i told my wife last night

[marine20]

last night marked a milestone for my wife and I. we have been together for 38 years , married for 35 years. last night , dec-. 6 -2013 , I told her that I was bisexual . she had no clue, since I have always been very masculine. I couldn't believe I had the balls to tell her , and I couldn't believe her reaction. my lady didn't even raise an eyebrow. she said something like , that's alright honey , nothing has changed , and I still love you as I always have. I was blown away. almost no reaction at all. just a warm smile and her love. what a magnificent woman I have . now this giant weight I have been carrying for 40 years has been lifted. I told her I would answer any and all questions she had. she had very few . she said it would have to sink in a little more before she got really curious. so there you have it guys, my life is open , and I can breathe deeply again , and marvel at the incredible wife I have !!

[shyfellow]

Wow. Lucky you. May I ask have you been active with you bisexuality?

[Fresia]

Super great Marine! Just in time to get her some bling for Christmas! She deserves it, don't you think!

Marine, I read your profile after I posted my above comment. You've been with her 30+ years but your ad is leading me to think that you're looking for sex with either gender. If that is true then you really have nothing to celebrate. I hope for your wife's sake that I'm wrong,

[tenni]

I hope that it goes well for you Marine. There could be and probably will be a storm or two. Just look at how Fresia is reacting to you.

Fresia, you have nothing in your profile to indicate your sexuality. . Are the shoes that you are walking in bisexual? They certainly seem to be in size "judgmental".

[BiMaleAB]

Congrats marine. As a fellow who came out to his own wife last Sunday (though only after 10 years) it certainly feels tremendous to be open about it with the closest person in your life.

[Fresia]

Tenni, Let me put it to you this way- Anyone on this site who is partnered, whether it be same sex or opposite sex, and is having sex with someone else without their partners consent is committing adultery. And yes, I do judge that.
Marine is excited and feeling free because he's relieved himself of a mere fraction of his issues.
Good for him. Not so good for his wife.

And I'm curious, Tenni. How do my sexual preferences factor into whether or not I judge another for being an adulterer? Bisexuality is ones own personal choice and adultery is being deceitful to a life's partner. I don't see how they connect.

[querty]

Congrats Marine, I too know how it feels to be liberated in this manner. In my situation there were additional challenges, but through open totally honest dialogue we've come to a great place and the entire experience has added to and strengthened our relationship of 22 years. Good luck to you!

[NMCowboys]

Tenni, Let me put it to you this way- Anyone on this site who is partnered, whether it be same sex or opposite sex, and is having sex with someone else without their partners consent is committing adultery. And yes, I do judge that.
Marine is excited and feeling free because he's relieved himself of a mere fraction of his issues.
Good for him. Not so good for his wife.

And I'm curious, Tenni. How do my sexual preferences factor into whether or not I judge another for being an adulterer? Bisexuality is ones own personal choice and adultery is being deceitful to a life's partner. I don't see how they connect.

Well said. Cheating on a partner or spouse is never a good thing. I am not sure why anyone would not tell their husband or wife of years or even decades that they are bisexual, and then lie and cheat on them? Or the hypocrisy of being into cheating on a spouse or partner and then writing this? marine20 has the following dislikes: dishonest people.

As for what you wrote somebody does not like women.


Yes, I have hooked up with many married men. I'm kinda a Bonobo Bisexual and open to helping a guy out with his urges regardless of his marital status as long as he is married to a woman. If he is married to another guy (or those countries without legal same sex marriage) in a relationship with a guy, no I won't hook up usually.

[BiMaleAB]

Fresia, I do not see where he indicated adultery? It is a pretty big assumption to take a website profile that says "looking for men" and then equating that to someone actually going out and cheating his wife.

[marine20]

wow guys, I was hoping for a little more compassion. I didn't think I would have to explain my whole sex life , but here goes. we have always had an open sex life . she fucks men ., I fuck women . the only thing that she did not know was, that I had sex with men too. that is because I was always terribly ashamed of what I was doing . I hope that you guys can relate to that. in my mind, I never cheated on her, because it was with men, and I certainly could not tell her. now that I have told her, I feel so fucking relieved , that I can't believe it. she is absolutely fine with it. my wife is so much more than I thought she was . my love is just brimming over today. no more hiding what I am. I feel like we have both been liberated . I can be totally honest now.

[Fresia]

BiMaleAB, I assumed nothing. I read his profile including visitors messages.

[elian]

marine, I'm glad that the person who is closest to you in life has validated that she loves you for who you really are, not who you thought you needed to be..I can imagine that is a relief and it IS something to be proud of.

