Disappointed in Chatroom [Archive]

Plumhead2

Mar 6, 2014, 11:22 PM

I had thought that when I joined this bisexual.com, I would be able to discuss some of the things that were on my mind about bisexuality. I had thought that the chatroom would be a place that I could get real-time reactions to some of my questions. However, what I found were people who were content to say, "Hi" and then "How are you doing?" and nothing else. When I would try to start a discussion, I was attacked and put down. People would say the most venomous things without really even knowing me. I have met some wonderful people on this website, but I have to tell you, the nasty people are starting to wear me down. It is so sad that such people get their kicks on being mean to others. I really don't care what they say about me. The bad thing is that such behavior stymies discussion.

westphillyguy

Mar 7, 2014, 1:14 AM

I know what you mean. What's weird about the chatroom is how few people go in there. I'm not expecting it to be like silverdaddies or gay.com but come on where is everyone? I would expect there to be a 100 people at any given time. Is there some other bi site I should know about? Am I on the wrong site?

void()

Mar 7, 2014, 9:06 AM

I am not desiring to sound as mean as some you have encountered. That
noted, welcome to the harsh reality of discussion regarding any
subject on the web and internet. People are flat out jerks.

What makes it worse is realizing no one can change them. We can only
change our respective selves, you change yourself, I change myself and
so on. And it never matters the time, regarding the chat or discussion
of a subject.

All anyone can find upon wanting to start a conversation is a group
of jerks. It always happens this way. There is no agreeing upon
meeting up times either. Everyone is always too busy living life,
frustrated and tired of of jerks being jerks. And then, if they do
decide to pop in, likely they'll try to "out" jerk every other jerk.

Yes, it is enough to turn one off from conversation. You see how
often I chat now? And I only participate at a topical level on/in
the forum. Grew tired of the bullshit, decided I too could get busy
living life. Kind of nice to do. :)

chicagom

Mar 7, 2014, 9:09 AM

A discussion is just that...people discussing a topic. What you do Plum is give your opinion, and then close the door to people with other opinions. That is what's called "pontificating". You proved that by running away when the discussion began.

Plumhead2

Mar 7, 2014, 9:54 AM

No, Chicagom, you don't understand that when you start attacking someone personally, then the discussion has ended. I was not pontificating, but rather throwing out questions and asking for feedback. Sharing opinions on a topic is important and valued. I love hearing different points of view, even if they are different from mine. In the best of occasions on here, that is what happens, and I enjoy hearing different points of view. That is the joy of being on here. However, slinging personal attacks is not conducive to good discussions. If a discussion is going to become a series of personal attacks, I'd rather not participate. And I won't.

chicagom

Mar 7, 2014, 10:46 AM

Maybe you're better off here where you can just post and hide.

cbb83

Mar 7, 2014, 12:28 PM

Morbid curiosity strikes again! What topic were you discussing that made the chatroom peeps turn on you? If you're worried about starting another flame war, feel free to PM me the answer :)

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Mar 7, 2014, 5:28 PM

Dont worry about it Sweetie. Everyone has their own opinions, and not everyone is going to be civil and polite. especially in a chatroom. Dont let one, or two, people discourage you from posting out Here, and asking questions. And you too are entitled to your personal opinions, so dont worry about the opinions of others.
Remember--even Bambi had enemies..:}
Muahs
Cat

12voltyV2.0

Mar 7, 2014, 8:52 PM

The nature of the chat room on this site has surely changed in the past few years--at one time we would often have many people in there and have some very "lively" discussions----that sometimes got "out of control."

These days---it is often the case that even if there are many people (20 or more) in the rooms, no more than maybe a half dozen people will be talking in the open and that tends to be among those of us who have been here awhile or among those who are more recent here.

I don't think that much can really be done to change things in there----since it just seems that this is the way that things are going for now-----I would assume that most of those you see on in the room, but not talking---are engaging in private conversations of what ever nature.

I am sorry that you are disappointed in the chat room, it kind of disappoints me as well, but I have no answer on how to change things other than we just get more people to take part in open conversations.

