adopted mom, but she has been an important part of my life for the last 2 years so I call her mom), and she knows everything else about me. Wednesday I came out to her and told her I am Bisexual. She took it well and reassured me that she is still my mom. We talked for almost 3 hours. She has a very strong Christian faith…as do a lot of people I know (not my family, but close friends). I was baptized a year ago as a Christian. I am active in church, I sing, volunteer in the nursery etc. I am also part of a women’s group that has been meeting for over about the whole 2 years I have been there. My “mom” is part of this group. Should I tell these other women? Am I betraying their trust in some way? They know every other aspect of my life, and I theirs lives. Many Christians aren’t as liberal as my mom, I am not sure they would all understand or want me in the group anymore if they found out. Does that make sense? Or and I just being Klumped UP?

Thanks for you help
C4L

BTW- I am not looking for them to approve of me, because this is who I am…however I feel they will be hurt and betrayed that I have kept this to myself…and some might freak, because we all know that there are people out there who think bisexuals are weird freaks of nature….This topic is not one that has ever been discussed in group..

[Flounder1967]

I myself would not tell. There is no need for them to know. Also if you tell them some may feel the need to rid you of there present. Are you willing to lose your freinds in the church. it would be their loss. If you are active in the church some churches may not find that acceptable.

The choise is up to you. You need to weigh the fact that you may lose some friends and your church. To me the only real people that need to know are very dear friends and lovers.

[wtp09]

i agree whole heartedly with flounder.

[deletetacount123]

I agree with the guys above too :-)

Plus from experiences, some people who work in a church are VERY strict when it comes to gays and bisexuals... so they may have the need to tell you how wrong it is and all that and some may pick sides too.

So I think just don't tell them, they don't need to know.
I think just those you love and are close too should know.

Tasha

[taz67156]

I myself would not tell. There is no need for them to know. Also if you tell them some may feel the need to rid you of there present. Are you willing to lose your freinds in the church. it would be their loss. If you are active in the church some churches may not find that acceptable.

The choise is up to you. You need to weigh the fact that you may lose some friends and your church. To me the only real people that need to know are very dear friends and lovers.


some churches might not want you to go back there which isn't right but other than that I've got to agree with Flounder you are the one that needs to decide who to tell and who not to tell

[AnotherVoice]

It's really a 'need-to-know' basis. Do these women need to know your sexual preferences? Why would you feel guilty of keeping this to yourself? You have the right to share whatever you'd like about yourself and to whom. If in anytime these women asked you, you can decide then whether or not they're trustworthy enough to know. Also. they may be a great group of women but don't assume you know absolutely everything about them. It's likely that you don't.

Ultimately, it's up to you. Do you WANT to tell them or do you just feel you ought to?

[redheadedwench]

since your 'mom' is part of the group-ask her advice about it. but, i agree w/everyone else-most church going people judge you, even though they're not suppossed to. so, you may have to choose-either, your silence or your church. because of this same reason is why no one at my work knows. most of them are very religious and i have heard the conversations and comments they make about gays and bisexuals. it really sucks-having to make this kind of choice, but that's still the world we live in. :2cents: :eek2: :banghead:

[deletetacount123]

Whatever happened to "Thou Shall Not Judge" lol
Thats in the bible.... yet religous people still judge.

*sighs*

[Confused4life]

Thank you all for your advice....For now I will probally just tell those I am closest too. I don't feel the need to have their approval...i just don't want them to feel betrayed when they do find out...ya know? Anyways thanks again...

[Mudblood]

Good for you!

I don't go out of my way to hide my bi-sexuality, but I don't advertise it either. It's my business, and no one else's. You needn't worry about hiding anything from anyone, unless you feel you ought to tell them. It's not like your whole lifestyle is about to change, is it?

[Sparks]

My opinion? I see no need to express to the world who I am. With the exception that I'm a kind and caring person. I give some of my time to the community, my church, penpals for soldiers, and the sick children at the UCLA Medical Center.

It's not about us having to tell anyone. It's about the rest of the planet not giving a crap about who sleeps with whom. :2cents: