Questioning sexuality

[dnk6789]

Will try and post again, if the original message goes through at some point sorry for writing the same thing twice. I am a new member to this site and have a question that has been talked about a lot.

First off I'm a 50 year old man who is presently single, as a matter of fact been so for a long while. Needless to say it's been a very lonely way to lead my life. Recently have started to have urges about having sex with another man, up until this point I've always considered myself to be hetrosexual. But the fact remains that I'm very curious and want to try at some point.

Additionally I have no intrest in forming an emotional comitment with men, really just interested in trying man to man sex. My question is should I go ahead and experiment to find out if I really like it or not. I'm very concerned about the amount of guilt I would possibly feel. Any suggesions and or advice would be appreciated.

[littlerayofsunshine]

Ultimately the choice is up to you. You seem to be in a position where you can freely experiment and chose your own path. You are pretty sure you know what you want. Then I say try it. There are many men who do not want an emotional connection. Just be upfront about it. Find you an understanding man that will respect your boundries. I wish you luck in whatever you chose.

[Buck Naked]

First off, welcome the site. There are a lot of nice folks here who may be able to help you with your decision.

Ok, the obvious answer to your question is, only you know if and or when you should pursue sex with another man. But in making the decision to do so, many things should be considered, my :2cents: worth follows:

1. Don’t trust your feelings. OMG, did I say that?!?! Yep, I guess I did. Good decisions are rarely made by “trusting your feelings”. If I had a nickel for every decision that went well after trusting my feelings, well I’d probable have 10 cents.

2. After considering the details i.e. who you are going to hook up with, what you are willing to do, why you are doing this, and how you will deal with it after the fact (guilt), and you still want to pursue this, find someone you know and trust with similar ideas about sex. Get to know him. His likes, dislikes, etc. Let him get to know you. That’s right, open up to him (not easy for a man). The only way to get to know someone that good is to be friends for a long time.

3. STDs. There is a world of nasty consumptive STDs out there waiting to take advantage of your health. Condoms offer safer sex, not safe sex. That’s why you should get to know the other person very well. Both of you should have blood tests, wait 6 months to a year, and do it again if either has ever had sex with anyone who has had sex with anyone else before exchanging bodily fluids with each other.

It is possible that you’ll be able to find someone in your area from this site or others like it. I caution you to be careful though.

[Herbwoman39]

Welcome to the site :)

So far you've gotten some very good responses. That's par for the course here. We're a very supportive community so feel free to ask more questions as they come up for you, and they will.

Something that hasn't been mentioned yet is sexual fluidity. You may *have* been hetero for all these years and with age and changes in hormone levels, your desires might actually have changed. Or, because of how you were raised, you may have repressed those feelings and only just now become aware of them. Only you know which it is for certain and that knowledge will come with some deep soul-searching.

As Buck Naked said, don't make any rash decisions. People who dive in head first just end up with a concussion ;)

As for the guilt, that may just be social programming that you can choose to overcome. There's no reason to feel guilty. Guilt is for when you do something wrong that hurts someone else. You're single so you won't hurt anyone. Just be upfront with any possible partner. Talk things out and get to know him before you do anything.

And again, if you have ANY questions, ask. We're always here.

[Azrael]

Wilkommen. I don't really have much to say that hasn't been said. Just be careful and don't dive without checking the water level. That said, we're always around if you need to spill your guts. Best of luck to you good sir.

[dnk6789]

Thanks for the advice, believe me I will consider all that everyone has said. Yeah so far I've managed to get through life without too much turmoil, and I've never been one to rush into any thing and doubt that I would do this now, as I said this has been on my mind the past several months. Someone wrote that I may have always have had these feeling but have repressed these thoughts. How you are raised can add to the confusion as well, my family never talked about sex of any kind so I kind of figured it out on my own. I'm sure if my father were alive today he would not approve of me even thinking about doing this.

Someone brought up safer sex, I can't agree more. I have a medical background and would not have much excuse for getting one. One site I've visited Craigs List men seeking men, people in there do not appear to have much concern about STDs. So I've decided to steer clear of that site.

Again; thanks for the reply, i plan to check this site out often

[Diane54]

As an older woman who recently (10 yrs) realised she was bi I have to say I had encounters almost all my adult life and rationalised them away. I must say give it a lot of thought and quiet meditation. Whether you try it or not must be your decision. just don't do it hastily. also don't check out the other side of the fence just because the women dried up in your life. I needs to be a conscious decision.

[Reprob8]

Additionally I have no intrest in forming an emotional comitment with men, really just interested in trying man to man sex. My question is should I go ahead and experiment to find out if I really like it or not. I'm very concerned about the amount of guilt I would possibly feel. Any suggesions and or advice would be appreciated.



I do not think I could avoid an attatchment, I know one night stands are out of the question so some emotional involvment will happen.

[Azrael]

I do not think I could avoid an attatchment, I know one night stands are out of the question so some emotional involvment will happen.
This is what I find myself grappling with, the fine line between friends with benefits and more. Also, I myself find it impossible to mess around and not get at least a little emotionally involved. C'est la vie.

[Long Duck Dong]

welcome dnk, lol to the interesting world of the bi curious lol

one single lil bit of advice ??? if you want no attachment, and pure discrete, private and experimental sex to define ya sexuality..... bite the bullet and get a private escort

its gonna cost a lil money... but the benefits for a person in your position and for what you desire, are covered

you only need to do that once, and you can avoid the awkward talking and all the stuff that comes with experimenting for the first time, there would be no emotional attachment, no person to question your state of mind.... just a simple, money changing hands, total privacy and if you say, " no, stop ", it stops and there is no issues to worry about, like hurting a friendship or feeling like you lead somebody on

then if you wish to follow up on the man on man experience... then it provides you with a better basis of knowing what you seek, and what direction you wish to follow

above all, you know that it can be 100% safe... if you use a respectable and above board private escort service