Newly Bi?

[pangalactic1969]

Hi Everybody,

I don't know if it's customary here but I'm just here to say "Hi!" after joining this community. It's all very easy to say because I'm nicely anonymous here, I'm 44, and have been married 22 years (3 kids) and for some strange reason in the past few months I've been thinking I might be Bi.... soooooo, I just dropped in here to look around. Thats pretty much why I'm here, as a total newb :)

The funny thing is, I said above I "might be", and not only am I not sure how to tell, I'm not even sure what I'd do with the info if a "Bi Inspector" came along and stamped it on my forehead. I don't think my life would change much if at all.

oooo now I'm rambling!

[arana]

Welcome to the group pangalactic!!! More than likely you will find that your feelings for things are very similar to others here in the group. Knowing is half the battle. It also doesn't mean just because you discover that you are bi that you must go out and have sex with everyone either. I don't think so anyway. I haven't received the official handbook yet. You can have a healthy monogamous relationship and still be bisexual so don't fret. Just be you.

[Flounder1967]

I agree with arana. She is so smart.

I you have question don't be bashful just ask. People will gladly ansewer and question.

[pangalactic1969]

thanks to both of you, I knew this would be a supportive community :tongue:

Truth be told, I DID start out my introspection in a bad way.....on craigslist. I was quite overwhelmed by the number of NSA offers and honestly I was pretty darned close to trying it out. I got over the headrush of possibilities and politely chickened out on the offers. I know that probably would have been destructive, at least in the short term.

More than anything I'm worried about the relationship with my family, and going behind their back to satisfy a curiosity just isn't justified.

Ok I'm rambling again. I'll keep poking around here on the site.

[Flounder1967]

I understand where you are. I too had to go through lots of thoughts of family and such. don't be bashful and drop whom ever a line for discusstion.

[canuckotter]

I haven't received the official handbook yet.
There's a handbook?! Damn, someone send that to me! :tong:

Anyway. :) Wise move on turning down those offers. Even if you do end up going out and finding someone to have fun with, you want to be sure that it's the best choice. In the first rush of self-discovery it's way too easy to get carried away and make poor choices. And yeah, you don't need to suddenly go out and sleep with guys if you finally decide you are bi; plenty of the bisexual men on here are monogamous, myself included.

So what prompted you to start questioning your sexuality, anyway? :)

[pangalactic1969]

There's a handbook?! Damn, someone send that to me! :tong:

Anyway. :) Wise move on turning down those offers. Even if you do end up going out and finding someone to have fun with, you want to be sure that it's the best choice. In the first rush of self-discovery it's way too easy to get carried away and make poor choices. And yeah, you don't need to suddenly go out and sleep with guys if you finally decide you are bi; plenty of the bisexual men on here are monogamous, myself included.

So what prompted you to start questioning your sexuality, anyway? :)

I think I realized I was questioning myself as I was googling "bisexual support" :) But honestly I have no idea what has changed in my attitude lately. I'm not depressed or unfulfilled or anything. Your words of "self discovery" are probably the best though.

And thats the thing, I really do want to try *something* with someone but I know I have to do it smartly. I just don't know what that is yet. I have always always been 100% honest and faithful to my wife and it makes me a bit :( that I can't really do that right now.

[EludedSunshine]

I haven't received the official handbook yet.

There's a handbook?! Damn, someone send that to me! :tong:
I'm sorry, that's my fault... I bought the whole last batch to make a really awesome fort. :disgust:

As to the original post... Maybe you won't find all the answers, but you're sure in the right place to begin. The people here are great, and truly helpful. Good luck discovering. :bigrin:

[biandu]

We ARE the fucking handbook...didn't you all know that?



I agree with the posters above.


I just wanted to say--- hey... and Welcome.

[Reprob8]

We ARE the fucking handbook...didn't you all know that?



I agree with the posters above.


I just wanted to say--- hey... and Welcome.


Ok, what about the secret handshake?

[biandu]

Ok, what about the secret handshake?



psst! we can't give a way all the secrets.... damn it.

[canuckotter]

Ok, what about the secret handshake?
For some reason, at first I misread that as "what about the secret milkshake?" And I was going :eek: I don't think I even want to know what flavour that might be! :tong:

[Azrael]

Hi Everybody,

I don't know if it's customary here but I'm just here to say "Hi!" after joining this community. It's all very easy to say because I'm nicely anonymous here, I'm 44, and have been married 22 years (3 kids) and for some strange reason in the past few months I've been thinking I might be Bi.... soooooo, I just dropped in here to look around. Thats pretty much why I'm here, as a total newb :)
Welcome to you good sir. It's a fun little web site here, with some truly fascinating people.


