For the curious married men...

[JustinW]

Tell me about your experiences finding another married buddy and at the same time maintain a happy marriage. I would like to learn from those who have gone before me.

[Polar Bear]

My experience is simple, I don't cheat.

[tenni]

Well, that is judgemental of you jeb.
Now, tell him what you do to make you happy as a bisexual man who is strongly attracted to other men .

Justin
Do you experience sexual fluidity where you swing from being attracted to women and then swing to being strongly attracted to other men? Many men report that the swing attraction is very difficult to deal with. This intensity varies from person to person. Men report it more than women but sexual fluidity was first reported in women. If you chose to disclose to your wife, do it with small disclosures

i.e. Ask your wife if she find guy X attractive. Whether she does or says not, slip in that you are beginning to notice some guys seem more attractive than others etc. If you are strictly drawn to cock and not the guy, keep it simple and short, let her know and then let it drop…until another time. Some guys eventually disclose and after an initial blow up, find their wife accepts it…later acknowledging that you are going to have sex with men and it is ok with her.

Similarly, slowly disclosing your bisexuality, let her know about the sexual fluid aspect. Let her know strongly that this shift doesn't change your love for her…it is a physical need that you feel growing stronger but you find her hot too.

If you want to do it without disclosing your attraction to men, you will be condemned by some here. I think that it is a personal decision.

[Meelah]

Maintaining a happy, fulfilling marriage while still enjoying the company of other people, with your partner's blessing and possibly also involving your partner, it's not for everyone but it's certainly not cheating.

JustinW, I'm neither married nor a man but websites on the topic of polyamory are very informative and a great way to meet people, as are the personal ads here.

[bisocialnudist]

Hi Justin I married my best friend and lucky for me my wife wants me to live an authentic fulfilled life. It took years but we negotiated boundaries and found what worked for us and what doesnt. Far too often mixed orientation marriages are treated like a bad thing, some have more challenges than a couple is willing to put up with but others evolve into incredibly rewarding and loving marriages with everyone being happy. The personal joy I now have from living my life openly and authentically with bi and gay friends translates into my being a happier husband which makes me a better husband. What does a husband give a wife that lets him celebrate his gay side? whatever she wants! and Im serious it has been worth that much to me. My wife has given me an amazing gift and I will move mountains to return the favor. If done right everyone ends up in a better place. So if you decide to embark on this journey my advice is to do it as partners and friends not adversaries be prepared for the tiniest of steps being aware every step of the way of your wifes feelings.

If you have yet to come out be aware you cant un-comeout and once you set that roller coaster in motion it can be a wild ride. Each couple is different for many the dynamics just cant survive a bisexual spouse with outside needs so i recommend you find a counselor and support group in your area to help you with your journey.

In my case it was the greatest thing I could do for myself and along the way I have met some really amazing people. As for the how we do it. We decided to keep the two worlds separate so I travel to gay clothing optional gay resorts and go to various social gatherings. While Im away my wife does fun things like movie nights and dinners out with her friends thats no time for her to be scrubbing fllors or rearranging the furniture. If we both have fun it works out much better Wishing you luck in your journey.

[JustinW]

Thanks everyone! You have each given me something to consider. This is exactly the type of discussion I had hoped for.

[fredtyg]

What worked for me was finding a guy that was around all the time, anyway. I outed myself to him, finally, after having the hots for him for years. Worked out really nice as no suspicion was raised and the wife already liked him. I'd like to think it would have still been going had I not botched it, but who knows?

I should emphasize the wife liked him, but didn't know we had gotten sexual. I'm not sure what would have happened had she found out. Maybe nothing.

[Polar Bear]

Well, that is judgemental of you jeb.

No Tenni, not judging him, just telling him what works for me. My wife is bisexual too. She knows that I am bisexual. We are committed to each other. If the opportunity presented itself, then poly would be discussed and maybe revisited.

