Hey guys, just a little something

[A fearsome grue]

So, I first came to the realization that I'm bisexual back in 1995. Since then, I've been with just a couple of guys. The first was scary at first and then I started getting into it. The second time was AWESOME!

Anyway, now that I'm married and have been for 7 years and wouldn't think of straying, I've been looking up a lot of gay porn on the internet and I think it's becoming a problem. Not sure, though. I've been saving what pics I find fappable and putting them into a, what I hope is a deeply hidden folder on the computer. Not that I care if my wife sees, it's just that there's a lot of gay porn on there. The ratio of straight to gay is about 10:1 and I fear she might think that I'm really just gay. She knows I'm bi and knows I've been with a couple of men. She's cool with it.

I guess I'm just concerned about how much I've been jerking off to gay porn and if it might be turning me off to genuine human contact. Y'know, not like she's in the mood on any regular basis. Last night I was spending about an hour looking at and downloading pics, decided to stop the search in favor of a furious fap (to gay or trans videos) and then I went back looking at pics of women. Those pics did nothing for me. My theory is that I, A) became desensitized to "straight" porn or, B) I'm still riding high on norepinephrine and dopamine and sort of recharging levels kind of like how you're not interested in round 2 immediately after. You have to cool down for a spell. I think it was the latter. I sort of panicked thinking that I really might becoming gay or becoming desensitized to "straight" porn.

Anyway, thanks for reading!

[NMCowboys]

If your wife is "cool with it" why do you have to hide your gay porn?

If you're not turned on by women, porn with women in it, or are not wanting sex with your wife then yeah you are gay.

[A fearsome grue]

or, B) I'm still riding high on norepinephrine and dopamine and sort of recharging levels kind of like how you're not interested in round 2 immediately after. You have to cool down for a spell.

Helps to read the entire post.

[NMCowboys]

Helps to read the entire post.

I did. Even when a bisexual man is in a refractory period and has just had sex or ejaculated he'll still be turned on by women.

[Bipartisan1982]

I think with porn when you start watching it often then the same stuff doesn't turn you on as much. I've gone through all kinds of phases with porn and continue to go through them. I started with traditional porn then went through periods of being obsessed with, Asian women, interracial, latinas, trannies, amateur, big cock porn etc.. My point is you're probably just going through a phase where you're really into gay porn. In a few months you'll probably be interested in something else.

[jackbirdjay]

I remember the first time I seen porn. I was 19 and a friend and I went to see a double feature. The 2 movies were deep throat and the devil in miss jones. This was in 1976 when porn was just starting to take off. I remember thinking as I watched the movies wow the women are hot. I then thought to my self wow there cocks look so good. After that my next one was behind the green door. And then all other straight ones, Debbie dose dallas ect.. Then in the mid 80's I seen my first gay one. Thats when I thought to my self wow I am not a freak others like to suck like me.

[BiBedBud]

A couple of quick points that I think are germane, here.

First of all, having all your porn in one folder that you *think* is 'deeply burried' is merely an illusion. It doesn't matter where on your computer you "hide" your porn. The fact is that any search for files will index or "search into" every folder on your hard drive, no matter how deeply burried you think it is. On most computers, you can simply search for ".jpg" or "*.jpg" (leaving out the quotation marks); or otherwise find all files of a kind/file type; and voila, your entire porn collection will be listed.

If you're concerned about such things, I would suggest a thumb drive (USB) that you can physically remove from the machine. (If you're a kook, you can even get an encrypted thumb drive, so even if it's found, it's still just a thumb drive and not your entire collection of filthy-but-hot porn. Of course, crossing an international border with such a thing has been known to land peeps in prison, in the wrong parts of the world; so be careful there (particularly travelling through the middle east or 'deep Africa' where being gay can get you jailed or worse).

Regarding your 'pervy porn' itself; the reason you think it's hot is (in part) because of the taboo.

TABOOS ARE HOT!
BREAKING TABOOS IS SEXY!

I don't really think your evolving/expanding/sometimes-fixating interest in various genres of porn is any kind of firm indication of your personal sexuality, which is itself a changing property (dependent on how we think, learn and grow/ and what we're 'exposed to' or experience/sexperience).

This aspect of many men's sexual interest/practice means that hiding your gay porn is at least a part of why your gay porn excites you as much as it does.

It is hidden!
It is "secret"!
I would get in trouble if she knew!
I must keep it hidden!
Oh, yeah, hidden, secret, pervy-gay porn!

