Male Privilege?

[Ebonybifemme7]

As a bisexual female of color, who's been out since she was 20, I've had very bittersweet experiences. I've had straight people reject people for being bi, even though I still like men. I've had gay people reject me because I'm not gay enough. Majority of the people that I've meant are not cool with bisexuality and homosexuality/same sexual relations at all. People who I've chatted with have told me just to worry about myself and not worry about what others think. I wish it was that simple.

Its been a long road. My family have told me straight that they do not agree with this, and that they do not believe that I am attracted to women.

Until I joined this website I didnt know that there were so many bicurious and bisexual males out there. Had no idea. I mean I knew it existed but I thought the number of bisexual women out numbered bisexual men. Boy was I wrong! I can say with all honesty after chatting with people that there are more bisexual/same sex seeking men then women. If anything, most women are straight and another woman couldnt do anything for them. I'm living proof of that. But most of my straight female friends would say that a bi man is a man thats basically going through the transition to being gay. That bisexuality is a transitional phase.

Most of the men on this website are with women who have no issue with them being bisexual, (well, not all women, but most) as long as they come home to them every night. Now I dont know if I could be in a relationship with a bisexual man. I do know that bisexuals in general are hated; the reason why is that it dis-spells the myth that sexual orientation is one-sided and that men who are with women can't be with men; that women who are with men can't be with women, etc. I know a lot of people would say I am a hypocrite for that. Lesbians always point out that this makes bisexual women hypocrites. Maybe I'm still somewhat bi-phobic or homophobic. I still questioned that within myself. I was raised to have fear for anyone who wasn't a Christian and straight. They were not to be trusted. Even race wasnt a reason to fear growing up. As a kid, I was taught that racism existed, but that I shouldnt judge people because of the color of their skin. I was raised to trust a white or other non black as long as they were a Christian. But thats a different discussion for a different day ;)

On this website, there seems to be a lot of male privilege. I see endless threads about how a man should satisfy a man orally or anally. Oral sex was something I used to do with I was in my earlier 20's but now I'm not so quick to do that, cause sometimes I dont think that men are very clean. I think that a persons sexual orientation, who they sleep with, is there business, but it seems that a lot of guys on this website still have the benefit of being married to a woman, having a heterosexual family appearance, while having secret same sex flings and hook ups, all the while, having a straight appearance and saying to their mostly straight coworkers: I'm straight, making homophobic jokes at work, while having male on male hook ups and secret encounters. They can even be sexist and still practice sexism while being treated like an object by other men. (Even though a lot of men like this, just read any of the comments on this website about men being treated like a slut by other men) But they still have the benefit of going back to their professional lives and still be treated like 'real men.' So is bisexuality and same sex behavior equal among the genders? Hell no!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Since I'm a slightly overweight black woman who lives in the mid-west, am so stereotyped, that I'm not even allowed to comment on same sex relationships, rather they be causal or monogamous, because I am so stereotyped. In a class that I am taking right now, the teacher ask me to comment on gay marriage. To be honest, I really didn't have anything to say, cause it has nothing to do with me.

So in closing, do I believe that male privilege still exist in both the straight and same sex seeking world, yes. Men have a benefit, because they are more privileged and prized than women. Even as they get older, men are still more prized then women, while a woman is seen as 'used goods.' Even if a man is old and fat, he still feels a sense of sexual entitlement, even before a woman! He feels that a woman deserves to not have any sex, while he has all the sex. Yes, women are seen as ugly animals, while men are seen as being Godly, in need of constant pleasure, innocent. As a matter of fact, most women will put up with what society considers to be 'extreme' behavior from a man because women value men more than women. Men value men more than women also. They are taken more seriously while they still have the benefit of having same sexual encounters without being outed because men protect other men, and women aid them in this behavior, either knowingly or unknowingly.