[JustinW]

Fred, that would be ideal. My wife has been hounding me to get more guy friends to do things with.

[bikurinpa]

I had found it works best if find someone who wife knows as a good friend and just be known as regular friends to any one else and keep anything sexual behind closed doors, I used to have a older guy who this worked out nicely for several years till he and his wife had moved away and finding another guy who wants friendship as well is totally impossible , especially on any male sites for so many guys are on these sites to play games. For finding a Bi friend or someone who may be Bi , I have no clue where to look

[tenni]

No Tenni, not judging him, just telling him what works for me. My wife is bisexual too. She knows that I am bisexual. We are committed to each other. If the opportunity presented itself, then poly would be discussed and maybe revisited.

Thanks. That is clearer. Did you both share that you were bisexual before being married?

[Polar Bear]

Thanks. That is clearer. Did you both share that you were bisexual before being married?

Yes, we had an hours long talk about her bisexuality, my bisexuality and how it would affect our marriage. For the first 5 years of our relationship we were in a poly triad. One of our stead-fast rules is our open and honest communication. It works very well for us. We are very poly friendly and open to future possibilities.

[CurEUs_Male]

I can give you my experiences and observations, I came out to myself and my wife as bisexual after about 15 years of marriage. I spend another 4+ years fantasizing over acting and never acting. Where we failed was in communication. Communication is KEY to keeping the marriage in good order. Do not expect you can do things on the side and she will never know. A lot of men believed that, and a few survived. I am regularly contacted by men 'on the down low', but so much of the relationship with your wife is the ultimate in trust. I ask myself how I can trust a man to be honest about safety with me when he cannot be honest about sexual safety with his wife? He cannot. Living a lie and finding ways to justify a lie is no way to live.

I have been on support groups for mixed orientation marriages, and many straight spouses have commented that they can only wish they were given the chance to know about and work through the sexual orientation without having to deal with cheating and lies.

There are support groups for you, your spouse, and the two of you as you work through this. Some are more toxic than others, and have seen more focus on the dishonesty and not the missing communication and understanding of one's orientation. (Feel free to contact me directly if you need to find supportive resources).

What I cannot tell you is how to find a guy. I deal with this frustration every day. I long to find another bisexual guy, married and open to his wife. I find a lot of married guys, all but a couple are hiding this side of themselves from their spouse. A couple that say they are open, seem to drift off into the distance - makes me wonder if they are truly out. Still, I try. I have attempted to get local guys to get together for a regular happy hour. I have looked at meetup options around bisexuality ( my immediate area seems to focus on female bisexuals and gay men). So far I keep looking. I refuse to give up on my personal conditions, and so it may take a long time, but when I find the guy(s) to be closer with, I will be sure I am still honest to myself and my loved ones.

Best of luck in finding you way.

Al

[marine20]

bisocialnudist ,when you are away at gay places , does you wife fuck other men ? do you allow her ?

[eaglelife85]

So I expected my first mfm threesome to be a quite a nerve wrecking experience but it went well. This hot latino guy started hitting on me and was obviously trying to have sex. So my first question to him was if you want to have sex with me are you willing to have sex with my wife and surprisingly that was a turn on for him so it worked out perfectly. His dick was big enough for my wife to be satisfied and I enjoyed every aspect of him. We're actually considering having him become a permanent part of our sex life.

[bisocialnudist]

Marine20, Whats fair for one is fair for all so of course I have told my wife that however she wants to make it work is fine with me including a sexual FWB. I have found that its important to let our wives choose how they want to make it work. She wasn't interested in more sex what my wife decided she wanted was a close emotional female friend and she has found that, they spend time together everyday so when I go away they go off and do fun things together, movie night , girls night out with friends etc. , we are both having fun so there is no jealousy or resentment. I feel its not up to me to tell her how she has to have her fun just so long as she finds something , they look forward to their time just as much as I look forward to mine and i think that's key.

