Figuring out my sexuality- am I bi?

[daenerys_targaryen]

Hey there. I'm a girl aged 16.
Lately I've been rather unsure as to what I should 'label' myself. I know labels don't always matter, however; I'd like to have some idea of what my sexuality is for myself.


So I got an idea during middle school that I was attracted to girls, though, I didn't think anything of it and continued on, thinking I was just straight and that everyone must get curious like that.
Since my last year of school, it’s been on my mind a lot lately. Having left school and started college, there’s so many new people. And I find it hard not to look at guys as well as girls. I do find I’m attracted to more guys than I have been with girls. There’s only a few girls who I’m attracted to but when I find them, I also find it’s a stronger attraction. There’s actually this one girl at college who I see every now and then who I can’t help but crush over.


The strange thing is ever since I did some looking around on the internet, I considered myself a hetero-romantic bisexual.
Because I’m sexually attracted to both genders but only romantically attracted to the opposite gender. (Would do sexual things with guys and girls but would only date guys). But ever since I met that girl at college, I can see how a relationship with the same gender would be just as appealing to me. So are these signs that I’m just bi not heteroromantic? I’ve also never done anything sexual with either gender. I don’t want to feel restricted by a label when doing things with anyone but I don’t want to wrongly use a term.


I don’t think I could say I’m heterosexual anymore from accepting how I feel towards girls right now. I mean, what makes you bisexual? A romantic/sexual feeling towards both genders? I know I definitely feel those attractions to guys, as for girls I know I’m sexually attracted to them. The only girl I’ve felt romantically attracted to so far is that one at college. I would easily have sex with either gender yet I feel I’d be more hesitant to date a girl, I’d never use a girl just for sex by the way so I’m aware of that.


I’ve not told anyone else about this. I don’t really want to talk to my friends or family about it. I’d rather talk to other people about it.
What I’d like to know from you is, and perhaps any past experience would help too, is it too early to call myself bisexual? When is the right time to do so? When did you know you were bisexual? When did you tell people about it? Any other advice would be really helpful right now as to whether you think I can refer to myself as bisexual now? I'd love to hear your opinions on this because it would help me out massively, as I said, I've not talked to anyone else about this. Thank you.

[Melody Dean]

Dany, this is probably not the forum for you. I think Shybi would probably help you out more. If you go there, feel free to friend me and we can talk some more.

[cbb83]

You're over thinking it. Just continue living life, let things unfold naturally. Don't be afraid to pursue a relationship with the same gender if the opportunity presents itself. You'll either enjoy it or you'll feel put off, then you'll know. If you're really looking for a label, I think at this point you'd be considered "bi-curious". Although that label will tag you as a conquest to some less scrupulous people so beware of creeps trying to "hit it and quit it".

So just relax and keep living and enjoying life. Take love as it comes and try not to worry about labels. Follow your heart and you'll do alright.

[pole_smoker]

This site is for adults. Not 16 year olds.

Try this site instead: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/

[Neonaught]

Labels are for soup cans. If you like doing it...do it.

[Ilikeit69]

Don't look for a label. The only thing that does is give you something to suffer over. If you are attracted to either sex, then you are you. Period. There are too many interpretations of what is straight, bisexual, or homosexual. Everyone is going to have a different one. That will just lead to more confusion. Just consider yourself sexual and let your life happen, and don't worry about how your labeled. You'll be happier that way.

[tenni]

You do not have to have both sexual and romantic/emotional attraction to both genders to be bisexual. It is an "and /or" situation. If you have sexual attraction to both genders and only romantic (emotional) attraction to one gender you are still bisexual. Rarer but valid is a person who has emotional romantic attraction to both genders but only sexually attracted to one gender.

Perhaps at this point of your maturing you may want to think of yourself as "fluid". Sexual /emotional attraction may change over a person's lifetime if they are bisexual. As others have pointed out, a firm hard label is not necessary and particularly at your age. There can be a swing back and forth and this may be what you are experiencing. Your post does come across as bisexual rather than monosexual (gay or straight). It may help you to reframe your perspective. The opposite of bisexuality is monosexuality (gay or straight). You do not seem to be monosexual.

