Tell me about anal...

[Marco L]

While I have some mutual MM oral experience, I have yet to top or bottom. I'm particularly interested in bottoming (I've had anal sex with my wife and we both really love that).
Maybe I'm just really, really tight but I'm thinking this would be very, very painful unless the topper is very moderately endowed. I'm wondering how some of you guys "loosen up" or accept penetration without pain. What do you do to prepare? I'm gathering that after a few times, maybe your anus is used to opening up more?
I need some advice for a first-timer. My wife and I are currently seeking a "third" to have fun with and this is on my list of things I really want to experience. I think the sensation would be awesome as long as there was no pain involved...
Thanks for your input.

[Coast bi racer]

yes after a little practice it gets a bit more use to being "open." Remember its a muscle and has muscle memory. I thought the same thing and started with things as small as sharpies. Then I went to slightly bigger things like comb handles. Oh the things you try when you are a curious teen! Now I have my own toy collection I use. I really enjoy anal beads. Those helped me with the relaxing part of something penetrating you. I am still very tight down there though and most "regular" dildos still kind of hurt. I honestly think that since I'm just a smaller guy I must have a smaller anal cavity then most. I can't even imagine how some people can get a fist in there! LOL Anyways, go buy yourself a small toy. Something that gets gradually larger closer to the base or a anal "initiation" kit. That will help.

[Marco L]

Hey Coast bi racer: thanks for the input. I did the same thing while growing up...tried lots of little things. I've tried a medium-sized butt plug but after about the half-way mark it gets pretty painful. My wife put it all the way in once and I was sore for a week (!). Interesting insight about being a smaller guy...I am too (about 5' 8"). I never really thought of that. I see these guys in the porn flicks just take it and wonder: "how did you just do that?"

Yeah, I can't believe fisting, either...

And I'm wondering: does anal sex damage the anus??? Does it damage the muscle by overstretching it?

[Rambigent]

I have done quite a bit of anal play solo and with my wife pegging me. Only bottomed with another guy once; my wife and his wife watched. He was fairly well endowed and went slow, positioning his cock at my opening and letting me push back on it until he was all the way inside me. He got going for a bit but I could only handle it for a few minutes before I needed a break. It was pretty intense and hot for all involved, I had a little bleeding after but mostly just a nice, slightly sore stretched feeling. I'm hoping to get the chance to try again soon, maybe with someone a bit closer to average size to start.

The main things to keep in mind with anal are go slow and use LOTS of lube. Your anal sphincter will relax but it does need time to adjust to whatever it is penetrating you. Listen to your body, stay relaxed, and don't push yourself too much. As with anything, yes you can overdo it and do some damage but if you take it slow and call it quits if things start to feel less enjoyable and more painful, you will be fine. Training your ass over time to take larger toys is a good way to practice for the real thing. And there are lots of good guides online for enjoying anal safe anal sex.

Did I mention use lots of lube? A lot!

[Coast bi racer]

+1 on the lube!!! What kind are you using Marco? I use this stuff called Wicked and its great. Its water based so safe to use with condoms and sex toys. I use quite a bit of it. Almost to the point where you are like damn thats too much lube, means you just barely have enough. That will help with the pain. Make sure to listen to your body and if its too painful then stop and re-evaluate. Make sure you re-lube too when using water based lube. Also, like Rambigent said try to relax as much as possible, get your anus as relaxed as possible. if it doesn't freely "pop" or slide right in then you are not relaxed enough. One of my favorite toys is this toy thats about 8 inches or so in length and it is tapered using balls going from maybe .25 inch in diameter to 1.25 inch at the bottom. It has a ripple effect and feels amazing. its one of my smallest toys but the best one I always start with and typically cum from it sliding in and out at a moderately fast pace. The second toy I like to use has a tip about the same size as the base of my first one so in turn it slowly opens me up and stretches me to the biggest toy I have which is a 2" diameter. When I have that I can only do it for a short time or it does start to hurt and i typically revert back to the smaller toy I have.

[nomorenomore]

My wife had gotten me some smaller toys, but enventually I graduated to the All American, 8 " x 1.5". Suction cup base. I use it in the shower, so I use soap instead of lube. Like others said, you have to take it slow, but soon I have it deep in me and oozing precum. It is the only sex I get these days, so I try to enjoy it as much as I can. If it is painful, I don't do it. Like others said, you have to listen to your body. Took a little while to get used to it, but now it is pretty much soap up and ride. Be nice if the other side of the tub was more squared so I could try it on all fours.

[steamienix]

