Combating biphobia from both sides - podcast

[veryniceguy]

Combating biphobia from both sidesJournalist Benoit Denizet-Lewis discusses his New York Times Magazine cover story (http://www.nytimes.com/2014/03/23/magazine/the-scientific-quest-to-prove-bisexuality-exists.html?_r=0) about how bisexual activists -- fed up with skepticism and stigma -- are using research to prove that attraction to both genders is indeed scientifically possible, and not just a passing phase on the way to becoming gay or straight.


http://www.cbc.ca/q/blog/2014/03/26/bisexual-activism/

[smokey]

When I was in my early 20's (mid-70's) I went to a straight men's consciousness group and told them I was bi. They told me that I was in the closet and to go find some queers. So I go to a gay men's support group and tell them I'm bi and they tell me that I'm in the closet and come back when I sort it out. Bisexuals have always lived in the shadows of straight and gay.

[Long Duck Dong]

unfortunately sexual phobia is not confirmed to the gay or heterosexual communities, its found in our own communities....and that can be a big part of why many bisexuals and men that have sex with men tend to stay quiet.... they are interested in just living their lives and enjoying themselves and not being told how to live or what to call themselves by other members of the community.....

bisexuality exists in more forms than I care to poke a stick at, and covers differing aspects of physical, emotional and mental attraction to people.... but all too often, its narrowed down to * bisexuality is sex with other males and females regularly *. ( the rest of the gender and sex spectrum is ignored but they can make up a large part of our attraction ).... and if thats true, then most of us are not bisexual simply because they are not getting regular sex for any one of a number of reasons

how do you scientifically prove love, affection, interest and desire outside of sexual arousal ? and show that bisexuals are more than just sexual people that want a quick fuck..... that is a issue that the bisexual community face....because without embracing the reality of that aspect of bisexuality, we are also the ones that are practising bi phobia, bi erasure and bi invisibility because we can deny our own people the right to live with acceptance and tolerance and be who they are, in our community, as diverse bisexuals....

[Gearbox]

unfortunately sexual phobia is not confirmed to the gay or heterosexual communities, its found in our own communities....and that can be a big part of why many bisexuals and men that have sex with men tend to stay quiet.... they are interested in just living their lives and enjoying themselves and not being told how to live or what to call themselves by other members of the community.....
You were told that you were not an asexual bisexual by a few here. Surprise surprise you realised yourself much later that you indeed wasn't. THAT is not biphobia from bisexuals! It was common sense offered where you lacked it. It may have helped you if you just listened and not create a huge drama and use it for your personal persecution and anti-bi propaganda.


bisexuality exists in more forms than I care to poke a stick at, and covers differing aspects of physical, emotional and mental attraction to people.... but all too often, its narrowed down to * bisexuality is sex with other males and females regularly *. ( the rest of the gender and sex spectrum is ignored but they can make up a large part of our attraction ).... and if thats true, then most of us are not bisexual simply because they are not getting regular sex for any one of a number of reasons
IF that's true? You've been on this site for years, and your not sure about that?


how do you scientifically prove love, affection, interest and desire outside of sexual arousal ? and show that bisexuals are more than just sexual people that want a quick fuck..... that is a issue that the bisexual community face....because without embracing the reality of that aspect of bisexuality, we are also the ones that are practising bi phobia, bi erasure and bi invisibility because we can deny our own people the right to live with acceptance and tolerance and be who they are, in our community, as diverse bisexuals....
Yet more nonsensical doublespeak that blames bisexuals for biphobia, erasure, invisibility etc. Same old!:rolleyes:
Who needs the Gay Reich when you're in town?

[tenni]

This article was mentioned in a previous thread. I found it long but interesting. I am going to repost what I posted before.

I found the article full of interesting reports from studies. Step by step slowly building a clearer perspective about bisexuality.

“I really wish everyone could experience how extraordinary it is to be able to fall in love with people regardless of their gender,” he said. “I once told a straight friend who couldn’t really understand my bisexuality: ‘Hey, just because you’re incapable of finding the beauty in both genders, don’t hold your deficiencies against me. You have a handicap, I don’t.’ But, somehow, I’m seen as the strange one, the one who doesn’t fit into our obsession with everything being black or white, straight or gay.”
I like this statement /observation and I think that bisexuals should promote this positive view of bisexuality.