Actually, your best bet on here is to post up things here on the forum boards over live chatting.

wreckerjoe50

Mar 8, 2014, 1:38 AM

Suggest maybe consider PVT Prvate chat. I have had some good chats when several people that way- while not enteracting with the group. I have actually defevoped a repoire with several that I could see actually meeting someday.

Plumhead2

Mar 8, 2014, 10:39 AM

by~his~side

Mar 8, 2014, 11:48 AM

I am one of those that is guilty of being in the chat room but not contributing to the dialogue. And it's not because I'm at a loss as to what to say. I am blessed with the gift of gab- I could carry on a conversation with a monk! I stopped chatting with the group because I grew tired of conversations that were hijacked by members who, for whatever reason, felt the need to cut into the typed conversation.

-example-
Frodo says " Hey BHS, how was the concert over the weekend?"
BHS says "It was fabulous Frodo! They played until midnight."
Frodo says "Did they open with their latest release?"
MusicLvr says " Which concert, BHS?"
Neglected Whiner says "Frodo, my lousy boyfriend brought the wrong litter home for my guinea pig. He is such a loser! I'm only with him for the great sex. Frodo, did you know I loooooooove sex?"

I'm all for group conversations and I'm aware that I don't own anyone in the chat room. But it's the deliberate attempt on the insecure chatter to draw attention to themselves that I have neither the time or the interest in.
I simply solve this by chatting with my friend in a PM.

I miss when all members had the ability to make private rooms. It gave us the ability to have a conversation one-on-one without the distraction of additional PM boxes popping up on screen. Drew has changed that function to the benefit of paying members only.

~D~

Realist

Mar 8, 2014, 12:31 PM

I agree, Bi....I stopped going to chat for two reasons.

One, a magnificent widow, who only came here briefly and I, really enjoyed chatting. We shared a lot of interests, but she was frustrated by those who ambushed the threads. (Neither of us were/are computer whizzes) She drifted away, after meeting her first same-gender lover. I hope she's happy.

The second reason was a few abusive, intrusive people who seemed to delight in busting my chops for my age and interest in relationships, instead of anonymous hooks ups with strangers.

There were a few very interesting folks, who only use chat...I enjoyed them, but still, I am more comfortable with the other attributes of the site.

I'm much more comfortable with private messages, the forum, and a blog, now and then.

It works for me.

chicagom

Mar 8, 2014, 3:25 PM

Sorry to cause all the ruckus. I've been a member here for quite a while and consider myself fairly non-judgmental. The complaining party has been coming here saying he wanted a same sex encounter but that either is wife doesn't agree or he's afraid she would leave him. The night in question he came in saying he had talked to many men who were upset because they wanted to stray because their wives were either sick or no longer interested in sex (he claims his wife is healthy and willing). I took offense in his blaming wives (healthy or not) for their wanting to stray. He immediately took offence and left.
If you want to cheat on our spouse, do it. Many members here do. But don't complain because someone here disagrees with you. You are allowed to express your self here, but so is everyone else.

cuttin2dachase

Mar 8, 2014, 4:48 PM

I enjoy good chat in the room, but the subject changes rapidly and it's hard to keep up with several topics. I too prefer private chat and discussion of bisexual topics.

Plumhead2

Mar 8, 2014, 5:22 PM

Disappointment Lessened
OK, maybe this thread was premature and written while I was still upset. Yesterday and last night, I was in the chatroom and there was a discussion about polyamory and group marriage. I think there were about 5 or 6 of us contributing to the discussion and people shared opinions on all sides of the topic. The conversation was insightful, respectful, and humorous. It brought back my faith in the importance of a place like this website for people to explore ideas about sex in general and bisexuality in particular. And the support of people replying to this thread and pvt me has also meant a great deal to me and helped reduce the negative feelings about the chatroom.

Now, as to Chicagom, these words are meant for you: let's drop this discussion and move on. I am ready to do so. You know, you and I have had great discussions in the past about Chicago pizza (I still yearn for Giordano's deep dish). We have talked about Chicago as a very sexy city. And we have chatted about other more sexually related topics with other people in the chatroom. Life is too short to keep going on about this chatroom tiff. I offer you my "virtual hand" in peace.

