Not Sure What to Do

[doe3586]

Here's my deal. I'm 27 years old and have a girlfriend. I have always been curious about what it would be like to fool around with a guy - not interested in anal sex, just jerking off or oral. I've had this urge, but have never acted on it because I didn't feel like I needed to. I have never even put this urge in writing before or even vocalized it to myself, let alone another person. However, now the urge has become very strong, and I find myself checking the personals on craigslist for guys in my area looking for discrete fooling around. I haven't brought myself to do it yet however, because I don't think I could live with not telling my gf. I have been with her close to 3 years now however and I don't really think telling her is an option.

I realize this situation is nothing new to others on this forum, just wanted some input from others and what they would do. I understand the popular solution is to tell my gf how I feel, but in my mind that the worst option at the moment.

Thanks,
Tim

[tenni]

Hi doe
Well, you know what a certain segment of this site is going to say. You have been with this women three years but you have been with yourself for 27. The only person that you are likely to die with is yourself.

I would suggest that you explore your sexuality as it will only come back to haunt you if you deny it. Should you tell this g/f before exploring? You seem to think that it will be problematic ..maybe end the relationship? Or is it more about your homophobia and fear?

You might want to discuss the issue in a more abstract form ie "What do you think about guys having sex with other guys...or women having sex with women?
Whether the discussion happens before your first encounter or after, it is probably best to discuss bisexuality with her before too much time elapses after your try same sex play. She may freak. She may handle it better than you fear. Discussing any boundaries should be mutually agreed upon. You're not married to her. Exiting the relationship may or may not be difficult if she is not accepting your sexuality. Every thing may work out very positively but I understand your reluctance to discuss it with her until you know a bit more about your own thoughts and feelings about it.

Good luck.