[Missouri Redbeard]

The wife and I play together .... after I've checked them out before hand ....

[cuttin2dachase]

I am a twice divorced man who has enjoyed sensual mutual oral sex with men since I was 32 when my kinky, swinging 1st hotwife encouraged me to try it. On the flip side, I told my 2nd wife of my previous swinging sex life (and the bi aspect) with 1st wife. While she did not judge me for it, she told in no uncertain terms that she would not swing with me or tolerate any infidelity with women or men. Although I had frequent (and kinky) mm desires for 1 on 1 sex and even group sex with other men while married to both, I did not act on them for fear of being caught and ruining my otherwise happy marriages. I did not pursue these desires until after I was separated and divorcing both wives. Meeting men alone became an exciting, semi-regular part of my sex life and still is, in the absence of a female significant other. My mm preference is for fwb, no-strings fun with otherwise happy bi married men. There are so many of them looking for men like me, I have never had qualms about or judged men who are down low without their spouses knnowledgecheating on their spouses. If the only thing holding them back is fear of being caught and there is mutual interest and discretion, I enjoy it very much. It can be quite therapeutic (and erotic) sharing stories about wives, ex wives and other women (and men) we've been with as we play around in bed pleasuring each other. I can say truthfully that I've never encouraged a bi curious man with moral issues/dilemmas to cheat on his wife. On the other hand, I do not discourage bi or curious married men who have experience with men or who have made up their mind that they are going after other men on the side. If we hit it off online and there is mutual interest and desire, I am all for meeting. Does that make sense? In retrospect, both ex wives cheated on me and I now wish I had not let the fear of being discovered deter me from meeting men ! Almost every married man I have ever been with has said he would never consider cheating with another woman and that he didn't consider it cheating if it's with a man any more than he'd be cheating if it was just a round of golf or tossing back a few beers at a sports bar LOL

[12voltyV2.0]

Justin--I am glad that you have found some good points to consider here thanks to others on the site. We do have some great folks on here but also have our cranks to be sure--and be forewarned--we have what is either one seriously disturbed person or persons who assume many "names" on here. They will start out with a new "person" posting up a whole bunch of posts on all kinds of things---most of them pretty negative and just cranky at first, then the volume cranks up and the things they say----begin to spin out of control--depending upon how bad what the "person" says--Drew who owns the site or his web people will at least---put that profile in "cool off" time or just eliminate everything they do. This person or persons will also often send you all kinds of crazy messages via the site's website or other ways.

Right now--things are pretty quiet this way---but you never know when this "person" will come back--so just beware that you get some weird posts and or personal messages---they will probably tell you that you are a sick scum, who wants to cheat on his wife and will spread all kinds of STDs thanks to the stuff you do---or something along these lines----just wanted to let you know and be forewarned and if you get messages of this---don't let it bother you and send you away.

It is good for people seeking info like you are to be able to freely post things and not have them thrown back at you---sadly--I am pretty sure that a fair number of people who are at your stage will get hit with the stuff this person or person does and they just simply leave the site.

As I did tell you in the chat room the other night--I wished I could offer you more assistance--but with what people have said---you are in good hands and getting some good feedback and advice.

I know that my profile says I am rather recent member, but due to some technical reasons relating to the crapping out of my old PC, I had to set up a new identity on here. I have been a member here going on TEN YEARS now----damn--time flies!!! LOL

[curiousmarriedman]

JustinW thanks for asking the question I want answers to. Thanks to all who have provided insight to Justin as well as myself.

[JustinW]

Wow! Thanks for the interest in this topic everyone, esp cuttin2dachase and culturalinfidel. Your posts took effort and thought which I appreciate.

I know I'm treading on dangerous ground. My wife admits to losing interest in sex while at the same time she recognizes my strong drive. I certainly dont ever want her to resent me over my desires. It seems a lot of married men experience the same things as me and see turning to male on male sex as being acceptable over a female mistress. I guess it's a way to rationalize their actions.

