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Realist
Feb 6, 2014, 10:40 PM
Mensa-isms......see if you get 'em!! (Don't use spell-check...that'll ruin it)


The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon ( n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit ( n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug ( n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

void()
Feb 6, 2014, 11:03 PM
*grins* Ty for sharing.

thesaltyseaman
Feb 7, 2014, 2:57 AM
Ignoranus "A person who's both stupid and an asshole." :tongue:
great posting Realist

Cherokee_Mountaincat
Feb 7, 2014, 4:41 AM
Oh I Gotta steal these..lol TY Handsome for posting..:}
Muahs.
Yer Cat

ALAbiguy
Feb 7, 2014, 7:22 AM
I've seen these before but I always get a kick out of them. My favorites are "reintarnation" and "arachnoleptic fit". I have been using the latter term for years on my hiking buddy because he's terrified of spiders and he has some really funny freak-outs when we're in the woods and he walks through a full-face spider web:impleased

void()
Feb 7, 2014, 7:48 AM
I've seen these before but I always get a kick out of them. My favorites are "reintarnation" and "arachnoleptic fit". I have been using the latter term for years on my hiking buddy because he's terrified of spiders and he has some really funny freak-outs when we're in the woods and he walks through a full-face spider web:impleased

I too have a bit of a fear of spiders. Wife calls me a girl because of
it. Unable to help it. Had a nightmare once where the spiders carried
me to Athena whom turns out being an Amazon woman bent upon my horrific
death by torture. And she's one sadistic bitch, at least in that
nightmare.

SilkyHoseLover
Feb 7, 2014, 7:54 AM
These are great! Thanks for posting. I'll be looking at the lists of previous years' winners, too.

12voltyV2.0
Feb 7, 2014, 12:21 PM
Funny stuff---thanks for posting! Think I will use some of them too!!

12voltyV2.0
Feb 7, 2014, 8:52 PM
This guy fits the definition for term 2.) Igoranus http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/02/07/oklahoma-restaurant-wont-serve-freaks-fggots-the-disabled-and-welfare-recipients/

onewhocares
Feb 7, 2014, 11:38 PM
Oh my word these were hysterical....great post Realist.

Belle in Boston

Realist
Feb 8, 2014, 12:18 AM
I had just opened up that e-mail and was taking a "snort" of a tasty beverage, when I read the 2nd one. It caught me by surprise and I blew some of the drink through my nose!

Just that little bit of whiskey has kept my sinuses cleared out, ever since!

I'm so glad you guys liked it!

Volty, when I read the piece you posted, about the Oklahoma bigot, I wondered if he had ever thought that, in a flash, he could be crippled, homeless, lost everything.....but people like him never think it could happen to them!

12voltyV2.0
Feb 8, 2014, 1:28 AM
I had just opened up that e-mail and was taking a "snort" of a tasty beverage, when I read the 2nd one. It caught me by surprise and I blew some of the drink through my nose!

Just that little bit of whiskey has kept my sinuses cleared out, ever since!

I'm so glad you guys liked it!

Volty, when I read the piece you posted, about the Oklahoma bigot, I wondered if he had ever thought that, in a flash, he could be crippled, homeless, lost everything.....but people like him never think it could happen to them!


It is surely the case that he "is no spring chicken" and at any moment---he could suffer something like a stroke that would render him unable to work, to walk, to talk or take care of his personal needs.

It is something that so many people have come to believe in a notion that somehow we all are totally independent operators that don't need anyone else to help us just in going about our day to day lives---and that is when we still have our health---but as soon as something does happen like a heart attack, stroke, bad accident---we do rely upon others to survive. With such things---I think they forget the saying: "There but for the Grace of God, go I." I call an attitude such as this to be a darkening of the mind, heart and soul.

lookn4fun64
Feb 8, 2014, 9:37 AM
This person needs to e quietly taken to Manhattan, dropped of on a street comer and told t experience a real society.

Realist
Feb 8, 2014, 9:42 AM
Volty wrote: "I call an attitude such as this to be a darkening of the mind, heart and soul."

What if, one of the people he'd alienated was passing by his house and it was on fire....would he rush into the flames in an attempt to save him?

How about if the guy had been kind and considerate?

Yes, some folks would rush in to save him, regardless, but others might be less inclined to put their own lives on the line for him.

void()
Feb 8, 2014, 2:54 PM
Volty wrote: "I call an attitude such as this to be a darkening of the mind, heart and soul."

What if, one of the people he'd alienated was passing by his house and it was on fire....would he rush into the flames in an attempt to save him?

How about if the guy had been kind and considerate?

Yes, some folks would rush in to save him, regardless, but others might be less inclined to put their own lives on the line for him.

If he refused to serve me by discriminating, he could burn, I might roast marshmallows in celebration. This sort of goes along with my expression regarding former POTUS Bush; "I would not piss on him if he were drowning, it might help him to a swifter and painless death." Someone with that much hate and no desire to change deserves nothing less than the blessings of suffering, adversity.

Apologies if that reads as me being harsh, possibly psychopathic. Guess we all have our darkness.

pepperjack
Feb 8, 2014, 9:53 PM
Very clever & amusing! Reminds me of a definition of semi-conscious: an awareness of big trucks!:smilies15

ALAbiguy
Feb 9, 2014, 11:09 AM
Here's a couple I remember from the late Johnny Hart, creator of the B.C. comic strip.

Impeccable: Having an immunity to woodpeckers.
Ping Pong: The sound made by a bell with a pickle for a clapper

A good one from T.K. Ryan

Seminole: One who hasn't yet made full nole.