“When I’m with men, I want to be with women. When I’m with women, I want to be with men. Eventually I just stopped trying to choose and started seeing both at the same time.”
I just like this perspective and see it as positive.

“Researcher Lisa Diamond heard a great quote that fits perfectly for many bisexuals I know: ‘I can drive a blue car, or I can drive a red car. But I have a one-car garage.’ ”
NOTE: Some bisexuals have a two car garage ;)

bisexual men have higher levels of sexual curiosity (defined as being interested in things like watching other people have sex or participating in orgies) than straight or gay men. The study also showed that an especially high level of sexual curiosity might explain why some bisexual-identified men show arousal to both men and women in a lab, while others don’t.
I’m personally not that big on 3somes and maybe I am past a period of my life where i feel sexual curiosity but this makes sense to me based on how a lot of bisexuals first describe it as a curiosity.

(Lisa Diamond) “I Was Wrong! Men Are Pretty Darn Sexually Fluid, Too!”
Diamond’s initial study only dealt with biwomen to the point that she denied sexual fluidity in men. This is good progress. I wonder if funding from the AIB helped her realize this as she later studied bisexual men to come to this perspective.

[tenni]

You were told that you were not an asexual bisexual by a few here. Surprise surprise you realised yourself much later that you indeed wasn't. THAT is not biphobia from bisexuals! It was common sense offered where you lacked it. It may have helped you if you just listened and not create a huge drama and use it for your personal persecution and anti-bi propaganda.


IF that's true? You've been on this site for years, and your not sure about that?


Yet more nonsensical doublespeak that blames bisexuals for biphobia, erasure, invisibility etc. Same old!:rolleyes:
Who needs the Gay Reich when you're in town?

It has been a week or so since I read the article but I am fairly certain that it discusses the scientific approaches used to measure bisexuality. I don't see much connection in post 3 to the actual article? I don't know who the writer of post 3 is referring to when he writes "we". Did some one hire this man to speak for bisexuals? Is poster 3 claiming that the AIB (American Institute of Bisexuality) hired him to speak for them? :(

[Long Duck Dong]

You were told that you were not an asexual bisexual by a few here. Surprise surprise you realised yourself much later that you indeed wasn't. THAT is not biphobia from bisexuals! It was common sense offered where you lacked it. It may have helped you if you just listened and not create a huge drama and use it for your personal persecution and anti-bi propaganda.


IF that's true? You've been on this site for years, and your not sure about that?


Yet more nonsensical doublespeak that blames bisexuals for biphobia, erasure, invisibility etc. Same old!:rolleyes:
Who needs the Gay Reich when you're in town?


couple of points and I have lost count of the times I have had to correct this

1) it was asexual NATURED, not asexual... you and others keep insisting that it is asexuality

2) the asexual nature was a professional diagnosis in 07.... in 13, Dysthimia was updated in the DSM v to include anhedonia ( can be mistaken for asexuality and asexual natured ) as a aspect of dysthimia.... I HAVE ANHEDONIA ( professional diagnosised )

3) most of the people that were * trying to tell me * that I was not asexual, were also arguing that I was not bisexual either, and were also banned for personal attacks and harrassment of me and others, including my relationship, mental health, sexuality..... so either drew was confused about what behievour is what or you are..... and going on the fact that you are still using incorrect information and assumptions, I am going to assume that its you......

4) the people that actually talked with me and expressed their confusion about my asexual nature, did see me post that I had some concerns about the diagnosis myself but at that stage, it was more of a step in the right direct than I had had in years... and none of them got banned for personal attacks or harassment of other people......... remember them... a lot of them posted posts and even threads asking members to stop harassing and trolling me in near every thread that I posted in.... strange how they could also see a issue with the way that people were acting, but you can't

its not the sexuality that is the issue, nor is it most of the site.... its a few people with a attitude and an agenda...... and you and tenni can go right back on ignore, go troll somebody else.....

