I don't even know what to call this... Una Problema :S

[Besos para ella]

Ok people, firstly I'm sorry if this is going to sound cliché or completely cheesy. I just need help and I feel so helpless right now. I'm in a relationship with a guy, I thought I was bi, I think I'm bi but I'm so in love with a girl I met... I can't stop thinking about her, my heart hurts when I can't see her or talk to her... I have two problems to name but a few... but here goes... My bf does not know I'm bi and when I'm with him, I'm imagining being with her. I know, I know it sounds cruel and unfair but I'm really struggling, is this just lust? Second, and probably major problem, the girl I'm in love with lives abroad and unless some miracle happens and we can meet and she wants to be in a lesbian relationship, it's not going to happen. I'm in a professional job at the moment and work ridiculous hours and can't be seen to be doing anything that may impact my career or work place. There are no bi groups or LGBT meet ups near me, I live in the country and it sucks... I wanna be back in London but I'm settled, I have a new job, new home, new bf and new cat! I feel middle-aged and stuck in a rut and I'm not even 25. I just want to break free and explore my sexuality but I don't know how, or where, this has been going on for years and I was just starting to explore when unexpected and horrible circumstances threw me back up North, with the fields and the sheep and the farms and nothing much else. I see all these sexy programmes with orgies and s and m and parties and I wanna be there! I just wish I could stop thinking about this girl. She is just everything I could ever dream of and I feel madly in love with her. I have the added pressure that my brother is going through some gender issues and my family (who say they are supportive) could do without my crap too. Arghhhh.... I hate to like put all this onto you guys but I guess I just needed to get it out and ask your opinion, is lust really love, how can you tell the difference and how can you shake these butterflies? I'm soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo confused!!!!!!!!!! I can't concentrate on anything else, it's 4am and I have an 10 hour work day in 2 hours :( It's ruining everything!!!!!

[scapegoat1987]

Sorry to hear that you're going through this. I won't pretend to have answers, because only you can ultimately decide what path you must take. And only you can decide when, if ever, it's time to explore your bisexuality or to come out of the closet. Only you know the risks involved and what concessions you're willing to make. However, it's been my experience that coming out, although difficult at times, ultimately made my life better. I might also add that there will never be a "Best Time," because there will always be someone else having issues or something else going on. Life just sort of happens that way, and you eventually have to think about what's best for you. O.K. Having said that, I would suggest taking baby steps as opposed to jumping head first into the fire. I mean, it seems as though there are a whole lot of "If's" involved here....if she would be in a lesbian relationship, if some miracle happens and we could meet. It sounds like a long shot to be possibly uprooting yourself, possibly losing your job, possibly losing your boyfriend, possibly burdening your parents. I would suggest starting with coming to terms with your bisexuality and perhaps dealing with telling your boyfriend first. Just my opinion. But like I said, only you know the risks that you're willing to take. Only you know your heart's desire.

[jimdawg]

First, breathe. Second, avoid depression.

I'm working 8 hour + days, on top of class, so I understand the schedule. You probably have an issue in that you're newish to the job. Nonetheless, you're still going to want to find time to go to London, or abroad to vacation. Without the boyfriend.

I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum. I get along really well with a girl I have no chance of being with at this time, and for the life of me I can't find a date with anyone I'm remotely interested aside. It isn't that I'm in love or lust with said girl, as I've been with her before and I'll be with her again (despite it being wrong and I'm aware of it) as much as I can't find any girls that interest me along the same lines.

Subsequently I'm going to end up going abroad to get my lusts out of my system and hope to return to America in one piece without the depression.

If she does swing that way, I'd recommend what I'm doing with a European friend. I'm only willing to meet her in a country that isn't her home. I've visited overseas to Spain to meet someone before, and that didn't work out, and the girl spent years apologizing to me, until I cut her off on an unrelated matter. Lesson: Don't travel just to meet someone! That can destroy your trip. For instance, I believe I am going to London or Amsterdam to meet a girl from France next month. I haven't decided which city.

Consider going to Brazil if she's where I suspect she is. You'll have a good time, with or without her.

And only bring the boy if you think the boy will be conducive to your misbehavior.

[Gearbox]

Can't really tell you if it's love or lust, but you're obviously infatuated with that lady. She has sparked off sexual desires in you at the very least, and I expect you think of her when with your bf coz it helps you cum.
NOTHING wrong with that!! That's where your mind is at when you want to enjoy sex. You can't have her! She's out of reach! Out of sync! Perfect fodder for a fantasy love&sex affair that'll get you out of this rut.:)

You sound like you're going through a quarter-life crisis. Yes I know that's a bit wonky, but you're not alone if you are.
http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/7-cures-your-quarter-life-crisis

[Besos para ella]

Thanks so much guys, I really appreciate the time spent helping me out. Gear I definitely get the quarter life crisis, though now it scares me I am nearly 25! Ha, its so true, I really am having difficulty transitioning. Scape, I am out to my parents but they have enough to deal with, with my brother and though I know when it comes down to it, they will support me, they don't like it and are having trouble coming to terms with everything... I guess there is some sort of gay gene... lol and JimDawg ED, no she's not from Brazil, she's in Colombia :( My Spanish Senorita... I am definitely infatuated with her Gear... and I suppose you're right in saying there is nothing wrong with wanting what you can't have, unless it's ruining your life! She's all I think about, when I got to bed, when I wake up, when I work... wishing I was with her... Maybe I will one day take a chance and visit...!?!?