[BiBedBud]

Don’t over-think it. That’s a sure fire path toward neuroses. Sex isn’t supposed to spring out of your mind or thoughts; it’s centered much, much lower down. To understand your sexual self, you have to be in touch with your body, your senses and how your body responds to what you are sensing. Therefore, it isn’t something to figure out with your mind/thoughts alone. Understand: If you ponder and ponder; “Am I straight, gay, bi, queer, /curious or otherwise in another category?” all you’ll get yourself into is more wondering and wondering and pondering and pondering and this is the life of a neurotic.


What you should do instead, is take note of how your body responds. Obviously, this can involve a couple decades worth of sexperimenting. But before getting to a state of undress, you can *study how your eyes behave*. Quick fact: Your mind/perception decides in an instant, what you think is attractive. So (as I’ve written about here on bisexual dot com before) what I suggest is that you watch some TV. As you do, you’ll notice that the scenes in the programs and commercials change from one ‘shot’ or ‘frame’ to a quick-spliced edit looking at another shot or frame of a person or group of people. Each time that scene changes, you will find that your gaze/eyes will settle first of all, upon the most attractive face of your preferred gender/sex. Absolutely nobody (normal) has to scan across the faces of everyone in the shot, to pick-out their favoured face – because the human brain calculates primal things extremely quickly, and where people tend to confuse themselves is over relationship/upbringing issues – but the basics of what sex you’re attracted to is figured out in a couple of nano-seconds.

So for your eyes: As you watch TV, whose faces do your eyes first fall upon? Is it the girls/women or the boys/men? Most often it’ll be one or the other, even for bisexuals; but this can lend a bit of clarity to someone who is (perhaps spending too much time) wondering.

Also, your nose! Your nose, knows! So, what I’d suggest on this count; is to take notice of what your nose smells; that makes you breathe it in deeper. But, I’m not talking about the smells like flowers or bread or coffee or bacon or your favourite other foods/ scents. No. What you’ve got to take note of; is when you’re in the presence of people who are doing some sweating. I’m not talking about where people are dirty and grimy and those smells of people who really need to bathe immediately. I’m thinking more like a gym or my favourite, a nightclub with a kicking sound system and a DJ-master of the groove, where the whole house is jumping. In such a place, take note of what makes your nostrils flare as you almost involuntarily draw-in that, warm, moist, pheromone-drenched air. Alternatively, what makes your nostrils choke-up, perhaps even make you stop breathing altogether.

If you have such a ‘polarized nasal response’ to each sex (wide/open for one sex, and choked/closed for the other), and it’s fairly consistent, then you should consider if perhaps you’re not bisexual after all. (Mono-sexual people, be they gay or straight, would tend to be more ‘polarized’ in their responses; whereas bisexuals might be more open to both sexes – the pheromones coming off of both sexes.) It’s just a hunch; and perhaps a clue for you too. I know that when I watch TV, my eyes always land first on the pretty females. DWTS or figure skating or ballroom dancing or really almost any other kind of performance/dance – I’m always watching the women, and in the nightclub or the gym, when that nicely sweaty woman passes by me, I could breathe her in like a flower’s fragrance. Guys – not so much.

Please keep in mind, this is based on my own understanding of the science and going theories and what my own experience has taught me (which isn’t to say that life holds no mystery for me, because it certainly does.) So, I might be entirely wrong about this, and at the end of the day it’s only you who can come to understand yourself.

[woody1340]

I beat myself up over my desires for a long time. I was abused as a boy and didn't know if my desires were mine or that of my abuser. I then accepted myself as bi and realized my needs were mine and everything was cool. Just trust your feelings.

[jonibotom]

submissive/ feminine/bi/ homosexual ; coming out!