Sexism is not equal, also. I believe that men can experience sexism too, especially men of color, but then men of color, will turn around, and make a rap song about how a woman is a bitch and a whore. Men aid in continuing the system of sexism, same for women too. Men continue to aid in system of homophobia, while still having same sex encounters in secret, while acting straight on the outside. Sure, most men will say its nobody business what they do, but then they look like a hypocrite when they feel a need to constantly control and look down on other people who arent like them.

[Ebonybifemme7]

I was going to add too, that I think that outwardly gay men are treated just as badly as women when it comes to sexism and discrimination from the outwardly straight male system in general. Buuuuttt, I havent had the best experiences working with some gay men, because they can still practice sexism and see women as being 'lesser than' although this isnt all gay men. I know there are gay men who do not care for bisexual men at all.

Theres is a crossdresser that I meant at the college that I go to. Wow, I love talking to that guy. Some of things that he have told me have blown my mind. He's experienced both hostility from females and males.

I would say that in general just chatting I've gotten along better with bisexual males then even gay women!

[kswinga01]

While I would agree that, as a whole, in society there is a such thing as "Male Privilage", but it goes away as soon as you are something other than a heterosexual male. I doubt men are anymore desired than women when it comes to sexuality, but I will agree that women generally get more criticism from operating "outside" of "gender norms".

[AnnaD31]

I tend to agree with your thoughts about male privilege, particularly men who are not "out". So many men on this site say how unfair it is that they would be discriminated against if they were "out", and yet so many have secret m2m sex. Very hypocritical, subscribing to societal norms and enjoying male privilege while at the same time stating that bisexual men in particular are discriminated against. Idea? Normalize male bisexuality. Quit using the shield that male heterosexual privilege provides, and show the world what "normal" should look like. The reality is that bisexual women are more accepted than bi men BECAUSE of male privilege. Women are objects. Women who have sex with women are even more sexualized, because society sends the message that women are put on this earth to please men. Bi women are accepted in the sense that there are two women to please a man instead of only one. A man I used to date once said to me "two women are twice as beautiful as one, why wouldn't I like that? But two men? No way, I'm not gay." Gender roles are greatly inforced this way through the media; women are to be beautiful and sexual and men are expected to treat us as such. Anything outside this norm is stigmatized. Want to male bisexuality more visible and accepted? Then stop subscribing to male privilege. Just my two cents.

[Realist]

I'm sorry, but I really didn't see a coherent message there. I did see some issues that are bugging the ladies...some of them bug me, too. But, the rambling manner in which it was written, really didn't identify a clear reason for spending that much effort to post it!

To me, it sounded more like a rant, than a request for feedback!

Is there one outstanding point, or many points, that you wanted to make? Could you discuss each point, one at a time?

If it's important to you for anyone to respond, a clearer picture of what you expected would help. What sort of reply did you want?

[Ebonybifemme7]

I'm sorry, but I really didn't see a coherent message there. I did see some issues that are bugging the ladies...some of them bug me, too. But, the rambling manner in which it was written, really didn't identify a clear reason for spending that much effort to post it!

To me, it sounded more like a rant, than a request for feedback!



Is there one outstanding point, or many points, that you wanted to make? Could you discuss each point, one at a time?

If it's important to you for anyone to respond, a clearer picture of what you expected would help. What sort of reply did you want?

Well basically what I'm saying in a nutshell is that males have sexual privilege that they take for granted. They basically feel that they can have their cake and eat it too. A man can just say what he has to say and he is taken seriously. A woman says something and tries to express herself and she is perceived as a threat and/or not taken seriously. Plenty of men on here argue and say that it is easier for a woman to be openly bisexual then a man, but I beg to differ on that one. A man can fulfill his desires much quicker then a woman. Men have more money, therefore they have more access and are more prized then females are. Men are more catered to then women, they are seen as more needed and wanted.

In a way, I kinda understand why most true lesbians wont mess with a bisexual woman. The majority of them have told me that they cannot compete with a man, men have too much privilege, and that its too comfortable for a woman to be with a man, all of the privilege that they are given.