The funny thing is, I said above I "might be", and not only am I not sure how to tell, I'm not even sure what I'd do with the info if a "Bi Inspector" came along and stamped it on my forehead. I don't think my life would change much if at all.

oooo now I'm rambling!

Not at all,guy . I've been through a million periods of questioning myself. Realizing the existence of my own bisexuality leads to me figuring out what form it takes on a personal level. Knowing that you might be is a positive space to be in. I can't honestly tell you how to figure out if you are, because I initially thought I was gay. The critical factor is not letting people make you feel like shit about it, which some will try. That said, best of luck on your voyage of self awareness. Experience is the best teacher ;)

[codybear3]

Hello Pangalactic1969 and a very warm welcome...As you can see by some of the remarks already made, you are in very good hands here...I, myself have not received a handbook and the last time I shook someones hand secretly, I fell in love and didn't wanna let go...Do keep in mind that if you are questioning you Bisexuality, rest assured than no one here will find any questions or comments silly or strange or stupid because there are alot of people here that are still on thier own road to discovery...Once again, welcome... :grouphug:

P.S. - I highly recommend that when Arana speaks/posts, it is worth the time to stop what you are doing and listen/read...Flounder1967 says she is smart and I agree 100%... :paw: :paw:

[Azrael]

P.S. - I highly recommend that when Arana speaks/posts, it is worth the time to stop what you are doing and listen/read...Flounder1967 says she is smart and I agree 100%... :paw: :paw:
Precisely.

[Herbwoman39]

Welcome!

You've gotten a lovely introduction thusfar, I think. I just wanted to add my :2cents: to the mix.

When I started my own journey 18 months ago, on those days (before I found my home here) when I was feeling frightened, alone and ready to go back into denial of who I am, I learned to start asking myself a couple simple questions to remind me that I am who I think Iam.
I find after this long I don't need to use these very often, but occasionally I still need the security of this reminder.

"Does Johnny Deep still make me go all melty?" "Yes" "Good."
"Do I still get all hot and bothered watching the Pussycat Dolls?" "Yes"
"Okay...I'm still Bi" :bigrin:

It's all a matter of finding that thing that helps you know for certain that this is who you are. For me it's reminding myself that I still love boys AND girls even when I'm scared and alone.

[Reprob8]

Welcome!

"Does Johnny Deep still make me go all melty?" "Yes" "Good."
"Do I still get all hot and bothered watching the Pussycat Dolls?" "Yes"
"Okay...I'm still Bi" :bigrin:


LOL, for me it is do I still like the joggers (all of them), and bicyclists in spandex (again, all of them).

[Diane54]

welcome
there are no stupid questions when you are in doubt about anything.
and I have found no judgemental people here.
yo might check out www.Shybi.com also
and I attached a brochure from bisexual resourse group.

again Welcome

[onewhocares]

Hi,

A most warm and open welcome. I say that I agree with all that has been said above. The road to finding out if you are bisexual starts with honest and hard questions to yourself. For me the hard part has been answering them as I was affraid of what I would find. In the end as hard as it was I found the right answer for me. What I hope you find here are the warm and kind people who are willing to share of themselves and their experiances. As someone said, somewhat tongue and cheek, what we are the handbook, and yes in fact we are.


If I can say one thing, it would be do not rush into anything. Take time to pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. No one is pushing you, only do what you feel comfortable in doing.


Belle

[arana]

I agree with arana. She is so smart



P.S. - I highly recommend that when Arana speaks/posts, it is worth the time to stop what you are doing and listen/read...Flounder1967 says she is smart and I agree 100%... :paw: :paw:


Precisely.

Ok checks are in the mail. :tong:

[Michael623]

I will add my sentiments about listening to Arana. I know her better than anyone. Trust what she says.

[arana]

Please ignore all biased rantings of the insane.

[Michael623]

hmmmm. Trust most things she says.

[Herbwoman39]

Please ignore all biased rantings of the insane.