I hope the discussion continues.

[fredtyg]

My wife admits to losing interest in sex while at the same time she recognizes my strong drive. I certainly dont ever want her to resent me over my desires. It seems a lot of married men experience the same things as me and see turning to male on male sex as being acceptable over a female mistress..
.

Your very lucky, if I'm reading you right, about your wife acknowledging that. Some wives seem to think your needs don't matter.

Some years ago, after my wife indicated she wasn't interested in sex anymore, I broached the subject and asked her if she cared if I had a boyfriend. She said if I wanted to go that route we might as well just get divorced. That really pissed me off thinking she figured I should satisfy my sexual needs the rest of my life by just jacking off.

It still irks me when I hear of wives or significant other types that aren't interested in sex but won't allow the guy to see another guy. I'll admit I'm one that doesn't see m2m alternatives as cheating, even if the wife doesn't know. At least in many cases.

In my case I'm not sure if the wife still feels that way. About 3 years ago we had a situation where I got the impression she might not really care. I'm guessing she probably wouldn't want to know about it. She probably wouldn't mind if she knew the guy and liked him, so long as we kept the sexual stuff to ourselves and not rub her nose in it, if that makes any sense.

I'm not sure from what Justin wrote, but I wonder if his wife might feel the same way.

[JustinW]

I'm guessing she probably wouldn't want to know about it. She probably wouldn't mind if she knew the guy and liked him, so long as we kept the sexual stuff to ourselves and not rub her nose in it, if that makes any sense.

This!

There are other aspects of our lives together that my wive does not care to know the details as long as the outcome is satisfactory. So what you say makes a lot of sense to me.

And yes, I am lucky. My wife genuinely seems concerned that my sexual needs are satisfied. She does her best, but she just can't explain her lack of interest. She has a medical condition that might be contributing and plans to ask her doctor about it.

And as I mentioned earlier, she wants me to get out with the boys and do more fun things. Sometimes I think of having a buddy in the same situation as me. Go out hunting, four wheeling, or whatever and if a little mutual jack off happens for a quick release when we're alone, what would be so bad about that?

[fredtyg]

Sounds like you have it made.

[12voltyV2.0]

I thought I had Foda se on my ignore list. From this person's "MO"--new member, tons of posts all of a sudden with most if not all being "negative" in tone and content----one thing is pretty clear--- this "newbie" is more than likely: THE TROLL, one of the trolls or a new troll!! My advice in regards to this "person" is to not respond to this asshole and put him or her on your ignore list--I am going right now to do that again.

[bigtime2013]

i agree good way to answer

[HenryDaniel]

My Wife knew before we were married that I like to suck on cocks. I believe in being upfront and honest. I had a friend that was married and we were talking about oral sex one day and he ask if I had ever tried it. I told him yes , but not often enough. Needless to say we suckerd each other off right then and there. Two days later jim called me and said he was going to an all guy party of people he knew and would I like to cum along. When we arrievd there were 8 naked men sitting and laying around the room. Jim introduced me and we got naked and hit the shower. Then when we came out they explained. All the guys were married , this was the whole group. All liked sucking and being sucked , their wives knew of this club.We get together at this one mans home ,sometimes there are only 2-3 guys sometimes all 10 of us are there. There is always someone sucking someone. You can watch JO , join inn what ever. It is a great group of guys

[TempeBiGuy]

Hi, I am in a similar situation -- also in the Phoenix area.

It is hard finding a guy who is normal and just wants a release.

Tried craigslist a few times but didn't get good results.

[LumpyR]

It's important, as others have pointed out, to be true to yourself. It's also important, in my experience, to consider things from your spouse's perspective. Failing to do that adequately at first nearly cost me my marriage.

[MiamiRandy]

My wife has her lovers and i have mine, occasionally it works out that we share! We don't knowingly play with cheaters but it has happened.