The first thing to do to avoid pain is to empty yourself and wash and dry your anus. Make sure you've gotten as much out as possible even if that means postponing penetration till you feel empty. This is important because if there's some "matter" up there, you will feel it later and it's not very pleasant. Usually, attempted penetration will stimulate a movement so if you begin penetrating yourself prior to being empty, you will probably find that your body wants to empty itself once you start poking around.
I always start by lubing up my finger with some Astroglide and applying a big dollop directly to my anus hole. I then push in a little to get the lube inside and slowly start inserting my finger. I put another dollop in my anus and then am able to get my finger to slide in easily. The muscle tends to tighten around your finger, but if you push out a little (like you do when emptying) you will see that the muscle loosens allowing you to penetrate easier.
Once you have loosened up a bit, lube up your toy with a heavy layer and try to penetrate. The lube will not be sufficient once you've actually penetrated so after you get it in, relax a bit, let the muscle loosen, then remove the toy, re-lube it, and then reinsert it. This time, it should go in with nearly Zero pain or resistance. You will find that all that lube is paying off and you should be able to slip and slide on it and you won't believe how amazing it feels. After a few minutes, you'll actually be wishing it was bigger. You can now ride or grind or whatever you like and there shouldn't be any pain whatsoever. If you touch your cock, you'll see how the anal penetration enhances it (squeezing your toy will enhance it too). Go slow for a while and eventually you'll build up to where you are just fucking the living shit out it, won't believe that so much pleasure can be had by having something up your ass and will cum like you never have before. Once you practice that a few times, you'll want to try cumming hands-free. It takes a while and with all my personal experiences, it's only happened once. But it was Damn Amazing!
I used to feel dirty and embarrassed about enjoying this activity, but reading this and other forums, new attitudes in society and overall acceptance of who I am has lead me to a place where I am rather proud of it (though not necessarily "out" about it) and I really look forward to the evenings where my girlfriend is away and I can get a little ass-fucking in. The only problem I have now is that even when I'm having sex with her, I am wishing I had a dildo or cock up my ass. I don't dare tell her because she is the type who would fixate on it and probably obsess over it, feeling challenged by my liking another activity. However, whenever I get a chance, I climb on and ride the night away. Mmmm.

[leredacteur]

All the advice here is good. But in my experience, your age when you start experimenting is an important factor. If you're over, let's say, 45 or 50, reconsider trying anal penetration. An older anus isn't as elastic as a younger one and tends to "lose" a bit of its muscle "memory," resulting in what's euphemisitically known as anal leakage. You know what it means, though. There's only one thing that leaks from the anus.

One responder pointed out that the anal sphincter is a muscle, but in reality, there are two anal sphincters, an internal and an external, and they are quite different structures. The internal sphincter, made up of layers of circular muscle tissue, is an integral part of the anal canal and cannot be voluntarily controlled by you. The external sphincter, which you can consciously control, is multi-layered striated muscle and is controlled by you.

If you start young enough (I was younger than 20), and are of just average physical size, it shouldn't be difficult to accustom yourself to gentle penetration by a series of soft blunt objects ranging from your own index finger (inside a finger cot, which looks like a tiny condom and can be bought at any drugstore in containers of ten or twenty) to a small but lifelike dildo. To begin, lubricate the anus generously with a non-greasy (water-based) lubricant, lubricate the finger-cotted finger, place the finger tip at the mouth of the anus and apply gentle but constant pressure. The external sphincter is very strong muscle but it has a short memory. Keep the gentle pressure up for half a minute or so and you'll feel the muscle relaxing slightly of its own accord. Let the finger sink in a bit deeper, until the sphincter clamps down again, then continue the gentle pressure until the muscle relaxes slightly again and let's you sink in a bit deeper. It may take three or four repetitions of that before you've got you whole finger inside, at which point you can slowly and gentle wiggle the finger around to experiment with the sensation. It's important, too, to take deep, even, relaxing breaths while you're experimenting. Slow, deep breathing relaxes the muscle.

If you experience pain as someone penetrates you, stop immediately; your penetrator is going too fast or the penetrating object is too hard or too large for you. When the pain subsides, check to see if you're bleeding. If you're not, you can try again: slower, more gently, with less pressure and perhaps a smaller penetrating object.

If you're experimenting with an actual live cock, don't let your lover control the speed or power of the penetration; have him sit still and hold his cock in position while you lower your ass onto it at a speed and pressure you're comfortable with.

Lastly, once you've accustomed yourself to penetration, exercise good judgement about the guys you're going to play with. Some men have "iron bar" pricks that don't bend or yield easily; they're the most difficult to take, no matter how much experience you have. The easiest ones are those that are of reasonable size and some flexibility -- especially the ones that never get stiff as stone but remain semipermanently half hard.

Good luck !

[jamieknyc]

Also, do NOT use anything sharp or that could cause you an injury. The tissues of the rectum are very delicate and you can cause yourself serious injury.

[cbb83]

And I'm wondering: does anal sex damage the anus??? Does it damage the muscle by overstretching it?

Short answer: yes. If you do it too much, it will permanently loosen it or alter the shape of it. Same deal if you go too large. If you limit yourself to something not larger than a medium-large sized penis and only do it once or twice a week it will take years before you notice any difference, and it won't be much. If you keep to the above and only do it once every couple of weeks you will probably be ok perpetually by virtue of it healing during the off week. Keep things smaller and you can do it a couple times a week just about perpetually as well.

All that said, it's a resilient muscle and unless you stretch it out too much you probably won't notice incontinence problems until old age - which to be fair may happen anyway. Yes, though, it is a risk - if you stretch it out too much it will grow looser over time, and you can cause damage. However, you can do it responsibly and safely with care.

[HaroldSaxon]

A few tips
1. Use lots of lube
2. keep your knees together. The ass is the opposite of a vagina so the wider you spread your legs the tighter your ass gets.
3. Push like you are pooping when you are inserting an object and the muscle will open up just like it would to allow feces to pass.
4. Buy yourself a good set of butt plugs and start with the smallest and work your way up to the larger sizes.
5. Breath and relax. If you tense up it will hurt.
If you do these things you should be enjoying anal in no time.

[elian]

I have found that it is a lot of work, lot of aerobic exercise, a pain to get into the right position and yes, if you try to force it or don't use enough lube, a physical pain too..it can feel - really, really good - but it certainly isn't as easy as some other activities..even anal play with toys is a lot easier.