Floridaguy4u

Mar 8, 2014, 6:19 PM

I think plumhead2 has it correct. As for CHICAGOM he sound like the jackass that sent me a nasty post call me a " Faggot" and he is a member here. There are lot of mean people on this web page!
They think it ok but they will get theirs 10 fold. Do not give CHICAGOM GANGSTER and second thought.That is what the delete is for.............

PamelaBiPantyboy

Mar 8, 2014, 6:20 PM

People act like people where ever they go - The whole world is full of madness, sadly full of people too. - Maybe there is a link between the state of the world, and the state of people ?
Kind of a Chicken and Egg response huh ? I too, somehow expected his site would be filled with Enlightened and Compassionate people. To my dismay, it's mostly chat people.
Chat people often speak with the verbato and confidence of being out of range. Personally, my expectations are only pre-framed resentments.

Annika L

Mar 8, 2014, 11:37 PM

Plumhead2

Mar 9, 2014, 9:08 AM

I'm so impressed! First, I'm pleased that you gave chat another chance...and I'm thrilled for you that you had a good experience there. *Most* of my experiences in chat have been great...I admit I've seen some attacks in my 7ish years here, but not many. But as for your willingness to move on with someone with whom you've had a bad experience...first rate.

Welcome back. Maybe I'll even get to talk to you in chat myself some day. *hugs*

Annika, Thank you for your kind words. By the way, I hope to live by the words of your signature. It sums up my moral beliefs and the hopes for meeting with people of similar attitudes towards life:

"I hope my achievements in life shall be these: that I will have fought for what was right and fair, that I will have risked for that which mattered, that I will have given help to those who were in need...that I will have left the earth a better place for what I've done and who I've been." (C. Hoppe)

Would be a pleasure to chat with you some day. Be well.

norush

Mar 9, 2014, 9:41 AM

I would have to agree that CHICAGOM has sent many many people away from this site. likes to assume and then will tear you up and down to other members.
give you a bad name or get people to think you are a fake. most people come here looking for a hookup or chat. when the hounds get started on you, you just want to run away and we have not given them the satisfaction. they will tell you oh yeah you should try it you will love it. how do you know you are not me and not everyone that does it likes it. lots of pushy people trying to get you to do something you don't want to. yes block that person. not saying that we don't have some good chats, we won't initiate private chat any more. then people ask you all kinds of ?'s what you don't know how to read a profile so we took our info down. now you can login any time and who is there the regulars. same people all the time. sorry for my rant but this site could be a lot more than what it is. so try to pass the member board and you are in.

Meliss

Mar 9, 2014, 9:51 AM

Plum, I just wished to repeat something you already know in your head and your heart. People attack when they are in pain or when they are unsure which of you two are higher in a pecking order.
Either way it is their issue. I heard a Buda like story recently that you may find appropriate to this conversation. A man heaped verbal abuse onto another man every day for a number weeks. Finally the man who as being verbally assaulted smiled at the other man and said :"Sir may I ask you a question?"

The other man smiled with a sneer thinking he was now engaging his chosen prey so said "sure ask your question"

I was just wondering if someone gave you a present and you did not accept it, to whom does the present belong?

"Why to the person who first owned it," the agonizer answered.

Buda smiled, "Is it not so with your comments if I do not accept them?"

Some people try to push buttons of others on the internet. Perhaps this person showed you the location of one of your own buttons? hugs, babe.

chicagom

Mar 9, 2014, 9:58 AM

Sorry but I've never spoken to koupleplus1f.......unless they are here under a new nickname.

chicagom

Mar 9, 2014, 10:03 AM

I see I'm also getting blamed by Floridaguy4u. Another person I've never spoken to. I give my opinions in the chatroom because I have opinions and because many people to not want to confront others openly. Have some facts before you jump on me.