[Ebonybifemme7]

I tend to agree with your thoughts about male privilege, particularly men who are not "out". So many men on this site say how unfair it is that they would be discriminated against if they were "out", and yet so many have secret m2m sex. Very hypocritical, subscribing to societal norms and enjoying male privilege while at the same time stating that bisexual men in particular are discriminated against. Idea? Normalize male bisexuality. Quit using the shield that male heterosexual privilege provides, and show the world what "normal" should look like. The reality is that bisexual women are more accepted than bi men BECAUSE of male privilege. Women are objects. Women who have sex with women are even more sexualized, because society sends the message that women are put on this earth to please men. Bi women are accepted in the sense that there are two women to please a man instead of only one. A man I used to date once said to me "two women are twice as beautiful as one, why wouldn't I like that? But two men? No way, I'm not gay." Gender roles are greatly inforced this way through the media; women are to be beautiful and sexual and men are expected to treat us as such. Anything outside this norm is stigmatized. Want to male bisexuality more visible and accepted? Then stop subscribing to male privilege. Just my two cents.


PREACH GIRLFRIEND!!!!! YOU TOOK THE WORDS OUT OF MY MOUTH!!!!!

And I can say with all honesty that me being bisexual has not been easy. At all!!!!!!! If anything, I've kinda 'gone back to the closet' sort of speak. It would be a lot easier just being straight or being lesbian, but I'm not; I'm bisexual, and my family still doesn't believe it. They don't take me seriously at all; they still think I'm straight. If I were a male and said I had sex with men, they'd take me more seriously.

Men do not realize how much privilege that they have.

[AGuyIKnow]

I don't feel that I'm any more privileged than females. Your reference of authority (twice) was straight people that would have no idea what it's like.

I'm Bi because there's something's that women don't seem to like to do and one thing that I just can't get from a woman.

I do find there's almost no hassle when it comes to sex with men though. We both know what we're there for and sometimes talk is spars and sex begins in less than a minute.

[Ebonybifemme7]

While I would agree that, as a whole, in society there is a such thing as "Male Privilage", but it goes away as soon as you are something other than a heterosexual male. I doubt men are anymore desired than women when it comes to sexuality, but I will agree that women generally get more criticism from operating "outside" of "gender norms".

Thanks for you reply. Good reply.

Do you think that more men would be out about being bi if society wasn't so dismissive of them?

Women get a lot of criticism. If a woman is not married by the age of 30, she looked at like she did something wrong. She has to have a man at any cost.

[Ebonybifemme7]

I don't feel that I'm any more privileged than females. Your reference of authority (twice) was straight people that would have no idea what it's like.

I'm Bi because there's something's that women don't seem to like to do and one thing that I just can't get from a woman.

I do find there's almost no hassle when it comes to sex with men though. We both know what we're there for and sometimes talk is spars and sex begins in less than a minute.


I get what your saying. Well, I'm not man, so I don't think like a man. I know that men have a constant need for sex, something as a woman I can't relate to, even though I am sexually fluid.

All I know is that I've worked with people who are straight and openly gay. Hell, even gay males are more prized and favored then gay women. I haven't worked with too many people who are out about being bi, but they have told me in private that are. I just believe that men have more privilege then women and always will. I worked with a gay woman who told me that male cab drivers flirted with her who used to take her to work, even though she told them that she was gay!

What a person does is their business but what I'm saying is that its not fair that same sex seeking men live off of straight male privilege. They basically can still be straight at work (which most people asked them if their straight, they would say that they are) but then still have the benefit of having same sex relationships and flings secretively.

Even if you look at this website, the male privilege is off the charts! The penis and cum worship is crazy!

As a woman I don't have access and privilege like that. Most women don't and never will. When you add race and culture into that, it gets even more complex.

[Ebonybifemme7]

I don't feel that I'm any more privileged than females. Your reference of authority (twice) was straight people that would have no idea what it's like.

I'm Bi because there's something's that women don't seem to like to do and one thing that I just can't get from a woman.

