Just A Phase?

[whistle1]

I am a single guy in my mid-50s. I have become "curious" in the last few years. I am not attracted to men - which would make this curiosity seem rather strange.

I am not curious about anything romantic (kissing, hugging, hold hands, etc.). The same goes for any "back door" activities.

I only fantasize about two things: (1) what it would be like to hold and stroke another guys cock; and (2) what it would be like to have a cock in my mouth.

As exciting as it may be to fantasize about these things, I can't really see any situation in which I would ever act on this curiosity. I think I may just like the idea of it.

I wonder if this may simply be a phase. I say this because I have been without a girlfriend for many years now and I never had and such thoughts when I did have a girlfriend.

Whether or not anyone else is (or was) in a similar situation, I would appreciate your thoughts.

[fredtyg]

From what I've heard from other guys, and as it was with me, most of their feelings in regards man to man sex get stronger as they get older. Different guys have different tastes and desires towards m2m sex, too. Some, like you, are just curious or interested in sucking cocks. Others might want to do just about everything.

As far as it being a phase, maybe, but most guys' feelings toward m2m come and go depending on any number of reasons.

[pole_smoker]

You're bisexual, and no it's not a phase.

[Realist]

Whistle, it's possible that you could harbor these thoughts forever and even get aroused with the idea of sharing your sexual interests with another guy.

Then, if you actually find someone who is interested in the same things you want, one thing, or another could happen.

One, You try it and find it's the most scintillating and rewarding thing you ever did!

Two, you tried it, didn't like it, and went on with your life knowing the fantasy was not as you expected it to be, in real life!

The first person you join, for this endeavor, will have a lot to do with the outcome, too! So, choose wisely, be safe, they explore until you know which route to take!

[rodman2005]

Just a Phase~ That's what I always thought about me getting married to a 'perfect' woman, having 2.2 children and she not working because my career would take care of everything and she could stay home bake cookies, cook meals, raise he kids, do dishes,, etc... What the hell are these phases?
So you just woke up and started thinking about sucking cock? C'mon it's always been there in the back of your mind~ but you made choices and these we NOT included~ so you thought you were str8... Un huh
Right. Me too having wondering when this perfect woman was going to come along... ha!
I gave up because I knew I enjoyed sucking cock and watching others sucking and getting sucked off, liked the rest areas and bathrooms in picnic areas and at campsites... I knew I wouldn't cloud my mind with other nonsense that really wasn't me. I liked playing with myself and wearing tight swimwear and being naked outdoors, a naturalist the way were meant to be! WAKE UP! You are going to die soon! And I am NOT joking... what 10-20 years more? Follow Shakespeare's words of wisdom as it always worked for me...
"To thine own self be true." YES!
and YES!

[jackofbothtrades]

I am a single guy in my mid-50s. I have become "curious" in the last few years. I am not attracted to men - which would make this curiosity seem rather strange.

I am not curious about anything romantic (kissing, hugging, hold hands, etc.). The same goes for any "back door" activities.

I only fantasize about two things: (1) what it would be like to hold and stroke another guys cock; and (2) what it would be like to have a cock in my mouth.

As exciting as it may be to fantasize about these things, I can't really see any situation in which I would ever act on this curiosity. I think I may just like the idea of it.

I wonder if this may simply be a phase. I say this because I have been without a girlfriend for many years now and I never had and such thoughts when I did have a girlfriend.

Whether or not anyone else is (or was) in a similar situation, I would appreciate your thoughts.

I'm going through this, only had bi thoughts for maybe the last 3 months. I fantasize about those 2 things, too. A guy I talked to on a swinger site said he started with a couple of MMFs before he felt comfortable to try a 1 on 1. Now he says he loves both.

[bithesea]

I find that it comes and goes with me. I think if I had a steady BF it would be different. My current GF consumes most of my time romantically and sexually, but as she says, there are several days per week she and I aren't together! Before I met her, my feelings toward men were, as you said, more intense, and that alone is what made me finally wake up and accept my sexuality. I've stopped beating myself up about those feelings, which of course are against the teachings of my upbringing.
i would humbly suggest that you try and relax into a comfortable acceptance of how YOU feel. It doesn't mean you have to act on it. It also doesn't mean you need to accept every possible aspect of lovemaking (kissing, anal sex, etc.) as inevitable. Hell, I was comfortable for years just looking at other guys and wondering . . .
i noticed that you joined us in 2009, which means you have been wondering about these and other questions for a while, so it seems that if this were a phase, it has survived for a while!
suggestion: call the local LGBT organization in your area, and see if they know of a local support group for either married gay/bisexual people. Luckily, I found one, and it helped me through some tough decisions and times.

[Shazam]

Don't be hard on yourself and certainly don't worry about your presnt uncertainty . . . whether it is a "phase" or a more enduring state of being will unfold in time.