[Gearbox]

1) it was asexual NATURED, not asexual... you and others keep insisting that it is asexuality
Much like nymphomaniac natured, but not a nymphomaniac?

2) the asexual nature was a professional diagnosis in 07.... in 13, Dysthimia was updated in the DSM v to include anhedonia ( can be mistaken for asexuality and asexual natured ) as a aspect of dysthimia.... I HAVE ANHEDONIA ( professional diagnosised )
Are you happy with that updated diagnosis? You do have the right to seek other professionals for 2nd, 3rd, 4th etc opinions.

3) most of the people that were * trying to tell me * that I was not asexual, were also arguing that I was not bisexual either, and were also banned for personal attacks and harrassment of me and others, including my relationship, mental health, sexuality..... so either drew was confused about what behievour is what or you are..... and going on the fact that you are still using incorrect information and assumptions, I am going to assume that its you......
Yes it is strange how Drew doesn't pick up on your baiting. It's also pretty annoying that he doesn't clean up your constant accusations about bi's in general. People can get plenty of that off the site without you adding to it.
I'd personally would love to know how bi's are biphobic etc.


4) the people that actually talked with me and expressed their confusion about my asexual nature, did see me post that I had some concerns about the diagnosis myself but at that stage, it was more of a step in the right direct than I had had in years... and none of them got banned for personal attacks or harassment of other people......... remember them... a lot of them posted posts and even threads asking members to stop harassing and trolling me in near every thread that I posted in.... strange how they could also see a issue with the way that people were acting, but you can't
I can pretty much see quite a lot, as I don't have the memory of a goldfish and I do see cycles. As you have been told countless times - you will bait others into fuelling a martyrdom: You firstly post derogatory claims, then turn any attention it gets into your own personal persecution. The actual reason will be buried by you, as it is yet again here.

its not the sexuality that is the issue, nor is it most of the site.... its a few people with a attitude and an agenda...... and you and tenni can go right back on ignore, go troll somebody else.....
Sadly, many bi's will come here looking for support and will read your spiel about how bi's are against bi's just as much as some gays and straights are. They don't have the luxury of being on your ignore list, nor know how low you will stoop to get your fix.
I and many others would love you to get out of that. It does you no good I'm sure. It does others harm too tho, and that is not good

[tenni]

Gear
I do not understand how a person's asexuality status is connected to the article or biphobia? There doesn't seem to be one shred of relevance. It seems like self indulgent egocentric, troll like behaviour to me. Why waste your time with a troll off topic posting? What did you find interesting about the article?

[Gearbox]

Gear
I do not understand how a person's asexuality status is connected to the article or biphobia? There doesn't seem to be one shred of relevance. It seems like self indulgent egocentric, troll like behaviour to me. Why waste your time with a troll off topic posting? What did you find interesting about the article?
Well there's this:

When Lawrence said that he was bisexual, the man looked at him with a pained face and muttered: “Oh, I wish you’d told me that before. I thought this was a real date.”
I've been there a few times. Apparently, according to my dates I wasn't allowed to be emotionally amorous with men AND be bi: I had to be gay for that. My latest ex informed me that there's no way I could have any feelings for females coz I just couldn't kiss him 'like that' if I did.:rolleyes:

Where do they get that idea from? I don't buy that they get that from the many bi's who are non-emotional towards same gender. There are many gays who are just the same when just out for a casual shag, and I doubt those bi's would date same gender. So no, I don't swallow it (No pun!lol).
My latest ex was by far the most anti-bi I've encountered. Which IMO is due to his murky past of dating women and enjoying it, yet went from hetero - gay without passing bi. I expect he shrugged off that hetero skin and totally devoted himself to men and gay.
Good for him and all that do that!:thumbu: But am sure they think that we all can do that too, or should. I was never hetero in the first place.lol
Much like 'hetero's who are homophobic, am sure gays & straights that are biphobic find bisexuality an unwanted question they don't want to ask themselves. It's much easier to keep their worldview and deny there are any contradictions/threats to it.