I do find there's almost no hassle when it comes to sex with men though. We both know what we're there for and sometimes talk is spars and sex begins in less than a minute.


Okay, this I do understand! In this aspect of sex with no hang ups, I understand why men do that with eachother.

But as a woman, I'm not allowed to have sex with no hang ups. Theres not too many women who seek sex with each-other secretively. Most women follow whatever their husband thinks or say. I've meant women who basically worship their husbands. I blame religion for a lot this. That's more so the men who do that. And even then, I could have sex with a man with no hang ups, but women are not men. We get pregnant; get STD's more easily; men do not. Women do not have the sexual freedom that males have and take for granted. Women in general are more hated then men. Men more prized and cherished.

[AGuyIKnow]

But as a woman, I'm not allowed to have sex with no hang ups.

I think this has more to do with the difference between men and women. Even as kids, boy's are more daring then girls. As adults, I think sex drive has a lot to do with it in men. Even though I'm 58, I get pretty horny if I don't cum every couple of days. I'll be much more agreeable to sex at that point. Women can go weeks without sex.

Religion may have some to do with it but if you check profiles, I think you'll find it doesn't correlate here.

[tenni]

“I tend to agree with your thoughts about male privilege, particularly men who are not “out".


Just what statistical information supports your premise that bisexual men who are not out have male privilege?(do you not mean heterosexual male privilege?)


I tend to agree that there is male privilege for heterosexual men and I can understand how you transfer this to bisexual men. Perhaps, you think that as a woman, male bisexuals are passing for male heterosexuals and that gives them privilege? Again, it really depends on what devices you are determining this. They may have certain privileges by repressing their sexuality but pay a cost that may be greater..don't know? Bisexual men(out or in) are rejected to a higher degree than bisexual women by heterosexual men as well as heterosexual women. How is that a privilege then? It may be true that it appears that if they are not out that they are passing for heteromen. Studies indicate that depression and thoughts of suicide are considerably greater for bisexual men than gay and lesbians and much much greater for heterosexual men and women. The same study indicates that bisexual women have the greatest stress creating thoughts of suicide and depression. This is not a privilege of being bisexual and not out or in. I might wager that those who are passing for hetero are paying for much more with depression, stress etc.


The reasons why some bisexual men do not out themselves has to do with discrimination and repression applied to bisexual men by the heterosexuals. Heterosexual women tend to reject bisexual men as lovers or marriage partners. Even bisexual women have been found to reject bisexual men (no stats but I suspect to a less extent than female heterosexals). Female bisexuals may be rejected by some heterosexual women but heterosexual men tend to objectify and sexualize female bisexuals while rejecting bisexual males. Like gay men, bisexual men are at a higher risk of violence from heterosexual men depending upon their behaviour. How is this a privilege?..lol

[Ebonybifemme7]

I think this has more to do with the difference between men and women. Even as kids, boy's are more daring then girls. As adults, I think sex drive has a lot to do with it in men. Even though I'm 58, I get pretty horny if I don't cum every couple of days. I'll be much more agreeable to sex at that point. Women can go weeks without sex.

Religion may have some to do with it but if you check profiles, I think you'll find it doesn't correlate here.

Thanks for the reply. But this is the thing that kills me about men, straight or secretly same sex seeking: They want to sit up and talk about openly gay men and make fun of them, when they know damn well that they really have no issue with sleeping with another man. Thats what kills me! They have at least thought of sleeping with a man, at least bi-curious in the least bit. And me, in my personal life at work, I do not talk about my bisexuality, but I, in least bit, do not care what a man or woman likes as long its legal and consensual.

I've had male coworkers who make fun of effeminate gay males, cross-dressers, etc. I'm like what is the big deal. Yes, there are gay people, but there are straight people too. It seems like most men keep up the system of homophobia while having the benefit of having sex with men without having to suffer what openly gay and same sex seeking males go through. Its like they hurt themselves in a sense.

[Ebonybifemme7]

“I tend to agree with your thoughts about male privilege, particularly men who are not “out".


Just what statistical information supports your premise that bisexual men who are not out have male privilege?(do you not mean heterosexual male privilege?)


I tend to agree that there is male privilege for heterosexual men and I can understand how you transfer this to bisexual men. Perhaps, you think that as a woman, male bisexuals are passing for male heterosexuals and that gives them privilege? Again, it really depends on what devices you are determining this. They may have certain privileges by repressing their sexuality but pay a cost that may be greater..don't know? Bisexual men(out or in) are rejected to a higher degree than bisexual women by heterosexual men as well as heterosexual women. How is that a privilege then? It may be true that it appears that if they are not out that they are passing for heteromen. Studies indicate that depression and thoughts of suicide are considerably greater for bisexual men than gay and lesbians and much much greater for heterosexual men and women. The same study indicates that bisexual women have the greatest stress creating thoughts of suicide and depression. This is not a privilege of being bisexual and not out or in. I might wager that those who are passing for hetero are paying for much more with depression, stress etc.

.

The reasons why some bisexual men do not out themselves has to do with discrimination and repression applied to bisexual men by the heterosexuals. Heterosexual women tend to reject bisexual men as lovers or marriage partners. Even bisexual women have been found to reject bisexual men (no stats but I suspect to a less extent than female heterosexals). Female bisexuals may be rejected by some heterosexual women but heterosexual men tend to objectify and sexualize female bisexuals while rejecting bisexual males. Like gay men, bisexual men are at a higher risk of violence from heterosexual men depending upon their behaviour. How is this a privilege?..lol

All of this ^^^^^ Great post, very true. I'm bisexual but I dont know or think I could be in a serious relationship with a bisexual male.
You are right; there is no privilege in being bisexual at least from a politically correct standpoint; gay people even reject bisexuals. What I am talking about is the bisexual men who PRETEND to be straight even though they know damn well they like men and have the freedom of going out to pursue a man, while still being heterosexual publicly

[cbb83]

Wait. Bisexual women can be just as stealthy as bisexual men (in regards to living a "hetero" lifestyle) and from what I've seen bisexuality is considered more acceptable amongst women - maybe it's a regional thing. I've seen/heard of men beaten nearly to death for admitting bisexuality or homosexuality on an alarmingly regular basis; lives and careers get ruined, dating a woman when you're a known bisexual is tough because they more or less auto-assume that you will cheat on them with a man (which is bullcrap, plenty of bisexuals are also monogamous), straight males will often think less of you and may shun you because they think you'll come on to them. usually when a girl comes out the men that find out just think it's hot. Unless you've encountered some particularly vicious women - how do men have a privilege in that regard?

I don't know, from my standpoint it feels as though women have a somewhat easier time of being bisexual than men. Maybe this bias we're seeing is just a matter of it always being greener on the other side of the fence. Maybe both men and women are equally screwed in society.

[Ebonybifemme7]

Wait. Bisexual women can be just as stealthy as bisexual men (in regards to living a "hetero" lifestyle) and from what I've seen bisexuality is considered more acceptable amongst women - maybe it's a regional thing. I've seen/heard of men beaten nearly to death for admitting bisexuality or homosexuality on an alarmingly regular basis; lives and careers get ruined, dating a woman when you're a known bisexual is tough because they more or less auto-assume that you will cheat on them with a man (which is bullcrap, plenty of bisexuals are also monogamous), straight males will often think less of you and may shun you because they think you'll come on to them. usually when a girl comes out the men that find out just think it's hot. Unless you've encountered some particularly vicious women - how do men have a privilege in that regard?

I don't know, from my standpoint it feels as though women have a somewhat easier time of being bisexual than men. Maybe this bias we're seeing is just a matter of it always being greener on the other side of the fence. Maybe both men and women are equally screwed in society.

This^^^

Women don't get as much hostility as men, but they still get ignored and basically told that what they are going through is a phase. I think that men, while they do experience opened hostility, can practice their behavior in private without judgement. While women have to be married to have that type of sexual freedom, women cannot go out and pursue sex. I dont have the freedom to call a prostitute or whore when I want sex. Men do.

