killing me softly with your words...

[Long Duck Dong]

yeah they are the words from a song... and they possibly are the best way to tell somebody about your bisexuality

we have a lot of posts and threads in here about being honest with ya partner... and thats fantastic.... but just how do you tell ya partner ??

hi honey, i'm home... btw, i'm bisexual, i wanna get it on with other people and I have kept you in the dark for years.... oh... did i tell you i love you

you can imagine the ear piercing screams of hurt, rage and horror


i tend to find that if the total impact of sexuality is introduced over time, a person is less likely to kill you with a cast iron frying pan

bisexuality needs to be introduced at a level of acceptance that is within your partners abilities.... and in order to do that, you must know your partner.... not the wife/ husband, or the lover...the house cleaner/ bread winner, the baby maker...... i am talking about the person you have in your arms and that YOU are saying I LOVE YOU to

BUT, how many of us know our partners fav fantasy, the ultimate deepest sexual desires......the hidden fears about sex...the things they are screaming for you to do in bed, that you don't know about

the secret is not talking but watching, listening and learning......

sit down with your partner and watch desperate housewives, and listen to what they about each situation

listen to what they say about things like mrs bobbit and the unkind cut.... if they cheer for mrs bobbit, I would seriously worry about your chances of surviving telling them about your sexuality

a lot of the people in this site, learnt that skill... the art of listening to their partners reactions and opinions before they opened up about the bisexuality aspect... the ones that introduced it over time and allowed their partners the time to adapt to the hurt, pain and confusion, are the ones that talk about having the best relationships with their partners... crazy thing is, they may not realise just how well they actually did it

the final step of saying to your partner " i am bisexual " takes a few seconds...unless you wanna drag out each word for a hour and take 3 hours to say I am bisexual... but getting ready to say it, and choosing the right moment can take a few years.... so if you are ready to reveal your sexuality to your partner, ask yourself the following questions

is my partner homophobic ???
how well does my partner handle shocking news ??
does my partner always seem to know what i am trying to say about things ??
how well do we talk about sexual aspects of our relationship
how well do i talk to my partner and listen
and lastly, am i prepared to stay with my partner if it means i never go outside the relationship

as a foot note... bisexuality is no excuse for poly amorous sexual behievour.... its simply the urges we have.....we choose if we act on those urges and take others to bed

bisexuality doesn't give us the right to lie, cheat and betray our partners... but it does give us the chance to show our true colours to our partners.... if we can say to our partners, " yes i am bisexual, yes, I have urges, NO i haven't acted on them inside the relationship....your partner will be shocked, but realise that you are genuine, trustworthy, caring and FAITHFUL... but its DOESN'T mean they will be accepting or happy about the bisexuality

you need to decide if you are telling your partner you are bisexual, with the idea that you can finally sleep around with their knowledge or consent, or if you are telling them cos you love them, and you want them to know you inside and outside

so to all those who are dealing with a bisexual partner, or are bisexual and facing being honest with a partner... I wish you the best of luck.. and take all the time in the world FOR YOUR PARTNERS BENEFIT.... rush it and you may lose the partner that is ya soulmate in disguise

[smokey]

I always make a point of telling my lovers about my bisexuality when things start looking like more than casual fucking and might start becoming serious. I do not...I retiterate this explicitly I do not play around in relationships...period, no ifs ands or butts. I always let them know this and I mean it.

I begin by telling them about the abuse I got in jr. high school (and beyond, this was in the late 60's into the early 70's) for supposedly being gay (even when I did not even know what the word meant) because I was not a jock and how I just didn't fit the sterotype of hat being male was. Then I continue on how when I got out on my own I had to find out for myself if I was gay or not, and that there really is only one way to determine that, and that is to have sex with a member of your own gender. I tell them that I already knew I liked women but I also found that I could like men as well, as so while my deepest preference are women, I can find pleasure in men as well....but again I do not cheat.

In short I tell them about a part of me, part of my history and I make it sympthetic, so that while they may not be bi themselves, the can relate to the abuse and confusions of addled essence.

I find this approach works.

[the sacred night]

I told my fiancee I was bi way back when we first started dating, and he was borderline ok with it... he didn't break up with me or anything, but he had a very hard time trusting me for a long time afterward even though I told him I wouldn't stray. He was actually the first person I ever came out to, because I felt he deserved to be the first seeing as how it would affect our relationship. I think he thought I was breaking up with him at first when I said straight out "Honey, I have something to tell you. I think I'm bisexual." We had a talk and he said he was ok with it as long as a) I didn't cheat on him and b) I didn't turn out to be lesbian, since that one definitely would require that we break up.