The straight porn doesn't have the taboo and you don't even have to hide it, so it's inherently not as "XXX-HOT". That's all that's happening there, IMO.

INTERESTING FACT: Our "true" sexuality is much more a subconscious property, then it is a manifestation of our behaviours (because people are 'pervy', or 'amenable', or 'lonely', or 'horny', or 'whateverotherreasonspeoplehavesex'. Behaviour is flexible, in the extreme. Humans are adaptable, sometimes bent and even twisted; and sexuality itself evolves, although much, much slower than behaviour, which is very changeable. FOR EXAMPLE: Our subconscious mind is like 50x faster than our 'intellectual' mind, which is why it seems to act on an instinctual level; and why physical attraction is instantaneous.

RELEVANT QUESTION: As you watch TV, particularly shows filled with supposedly 'attractive' people, and the scene changes from one 'frame' to the next, or even during the commercials.... ask yourself and be honest...... each time the 'frame/screen' changes, do you find your eyes focussed first on the male faces or on the female faces?

Most if not all heterosexual adults will 'focus first' on the "most attractive" opposite-sex face.
Most if not all homosexual adults will 'focus first' on the "most attractive" same-sex face.

I think that bisexuals will exhibit either one inclination or the other (even if they self-identify in the middle of the Kinsey scale or similar schema); to the same degree as their homosexual or heterosexual counterparts (because this brain activity happens so fast, it must be 'discriminate' rather than 'variable').

Do your eyes find the TV females first, or the TV males? (My guess is you're like me in this regard: Hot for gay porn (in part because of the taboo aspects), with eyes for TV women (because you're essentially 'hard wired' for women, regardless of however hot you can get, thinking about sex with men or even having sex with men).

TO ANY MARRIED WOMAN READING THIS: If you think your husband might be in this situation, you need to have MORE SEX with him, definitely; because if you continue to 'leave him to his own devices' he might just follow his cock elsewhere, out of sheer desperation. If instead, he is determined not to stray from you (like the OP), he'll end-up questionning his sexuality. Both scenarios are dangerous for your marriage. If he's worth staying married to, then he deserves more sex then he's getting, clearly. Many married women need to come to terms with the fact that they married a man, and men have needs. From time to time, not too long-apart, you (married women) need to remind your man that he is a man, and fuck him or suck him, as the situation suggests. Just think of it as 'husband maintenance', if you can't bear to think of it as sex or (gasp!) lovemaking.

[Bisexual Explorer]

Dear A Fearsome Grue,
You are not all that different from many of us who's sexual interest rotates or, like myself, whose sexual interest migrates. It's taken me a long time, and considerable emotional distress, to accept that my sexual interest has migrated strongly to men and away from women. My suggestion is to learn to accept who you are and go with it. If watching gay porn is your thing, enjoy it.
Bisexual Explorer

[by~his~side]

BiBedBud,
I'm a married woman (to the most wonderful man who just happens to be bi) and I literally spit my orange juice all over my monitor as I read your last paragraph.
Married women who don't have sex with their husbands cause them to question their sexuality?? "She doesn't have sex with me....maybe I'm bisexual??" What a load of bullshit!
A woman needs to have sex with her man to REMIND him that he's a man?? WTF?
You have much to say about the sexual relationship between married couples. I notice your profile says you are single......just sayin'.

~D~

[Hypersexual11]

I think a lot of us are nodding our head in agreement with you fearsome. I like the thumb drive idea. I have a lot of porn myself that I'm sure my wife has kept track of. I don't really care. She knows I'm one sick fuck. She appeases me with over the top sex like dp and facials. If I want to add something new to sex I just download a bunch of it and wait lol.

BUT...long before I was out to her, and for our entire marriage of 33 years she has been a sexual dynamo. There was nothing she had that I couldn't have. Yet, BiBedBud, I was out sucking craigslist dick for years. I have to appreciate the effort to get wives to put out more though. That can never hurt.

[NMCowboys]

BiBedBud,
I'm a married woman (to the most wonderful man who just happens to be bi) and I literally spit my orange juice all over my monitor as I read your last paragraph.
Married women who don't have sex with their husbands cause them to question their sexuality?? "She doesn't have sex with me....maybe I'm bisexual??" What a load of bullshit!
A woman needs to have sex with her man to REMIND him that he's a man?? WTF?
You have much to say about the sexual relationship between married couples. I notice your profile says you are single......just sayin'.