I'm not biased...just insane :tongue:

[whichway06]

Hi pangalactic,

I believe very strongly that respect and honesty are the most important things we hold above all other things. Having a wife or a husband demands that we have respect for that person and to be honest with that person. The hardest is honesty, because in order for someone to be honest with their wife or husband they must be honest with themselves first.
I struggled with the thought of telling my wife that I am bisexual and have desires to have a male friend. I was scared to death to tell her in fear of what she may say or think. But the truth is, my thoughts, feelings and desires about bisex are just that, thoughts, feelings and desires. I never acted them out because I am married and I have respect for my wife and our marriage not to do those things behind her back.
A few weeks ago I did tell her about my thoughts, feelings and desires and told her that I am bisexual. Her response was, well your not having sex with anyone but me so am I to be angry because you have certain thoughts and feelings? She also stated that if she was to get angry about every thought or feeling that I have she would live a life being angry 24/7. She told me that if I am bisexual then that is who I am and she or noone can ever change that.
She also told me that she is very happy that I did not go behind her back and have sex with someone. She said that would have been the thing that would have hurt her not being bisexual but being dishonest and disrespectful to her and our marriage. Then she asked me what would be the differance between having sex with a male or female behind her back? The only answer I could think of was, there is none, and she agreed.
This is a new begining for our marriage, my being honest with my wife has opened the door for more and better communication. More things to talk about and to laugh about. I am very happy that I told her that I am bisexual because it was being honest with myself and her. When you are in a marriage it is not me it's us. What you do or what your partner does has an effect on both.
She even said that being that I have never had bisex and have a desire to have bisex, she would not mind if I did. But the problem comes back to me, I always thought that if she ever did tell me ok, go ahead, I would run out and find a male friend. Not the case, I cannot get over the fact that we are married and for some unknown reason it just does not feel right for me to go out and have bisex. So at this point I am not going to. I do not know if this makes any sense to you or not or if it even comes close to what you are searching out but it is what I have went through the past few months. I hope all works out very well for you.

[Azrael]

Please ignore all biased rantings of the insane.
It's all relative, darling ;)

[pangalactic1969]

Hi pangalactic,

I believe very strongly that respect and honesty are the most important things we hold above all other things. Having a wife or a husband demands that we have respect for that person and to be honest with that person. The hardest is honesty, because in order for someone to be honest with their wife or husband they must be honest with themselves first.


I absolutely agree with everything you wrote. Yes I have been mentally going over those exact same choices and despite the impression I may have given here or in other posts I'm not looking for an excuse to go out and play around just to "find myself".

Maybe I'm rationalizing, in fact it's almost certain that I am. But I think that at this moment the right choice for me to make is to NOT tell this to my wife. It's not because I want to be dishonest or do something behind her back and it's not because I want to avoid a conflict or avoid talking about myself...... hmmm, well maybe I do want to avoid all that.

I guess what I'm saying is that in this grand equation, the impact on my family is a very VERY important factor for what I do, or do not do.

Thanks for the sanity check

[codybear3]

Ok checks are in the mail. :tong:


:yikes2:... ...REALLY????... :tong: :paw: :paw:

[SweetBlackAngel]

:yikes2:... ...REALLY????... :tong: :paw: :paw:

Hey, now, Mister. Don't you go spending it all in one place. I know how you can get. :tong: ;)

Say, does that handbook have pictures?? :tongue:

[codybear3]

Hey, now, Mister. Don't you go spending it all in one place. I know how you can get. :tong: ;)

Say, does that handbook have pictures?? :tongue:

You know I'm a sucker for babes like you... :rolleyes:

And that hand-book can have pictures if you'll pose for it....Wadda ya say? :bowdown: :paw: :paw:

[SweetBlackAngel]

You know I'm a sucker for babes like you... :rolleyes:

And that hand-book can have pictures if you'll pose for it....Wadda ya say? :bowdown: :paw: :paw:

Smooth talker! :bigrin: As for those pictures: you first! :smilies15 :bounce: :bowdown:

[citystyleguy]

welcome to a beautiful world! and welcome to a damn confusing world! that's only part of the fun!

explore, but a word of warning, DO NOT CHEAT; BE UPFRONT AND HONEST! and if your spouse/family cannot handle the new-found knowledge, then you will need to make serious choices, to remain true to them, or let them make their choices if you feel the need to understand this new realization of who you are! this is where the pain will be felt, but decision will need to be made.

don't mean to take the downside path, but a reality check is better now then later!

wishing you good luck, and may you find the right path!

[codybear3]

Smooth talker! :bigrin: As for those pictures: you first! :smilies15 :bounce: :bowdown:

AGAIN???...What happened to the last batch I sent you? :rolleyes: :paw: :paw: