How do you drop hints to your wife that your bi or bi-curious and how did it turn out

[tampakicks27]

Hi all,

How have you dropped hints to your wife or significant other that you are bi or at least bi-curious ?

Also curious for those that did many of these hints was coming out easier ? (assuming the wife was not religious or very old fashioned)

Did they maybe confront and ask instead because of the hints ?

I've seen BI porn with the wife once many years ago and she didnt say anything. (4 - 6 years ago)

Lately been watching 3some porn w/ male male and female but the guys don't touch just fuck her. She had a super long hot orgasm after this porn vid.

Also every now and then I put double penetration and double vaginal videos and she is cool with it.

Thanks in advance for your comments

[newlynymphos]

My wife new I was a bi bottom before we married! We even did some swinging together while we were dating! We still swing,and we still have our fuck buddies on the side :)

[Hypersexual11]

Mine never got the hint. I suggested mfm to her many times, to be turned down flat. When we were in high school and fooling around with another couple, she saw me lick his dick while she was sucking it. Barely mentioned it. She finally found out when she confronted me about what she thought was an affair with a married woman I had been hanging around with. I admitted that I was having an affair but with her husband. She still wanted to focus on my relationship with the wife and never thought much about my bi side. Once she knew I was bi though, she was fine with doing mmf. She never went for it earlier because she thought I was testing her, to see if I was enough man for her. Yea, cuz I'm a guy and we play these stupid games.
Best to not beat around the bush. Just sit her down and tell her. I know, easier said than done.

[CurEUs_Male]

When I discovered my bi interest myself, I was already married. We had tried some swinging, and so additional partners was not new to us. I simply started talking about it in the swinging scenarios. Openly and honestly. The fact that she watches porn with you is great. You can introduce the concept with some alternate choices, mixing in some m2m videos and talking with her about it while it's on screen. Certainly a good method I have heard used by quite a few.

The key is to open up the communications, and keep them open. I can tell you that many women will feel threatened. Straight and gay people both have preconceived notions that bisexuals are not able to maintain a committed relationship, liars, cheats, actually gay but not able to commit to the gay lifestyle, and the list goes on. Through a couple of support groups for mixed orientation marriages (MOM), sometimes referred to as mixed orientation relationship (MORe), I have chatted with other straight spouses as well as gay and bi spouses. Once the cat is out of the bag, you'll be up against a truck load of myths and assumptions that things will be over. So many straight spouses are introduced to the fact of a non-straight spouse through discovery of extramarital affairs, hookups, porn and meet up web sites, even STD treatments, that these situations overshadow the orientation information and the orientation takes on the same negative attitude as an affair.

It is important to share yourself with your spouse. You should consider finding a neutral place to have an open discussion. (Not a vacation spot, as this might be considered ruining a vacation). Be honest about where you are in this - interest, desire, need, thinking about it, already experienced... and be ready to answer some tough questions. "I don't know" is a valid answer for some questions, but will require follow up at some point down the road. SOme find it better to write a letter going over your thoughts. Keeping your train of thought complete before interruption, and allowing for a basis for coming back to certain points as the discussion evolves.

It will likely never be easy, but learn from so many others that have gone before you - opening up yourself first, instead of the alternative of discovery, is the better route. Seek support for yourself, and importantly for your spouse. Beware of some 'straight spouse' support groups that are bitter, toxic, 'how to screw him in a divorce' focused. If you or your spouse need positive support, examples of successful couples, please do no hesitate to contact me. My wife and I have been there, done that. It is a continuing journey for all involved.

Finally, keep in mind that your spouse may be in a state of shock. They will be going through the stages of grieving just lie they would if the lost a loved one. They will likely grieve the loss of the form of marriage. They may see noting but despair, wondering how to change you/your desires, wondering what they did to 'make you gay'. It is hard to tell them they did not change you in the first place, you have always had this side of you, and they cannot change you 'back'. While you have been looking at, mulling over, and exploring this in your mind for some time (weeks, months, years, forever)... this will be a new concept for them. They will not have had the time you have had to come to terms with any of this. They will need time to digest, explore, research, and just think about all this stuff. Therapy is a regular need for a couple facing this discussion. Finding a qualified therapist is important. If they are against open relationships (I had one state on the first visit that open relationships don't work out), it will close some doors that may cause more difficulty than needed. If they have dealt with MOM's, alternative orientations, couples therapy... you're off to a good start.

Best of luck. I hope it goes well for you, as well as anyone else that is looking at this monumental step in progressing your relationships by opening up to the one(s) you love. I look forward to hearing from you (here or directly) of your journey, and I will provide you some links to support options of you care to contact me directly.

Al

[fredtyg]

Don't play BS games or "drop hints". Just be honest and tell her you are bisexual. By "dropping hints" and playing BS games like that she'll just think you're lying or not being entirely truthful. The women and men I date or get into a LTR with know well in advance that I am bisexual since I tell them when we first meet.

Easy for you to say since many, if not most guys, didn't tell their wives before they got married. That was the case with me as back then I was still telling myself I wasn't queer and that once we got married I'd live the straight and narrow life. It can, as you suggest, also cause unhealthy suspicions. I think it made it easier for me in the long run.

The wife was old fashioned and came from a very religious anti- homo family. She never would have married me had she known. Of course, back then I kept telling myself I wasn't queer. It would most often come out when I'd have been drinking.

I first started dropping hints almost inadvertently. Right after we got married I'd have been drinking, we'd have sex and I'd make mention of the possibility of threesomes where both of us could partake of a particular guy we were both attracted to. She'd just laugh nervously, casting the hints aside as the ravings of a drunk.

Fast forward to decades later and I think the occasional hints softened the blow. I'd become comfortable with my homosexuality and started dropping more direct hints. By this time she knew it wasn't the ravings of a drunk. As time went on it became clear she knew I was queer but we didn't really discuss it. Every now and then, though, either her or I would bring it up. Sometimes together.

I recall maybe ten or fifteen years ago there was a gay couple living across the street. One time they were standing outside and starting walking toward their house. The wife goes, "There they go. Bet they're gonna hop in bed. You probably wanna go watch". I replied, "Watch? Hell, I'll join in!". She just glared at me.

As time went on she became more accepting of it, although much depends on her mood. A lot of it still depends on her mood. Sometimes she seems disgusted by it. Other times amused, although we still don't bring it up very often.

Things like that- making ever bolder hints over time- just made it easier in the end as I see it. If I'd just suddenly dropped it on her all at once, it most likely would have scared her away. But, as with most things, I suppose it depends on the emotional make up of the individuals.

[hurt and confused]

I am one of those wives, trying to understand. Just recently found out my husband of 22 years may be bi-sexual or gay. If he had told me long ago things might have been different but he's lied. I'm hurt because I'm very open minded and have gay friends. I thought we could talk about anything. He's had a strict up bringing (he's 51) so I guess that's why he didn't. I'm confused because he's very homophobic. If you were to meet him you would swear I was dead wrong but I have proof. I found where he's been trying to hook up with strange men and that's dangerous and I'm concerned about my health. The fact that he may be gay or bi-sexual is not the issue it's the affairs (with women) and now not knowing, possibly with men too. All I can say is give the spouse a chance if you love someone they will love you for who you are. The lies is what is destructible. Fredtyg I posted this reply to your post because you appear to be a very wise man.......

[fredtyg]

Fredtyg I posted this reply to your post because you appear to be a very wise man.......

Aw, shucks! :bigrin:

But seriously, as I've wrote in this forum and elsewhere, I've heard from so many guys who for one reason or another didn't tell their wives. Then the years went by and they felt it was too late and they didn't feel they could tell them at that point. My heart really went out to them. They felt trapped.

Some of them did tell their wives after 20 or more years of marriage, with very unpleasant consequences. Others just can't and I can't imagine how it must be trying to keep that inside you in your very own home. I feel very lucky in that regard.

[jackbirdjay]

When we was dating told my wife I was very curious. So she had a idea before we married. Been trying for a mmf but she tells me no way. She dose use toys on me. I have never cheated on her. What she dose not know before I met her I had sex with about 10 different guys.