Coming Out

[kittles555]

Who was the first person you came out to? How did that go? Have you come out to your family? How did that go?

The first person I told, other than the girl I was seeing, was a friend of mine who had recently come out to me as being gay. My parents and sister know, but not the extended fam. My sister was the first I told. She said she was fine with it, but it was clear that she was uncomfortable. She's a lot better about it now. My Dad was next, I was ready for him to kick me out of the house. He said he knew, though he thinks I'm gay, that there is no such thing as being bisexual. He's clearly uncomfy with it - he says he's fine, but his comments and beliefs say otherwise. My mom had the stereotypical response - was it something I did?

[chillddreamer]

undefinedThe first person I told was my best friend, who happen to be the guy I am seeing. I think he was caught off gaurd he really never thought that I would say something like I am bi curious. We talk about it he asked when did figure it out. I told him that it had slowly comeabout after two years alone. Then he was excited about it and I as sure most people can guess why and I think I am ok with that idea too. Then I told my friend that I had just bonded with over the last year. She was ok with it to, so my people who I have told have not be really badly shock or discusted not to bad if you ask me. :cool:

[gayle]

Well, this posting is definitely coming from a different perspective! I am a straight female dating a bi male. I never had to face "coming out" issues since I was/am straight and my family and friends would assume I was straight unless I said or did something to cause them to think otherwise (such as starting to date a woman). However, since I am now dating a bi male and I have been introduced to the swinging lifestyle as well, I find that people do question my sexual orientation. When chatting on this site, some people feel like "what are you doing here?" when I state I am straight. At this site, understandably, at first people assume I must be bi. So when I am questioned or put on the spot, I "come out" as being straight. Now, my bf wanted so desperately to persuade me that I was bicurious or bi. Intellectually, yes I am curious about bisexuality but it is more a matter of being curious about the issues that bisexuals face and not a desire on my part to pursue sex with women. I'm quite happy to limit my sexual pursuits to men. Not that I am closed minded and that I would not possibly be open to having a relationship with a woman, but there are hurdles that would have to be overcome first. I am certain that for me to desire sex with a woman, I would first have to feel an emotional connection to her.
As a part of the swinging community, my sexuality again comes into question. Am I straight or bi? It is pretty much assumed that I am not lesbian. But the big question becomes if we get together with another couple, am I going to want to interact with her sexually. So again, I must "come out" as being straight. In the swinging community, there is no negative judgment leveled at me for being straight. Unfortunately, a couple of times at this site, I have encountered a degree of hostility from the RARE INDIVIDUAL (I have to emphasize that detail!) because I am straight. Fortunately, that is a rare occurrence. Usually at that point I am asked something to the effect of "what are you doing here?" and I explain that while I am straight, my bf is bi. I gain entry to the bi community, so it seems, by virtue of having a bi partner.
Ironically, while I have faced "coming out" issues while dating my bf, he seems to go out of his way to avoid coming out to anyone. He only reluctantly came out to me, and by the time he did so, we'd been together several months and I knew he enjoyed sex with men and women. I knew nothing about bisexuality so I really had no idea what to think of his desire to have sex with both sexes. It didn't fit in with what I knew about sexuality. After he came out to me, I started seeking out the answers that he was not giving me. That's how I came to this site.
Even now as we occasionally seek other playmates, he does not tell our new friend(s) that he is bi. At this point, I know it is my "job" to determine the sexual orientation of our potential playmates. I do wish that he took more responsibility for this and that he were comfortable enough with his sexuality to be willing to admit to potential playmates that he is bi.
I suppose my bf is trying to avoid the stereotyping, that he knows some are going to think he is "straddling the fence," that he's gay and just not ready to admit it. Then there is the societal taboo against male/male relationships, and the questioning of his manhood since he enjoys sex with men.
I try to be very sympathetic about coming out issues. I have asked several bi people at this site why they feel such a strong need to "come out" to people when they would NOT feel the same need to "come out" to people if they were straight. I know it has to be a hard decision, whether or not to "come out" and to whom. For those of you who do decide to "come out" to others, I hope you receive positive and supportive responses. For those who choose not to "come out," I hope that you remain comfortable with your sexuality, that you feel secure in your choice not to come out. It seems a shame to me that people are judged based on issues such as race, socioeconomic background and sexual preference. Maybe someday we'll live in an ideal world where we are related to based on our personality and not on factors that are often beyond our control. :2cents:

[kittles555]

I have asked several bi people at this site why they feel such a strong need to "come out" to people when they would NOT feel the same need to "come out" to people if they were straight.


Except that we aren't straight. And actually, straight people "come out" all the time. They just don't realize they do. And we come out because we want people to know who we are.