My own experience has been comparable to what appears to be yours. Even now after a few years of homosexual encounters I have no wish for any romantic intimacy with another guy other than that associated with his cock and ass. Moreover, if I should find myself involved with a satifying female sexual partner I'd be pleased. My own swing toward actually having sex with another guy found voice as I aged into my fifties. Whether or not I fantasized about it earlier is, in my judgment, irrelevant; as is how or where I now find myself on the sexuality classification continum. We may or may not be fixed at just one point on that continum over during our lives, though I doubt it. The manner in which we secure sexual satisfaction is a function of many variables, only some of which are within our own control and which can and do change over time.

Sour past conventional marriages as well as the cost and gamesmanship of courting a woman (with the desired end of having sex with her) made pursuing women less attractive to me as I aged. You may or may not advance up the curve of learning how and where to actually hook up with another guy. And it is a learning experience fraught with all sorts of anxieties, etc. That time may or may not come when you find yourself just "doing it." The acquired ease with which a guy can sexually hook up with another guy and "get right to it", once experienced, has kept me in the game. Once one becomes a player, other choices emerge the most significant of which is the extent, if any, you reveal your sexual behavior to others.

Just as some persons choose never to marry and some couples choose never to divorce, most at least think about it at some time. You are just thinking about having sex with one of the same sex and are experiencing anxiety because of this potential opportunity. Welcome to the human race.

[leredacteur]

Just a phase ? Possibly, I suppose. If so, it'll be interesting to hear how long your "phase" lasts. I'm in my 70s and my "phase" has lasted more than 55 years. So far. Like you, I was at first only interested in touching and the sensation of having another boy's cock in my mouth. When I finally experienced both of those, they were so delightul and fulfilling that the first guy who wanted my ass managed to persuade me in less than five minutes. That was great, too !

Good luck; let us know how long the phase lasts and where it leads.

[JackTexas94]

Yes, sometimes I think...why me? Is it a phase? If so it has been a long one span ing around d 40 years. Like you I have zero interest in the "romantic" or emotional aspect and for damn sure no interest in the gay lifestyle thing at all. But...when I see an erect penis I quickly get one too. Puzzling.

[elian]

People have wondered whether or not as men age, the testosterone level goes down and therefore men are more open to sexual exploration with other men.. I really don't know if it has anything to do with body chemistry or not..in any event you certainly aren't the only man I have heard say this.

I don't know that there is anything wrong with exploring, especially since you are single anyway. (I have heard other men lament that their wives are not as sexually active/interested any more).

For some people the psychological aspect of having that much control over another person, to be able to give them immense pleasure is a turn on.

When I started to experiment with men I felt an immense sense of guilt over being happy that I was in the arms of another man. This of course was from my upbringing and all of the little ways that society likes to point out that you are less of a man. I still haven't quite gotten over it, but I am what I am - there's no going back. I started to realize that I have ALWAYS wanted to be loving and intimate with PEOPLE and that as far as I was concerned gender really didn't matter - at least until other people convinced me that it did through shame and guilt.

Other people don't have these hang-ups I suppose, but I still try to view sex with other people as a gift..still trying to find a mate, but maybe not as hard this time - if it happens it happens..there's more to life than just sex.. Companionship lasts a lot longer than sex.

[Hypersexual11]

Not a phase, just a guy growing. In the past 2 or 3 months, we've had 3ways with 2 different guys in their 50s. Both guys displayed themselves as straight but comfortable with my being bi and were fine with me sucking them. There was no expectation for either of them to cross their self imposed boundaries. Very quickly after the clothes came off, my dick was in their mouth. Once they saw it was no big deal, they just went with it. I think we struggle with these feelings more than we have to. Sex is awesome if you can keep your head out of it.

[mikeyd270]

I was in that phase over 20 years ago. Now I am a cocksucker.

[cuttin2dachase]

My"phase" began at age 32 but I knew very quickly that from then on, I would have sexual desires for men along with my desires for women. The key word is SEX ! I enjoy romance and intimacy and sex with men and women. However, I am only geared to desire and feel emotional love with women. Hooking up and having sex with men is purely a very exciting, pleasurable and differently erotic sexual variation for me, but it has been and will continue to be half of my sexuality and definitely not just a 'phase'.

[stonebow]

Not a phase, just a guy growing. In the past 2 or 3 months, we've had 3ways with 2 different guys in their 50s. Both guys displayed themselves as straight but comfortable with my being bi and were fine with me sucking them. There was no expectation for either of them to cross their self imposed boundaries. Very quickly after the clothes came off, my dick was in their mouth. Once they saw it was no big deal, they just went with it. I think we struggle with these feelings more than we have to. Sex is awesome if you can keep your head out of it.
Yeah, if you don't overthink it you can have a lot of fun. Take it as it is....lust that can be easily satisfied. Doesn't have to be about love. I don' know where neurons and hormones meet..if they ever do... but what I DO know is if you find someone you like, respect and they share your interest in sexual interaction.... then GO FOR IT! Accept it for what it is....an experience and an experiment in the process of getting to know yourself.

[notmacbi]

I too am like Whistle1.. Though I've been curious for a long time. The best thing about this site is the mature responses from the other members. You fellows are awesome! It makes it much easier to deal with the nuances of it all. Thank you...

