Need to vent a little

[jt559]

Started talking to a guy on Craigslist from my area. We exchanged quite a few e-mails back and forth just getting to know each other. Eventually he moved away before we ever connected, but we became close enough via e-mail that I had his phone number and knew his real first and last name. He told me he had a girlfriend, but liked to give and receive oral as long as it was discrete. We had planned to finally get together when he came to town to visit his family a couple weeks ago.

Fast forward to the weekend he's supposed to come and for whatever reason I decided to investigate a little. I ended up finding his Facebook profile and saw that he did not have a girlfriend, but was instead in a relationship with a man, and appeared to be openly gay on his profile with friends and family commenting on his pictures. I e-mailed him without bringing it up and asked him what he'd want to do if we met up, and he said he'd like to give me head and he'd love for me to suck him. I told him I wasn't sure I was ready to do that and when he asked me why, I just told him I was worried about STD's. His response to that was that he was clean and had just been tested a week ago. That line sounded really familiar to me, so I went back through old e-mails of ours and saw that on multiple occasions, when I expressed to him my concern over STD's, he responded that he was clean and had been tested the week before. After that realization, I just closed the e-mail account I was using for good.

Am I always going to have to wade through a bunch of lies before I find a bi guy that is decent and honest? I'd like to explore my sexuality, but my first attempt already went to hell and has me a bit discouraged.

[pole_smoker]

I'm not surprised that this guy is gay and cheating on his male partner. That's way too common.

Whenever someone says they have to be "discreet" in a profile that means they are married or have a partner, and want to cheat on them.

Yes you very well may have to wade through a lot of liars on the internet to meet a compatible sexual partner.

[tenni]

It really depends what you are looking for.

Half of your message seems to show some reservations about casual sex and another part expresses concern about STD.

In both cases, you may be acting or thinking in a hyper anxious mode rather than a practical mode.

How much research have you done on STD? There is always a risk factor and liars. Th absolute way of not exposing yourself to an STD is to be celibate. What are you willing to gamble on for a little same sex play?

If you want absolute cleanliness and having been tested last week, does that mean that you will be clean? (depends and not an absolute imo)

Discretion is just that with a few variables as to what it means to the other guy. Ask him. For some, it means no one other than the two of you will know. Both agree not to discuss or identify each other anyone. Does it mean that the other guy is cheating? NO,...not necessarily. It more than not means that he does not want to share his sexuality with others not involved. Its no one else's business.

You did know of his g/f and found that acceptable. A lot of bimen will. Some biguys are honest to another biguy but not their female partner for a variety of reasons. Some guys just lie though and are good at it.

This may not be a lot of help to you but I suspect that you are over analysizing things.

[jt559]

He doesn't have a girlfriend, he lied about that for whatever reason. Maybe he thought it would make me more comfortable if he identified himself as a bi guy instead of a gay guy. His Facebook clearly showed he not only identifies as a gay man, but is in a relationship with a man.

The other thing that bothered me, which I caught on to once I went through old e-mails, is that he always addressed my concerns about STD's by telling me he was "clean and had just been tested the week before". When I realized he used that line several times during the course of our correspondence, it just added to me thinking he's a dishonest person.

As far as the actual risk of contracting anything, I probably am over-analyzing things, especially since I am only interested in oral sex. I just immediately felt that he might not be being honest about being clean if he's not being honest about the other stuff.

[pole_smoker]

He doesn't have a girlfriend, he lied about that for whatever reason. Maybe he thought it would make me more comfortable if he identified himself as a bi guy instead of a gay guy. His Facebook clearly showed he not only identifies as a gay man, but is in a relationship with a man.

The other thing that bothered me, which I caught on to once I went through old e-mails, is that he always addressed my concerns about STD's by telling me he was "clean and had just been tested the week before". When I realized he used that line several times during the course of our correspondence, it just added to me thinking he's a dishonest person.

As far as the actual risk of contracting anything, I probably am over-analyzing things, especially since I am only interested in oral sex. I just immediately felt that he might not be being honest about being clean if he's not being honest about the other stuff.

He's a liar.

There are far too many gay men, and even bi men who are into lying just because they want to have sex.

They'll try to tell you what they think you want them to say.

Find someone else that's not into lying so much. Yes it will take time as lots of bi and gay men do like to lie.

The idea that being "discreet" means that "no-one else will know!" or "my sexuality is my business!" is funny since these people go on public hook up sites, post pics, and trade pictures and personal information with lots of people. :rolleyes:

The bi and gay guys who insist upon being "discreet", or put this term in their profile do this because they are married or have a partner, and are going to cheat on him/her.

Do you really expect someone who actually has an STD to really tell you the truth when they are looking for an NSA hook up?

If they told people the truth and said, "Oh BTW I have (insert name of STD here)" they'd ever get laid? Everyone on the site, method, or phone app they use to hook up would quickly find out about how they have an STD and avoid them.

[Cutiliae]

Being married myself, I have always tried to hook up with other married guys. It's hard to determine sometimes though.

[Hypersexual11]

There will always be fakes, liars and flakes. It's a bitch, but it's better than it used to be when there was no internet. It requires some thick skin and patience when looking for a guy. What I leaned over the years is to be very careful when you place an ad. Be very specific, ask questions and ask for information. When you get replies that show they either didn't read the entire ad or just disregarded the questions, don't push it. Just delete and move on. ONLY answer the ads from guys that read and answered your questions. Some may say they would like to keep this or that secret for the time being, fine, at least they read it. But don't forget and once you are communicating thru regular e-mail or phone, don't let it drop. Lies by exclusion, is still a lie when you specifically asked about something. If you see ANY red flags, if your gut is telling you there is something off, listen and move on. If you minimize your replies to these types of guys, your success will be much better. There will still be the same crap, but less.

[pole_smoker]

There will always be fakes, liars and flakes. It's a bitch, but it's better than it used to be when there was no internet. It requires some thick skin and patience when looking for a guy. What I leaned over the years is to be very careful when you place an ad. Be very specific, ask questions and ask for information. When you get replies that show they either didn't read the entire ad or just disregarded the questions, don't push it. Just delete and move on. ONLY answer the ads from guys that read and answered your questions. Some may say they would like to keep this or that secret for the time being, fine, at least they read it. But don't forget and once you are communicating thru regular e-mail or phone, don't let it drop. Lies by exclusion, is still a lie when you specifically asked about something. If you see ANY red flags, if your gut is telling you there is something off, listen and move on. If you minimize your replies to these types of guys, your success will be much better. There will still be the same crap, but less.
My friends who use CL and other sites to meet people do this. They also said how they talk to the person via the phone first and then agree to meet in public since that cuts down on the number of game players and flakes who don't ever want to meet.