**Peg**

Mar 9, 2014, 12:39 PM

wow I hadn't seen this thread before today, but I have to say in defense of my long-time online friend of 11 years, chicagom, I have never really seen him give anyone grief in the chatroom. That being said, I'm not here much any more but was here a LOT from 2007-2012. In any case, I have known him to be a loyal caring friend all these years and have never known him to be deliberately rude or caustic to anyone. Hope all the parties involved can work this out though, because this kind of strife really brings a website down.

for those of you who don't like chicagom may I respectfully suggest you follow some of the recommendations in the following thread http://www.bisexual.com/forum/showthread.php?15404-how-to-ignore-the-offensive-postings-of-others (which also applies to the chatroom), and let sleeping dogs lie and move on.

oh and one other thing, chica is correct in saying people are certainly ''allowed'' to voice their opinions in the chatroom - again, if you don't like anyones' opinions, just put that person on ignore.

darkeyes

Mar 9, 2014, 1:23 PM

..... am wiv u, granmumsie.. has always been a propa gennelman has Chica, an peeps must b confusing him wiv some1 else.. we all occasionally have x words wen chatting an God knos I am no exception even tho is a long time since I wos in chat having a natter.. but havent heard that Chica has gone weird. well weird, folk must b a tadge weird on .com....but not rude or obnoxious an serpently nev aggressive unless defending himself.. an dont memba much of that eitha...:eek2:

Plumhead2

Mar 9, 2014, 1:41 PM

Some people try to push buttons of others on the internet. Perhaps this person showed you the location of one of your own buttons? hugs, babe.

Meliss, you are the best. I appreciate the wise story you have shared. Sometimes even when you are aware of your buttons, you still can't seem to stop reacting when they are pushed. With time and wonderful chat-mates like you, I will learn to ignore those buttons. Anyway, I have other buttons that are much more pleasurable when someone pushes them.:)

bisexualman1980

Mar 9, 2014, 4:16 PM

I tend to have better chats in PVT as well. It's easier to get to know people that way. Not much serious discussion happens in the main forum.

NjbiGuy01

Mar 9, 2014, 7:53 PM

I find it runs hot and cold, like people here. Sometimes people simply stop replying to e-mails despite saying in the past they "are your friend"...they know who they are...

Sometimes the chat room people can be creepy....just looking for sex talk. Sometimes friendly and enjoyable...it's a crap shoot.

semibi

Mar 9, 2014, 8:21 PM

I have found the public chat in the chat room hard to warm up to. There are lots of hellos when people enter the room, lots of virtual hugs, silly pictures, various pats on the back and rounds of good-byes when people announce they are leaving the room. It seems there are some frequent visitors to the forums, and, at least in the main room, these social rituals on the forums seem to be a regular part of the process. The conversation bounces along the surface most of the time. There isn't much real discussion of anything related to bisexuality most of the time, as far as I can tell. That surprised me. But, I guess that's the way it goes. Sometimes, people post sex-related images and then there is talk of what people like in the photos. To me, it seems hard to dig into these "discussions." Many of the folks who initiate private messages jump immediately into sex talk, along the lines of... age, status, location... I'm horny... How big is your dick? That doesn't do anything for me either. But, I have had some great interactions in the one-on-one chats. I guess it's about finding the right person who is interested in discussing the same topics. Not so easy. But, worth it occasionally.

PamelaBiPantyboy

Mar 9, 2014, 9:20 PM

Chicago May only seem hostile, and abrasive.
Maybe he doesn`t know.
Maybe this is his special way of telling us :
" Forgive me, I was raised by wolves,and am completely socially inept, and not to mention intellectually challenged.

semibi

Mar 9, 2014, 9:33 PM

I am confused. What did Chicago say or do that was/is so offensive? Seems strange to me, and out of character from my experience.

void()

Mar 10, 2014, 9:07 AM

I am confused. What did Chicago say or do that was/is so offensive? Seems strange to me, and out of character from my experience.

Likewise. I've known chica to pick, cut up or joke with others but
to never be malicious with intent. Of course, do not chat as much as
once did. That is no reflection on chica. I just got tired of chat
in general.