[sexylacaman]

I agree that you shouldn't beat yourself up over your feelings. It's ok to be BI or gay...it's not the 1940's or 50's anymore. I also agree that you need to try it. Being BI has been more of a blessing than a curse in my life & I'm so glad I put my fear & predjudice aside & sucked that first cock years ago. It opened my eyes to a lot & I learned that I really love sucking cock!!!

[itsnormy]

I wonder if your thoughts revert back as so many do to those circle jerks as a kid...I started with those, then to sucking, then to fucking, and spent 50+ years married to a beautiful, loving woman who allowed me to indulge throughout our marriage, and of course she had "friends" too....the downside is as we age, we become less visible to those who are seeking m/m relations to now, at 82 years old, I would LOVE to have some cock to suck, or fuck my sagging ass during these holidays...actually for the rest of my life...:tongue: and to those with the idea of "romance," I never kissed a man thru all those years until I found one I could be in love with...:)

[sysper]

Not a phase, just a guy growing. In the past 2 or 3 months, we've had 3ways with 2 different guys in their 50s. Both guys displayed themselves as straight but comfortable with my being bi and were fine with me sucking them. There was no expectation for either of them to cross their self imposed boundaries. Very quickly after the clothes came off, my dick was in their mouth. Once they saw it was no big deal, they just went with it. I think we struggle with these feelings more than we have to. Sex is awesome if you can keep your head out of it.


Yeah, if you don't overthink it you can have a lot of fun. Take it as it is....lust that can be easily satisfied. Doesn't have to be about love. I don' know where neurons and hormones meet..if they ever do... but what I DO know is if you find someone you like, respect and they share your interest in sexual interaction.... then GO FOR IT! Accept it for what it is....an experience and an experiment in the process of getting to know yourself.


I agree that you shouldn't beat yourself up over your feelings. It's ok to be BI or gay...it's not the 1940's or 50's anymore. I also agree that you need to try it. Being BI has been more of a blessing than a curse in my life & I'm so glad I put my fear & predjudice aside & sucked that first cock years ago. It opened my eyes to a lot & I learned that I really love sucking cock!!!
that is all some good advise, very encouraging........my curiosity 1st started in phases but over the years my desire has been more consistent, maybe because i have become more accepting of the idea of me liking guys in neway. but i'm still looking for my 1st experiance, hopefully that will happen soon!

[12voltyV2.0]

I guess I have had "phases" in wanting to do sexual things with other guys and actually doing them--the first such phase happened early in my life on into my teens---seemed to go away for a bit when I finally "got lucky" with one girl and then a few more afterwards. Had a few more times getting with other guys----always very spontaneous incidents where I had met and was hanging with some guy at college---we maybe went out for some beers---got pretty buzzed--either went back to his or my place and then "stuff happened."

Then I went a few years with not doing anything at all with guys and had no intention of doing so--but this one very short but intense relationship happened between myself and another guy and once that was over---it was years before I went into another "guy phase."

I had a long stretch of having long term things with a series of ladies---but for some reason---I did have a few guys "make offers" to do stuff with but I didn't take them up on the offers.

Finally--after not having done anything with another guy for well over a decade----I started to have "desires" again to do so---but then I was older, working and such---and meeting other guys that made any offers and such didn't seem to happen--and this was before the internet came on big.

But those desires did crop up and man----I started having some really intense, vivid dreams of doing stuff with guys again---so much so that I had "wet dreams" and after a few years of this----I figured that I was going to have to try being with a guy again----by this time----the internet was starting to get big and met a few guys via some early sites and chat boards that they used to have. Nothing worked out too well and I sort of put it back in the bottle--but those desires kept on coming and eventually---I got back to seeking out a way to meet some guys again---and finally found this and some other sites that surely helped me with my feelings about wanting to do stuff with guys again---it was good to know that at an older age--in my 40s by then---that I was not crazy nor alone in having such desires.

Making what is becoming too long a story---I know now that I do like to do stuff with guys with this phase of that having lasted almost ten years now and its still going strong----seems that this phase may keep on going till its time to for me to check on out of this old world…..

[charles-smythe]

I am a single guy in my mid-50s. I have become "curious" in the last few years. I am not attracted to men - which would make this curiosity seem rather strange.

I am not curious about anything romantic (kissing, hugging, hold hands, etc.). The same goes for any "back door" activities.

I only fantasize about two things: (1) what it would be like to hold and stroke another guys cock; and (2) what it would be like to have a cock in my mouth.

As exciting as it may be to fantasize about these things, I can't really see any situation in which I would ever act on this curiosity. I think I may just like the idea of it.

I wonder if this may simply be a phase. I say this because I have been without a girlfriend for many years now and I never had and such thoughts when I did have a girlfriend.

Whether or not anyone else is (or was) in a similar situation, I would appreciate your thoughts.
.
...sounds perfectly normal to me...

[tenni]

bump up due to a troll behaviour removing threads

[Üilosdaer Strongbow]

It has never been a phase for me, I was born this way for better or worse. I am slowly trying to except myself and the fact I can go both ways, anytime. It is as if there are two people existing in this body. I've had these feelings, desires, urges, wants..for the same sex as I for as long as I can remember.