[AGuyIKnow]

I dont have the freedom to call a prostitute or whore when I want sex. Men do.

OMG, where were you when I was single? LOL

[kswinga01]

This^^^

Women don't get as much hostility as men, but they still get ignored and basically told that what they are going through is a phase. I think that men, while they do experience opened hostility, can practice their behavior in private without judgement. While women have to be married to have that type of sexual freedom, women cannot go out and pursue sex. I dont have the freedom to call a prostitute or whore when I want sex. Men do.


This I don't agree with. Women express their sexual freedom all the time, and without repression or judgement. They pursue sex, they have partners, and are not married. They don't have to call prostitutes or whores to get sex, and neither do you. You have more power over your sexual experience than you give yourself.

The prostitute example bugs me, since it involves breaking the law. I'm sure we could all take advantage of various situations and force sex upon someone, via the dollar or force, but that doesn't give anyone any sort of sexual freedom. It's rather the opposite.

You underestimate the power of the(your's maybe) punani...

[tenni]

Thanks for your open mind Ebony
As far as women being able to exhibit their same sex behaviour, it happens in all kinds of situations where women may hug, kiss and hold hands. No one even bats an eyelash..lol If two men bisexual or gay or some combination show the same behaviour they may be endangering their physical safety unless in a very safe place. Women may do this all the time walking down any street day or night. Most are assumed to be heterosexual women rather than bisexual or lesbian unless they exhibit more intimate longer sexual play with each other. (heteromen might pull up a chair with popcorn...lol)

I agree that women regardless of their sexuality may feel ignored or have to argue stronger to get their view across but I think those days are reducing compared to fifty years ago.

Can you expand on your thought about women and sexual freedom being connected to marriage? I agree that men interested in quick same sex activity seem have more places such as bathhouses, cruising areas for same sex play than bisexual or lesbians. In larger cities there are clubs for bisexual women and lesbians though. I've never heard of the seedier underside that men will go lurking for sex whether gay or bi. Is the internet a place where bisexual and lesbians may go? Do women want such casual sex places or are women more interested in relationships than bisexual/gay men who may select quick sex. Is this not a gender difference then rather than a privilege issue?

[pole_smoker]

I've met women who are very open about their sexuality and they happen to be bisexual or lesbian. Some do hook up with other women, or if they're bi men, and that's what they are into.

Yes women who are bi or lesbian do have people who do not accept them, and no not all lesbian or bi women are out or open about being bi or lesbian. There are lesbian or all women's bath houses, and bars. There are also websites for bi and lesbian women.

[azirish]

Women have soo much easier!, not calling out your experiences at all. In my experiences, I've learned that society hates "gays" not lesbians but gays. I've been told many times by both male and females how they hate "gays". Never once did those I asked considered lesbians as gay at all, bi females are ideal their worlds. "Gays" spread disease in their minds and worse etc, bi women/lesbians aren't "gay" as those of that believe see it. As far as men of "color" really?, I never seen a clear person, unless your hunting ghosts I fail to see anything regarding this. In my personal experiences I see and read and hear all the time how people in general hate and loath "gays". We have several of those types here as well, lest to think this community as nice as it is immune to that thinking.




As a bisexual female of color, who's been out since she was 20, I've had very bittersweet experiences. I've had straight people reject people for being bi, even though I still like men. I've had gay people reject me because I'm not gay enough. Majority of the people that I've meant are not cool with bisexuality and homosexuality/same sexual relations at all. People who I've chatted with have told me just to worry about myself and not worry about what others think. I wish it was that simple.

Its been a long road. My family have told me straight that they do not agree with this, and that they do not believe that I am attracted to women.