[marine20]

thank you Elian.

[Hypersexual11]

Congrats Marine. I completely understand your feelings toward your wife. It took us awhile to get there but I always knew I had a fantastic wife and always loved her deeply. Once our lives settled and I was able to appreciate the way she accepted this with no consequences, I went from deeply loving this woman to having an emotional overload toward her. I have to stop myself from constantly driving her nuts.
Thanks for writing that post. Sorry people can't just be cool.

[marine20]

thanks hypersexual, your letter was spot on. it feels good to hear from someone to confirm my feelings.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Well see Darlin, you didnt make it clear from the git go that ya'll have an open marriage, or are swingers. It makes the story more clear when you have full details..lol. I dont condone cheating at all, but if your lady is ok with you meeting men for sexual fun, and approves, then more power to you.
Hope all turns out well for you. And congrats for having such a wonderful Lady..:}
Cat.

[Yoyome100]

Congrats to you and your wife, Marine.:thumbu:

[open2both]

You're one or the TRULY LUCKY ones!
BRAVO!!

[sailorashore]

Marine, you are truly blessed with a wonderful, loving wife. Good job coming out to her, and congratulations on unloading your guilt... Here's one more angle for you. When I started to like the idea of having sex with one steady guy, I found a profile, on another website, of a "mwm" in my area who sounded interesting, and we hit it off. He was the first guy I had ever had anal intercourse with more than once. Here's the problem--I was up front with him about the fact that I have herpes, and we met for sex and a smoke break three or four times. I never asked him anything about his home life, but I had a pretty good idea that their dinner conversation didn't include anything about him screwing an old sailor with herpes. Now, I'm confident that I'm aware enough of the virus (had it almost 40 yrs) that I can abstain when it's active and avoid exposing any partner. But where there is an unknowing third party to the deal (I assumed he was still having sex with his wife), and she was not included in the discussion--that is a horrible moral and ethical lapse, and I couldn't abide it. I called it off, and have not seen that gentleman since. Nor will I ever knowingly put anyone else's spouse or partner in that position again. Marine, you're a lucky man, but if in your adventures you bring home something unpleasant (like an incurable virus) and share it with your darling wife, you will reap a harvest of hurt and bitterness beyond anything you can imagine. Be happy. Be respectful. Be grateful. Be safe.

[tenni]

Tenni, Let me put it to you this way- Anyone on this site who is partnered, whether it be same sex or opposite sex, and is having sex with someone else without their partners consent is committing adultery. And yes, I do judge that.
Marine is excited and feeling free because he's relieved himself of a mere fraction of his issues.
Good for him. Not so good for his wife.

And I'm curious, Tenni. How do my sexual preferences factor into whether or not I judge another for being an adulterer? Bisexuality is ones own personal choice and adultery is being deceitful to a life's partner. I don't see how they connect.

Interesting choice of words. There is a difference in understanding between "sexuality" and "sexual preferences". One suggests choice and the ability to pick a side rather than a need. For some that is true but not all bisexuals. Judgemental condemning people seem to lack compassion and understanding of bisexuals. This seems to be more of a monosexual belief structure. Many if not most bisexuals can feel compassion for other bisexuals who struggle with their sexuality in a monosexual society that rejects male bisexuality as wrong. Too bad that some people feel the need to hide their sexuality on a bisexual site but then their posts sometimes exposes them anyway.

It is a good thing to be a Bonobo bisexual who shares and cares compassionately without judgement. That is different from personal boundaries. If you do not wish to be sexual with a partnered person regardless about who does or doesn't have permission, that is a person's "preference" and choice. I personally have a boundary not to be sexual with a man in a same sex partnership but will have sex with a person in a cross gender partnership regardless of permission. I would have sex with a woman in a same sex partnership regardless of permission. I would not judge and condemn a man who has a same sex partner and wants to be sexual with others(female or male). It is just my choice not to get involved. Like others my sexual preferences vary from others preferences and neither have a simple black and white aspect about my sexuality.

It is Cat's choice to not have sex with a "married" person who doesn't have permission? I suspect that she has though unless she meets with every wife or husband of people that she swings with. If a person is going to lie about permission they will lie.

[CurEUs_Male]

Marine,
Congratulations on coming out to your wife about this special side of you. It takes a lot, regardless of your past agreements to have an open marriage, this is different information she may or may not have been ready to process.
I have been involved with a few support groups for mixed orientation marriages, there is specific support about that if you need it.