Plumhead2

Mar 10, 2014, 10:46 AM

I really didn't think that this thread would result in so many posts. The incident I talked about when I started this thread was a minor tiff. I hope that we can all move on to more important topics. I harbor no ill will towards Chica. Perhaps it was just a misunderstanding. Without the visual cues that we get in face to face interactions, it is easy to misunderstand each other. In the spirit of reconciliation, I apologize to everyone that may have been hurt in this discussion. The chatroom has its negative aspects, but it also can be a very fun, insightful, and friendly place. It is up to us to make it more so. Thank you all to my friends here who have offered their advice and insights. Let's let the enmity go and start anew.

Gearbox

Mar 10, 2014, 1:38 PM

I've only been in chat twice and it was nice both times. But if there any law suits going on.....can I sue too?:tongue:

matutum

Mar 10, 2014, 1:52 PM

it shows you how judgemental people are.

cbb83

Mar 11, 2014, 9:52 AM

Chat rooms without neutral, third-party moderation, tend to devolve into clique behavior pretty rapidly in most scenarios. It's just how it goes - the same is often true of forums, it just takes a while longer due to the nature of the medium. It's part of our social instinct, humans are silly like that. Thankfully it's something we can overcome if we want to.

onewhocares

Mar 11, 2014, 1:00 PM

Hi ALL,

I have been a member here since 2005 and as Volty said, this site has changed. In the early years it was a great place to come and meet people. There were always lively discussions on a vast array of topic from politics, books, music and oh yes, various aspects of sexual life. I met some of the best folks in that room, folks who have become dear friends.As with any group, you will have those folks who may have not experienced chat before…I know I may have been one of those in the early years…just lurking not saying much or just bringing up a new topic as it came into my mind. There were times when I would pop off into a private conversation when I connected with someone, and perhaps could not always keep track of what was going on in the main room. For the most part, people where cordial and quite funny at times; I have never know Chica to be anything but courteous. There have been a few cantankerous folks and a troll now and then.While it is not quite the same as having a person to person conversation, starting a new tread and having people comment may be a good way to generate interest. It is good that chat has been given a second chance.

Belle in Boston

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Mar 11, 2014, 8:43 PM

Wow. I've never heard of our Chica behaving that way. I know there was an asshole by the handle of Chicamon a while back. He and I tangled in chat one night, (actually, 3 am my time here) and I havent been back. I Knew he wasnt the Chica I knew. I cant go into chat without getting ambushed by people who dont know me, all with the same line, "So you like to eat pussy too, huh?" Boooring.
Its not as playful and as fun as it used to be. Plus a lot of my former regulars arent in there much anymore.:(
Plum and Chica, please shake hands and agree to disagree, and to those who Think Chica might have offended you, take it off board and talk it out. Life's to oshort to be fussing and fighting. :}
Big hugs to those I know..lecherous winks to those I dont know yet..:}
Cat

norush

Mar 12, 2014, 4:32 PM

So sorry to chicgom. I agree he is not a bad person to chat with. I guess what I am saying is he has a lot of influence here. It started one night I was chatting with someone that never asked who I was. they assumed I was the female. out of confusion. I told them after a bit I was the male and they basically called us a fake that I was pretending to be the female. which I never did. when there is a couple you don't know who is on line. but they never asked, was just general conversation. I do say he is a nice guy but i feel since that has happen we have been cut off. we don't get email any more people don't want to chat with us any more. it is like we don't exist any more. like the word is out. fakes don't communicate with them. even the regulars that we use to chat with on a regular basis no long acknowledge our existence. sorry for the rant. again sorry chicagom.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Mar 13, 2014, 7:21 PM

I really do hope you guys shake hands and get this resolved. I hate to see two such beautiful people gruping at each other, and having bad feelings towards one another. Both of you are good hearted and wise, but people Will disagree now and then. Thats what makes people so wonderfully diverse..:}
Hope all goes well Darlings.
(If not, I have a big soft lap to bend Both of you over....) snicker.
Yer Cat