Until I joined this website I didnt know that there were so many bicurious and bisexual males out there. Had no idea. I mean I knew it existed but I thought the number of bisexual women out numbered bisexual men. Boy was I wrong! I can say with all honesty after chatting with people that there are more bisexual/same sex seeking men then women. If anything, most women are straight and another woman couldnt do anything for them. I'm living proof of that. But most of my straight female friends would say that a bi man is a man thats basically going through the transition to being gay. That bisexuality is a transitional phase.

Most of the men on this website are with women who have no issue with them being bisexual, (well, not all women, but most) as long as they come home to them every night. Now I dont know if I could be in a relationship with a bisexual man. I do know that bisexuals in general are hated; the reason why is that it dis-spells the myth that sexual orientation is one-sided and that men who are with women can't be with men; that women who are with men can't be with women, etc. I know a lot of people would say I am a hypocrite for that. Lesbians always point out that this makes bisexual women hypocrites. Maybe I'm still somewhat bi-phobic or homophobic. I still questioned that within myself. I was raised to have fear for anyone who wasn't a Christian and straight. They were not to be trusted. Even race wasnt a reason to fear growing up. As a kid, I was taught that racism existed, but that I shouldnt judge people because of the color of their skin. I was raised to trust a white or other non black as long as they were a Christian. But thats a different discussion for a different day ;)

On this website, there seems to be a lot of male privilege. I see endless threads about how a man should satisfy a man orally or anally. Oral sex was something I used to do with I was in my earlier 20's but now I'm not so quick to do that, cause sometimes I dont think that men are very clean. I think that a persons sexual orientation, who they sleep with, is there business, but it seems that a lot of guys on this website still have the benefit of being married to a woman, having a heterosexual family appearance, while having secret same sex flings and hook ups, all the while, having a straight appearance and saying to their mostly straight coworkers: I'm straight, making homophobic jokes at work, while having male on male hook ups and secret encounters. They can even be sexist and still practice sexism while being treated like an object by other men. (Even though a lot of men like this, just read any of the comments on this website about men being treated like a slut by other men) But they still have the benefit of going back to their professional lives and still be treated like 'real men.' So is bisexuality and same sex behavior equal among the genders? Hell no!!!!!!!!!!

Me: Since I'm a slightly overweight black woman who lives in the mid-west, am so stereotyped, that I'm not even allowed to comment on same sex relationships, rather they be causal or monogamous, because I am so stereotyped. In a class that I am taking right now, the teacher ask me to comment on gay marriage. To be honest, I really didn't have anything to say, cause it has nothing to do with me.

So in closing, do I believe that male privilege still exist in both the straight and same sex seeking world, yes. Men have a benefit, because they are more privileged and prized than women. Even as they get older, men are still more prized then women, while a woman is seen as 'used goods.' Even if a man is old and fat, he still feels a sense of sexual entitlement, even before a woman! He feels that a woman deserves to not have any sex, while he has all the sex. Yes, women are seen as ugly animals, while men are seen as being Godly, in need of constant pleasure, innocent. As a matter of fact, most women will put up with what society considers to be 'extreme' behavior from a man because women value men more than women. Men value men more than women also. They are taken more seriously while they still have the benefit of having same sexual encounters without being outed because men protect other men, and women aid them in this behavior, either knowingly or unknowingly.

Sexism is not equal, also. I believe that men can experience sexism too, especially men of color, but then men of color, will turn around, and make a rap song about how a woman is a bitch and a whore. Men aid in continuing the system of sexism, same for women too. Men continue to aid in system of homophobia, while still having same sex encounters in secret, while acting straight on the outside. Sure, most men will say its nobody business what they do, but then they look like a hypocrite when they feel a need to constantly control and look down on other people who arent like them.

[azirish]

Have you been assumed to have HIV? have you been assumed to be deviant and things that I don't dare to mention? Simply because you are a bisexual male? I know its hard to believe but others also have it as bad or worse than you.




This I don't agree with. Women express their sexual freedom all the time, and without repression or judgement. They pursue sex, they have partners, and are not married. They don't have to call prostitutes or whores to get sex, and neither do you. You have more power over your sexual experience than you give yourself.

