Married, bi and nervous!

[louther]

I was going to post this as a reply to the bi hubbies thread but as I typed I figured it would be better as a new post altogether.
I've posted here before, I'd consider myself bi, but haven't been active in years. I had some encounters when I was younger, always solo only oral and never with a girl present.

My current struggle is that I like the idea of sex with a guy, and can get turned on with bi porn and some gay scenes too, although anal isn't really a turn on. I've told my wife about this and what happened when I was younger and she actually says it turns her on and she has encouraged the idea of getting a guy and doing this together.


Obviously I'm a bit nervous about all this! It's been a long time since I've done anything with a guy and even though it turns me on I've struggled with actually pulling the trigger so to speak. So my point here I guess is how did all you handle it? I mean telling the wife and then deciding to go ahead and bringing a guy into things? Maybe it's just me but I guess I get a bit embarrassed and nervous about the thought of her watching me suck a cock! I also this thought that maybe this is better left in the "fantasy world" or that maybe if I do it it won't be what I remember or that I no longer like playing with guys.

I guess I should add that we've had threesomes with girls that came with my wife's rules that I wasn't allowed to fuck the other girl but I could do oral and she could on me. It could also never be a solo thing we both had to be there or no go. The wife also says she has no desire to fuck other men, and I'm not sure I want her to either, even though some of your stories here make me wish I knew I would t regret letting someone man handle her lol! I've thought maybe I could find someone & test out the waters alone but I don't really like the idea of cheating. Based on her rules from threesomes with girls I'm sure she wouldn't really like the idea of me going out & meeting guys alone either. I guess I'd just to like to see how some of you handled the situation or if anyone else out there is like me!

[Swirl]

You have absolutely no reason to cheat. Two kinds of women it seems, those who are turned on by it and those who aren't. Those who are seem to be really turned on by it the same way many men are turned by two women together. If your wife is in this camp and, as you say, encouraging the idea, this is very positive.

To get over your fear of how she might view you, perhaps a little role play with her is in order. Ye olde strap-on blow job maybe. Or even things as simple as allowing her to take charge. That is actually one of the points of the her on top position. You may lightly emphasize the point by sucking her fingers while she woman handles you.

Importantly, remember that being bi or even gay doesn't automatically mean unmanly, as Micheal Sam just made so remarkably clear. Steering your bi and gay porn towards muscly men some may help.

Have fun and good luck

[Hypersexual11]

I wish I could say the fantasies were better than the real thing but it would be a lie. I didn't realize that while I was fantasizing about mmf sex, there were no tastes, smells, feelings other than the wank. The first time we did it I thought I would go deaf from my heart pounding so loud. It's a strange thing though. Once the clothes came off, we became quite relaxed. We had drank a glass of wine before and did a few hits of weed which helped calm things down. The first time, in my and my wife's opinion was a failure but we kept trying, knowing there was an amazing lover out there.

The tough part in all this is communicating to my wife, my desires. I just can't bring myself to say things like "Honey, I really need to suck a hot thick load from a stiff cock". Hell, I can't even say "Would you like to have an MMF with _______ this weekend". I think our upbringing and stigma keeps us from being very comfortable with this.

Concerning the rules. We started with a bunch of rules. They were broken immediately. I was really concerned how I would feel about seeing my wife taken by another man but never told her she couldn't. I was very surprised that the only emotion I felt when seeing it was pride. Then when she took her first DP, I felt pride, and intense lust. Now that is hot.

It's a big leap to jump into something like this. I suggest at least trying it. Risk is hard, change is difficult, regret is horrible.

[Swirl]

Great stuff Hyper

[Visexual]

Why not simply agree and let your wife take the helm?

[louther]

Awesome stuff hyper!

Visexual...I don't know. I guess I'm a big pussy about the whole thing. Afraid ill chicken out last minute & not be able to do it? Maybe a lil worried she'll think less of me after or not actually be turned but grossed out or think I'm not into her anymore? I don't know I guess I just see it as a big step that could have bad results?

[lokione]

lout her you sound a lot like me.... When my partner and I finally asked another guy to join us, she couldn't control hot excited SHE got. That ended all the questions.

Feel free to send me your contact info, then when I get to your locale I'll be sure to offer myself up as your grand experiment...:)

PS no worries at all if you get cold feet and decide to boot me out at the last minute, I'm more than content with just going back to my hotel and rubbing one out while fantasizing about what might have been, hell I do that all the time now LOL

[NakedInSeattle]

You should be so proud and happy that it turns her on and that she wants to join you in this. Do you know how many millions of sexually frustrated bi and bi-curious men are out there whose wife would kick them to the curb for even thinking about this? You are very fortunate indeed, my friend (as am I).

I say "game on."

