Are you out to your extended family, friends, coworkers, etc?!

[Ebonybifemme7]

My family knows about me being bisexual and DO NOT LIKE IT ONE BIT! My brother told me about some stuff my dad said to him about me. Majority of my dad's side knows. I really really wish they didn't know. They found out through the internet. Wish I could go back and change things. Had a boyfriend break up with me because of my sexuality. Had another male friend who didn't like it at all. Also had some lesbians tell me that they didn't like bisexual women. Told some coworkers I was bi (at my old job) they thought I was straight! But my one female friend who is straight was very supportive of me. She even slept in the same bed as me one night. (No we didn't do anything gay, I wouldn't cross that line with her). I am currently single, and kinda 'back to the closet' in a sense. You guys wouldn't believe some of the rejection I've experienced.

[scapegoat1987]

I started coming out in 1990-91 and have never regretted it. A life lived not being true to one's self is a lonely life indeed. I don't miss all the stress and shame of always having to watch pronouns and hide who I love and what I do. Sure, there were rough spots and consequences, but it was all worth it in the end. My immediate and extended family, friends and coworkers all know. I have to say that I don't get much flack these days. Times have changed and continue to change, and people grow to accept you for who you are. Be patient and give the people in your life time and room to grow.

[bisocialnudist]

I started the coming out process March of 2007. It took 18 months for me to work it into casual conversation to the point everyone I know who cares (and some who dont) know. For the most part it went amazingly well. I have a very positive attitude about my bisexuality and it seems to be contagious, more often I am met with tears of joy on my behalf than any sort of bad reaction. I am sorry Ebonybifemme7 that your experience has not been as positive. Perhaps its partly due to the difference between the attitudes and legal protections in Massachusetts vs Wisconsin but I still have to believe that being out is better for us than the secret no one must know. I do think that our relationships will be better in the long run if they are based on sharing who we really are from early on. I hope you find the love and acceptance that you deserve
Mark

[Ebonybifemme7]

I started coming out in 1990-91 and have never regretted it. A life lived not being true to one's self is a lonely life indeed. I don't miss all the stress and shame of always having to watch pronouns and hide who I love and what I do. Sure, there were rough spots and consequences, but it was all worth it in the end. My immediate and extended family, friends and coworkers all know. I have to say that I don't get much flack these days. Times have changed and continue to change, and people grow to accept you for who you are. Be patient and give the people in your life time and room to grow.

Great post! I love your profile BTW.

[Ebonybifemme7]

I started the coming out process March of 2007. It took 18 months for me to work it into casual conversation to the point everyone I know who cares (and some who dont) know. For the most part it went amazingly well. I have a very positive attitude about my bisexuality and it seems to be contagious, more often I am met with tears of joy on my behalf than any sort of bad reaction. I am sorry Ebonybifemme7 that your experience has not been as positive. Perhaps its partly due to the difference between the attitudes and legal protections in Massachusetts vs Wisconsin but I still have to believe that being out is better for us than the secret no one must know. I do think that our relationships will be better in the long run if they are based on sharing who we really are from early on. I hope you find the love and acceptance that you deserve
Mark

Thanks Mark. I think bisexual men have more sexual freedom than women, males period. It has not been an easy rode for me. Yeah, women can be more OUT about it, and not be looked as down upon, because women arent seen as important as men. Men arent as out about it, but they have more sexual freedom than women.

[innaminka]

I am out to my children, (my ex husband of course) my sisters, my Mum, my co-workers, my partners children, my friends, her friends and that's about all.
I neither hide nor advocate my sexuality. Unless it is totally relevant, it is not, and I do not make it, an issue.

Oh, and my bank and my bottle shop also know!

[Long Duck Dong]

I am out to people, tho its not something I advertise and I do not have much, if any trouble with people ( my partner and I have had more of a backlash in this site from a few members then from all of the people we know outside of the site ) and a lot of that has to do with the fact that I am not really worried about what people think of me... I am quick to put out that bisexual is a aspect of who I am, its not the sum total of who I am....

I often refer to myself as a person that is comfortable in the company of ladies and gentlemen but most of the time when I find a person attractive, its because of some quality about them and not a interest in fucking them... once people get their heads around the idea that we can discuss males and females in a non sexual way, they begin to take my sexuality and interest more seriously and often that is when they start to realise that I am not secretly hoping for a roll in the sheets... tho a few times I have been rather blunt with people and told them to fuck off and go troll craigslist if they want to hook up .... thats normally cos they try the * you are bisexual and I want sex * type of thing....

my mother and stepfather are both not lgbt friendly, tho they are friendly with some of my lgbt friends, and I have christian friends that are the same.... something that has been a bone of contention with some lgbt people that are so wrapped up in their war with the world, that they can not understand that you can be friends with somebody even if you are not agreeable with their sexuality.... acceptance for people is not always going to walk hand in hand with acceptance of their sexuality.....

one of my biggest regrets is being involved in the LGBT community in a way..... because of the back stabbing, back biting, * stick the boot into people *, * we are better than everybody else * etc etc BS that I have seen in so many groups.....and my own LGBT group ended up destroying itself internally because of their inability to move beyond their own sexuality, something that hurt a lot of community groups and businesses that we worked with and supported.... there is only one world, we need to learn to share it with other people if we want them to share it with us....