[tenni]

Good points Gear.

There is the issue of a bisexual disclosing their sexuality whether it is to a heterosexual or a homosexual monosexual. Both monosexuals do not consider bisexuals capable of acting/thinking like them. If we are not couple oriented bisexuals are bad and not worthy of "dating". Just a fuck buddy.

However, many who call themselves bisexual do not want to date both genders. I wonder sometimes if it is part of a bisexual's personal awakening/development that leads bisexuals to eventually want to "date" both genders. Why do some bisexuals only feel attracted enough to both genders to want to go beyond seeing both genders as more than a sex toy? I don't think that bisexuals can entirely blame monosexuals biphobia as long as such a large part of self identified bisexuals only want the cock and not the man etc. Many call themselves bisexuals but never evolve more than wanting cock and leave. They don't want to date the person of the same gender. (That's gay...lol) I'm not sure that "dating" men is the same as dating women either. I am uncertain that having an emotional attachment to women is the same as having an emotional attachment to men. They seem different? Can you really "date" men and women in the same way? Are they interchangeable? Or does dating another man have different essences than dating a woman? Do bisexual men act gay when dating another man or is there a slight difference in how they "date"?

Do you really want a man to bring you flowers and chocolates Gear?

Should sexuality be seen like some driver's licences? They are graded in my province. You get a drivers licence that permits only certain roads to be travelled on. The most complicated busy highways are forbidden to you until you get more experience. Is it similar for bisexuals? Only bisexuals who want more than cock are allowed the bisexual card?...lol Others have a learners bisexual license and you should not date them..just fuck them. ;)

[Ethan L]

I like this,Do you?>>>http://www.bisexualmingle.com/

[darkeyes]

Why is it when people disagree with some people, they have an agenda? Some do no doubt but not all by any means.. best I can tell they have an opinion and take it as that.. in the sense that I want everone to be who and what they are I suppose I have an agenda but not much of one really.. wanting peeps to be happy, b themselves and have fun I dont think is so much an agenda as a dream.. but in the end end people will disagree with each other.. live with it.. we are human and it is what we do a lot of.. and where does putting peeps on ignore get us? Nower... is so childish... personally I have always preferred to see what peeps say about me or owt else.... putting peeps on ignore kinda defeats the object and hardly fosters understanding, either between peeps or in some ways more importantly, a subject itself... many misjudgements r made and wars declared by not knowing it all if I can take it to its logical conclusion..

..and tenni? I dont have a garage at my home.. 1 or 2 or ne otha number of car.. I do however have a drive which has had a dozen cars on it... not sure what that makes me. Gear's nymphomaniac or since I have no garage, asexual...:tongue: and having thought up that funny, or should it be "funny", cant find ur remark about garages... silly ole me.. :love87:

[tenni]

Good morning dark eyes
It took me a second reading to come close to figuring out Lisa Diamond's reference to garage in context with your disclosure.
As I am sure you understand she is using a metaphor for ? Well, I take it as relationships. If she can drive a red car or a blue car but only has one garage, what does she mean? I stated that some have a two car garage suggesting that both gender relationships may happen at the same time. Now you come along stating that you don't have a garage but a driveway that can have many cars park there. Is that a different metaphor? That may make you a genius in handling multi relationships? .... ;)

[darkeyes]

Good morning dark eyes
It took me a second reading to come close to figuring out Lisa Diamond's reference to garage in context with your disclosure.
As I am sure you understand she is using a metaphor for ? Well, I take it as relationships. If she can drive a red car or a blue car but only has one garage, what does she mean? I stated that some have a two car garage suggesting that both gender relationships may happen at the same time. Now you come along stating that you don't have a garage but a driveway that can have many cars park there. Is that a different metaphor? That may make you a genius in handling multi relationships? .... ;)
..not a genius but a triff organiser... and a brill juggler of balls (no... not that kind.. they don't come in2 the equation, luffly man)..:impleased

[Ebonybifemme7]

I personally believe a lot of famous people are bisexual, more then the ones who have come out and said it, but they can't be too out about it, because people dont believe bisexuality exist. Especially for the men.