[jimdawg]

I know she's in Colombia-that's why I suggested Brazil! Again, neutral ground. It is a lesson I learned years back in Spain: the girl from France I'll meet in the Netherlands or England, but not France. And I told her not to meet me in NYC but maybe Brazil, Thailand, etc.; there is a method to my madness. Again, if things aren't so great in person, well...there's always Brazil!

And I have my own Spanish seniorita to deal with who I met on this site :p It'd be nice if that would work, but it won't, so I have other women/men to stress over!

[cocktamer]

I have a fantasy where I am invited over to my totally hot next door neighbors they are a young couple around 39ish. I have already made friends with Victoria the female and have discussed many times how I would love for her to dress me up in a sexy slutty outfit put on some whorish make up get me all kinds of fucked up a little meth and some booze then for her to break me in with her strapon loosening me up preparing me for some late night activities. She sends her man out with his friends for some drinks at a strip club which features cross dressers. He does just what Victoria tells him then after while she calls him to see if they are drunk and horny when they are she tells him to come home and bring his friends she has a special surprise for them. He is curious but hurries home. she ties me up on their bed face down. once the men arrive she tells them she hired a slutty whore from the club to come over and service them all she tells them I want to handled roughly and maybe even gang raped. Well this gets them hot and hard while they watch a couple of pornos. she then comes upstairs to me and tells me I am about to get gang raped and fucked hard by these horny fucking assholes. Then she calls down for them to come and they dash up the stairs and burst into the room. they all start teasing me about how they are going to gang rape me and fill me full of their big hard cocks and then fill my hot holes full of cum as well as forcing me to suck off and swallow their big warm sticky cum loads. Victoria gets them started by telling them each where to start first. she then begins to command me to open my mouth and start sucking and licking those big hard long fat cocks in my face so I do the best I can as they all try to force their large hard dicks in my mouth and then sown my throat someone begins to pull on my hair and another starts slapping my ass. They are man handling me very rough as if I was just a piece of fuck toy meat to use for their pleasure and abuse .Victoria begins to call me a dirty little cum sucking whore and the men join in with nasty dick licker and cum bucket and gutter slut then one positions himself near my ass and shoves a big finger in my ass and works some lube around while the others continue to force their big hard dicks in my mouth as I struggle to suck lick and breathe Victoria says its time for me to really get fucked hard and fast both in my mouth and up my tight ass. As they increase the pace I start to shudder and whimper moaning and sucking bucking up and down on the long fat cock fucking my ass so hard and fast he slaps my ass and pulls apart my checks so he can penetrate me even deeper then his buddy demands to have a turn and he yanks his cock out of my ass moves aside and another fat long hard cock is brutally shoved up my ass this cock is even fatter and longer than the last one. the whole time I am so focused on sucking their long fat hard cocks that I actually forget momentarily that my ass is being abused and fucked harder and deeper than ever before then all of a sudden I feel the ginormous dick in my ass is throbbing and about to come the man yells out OMG im going to cum incoming rush of warm sticky huge load of cum fills my ass and all of a sudden I can taste it in my mouth because another man is beginning to shoot his wad down my nasty throat fucking my bright red lip stick and smearing it all over his cock. when these two men finish filling me with cum the other two replace them and start fucking my mouth and ass even harder and faster than the first two and no time I am filling up my hot wet ass with another big load of cum it is such a turn on for me my own cock gets very hard and just as the face fucker is forcing his long hard cock down my throat he begins to fill my throat and mouth with a ginormous load of warm sticky sweet cum as this happens I can't help but cumming myself all by myself Victoria bends down and wraps her pretty hot lips around my cock and begins to milk and swallow every drop of cum that I shoot. As the others finish filling me up with their cum the first two decide they are ready for round two and before I have a chance to catch my breath they begin shoving their once again super long fat an hard cocks in my penetrating me in my mouth and ass. I am so fucking worn out and full of cum they slide in and out5 of my holes with super slick ease. They are cheered on by their other two friends as they slap me pull my hair and dick slap my face while fucking me to the point of exhaustion as well as I have once again grown my own hard on and the two other men get down on their knees and take turns sucking off my dick until I cum all over their faces while their buddies fill me full of even more hot jizz. After words the men take off and Victoria helps me into the bath where she gently washes me and cleans me up once clean she climbs in the tub all naked and very aroused and sits right down on my hard cock and I fuck her until she cums and once again I cum. She tells me I did a fantastic job with her and the men and asks me if I would like to come over next weekend for some more hot and nasty fucking. I said sure and do you think you might be able to line up a couple of new guys just for my variety she said she would as well as invite a couple of her girlfriends with strapons to indulge my fantasies.

