Thoughts on attaching labels

[bi42guy1958]

First let me say, Im not trying to ruffle any feathers here, I'm just trying to wrap my mind around which label works for me. And yes, I've already heard that, "why attach labels?"
I've always considered myself bisexual, starting at a young age, trying several times throughout my life to suppress the feelings I had, the longest period of time being about 3 years. I've come to the realization that I like sex with men as well as women, hell, I guess I just like sex! :yikes2: Anyway, I met a girl through another site that likes watching and participating with 2 men during sex. I told her how I felt about things when it come to being with a guy, and shes proceeds to tell me I would probably fall into the "hetroflexible" category.
In the 40 years or so of being "bisexual", I have never desired to have a relationship with a guy other than a sexual one. I don't care for the kissing and stuff that goes along with a traditional relationship. I guess, and have said this several times throughout my life, its all about whats between his waist and knees that I like. But with that said, I would prefer to have a friend that I could get together with whenever the urge hits us and works with our schedules. I have had that a couple of times in my experiences with men and it was always very pleasurable for everyone involved.
Now i do have to tell you about this one guy I have met recently, and been with a few times and had the best time with. He is mid 30's, black (I like), 7.5 inches (like), clean shaven below (like), always has been very respectful (like) , which is rare when it comes to racial differences here in the US. I've found that a lot of black guys like a white guy doing things to them as it makes them feel the superior race, but Im not into all that. I think its a mutual pleasure thing, no matter the race. Anyway, my desires with him have increased. Mainly all I care to do now is give a good BJ to a guy, taste and swallow a load of cum, and Im good! But recently Ive had fantasies of playing a girl part with him (I do cross dress), having him inside me, in the missionary position, rubbing his chest and arms, wrapping my arms around him while he is slowly sliding in and out of me, even maybe kissing him as he does this.
So Id like some input or feelings on this label thing, Im just a little confused, especially after meeting this guy and having these kind of feelings or desires now.:confused:

[elian]

In a way we are sort of built to classify things - human beings possess a neural network that help us learn from being a baby and make decisions quick..like "Oh a spider, run away" .. Our ancestors did not have a lot of time to sit around and think.

I read a book with my church group called "The Gender Knot" - as a part of the class we did an exercise and basically found out that no one was happy being labelled - as soon as you slap a label on something it is almost like you are limiting its potential. The men resented always having to appear strong, and the women resented a lack of independence. So my thing was if everyone is unhappy, why not change the rules..but of course you have folks saying, "our civilization is surviving, don't rock the boat" etc.

Whether you label it or not people have the capacity to love other people, and there are different kinds of love and desire. Human beings want to label things in black and white but I think in nature things are seldom totally black or white, but rather many shades of gray. If you have good feelings toward yourself, the relationship is consensual and not abusive then really it's none of my business who you love.

I would rather you feel a sense of love and fulfilment than shame. I tell my "straight marriage only" friends that I can choose not to have sex, but it's a lot harder to choose who you fall in love with.

[Gearbox]

It sounds like you have become comfortable with this bloke, enough to consider expressing your 'feminine side' and to connect with him on an emotional level. Basically you like him, and not just his cock.:) That might not happen with most sexual partners, but that's the case for all of any sexuality. No heterosexual wants to go further than just the genitals with every sexual partner they have, but that doesn't mean that they never do or never will.
You've just found a person that 'clicks' with you. Good for you!:bowdown:

On the label front......'Bisexual' will do, coz IMO it's the least limiting of all labels.

[fredtyg]

Yep. Gearbox is right. Labels are fun to discuss, but you can run yourself in circles with them if you take them too seriously. Bisexual is a good catch- all.

[scapegoat1987]

These days I tend to think of "Bisexual" as being both a specific identity and an umbrella term. I agree with another reply that you can run yourself in circles with all the labels. However, I also recognize the inherent bi erasure element of the "No labels" movement--everyone seems to want to erase bisexuals out of the picture, and people who argue "no labels" are only doing their work for them, in my humble opinion. I personally believe that it's important that we are intentionally visible whenever possible, and that usually involves labels. There are always going to be young bisexuals who need role models and support groups. Anyway, that's my soapbox on that matter. Back to the umbrella term "Bisexual" though...I sometimes feel it's time consuming and complicated (and a bit personal at times) to be horribly specific about my exact sexual identity. Sometimes, when I don't feel like getting into it, I just say something like "I definitely fall somewhere along the bisexual spectrum." But mostly I just say bi. I don't like the sexual part, because it implies that my orientation is just about what I do in the bedroom, which it's not. And most people are familiar with bi.