I really do not think of myself in terms of bisexual but more in terms of I am me.... I am fluid and flexible, adaptable and not ashamed to cross the * line * to help a person that stands against me if they need protection from the people that stand beside me.....thats helped some anti LGBT people find a common game where they are less vocal about the LGBT as a whole and more expressive about what type of lgbt people they have the issue with......

its taken me many years to * come out * to myself and I have a long journey to go as there is still more to me that remains unexplored, and tomorrow, I may become a IHNFIsexual ( I H ave No Fucking Ideal sexual ) lol.... so yes, I am out of the closet and often out of my comfort zone... and I would not change it for anything.... well, a lil peace and quiet at times would be nice lol

[ALAbiguy]

In the part of the country I live in, coming out is not always a good idea. It can make you the target of violence, especially if you're male, so I keep my sexuality to myself. I wish it wasn't that way, but it is what it is. It's almost as bad with my atheism, but I am out to some trusted people with that. I don't bring up my atheism in conversations but I don't really try to hide it either. Maybe someday attitudes around here will change enough that I can be the same way with my bisexuality.

[Realist]

Ebony wrote...."My family knows about me being bisexual and DO NOT LIKE IT ONE BIT! My brother told me about some stuff my dad said to him about me. Majority of my dad's side knows. I really really wish they didn't know. They found out through the internet. Wish I could go back and change things. Had a boyfriend break up with me because of my sexuality. Had another male friend who didn't like it at all. Also had some lesbians tell me that they didn't like bisexual women. Told some coworkers I was bi (at my old job) they thought I was straight! But my one female friend who is straight was very supportive of me. She even slept in the same bed as me one night. (No we didn't do anything gay, I wouldn't cross that line with her). I am currently single, and kinda 'back to the closet' in a sense. You guys wouldn't believe some of the rejection I've experienced."


I agree with you, Ebony; some families and friends just can't handle anyone being different than they were brought up to be. I understood this long before I discovered I was bisexual....as a pre-teen.

People, who are from accepting, open-minded families and areas, are very lucky. Key West, Miami, Louisville, Ky, New York City, Philadelphia, and California, etc, etc, are all places where there is a more liberal attitude toward bisexuals and gays, but we can't all live in those locations.

Those of you who advocate total openness about your sexuality, are probably from more accepting families, friends, and societies. I've never been lucky enough to live, or work, in a place like that.

As revealed by Ebony, it's not just a Southern thing, either. The South seems to receive the most criticism, but I've seen it all over the US. I agree it's probably the most severe here, but I've seen hateful things in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and Indiana, too...so we don't have anti gay, or bi, exclusivity! A bisexual friend and a lover were attacked in Ohio; a state I thought was fairly liberal. The most accepting and sexually liberal places I've been were all in Europe. Germany and Austria, specifically. In England, I was told that discretion was advisable!

Prejudices can go far beyond racial and sexual biases in any place, group, family, or society. In some cases, people who are different in many ways are even in danger of physical harm, or even death!

During one period of my life, when I was in college, I was making an effort to be honest about my bisexuality. Even there, I found few supporters....this was in the late 60's, early '70s.

I dated a black girl in college, who was also trying to be open about her bisexuality. She was very curious and we gravitated together, mostly because we were the only ones in our social group, who were attempting to be honest about our sexuality.

We really opened up a hornet's nest.............not only because of our sexuality, but also because of us being a mixed-race couple!

Our family's and friends' attitudes, along with those who threatened us physically, finally drove us apart and into secrecy. I don't want to go into the dynamics of that era, but suffice it to say, since those days, we decided to remain less open about our sexuality.

Prior to my college days, I had the opinion that no one, other than my lovers, or closest friends, had a need to know. After the trouble, back then, I returned to the previous mode. Those of you who would chide me for that; you're welcome to your own opinion.

I never advise anyone on how they should, or should not conduct themselves, especially regarding their coming out about their sexuality. Each of us have our own reasons for doing what we do.

[bisocialnudist]

I am usually very careful to qualify my remarks about my positive coming out experience that it was my experience and that the dangers of coming out in certain family,work and cultural situations can way outweigh the benefits and in fact can be very bad for us . I also agree that coming out is a very personal decision that each of us has to weigh how it will benefit or harm us. I did not mean to imply that my path had to be others path. My post above should have been clearer on these subjects. Mark

[DiamondDog]

Yes I have been out as bisexual since a young age to family, friends, and people who I went to school with and worked with. It's never been that big of a deal.