To SOME of the rest of you ...
Here is someone that is part of the community, trying to do what he feels is right. Whether he was right or wrong in the past, in your eyes, is less important than what he is doing now. He is making it better. He is breaking the Bi-Invisibility barrier. STOP the slut shaming. it is counter productive.

[void()]

Bisexuality is ones own personal choice and adultery is being deceitful to a life's partner.

Dolophins (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/03/29/dolphins-bisexuality-homosexuality-study-_n_1388330.html), penguins (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/11/07/buddy-and-pedro-gay-penguin-couple-toronto_n_1080194.html), various (http://www.thefrisky.com/photos/10-animals-with-bisexual-tendencies/bisexual_animals_main/) animals enjoy bisexuality without conscious choice, or if it's a choice it's one of simply sating a biological need to get over. Aside from this, I view your statement as half correct. Adultery is deceitful, I see that as a choice. But if a couple decides that they can be open and honest with one another, it is no longer adultery. Then again a person could argue even taking position that adultery exists is a ridiculous choice. I mean frankly, all our cousins don't seem to mind not having weddings. Guess that's a horse of different stripes though. I just feel you need to realize, bisexuality is not always a choice. Some are naturally predisposed to being bisexual.

[CurEUs_Male]

bisexuality, as a personal trait is not a choice, just as heterosexuality, homosexuality, asexuality... and so on. These are traits. Sometimes surprised or even hidden.

Acting on those traits, that is the choice. No one HAS to act sexually, we choose to act sexually one way or another. Being a choice, we can be influenced by lots of things, including hormones and other people.

Cheating, lying, lying through admission, etc., are less desirable actions in social circles. Add to that a committed relationship, one expects more honesty with the committed partner (maybe a spouse, maybe not). One should strive to be honest at all times. We are, however, human and make bad judgement calls. It is important to make better calls as we grow. Becoming stagnant in situations that are not healthy for ourselves, our relationships, and our partners is a potential conditions we should be working to avoid. Being open to the truth and forgiving when appropriate is critical to this process as the spouse that feels 'wronged'.

Again, congrats to all who are honest about themselves to their intimate partners. I support those of you that are not yet fully out, but wish to be and improve you situation and live more honestly.

Be good to each other :)

[tenni]

"No one HAS to act sexually, we choose to act sexually one way or another."

I'm not so sure that acting on your sexuality is a choice. When a person masturbates by themselves their fantasies may be with men or women or? Sometimes they think of the same sex and after cumin feel immense guilt. Was it a choice that the same sex thoughts came to them or natural? They do chose whether to have sex with another person that is true. Sometimes they decide to have same sex even though their morality says not to. Is that a choice or nature pushing forward to over rule morality? They make this choice based upon a lot of factors..of which gender is only one of the factors. Even chosing to masturbate may be referred to as a choice but wasn't that back in the dark Victorian era? Repression is not good mental or even physical health. In a society like ours, people's fears may cause them to repress their sexual activity. This is not a good thing. Is it the bisexual that is "bad" for acting on their sexual needs or is society bad for condemning those that act on their biological needs? I vote for a society that makes a bisexual man fear confiding in others their sexual needs as "bad".

[marine20]

thanks drew , for what you did . I always regret when I lash out angrily. I don't understand how some people here can be so judgmental . aren't we all trying to find the right answers ? once again , my wife is perfectly fine with this . she does not feel betrayed in the least , because she knows how society views men with men. she knows it took some courage on my part to tell her. as I said before , all I got from her was a warm loving smile , and her pledge to always love me forever. what more can a man ask ?

[querty]

Marine - sorry this thread went so far afield of your topic -- but that's why it's called a 'discussion' forum.

Anyway - to all, I can't help but weigh in on the topic of sexual activity (no matter the term you use for it) 'without permission' and whether it is cheating. PLEASE PLEASE know that the statements that follow are NOT directed at any person or comment in this thread. It's just my opinion and not an admonishment of any person or opinion in the thread.

What do I mean by cheating; A person deliberately being deceptive and dishonest, whether directly or by omission, with their committed partner so as to go outside the boundaries of their relationship for sexual activity.

I think it's a simple - regardless if male or female, regardless of sexual orientation, regardless of the level of sexual activity in the relationship, regardless of agreements in place, what is your partner's expectation of you? What are the boundaries they believe are in place? These expectations or boundaries can be spoken or unspoken. Theoretically you know what they are. And if you do not, you should have an open honest discussion to find out.

If a person is knowingly acting outside of those expectations/boundaries, they are cheating. And it speaks directly to their integrity. A person may have many reasons for cheating, but the reason's are irrelevant to whether a person is cheating or not.

