tenni
Jan 5, 2014, 10:08 AM
Probably sexist. Probably a bit homophobic. Hell…still funny?
:eek2:
Would you rewrite any of these Man Laws differently for bisexual men?
From: The International Council of Man Laws.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legallykilled and peed on by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is offlimits forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge isforbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present foranother man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is huge gay.
7: When traveling together in a van or large SUV, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, notthe weakest.
8: When stumbling upon another guy watching a sporting event, you mayask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who'splaying.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought herto climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose offlatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially yourgirlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you'resunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless modeland only when it's free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowedto kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't seeanything.
15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated asspies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability todrink as much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman mustremain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice ofpizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
18: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longerthan you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.Hang up if necessary.
19: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend'have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird andguilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussionoccurs about what a big mistake it was.
20: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptablefor her to drive yours.
21: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, limegreen, orange or sky blue..
22: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want forChristmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox360.End of story.
23: There is no reason for guys to watch figure skating or Men'sGymnastics. Ever.
24: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do youreally know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “Areyou still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guyssmelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wifesquarely on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'
I hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Man Laws
:eek2:
Would you rewrite any of these Man Laws differently for bisexual men?
From: The International Council of Man Laws.
1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.
2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When she is using her teeth.
3: Any man who brings a camera to a stag night may be legallykilled and peed on by his friends.
4: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is offlimits forever unless you actually marry her.
5: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge isforbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
6: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present foranother man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is huge gay.
7: When traveling together in a van or large SUV, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, notthe weakest.
8: When stumbling upon another guy watching a sporting event, you mayask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who'splaying.
9: You may fart in front of a woman only after you have brought herto climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose offlatulent entertainment (commonly known as a Dutch oven), she's officially yourgirlfriend.
10: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you'resunning on a tropical beach ... and it's delivered by a topless modeland only when it's free.
11: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowedto kick another guy in the nuts.
12: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.
14: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't seeanything.
15: Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated asspies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability todrink as much as the other sports watchers.
16: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman mustremain sober enough to fight.
17: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice ofpizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
18: Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longerthan you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone.Hang up if necessary.
19: The morning after you and a girl who was formerly 'just a friend'have carnal, drunken monkey sex. The fact that you're feeling weird andguilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussionoccurs about what a big mistake it was.
20: It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptablefor her to drive yours.
21: Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, limegreen, orange or sky blue..
22: The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want forChristmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox360.End of story.
23: There is no reason for guys to watch figure skating or Men'sGymnastics. Ever.
24: We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do youreally know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:
'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with the guys,being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, “Areyou still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?”
'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guyssmelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wifesquarely on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!'
I hope this clears up any confusion,
The International Council of Man Laws