The prostitute example bugs me, since it involves breaking the law. I'm sure we could all take advantage of various situations and force sex upon someone, via the dollar or force, but that doesn't give anyone any sort of sexual freedom. It's rather the opposite.

You underestimate the power of the(your's maybe) punani...

[AnnaD31]

What I was trying to convey earlier: women are more accepted as bisexual and lesbian for one reason and one reason only: we are the "weaker" sex. Being penetrated, SSA, it's all conveyed as "feminine", and therefore accepted for females. But men? Society says that men need to be masculine and therefore superior. Men who display effeminate qualities or who enjoy being penetrated sexually are seen as less "manly" and more "womanly", which has a very negative connotation. Society implies that being female is "less than" being male, which is why it is such a big deal for men who have sex with men to speak up. Gay people spent decades advocating for their rights, and even now only gay men who fit the stereotype are accepted. Keep in mind that by being a stereotypical gay male, the person is now "less than" the almighty masculine heterosexual acting male, because by default, feminine qualities are deemed negative. It's less of an issue for women because we are already projected as inferior regardless of our sexual orientation. I reiterate what I said before: to be accepted, you need to be seen, normalized. So more heterosexual acting men need to "come out" of their bisexual closets and abandon the male privilege that accompanies their straight acting appearance. Until the world accepts that male and female qualities are equal, there will always be discrimination against m2m.

[AnnaD31]

In addition, women who act as anything other than feminine are rejected and discriminated against as well, because women are supposed to act and look a certain way (like women) and never are we allowed to invade upon masculinity. Butch acting, alternative appearances, and dominant personalities are not acceptable female traits, because they are reserved for the stronger, superior male. Suppression of traditionally "male" characteristics in women is evident in pretty much every society in the world, from direct oppression of women through covering clothing (think the burka) to salary inequality between genders (which happens right here in Canada all the time). I understand completely what OP was trying to originally convey in her first post. Heterosexual male privilege and discrimination against sexual orientation all comes back to gender inequality and assignment of gender roles.

[pole_smoker]

Have you been assumed to have HIV? have you been assumed to be deviant and things that I don't dare to mention? Simply because you are a bisexual male? I know its hard to believe but others also have it as bad or worse than you.

There are a lot of lesbians who like to believe that bisexual women, or their male sex partners are the ones that infect lesbians with STDs and that lesbians somehow can't give each other STDs including HIV but that's not true.

[Ebonybifemme7]

AnnaD31: Thank you for understanding where I am coming from. Men do not realize how much privilege that they have, even with the homophobia that they face. They are way more catered to then women. As a single bisexual woman, I am not catered to at all. If anything, people want me to conform and be straight. Any desire for the same sex or any same sex behavior is out of the question. I was just reading a local newspaper, and they the sex phone line section in the back of the paper. Guess what: ALL GEARED TOWARDS MEN! Towards both heterosexual and homosexual men. Bisexual men can choose from either side lol.

Everyone else: great replies even tho I don't agree with some, we can all agree to disagree.

[Ebonybifemme7]

OMG, where were you when I was single? LOL


See what I mean? LOL. Married and involved men who still feel to have more then what they already have.

[Ebonybifemme7]

This I don't agree with. Women express their sexual freedom all the time, and without repression or judgement. They pursue sex, they have partners, and are not married. They don't have to call prostitutes or whores to get sex, and neither do you. You have more power over your sexual experience than you give yourself.

The prostitute example bugs me, since it involves breaking the law. I'm sure we could all take advantage of various situations and force sex upon someone, via the dollar or force, but that doesn't give anyone any sort of sexual freedom. It's rather the opposite.

You underestimate the power of the(your's maybe) punani...

Sorry, I disagree.

Women can be sexual, but they are criticized much much more then men for simply coming out and saying that I love sex. Like with Beyonce, she got more sexual with her latest album, my mom called her nasty. I'm like what about all of the rappers who say offensive stuff about women. Men can be nasty but they arent criticized like women.