[dafydd]

Yay! Diamond Dog is back
Carrying a cup and a cane
Looking through a double glass
Looking at too much pride and too much shame

:)

[dafydd]

Yes I am out to everybody!!

[Ebonybifemme7]

Great response. Gotta come back and do some replying later on this week.

[PookaciousOne]

My biological family won't ever know.One of the first people I came out to was one of my wife's cousins who told me her and her boyfriend are both bisexual.Several of my friends know.

[scapegoat1987]

Great post! I love your profile BTW.Thanks. I loved your profile as well.

[NMCowboys]

Yes I am. There's no point in hiding it or denying it. Especially when you actually live with a partner of the same gender.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

Most of the people I know up here know that I am Bi-Select. All of my extended family here are Lifestylers, and half of them are Bi as well. My close friends know, and that's all that Needs to know. I'm not out to my kids because frankly, I don't ask them about Their sex lives and I don't want them asking me about Mine..lol No one at the college where I work needs to know. This knowledge is personal, and on a need to know basis...on the fact that I dont feel the need to tell Everybody. lol What purpose would it be? Unless they are Boi Toys or lovers, then its not something that needs to be stamped across my forehead. And I dont really need a little sign that states, "Has a tongue like a squirming Eel, and can suck start a Harley...." (Shup Rich and BiOly) lol
If someone Needs to know, then I'll tell 'em..:}
Cat.

[Mickbi]

I still haven't told any of my family members that I'm bi. I just accepted it myself, a year ago. I think my dad will take it too hard since he is vary homophobic, my mom would be one of the first that I tell. A few of my cousins already think that I'm gay, so that's a given; I'll tell them the next time I'm in town. sooner or later my fam will know.

[BiRobb]

My family knows about me being bisexual and DO NOT LIKE IT ONE BIT! My brother told me about some stuff my dad said to him about me. Majority of my dad's side knows. I really really wish they didn't know. They found out through the internet. Wish I could go back and change things. Had a boyfriend break up with me because of my sexuality. Had another male friend who didn't like it at all. Also had some lesbians tell me that they didn't like bisexual women. Told some coworkers I was bi (at my old job) they thought I was straight! But my one female friend who is straight was very supportive of me. She even slept in the same bed as me one night. (No we didn't do anything gay, I wouldn't cross that line with her). I am currently single, and kinda 'back to the closet' in a sense. You guys wouldn't believe some of the rejection I've experienced.

I'm really sorry to hear that hun... it's nobodies business but yours. And I find it very ridiculous that your male "friend" doesn't like it since a) it's none of his business and b) he is almost certainly turned on by it in secret since it's normal for hetro men to get aroused by sapphic sexuality. As for the lesbians who don't like biwomen, they are sad passionless people and not worth your time; if their sexual preference is based on politics. I feel sorry for people who have to qualify their sexual preference that way...

[fredtyg]

I've wrote here before I don't feel anyone should feel an obligation to out themselves to anybody, except maybe those that have a vested relationship with you; wife, husband or some such. Even that can be problematic, though, and I completely understand those that don't. But outing yourself to people who have no business knowing has the potential to cause problems.
Why do it?

I outed myself to many people years ago inadvertently, after having made a pass on a guy I had the hots for. He went out and told an unknown number of people. Not sure exactly how many but I was surprised at how many people I ended up hearing about it from. I'm almost glad about that, though, if only because a whole bunch of people found out about me years before I'd ever thought of being out and there were no real repercussions.

I also outed myself to a number of the wife's family a few years ago through an unfortunate incident. That had some unpleasant consequences as her family is pretty strongly anti- homo and very religious. The worst was a brother- in- law I considered one of my best of friends who won't even speak to me now. That still hurts. But, overall, most still treat me ok.

As for now, I'm mostly out online as I use my actual online ID- the same as I use in my real e-mail address- here and all the other online bi and queer forums I'm a member of. I even have my Facebook sexual interest listed as in both men and women (a big step for me at the time). No repercussions from any of that so far, either.

Generally, I don't advertise it. I don't bring it up and in some cases, if I were I asked, I'd probably say it's none of the person's business. Or, I'd just go ahead and tell them I'm queer, depending on who it was and the circumstances under which I was being asked. I'd like to think I'd never deny it.

I do get sort of an exhibitionist kick out of outing myself sometimes, though. A few years ago after I decided to pretty much be out about my queerness some customers stopped by the house to pay me. They were a very conservative man and wife and I considered them friends, having worked for them for a long time. I'd just shaved off the mustache I'd worn for over 30 years and she complimented me on the new look. She said something like, "Now you'll have all the girls chasing after you, Fred". I replied, "And the guys, too!". She asked, "You're bisexual, Fred?". I replied, "Yep!".

She just giggled. Her husband frowned and ended up being stand offish with me for at least a couple months. Now he's back to normal, so no harm done. That was kinda fun and I'll look forward to more small outings like that at the right time and place. I won't feel any obligation to do it, though. Probably just when I'm feeling frisky.