[jimdawg]

I have a fantasy where I am invited over to my totally hot next door neighbors they are a young couple around 39ish. I have already made friends with Victoria the female and have discussed many times how I would love for her to dress me up in a sexy slutty outfit put on some whorish make up get me all kinds of fucked up a little meth and some booze then for her to break me in with her strapon loosening me up preparing me for some late night activities. She sends her man out with his friends for some drinks at a strip club which features cross dressers. He does just what Victoria tells him then after while she calls him to see if they are drunk and horny when they are she tells him to come home and bring his friends she has a special surprise for them. He is curious but hurries home. she ties me up on their bed face down. once the men arrive she tells them she hired a slutty whore from the club to come over and service them all she tells them I want to handled roughly and maybe even gang raped. Well this gets them hot and hard while they watch a couple of pornos. she then comes upstairs to me and tells me I am about to get gang raped and fucked hard by these horny fucking assholes. Then she calls down for them to come and they dash up the stairs and burst into the room. they all start teasing me about how they are going to gang rape me and fill me full of their big hard cocks and then fill my hot holes full of cum as well as forcing me to suck off and swallow their big warm sticky cum loads. Victoria gets them started by telling them each where to start first. she then begins to command me to open my mouth and start sucking and licking those big hard long fat cocks in my face so I do the best I can as they all try to force their large hard dicks in my mouth and then sown my throat someone begins to pull on my hair and another starts slapping my ass. They are man handling me very rough as if I was just a piece of fuck toy meat to use for their pleasure and abuse .Victoria begins to call me a dirty little cum sucking whore and the men join in with nasty dick licker and cum bucket and gutter slut then one positions himself near my ass and shoves a big finger in my ass and works some lube around while the others continue to force their big hard dicks in my mouth as I struggle to suck lick and breathe Victoria says its time for me to really get fucked hard and fast both in my mouth and up my tight ass. As they increase the pace I start to shudder and whimper moaning and sucking bucking up and down on the long fat cock fucking my ass so hard and fast he slaps my ass and pulls apart my checks so he can penetrate me even deeper then his buddy demands to have a turn and he yanks his cock out of my ass moves aside and another fat long hard cock is brutally shoved up my ass this cock is even fatter and longer than the last one. the whole time I am so focused on sucking their long fat hard cocks that I actually forget momentarily that my ass is being abused and fucked harder and deeper than ever before then all of a sudden I feel the ginormous dick in my ass is throbbing and about to come the man yells out OMG im going to cum incoming rush of warm sticky huge load of cum fills my ass and all of a sudden I can taste it in my mouth because another man is beginning to shoot his wad down my nasty throat fucking my bright red lip stick and smearing it all over his cock. when these two men finish filling me with cum the other two replace them and start fucking my mouth and ass even harder and faster than the first two and no time I am filling up my hot wet ass with another big load of cum it is such a turn on for me my own cock gets very hard and just as the face fucker is forcing his long hard cock down my throat he begins to fill my throat and mouth with a ginormous load of warm sticky sweet cum as this happens I can't help but cumming myself all by myself Victoria bends down and wraps her pretty hot lips around my cock and begins to milk and swallow every drop of cum that I shoot. As the others finish filling me up with their cum the first two decide they are ready for round two and before I have a chance to catch my breath they begin shoving their once again super long fat an hard cocks in my penetrating me in my mouth and ass. I am so fucking worn out and full of cum they slide in and out5 of my holes with super slick ease. They are cheered on by their other two friends as they slap me pull my hair and dick slap my face while fucking me to the point of exhaustion as well as I have once again grown my own hard on and the two other men get down on their knees and take turns sucking off my dick until I cum all over their faces while their buddies fill me full of even more hot jizz. After words the men take off and Victoria helps me into the bath where she gently washes me and cleans me up once clean she climbs in the tub all naked and very aroused and sits right down on my hard cock and I fuck her until she cums and once again I cum. She tells me I did a fantastic job with her and the men and asks me if I would like to come over next weekend for some more hot and nasty fucking. I said sure and do you think you might be able to line up a couple of new guys just for my variety she said she would as well as invite a couple of her girlfriends with strapons to indulge my fantasies.

I love inappropriate pornography. Why do I feel like I just got...non-consentual erotica? I'm honestly curious what this has to do with the thread...