~D~

Well said. Anyone that thinks that people become bisexual because of opposite gender partners who they're married or partnered to not having sex or "putting out" enough is as you wrote completely full of bullshit.

If you have to hide porn from a partner or spouse your relationship or marriage is not that good, and it's never good to keep secrets even if it is just gay porn.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

High 5 to BHS as normal. (You Go Girlfriend).
A woman who doesnt have sex with her husband causes him to question himself? Whadda load of crap. And what a huge cop out, too. I think you are in love with a conceipt. The conceipt of hidden Taboo. And if you are constantly jacking off to porn, then your lady is being deprived anyway. Better rethink your hidey holes too, Hon. One day it'll slip up somehow. Go with the flash drive. I think you'll be better off for your addiction.
Cat (Passing D the endless goodie plate:)

[BiBedBud]

^^^^^^^^^

Upon second reading, I can accept that I could have done a better job of writing that last paragraph in my above post (assuming I had the time, which I didn’t, at that time). However, I’d like to suggest now that perhaps some people could have done a better job of reading it.

Kindly note: My paragraph in question started with a title “TO ANY MARRIED WOMAN READING THIS” and then a qualifying first word that I should have encased in asterisks as in ***If***. Indeed, everything else I wrote was only intended to apply ***If*** that situation rang a bell or two for you (generic ‘you’, *if* the situation seems similar to your own).

Which is to say, you shouldn’t be taking it so personally; ***unless*** you are married to a man whom you insist remain monogamous with you, even though the sex you provide is minimal or non-existent and he is reduced to hiding his porn stash and masturbating in the spare moments he can squeeze-out of the meagre unsupervised time he is remaindered after his work and domestic duties.

If you are a married woman (who isn’t ‘putting-out’), ***and*** you think this describes your husband (hiding porn, masturbating secretly), you definitely need to be having more sex with him; for the sake of your marriage. If he’s worth staying married to, then he deserves more sex.

I never intended to offer any comment whatsoever on how people become, learn to be, or are made “bisexual” (whatever your personal theory on that may be). I only intended to convey that a married woman who denies her husband sex, expecting that he can ‘maintain himself’ with porn and masturbation alone, indefinitely; is setting-up a situation that is inherently escalatory and out of her control/influence (especially since she won’t even be in the room, at the time). The fact is, porn-and-jacking-off is a poor substitute for actual sex; and most married men would even rather have bad sex with their wives, rather than good solo jacking-off with double-U, double-U, double-U porn-for-married-men dot com.

You see, sex is more than gratification (which is all that masturbation can provide). Sex is sharing, it is caring, it is validation, acceptance, belonging, it is intimacy; it is a great deal more than just orgasm. BUT, ***if*** a married man is denied all of these things from his wife; and ***if*** he intends to remain monogamous to her; he will do the least he can do for himself (by viewing porn and masturbating); even if he feels he has to hid it from her. In the process, over longer periods of time, he will find that the pornographic material that used to ‘work’ for him, no longer does, and something more and more ‘sextreme’ is going to be needed, to keep things ‘hot’.

This escalatory dynamic is inherent (if…, if…, if…), because solo porn and jacking is so insufficient; it necessarily creates an expanding curiosity that can eventually lead to a wanting that for many people, can significantly influence their sexual fantasy ideation and over time, eventually even their self perception and their own self-concept of their own sexuality. Essentially, this is one way that a married, otherwise ‘hetero-self-identified’ man can find himself scouring craigslist for cock (though, of course, that’s not the only way a man can find his path to cock). This is entirely in keeping with the current scientific understanding of ‘neuroplasticity’ (Google it or read the wiki here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuroplasticity ), wherein the brain itself measurably changes, given the new thought patterns that are entertained by the mind. In my above paragraph, I abbreviated this scientifically-valid, now even ‘orthodox’ construct with the single word “questioning”.

It’s not “bullshit”.
It is current science.

To pull-out a quote from that above-referenced wiki page…. “Decades of research have now shown that substantial changes occur in the lowest neocortical processing areas, and that these changes can profoundly alter the pattern of neuronal activation in response to experience. Neuroscientific research indicates that experience can actually change both the brain's physical structure (anatomy) and functional organization (physiology). Neuroscientists are currently engaged in…. more recent research showing how the brain can, and does, change.”