As for sexual activity with another person whom you know (or suspect) is cheating on their partner and what choice you make, that is a of matter integrity as well. Your integrity, NOT the integrity of the person that is doing the cheating. Are you OK being part of the deception, the betrayal of trust? Is that really that much different than if you were cheating on your partner? Imagine yourself standing in front of the person whose been betrayed, explaining to them why you think it's OK. As you look then in the eyes, would your reasons feel justifiable? Would you lie to deflect any blame or responsibility?

Yes, my opinion comes across as very black and white. I recognize that many times the situations are not. But the question of whether or not you are cheating is straight forward.

[centillini]

Marine20 good for you.

[NMCowboys]

Only people who want to become HIV+ who have a death wish, or want get an STD like various types of HPV and hepatitis, herpes or any of the other common STDs are promiscuous or are akin to a Bonobo chimp.

These people are incapable of having actual relationships or partnerships with one person, and the "relationships" they have do not last and are not good models for a partnership between people.

[NMCowboys]

Marine, you are truly blessed with a wonderful, loving wife. Good job coming out to her, and congratulations on unloading your guilt... Here's one more angle for you. When I started to like the idea of having sex with one steady guy, I found a profile, on another website, of a "mwm" in my area who sounded interesting, and we hit it off. He was the first guy I had ever had anal intercourse with more than once. Here's the problem--I was up front with him about the fact that I have herpes, and we met for sex and a smoke break three or four times. I never asked him anything about his home life, but I had a pretty good idea that their dinner conversation didn't include anything about him screwing an old sailor with herpes. Now, I'm confident that I'm aware enough of the virus (had it almost 40 yrs) that I can abstain when it's active and avoid exposing any partner. But where there is an unknowing third party to the deal (I assumed he was still having sex with his wife), and she was not included in the discussion--that is a horrible moral and ethical lapse, and I couldn't abide it. I called it off, and have not seen that gentleman since. Nor will I ever knowingly put anyone else's spouse or partner in that position again. Marine, you're a lucky man, but if in your adventures you bring home something unpleasant (like an incurable virus) and share it with your darling wife, you will reap a harvest of hurt and bitterness beyond anything you can imagine. Be happy. Be respectful. Be grateful. Be safe.

Great. Now that man and woman, and whoever else either of them are having sex with now have herpes thanks to somebody not being truthful.

Yes you can easily infect people with herpes even if you do not have an outbreak. As much as 70% of all genital herpes transmissions occur when the infected partner has no obvious outbreak.

Neither my partner or I have herpes or any STDs but we have known people who do and most people who have an STD like herpes or HIV lie about it.

[Ebonybifemme7]

Dont know if I could be married to a bisexual man, but its good that you told.

[BiJoe696]

I learned early on that is it so much easier to tell potential partners early on. I find it hard to hide things. It just works for me.

[void()]

When a person masturbates by themselves their fantasies may be with men or women or?

<sarcastic humor>

Hey now! Don't go knocking the or category. Some of us are incapable
of helping ourselves. You have to admit it, once Sily Putty(tm) has had
you, you never go back to human beings so easily.

I also enjoy having a good romp with wardrobes every so often. After
seeing a recliner hump one, it fairly settled the issue for me. I had to
unload on that fine oak holder of garments! It begged for my sweat
and seed!

</sarcastic humor>

Tags are not necessarily for teni. I may even forget of joking later.

[cuttin2dachase]

If she has been with other men throughout your marriage with your knowledge and she is accepting of your sexual desires for men, why not seek bi men together for hot 3somes and enjoy men together !!

[marine20]

cuttin2dachase , you think I haven't thought of that. only time will tell.she says it all hasn't sunk in yet.

[cbj4162]

last night marked a milestone for my wife and I. we have been together for 38 years , married for 35 years. last night , dec-. 6 -2013 , I told her that I was bisexual . she had no clue, since I have always been very masculine. I couldn't believe I had the balls to tell her , and I couldn't believe her reaction. my lady didn't even raise an eyebrow. she said something like , that's alright honey , nothing has changed , and I still love you as I always have. I was blown away. almost no reaction at all. just a warm smile and her love. what a magnificent woman I have . now this giant weight I have been carrying for 40 years has been lifted. I told her I would answer any and all questions she had. she had very few . she said it would have to sink in a little more before she got really curious. so there you have it guys, my life is open , and I can breathe deeply again , and marvel at the incredible wife I have !!


..... Good for you, Congratulations! my wife also knows :) :)