[Wang_Dang_Tango]

With my wife I startd out by sucking off her sub she was extremely turned on by this. Then a couple of weeks ago we met somebody online he was fucking her while I was eating her out and licking his cock when he came he pulled out of her and shoved his cock in my mouth and shot his whole load in my mouth I must say it was at that point that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I loved sucking cock and she loved seeing another guy cum in my mouth. Next she wants to see me topped. good luck

[notmacbi]

I'm with you louther... Nervous, excited it kills me sometimes. My wife and I had sex in the same room as another couple once. She was hotter than hell! They invited us to join them but we didn't. I think seeing her so excited still excites me beyond belief. I would have loved to have sex with them. We have since talked about it and fantasized. Yet I have a hard time telling her I would have loved to guide his cock into her hot pussy and suck them both off. And now I wank off thinking about it. I would love to have her feed a big stiff cock to me. But how do I communicate this to her. I feel she would not be thrilled by the idea.

[Realist]

Louther, those of us who have experienced what you propose have probably gone about it in many different ways. Some just jump right in and begin fucking like a troop of minks, while others like to get to know someone and develop rapport and emotions, first. Before sex becomes part of a relationship, they need to develop a compatible mind-set.

Only you know what is best for you and your wife. Here, especially at this point, open and honest communication with your wife is extremely important!

In my 20s, I had 3 poly relationships. The 1st one failed, with a married couple, because of one partner's jealousy (not mine) and the fact that we didn't know each other well, when we began. The 2nd one was maybe one of the most rewarding relationships of my life! That time we did all the right things (for us) and the experience was exemplary from beginning to end! The 3rd was different, but it was sublime. I think the successes were because of getting to know all parties, deciding the rules, and hashing out the issues, beforehand.

I assure you, that you are one of the lucky ones, because of your wife's interest and acceptance. Living with the urges you have, without the support of your wife, can be hell! I haven't read your profile and don't know your age, but if you feel the need for male companionship, now, in the future it will get stronger! Luckily, you don't have to hide that desire and may even be able to share it with your mate!

The potential for pleasure beyond your wildest dreams is in place. But, also present, is the chance it would all go very wrong, if you don't review all the parameters and make the appropriate arrangements, before intimacy begins. You've got to reveal your true feelings, interests, and goals, to your wife and allow her to voice her feelings as well. Only when you are in total agreement, should you proceed!

I can see that she has definite ideas about how any connection should be conducted. Don't discount her feelings and be honest with yours, too!

I have been in a committed relationship with a bisexual girl for the past 6 years and, within the past month, began a parallel relationship with a Kinsey type 4 male.

This is how I brought him into the relationship: We wrote and discussed our interests, goals, and desires, before we made our minds up to meet. During a couple of face-to-face meetings, we discussed some history and hopes for the future. Then, we identified what rules we felt were important.

When it was determined that we were compatible, liked each other, and were attracted to each other, we made a date and planned to take things to the next step.

We were building familiarity, and trust, then worked toward our ultimate goal, which was NOT just sex, but a mutually rewarding, intimate, relationship.

At this point, my GF, who had been kept abreast of my entire process of vetting the "new addition", chose not to join us. (in the beginning, at least) She may, or may not want to later, but it's important that she likes and trusts the new person, now.

I have no intention of encouraging either of them to do anything with each other; that is totally up to them. I'd be glad to share them and have no jealousy issues, but want whatever they do to be up to them.

Your wife, apparently, is open to joining in. Believe me, you're an extremely lucky fellow and, if you find the right person to be with... then, you and your wife can (in a partnership) come up with some rules that will keep everyone happy.

The results came be remarkable and rewarding.

Good luck!

[louther]

Wow Realist great post!

I guess this all boils down to me and my uncertainty. I know I'm lucky to have a partner that is open enough to not walk away or divorce me trust me I know how rare it is by all the posts from married guys on here. For those of you that asked or wondered I am 41. I have had experiences in the past, starting with a cousin at a VERY young age. Then later as an adult in my 20s I traded oral with an older man. I didn't hate any of it and actually found I enjoyed it. The stigma of M2M sex has kept me "closeted" to everyone except the wife. We have talked about it (obviously) and I have no regrets with that. I need to just get over the idea or thoughts in my head about being dirty, wrong, or getting ostracized for being a man and wanting to suck dick!

for those of you reading this post and scared of the wife, all I can say is only you know your wife. I tested the waters with mine by watching MMF bi porn to gauge reaction and went on from there. It is honestly liberating to know I don't have to hide, and to be able to share my fantasies. If you can tell your wife I really recommend doing so, who knows you may get surprised to find she isn't as turned off as you think. If you can get her to role play, even better for you even if that's all you can get! Now taking the first step to actually doing something is nothing I can help with obviously!

id like to thank all of you that reply it's great to have a way to talk it out and to know I'm not alone.

[louther]

Naked in Seattle... I am happy she is so open, it's my own hang ups slowing me down and I know this.

[Swirl]

We're rooting for you, ya lout. Remember, there are plenty here that would choke someone for what you potentially have. Don't blow this...I mean do blow this...I mean...don't make me come over there.