To clarify my current understanding on the topic: People are born with *tendencies* (with relevance here, heterosexual, homosexual or I would add, bisexual). These three ‘tendencies’ are essentially nothing more than labels that are extremely large, though without saying much about anything other than the sex of a person’s preferred sexual partner. If you think the sex of a person’s preferred sexual partner is the sum-total “bottom line” of sexuality, then you’re a great deal more simple-minded than most of the people I have ever met. If on the other hand, you realize how nuanced, complex and sophisticated people truly are; then you’d realize that partner preference is only one aspect of a person’ sexual make-up or identity.

With my (seemingly controversial) last paragraph in my above post; all I was trying to convey to sexless married women (only), was that their husband’s porn habits can lead to an unpredictable questioning by him; and it is possible that the answers he arrives at though this questioning, may be to the detriment of his marriage to his prudish, cold, un-gratifying wife. After all, few married men will consume porn that overtly reminds them of their current wife (to say the least).

To be clear on my point(s): I wrote that this kind of a situation could lead to questioning, whereas ‘bisexuality’ would be an answer (and I never wrote such a thing). I never wrote anything even remotely as simplistic as “married women who don’t have sex with their husbands cause them to question their sexuality”. Rather, there are some important intervening psycho-sexual steps that are at work (overtime and extra-strength), and in many cases these dynamic ‘forces’ can work against a marriage, including;

1) The reliance upon and utilization of shame and secrecy to heighten sexual intrigue (even if inadvertent or non-optional), causes a growing distance between partners.

2) The entertainment of (unshared) taboos to further heighten sexual intrigue, further drives-up the shame and secrecy properties; and this makes the taboo even stronger and therefore more gratifying for him to ‘break’ or imagine (fantasize about) breaking. This is an escalatory dynamic.

3) This inherently leads to; A) greater distance between married partners, and B) subconscious conflict and fundamental questioning of one’s own sexual self (including more extreme porn preferences, evolving sexual ideation and fantasy, necessarily altered self-identity, and subsequent changes in libido and eventually sexual response capacity, etc.). Essentially, this is what the OP posted about.

4) An escalatory curiosity in porn, driven by shame, heightened by secrecy and the pursuit and overshoot of ever-greater taboos, necessarily leads to the expansion and evolution of sexual ideation and sexual fantasy; eventually changing the sexual self. This is a neuroplastic phenomenon (where real-life sexperience alters the actual wiring of the brain and the manifestation of the mind hosted by that brain). Recognize: Human sexuality necessarily evolves over a person’s lifetime. It does for everybody.

For a married man who is determined to remain monogamous to his wife, even though his marriage is sexless and he must hide his porn and whack-off in secret; the evolution of his sexuality will necessarily lead away from his (sexually absent) wife – in large part because she’s not even in the room when he is pleasuring himself. (That’s not “bullshit” that’s just common sense.)

The above is offered for clarification. Below, allow me to retort:


by~his~side wrote “A woman needs to have sex with her man to REMIND him that he's a man?? WTF?”

Actually, no, I never wrote anything so naïve, misguided or simplistic. (I prefer to leave that kind of thing to others.) Assuming you (and others) haven’t intentionally misconstrued my meaning: What I meant to convey was that married women need to have sex with their husbands, because their husbands are men, and the sex is a critical aspect of what bonds a married man to his wife. To be clear: Married women need to have sex with their husbands, because they’re married to men, FULL STOP. Doing so, reminds him that he is *her* man; especially for wives who recognize that sex is more than gratification though orgasm; but also a manifestation of caring, of validation, of acceptance, belonging and real-life, heart-warming intimacy.




Confidential to ‘by~his~side’,

If I’ve written something you disagree with in this post, please try to argue your point against mine, like an adult with an opinion of her/his own, instead of foolishly mischaracterizing my words, or digging into my profile in a feeble attempt to invalidate my opinions on marriage. Kindly remember that one doesn’t need to be married at the moment, to have a valid opinion on married life. Pretending that’s the case is intellectually lazy, not to mention petty, and weak.

Just sayin’




TO ANY MARRIED MAN READING THIS: ***If*** your wife isn’t giving you as much sex as you’d like; you have to ask yourself if you actually deserve more sex; or not. You see, married women are very, very sensitive about being taken for granted. Women today are extremely busy; with many married women holding down full time jobs (or more), and then coming home to discover a full-share of the domestic duties. If you expect her to work and maintain the entire household all on her own; she’s going to be too tired to have anything to do with getting your rocks off. That’s not her fault, and it would be wrong to expect her to be more amenable, unless you pull more weight around the house, and make it a priority to afford your woman some time to relax of her own. ***If***, on the other hand, you’re the type of husband that does pull his weight around the house; yet still your wife isn’t sexual with you; you have to wonder if perhaps it is she that is taking you for granted.

[aljay]

If a man gets something in his head whatever it is sooner or later he will do it.

[Fzmr9t]

Hi fearsome-
well, first off, I love by~his~side's response {*** clapping ***}
my two cents is, and I'm coming at this from the same direction you are (married, male and bi) is that it's more being desensitized than anything else. When I first started searching for porn of any type, back in the heyday of billboards and freedom (or lack of secured access to such places), a topless model, started my heart a racin'. But after that, the deeper I searched, and the filthier it got, those busty topless babes were like packing peanuts in a box from amazon (just filled up space but of no interest)
and, coming from a man who LOVES lovely NATURAL bosoms and nice round bottoms, to make me toss 'em aside, is no easy fete.

i too, like gay porn, but nothing gets me stirred up more than the elusive, the taboo, the (almost) "you must be a sick f_ _k to look at this" type of porn. Even thou, I'd never, in reality, do anything close to what I find out there on the 3 dubs.

so, unless you find that you're now REPULSED at the thought of being intimate with one of God's finest creations, it's just the porn dude. Turn off the tube, go play with the wife, and tomorrow there'll be more dicks to be found ("..and visions of 12 inch cocks danced in his head...").

fzmr

[A fearsome grue]

I love how some people think they know all about you - your relationship status (whether they're marriage is in trouble or not) and every other aspect of someone's life based upon the initial post in a forum by a new guy.

I don't want my daughter to find the pics and I'd rather my wife not see them because most of them are penises and trannies (forgive the non-PC term). Many are "straight" but, like I said, most are "gay". Doesn't mean *I'm* gay. Means that right now, at this particular time, I'm turned on more by fantasies of having a thick cock in my ass and/or mouth.

I like both. I love tits, ass, pussy, hips, lips and everything women have to offer. I also dig dudes. Thick cocks, nice asses, chiseled, hairy chests. cum leaking out of their thick, hard, veiny cocks...

Yes, I am bisexual in every definition. I'm not confused, my wife knows about my stash and the fact I've been with two men and she's cool with it. Hell, I even jerked off to gay porn with her sitting here. She's a keeper, that one.

[A fearsome grue]

Don't remember saying that.

I think I'm in the wrong forum.

[A fearsome grue]

Such high standards posing a PM in an open forum.

I don't need to explain myself or our relationship to you. You, least of all.

[void()]

I did. Even when a bisexual man is in a refractory period and has just had sex or ejaculated he'll still be turned on by women.

Not always. I take misanthropic spells, as in not interested in either
man or woman. Not a thing wrong in such periods either. I have times
of craving one or the other, man or woman. I have times I can tell
either to fuck themselves, or times I tell both to go fuck themselves.
*chuckles* It's called being human.

OP, I would only suggest just checking in time to time with real folks.
Even if it's to only cuddle up a bit, nuzzle, it can be much more
enjoyable than pix-elated pleasures. :) It seems like you've got a good
head on your shoulders regarding such things. The fact you even stopped
to consider "oh my gosh, I'm becoming a computer porn whore", seems to
speak to common sense.

I'm not really, or wasn't much into looking at porn. Seems being back
on testosterone changed that a bit. I somewhat dislike the morning wood
every morning, and somewhat get tickled that I now have it. So, early
morning hours, I look at fap material a bit, get right with Rosy. *sigh*
Got no real preference to what I look at, straight, bi, gay ... seems
seeing flesh on flesh works.

[Top fucker]

Regarding your 'pervy porn' itself; the reason you think it's hot is (in part) because of the taboo. TABOOS ARE HOT! BREAKING TABOOS IS SEXY! Oh, yeah, hidden, secret, pervy-gay porn! Since when is bi or gay porn or men having sex with men a "taboo"? It hasn't been this way in the Western world for a very long time. It's not like the original poster is living in Iran which puts bisexual and gay men to death, yet sex between men is culturally accepted, but not legally accepted and has been culturally accepted for centuries there.