Need Advice re: Political Activism

[Herbwoman39]

I need help. I'm not getting much support here at home and I'm beginning to wonder if I'm doing the right thing.

About a month ago I filled out a survey on the Coalition for Fair Adoption website. They were looking for stories of families and I thought they might be interested in hearing about a recently out bisexual mother of two teenage boys with a straight husband (that's me :-). Well, last night they called and asked if I would be interested in doing some public speaking. Since I've been working with HRC and Equality Florida, I jumped at the chance. I think we need to be more visible and this would be an excellent oportunity for the general public to see a monogamous bisexual in a sucessful family relationship.

This is where the problems start. First, I'm not all the way out of the closet. My parents and my half-sisters don't know. Some of my friends don't know. The neighbors REALLY don't know and my youngest son's girlfriend's mother is ultra-conservative. So if I end up doing a public speaking gig, I'm going to a) shock the crap out of some people b) possibly endanger my son's relationship as the girl he's dating is just 16 (so is he) and c) maybe put my family at risk for ridicule, etc.

I *want* to be more politically active. I believe in the adage "See a need. Fill a need." I just don't know exactly how to handle the risk factors listed above.

In all reality my parents and sibs will probably never hear about any public speaking I do as they live in Wisconsin and North Carolina respectively while I am in Florida. My main concern is the risk to my son's relationship and any risk to my family from the neighbors.

Help?

[glantern954]

If it helps, I just had my full name, location, orientation, and photo pictured in a gay publication that was picked up by planetout.com.

Do you know how many people at work or in my neighborhood mentioned it?

Zero.

Do you know how many funny lucks and threats I have got?

Zip.

My past experiences speaking about my sexuality were a very rewarding experience once I got past the paranoia and insecurities.

I know I for one would appreciate having a bisexual's story included on The Coalition for Fair Adoption website, but I certainly understand if you dont do it. Kudos to you for even considering it.

[Herbwoman39]

((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you SO much for replying. I just couldn't sleep until I got an answer. It means so much to me to be active politically. I'm just scared to death to step out in public.

It's comforting (and empowering) to know that you didn't get any negative reaction at all from your experience. I just hope that if/when they call me again, my experience goes that well.

Thanks again sweetie. Your post is such a relief.

I'm still looking forward to seeing what everyone else has to say.

[arana]

Congratulations and Good luck to you with this. The only thing I would suggest, if you haven't already, is to talk to you family (husband and sons) regarding this and tell them the pros and cons of your doing this to get their feedback on it. There is the slight possibility someone might say something and you don't want them to be taken by surprise. Especially your sons.

Again, Best of luck to you!

[DÆMØN]

Political / Social ACTIVISM , doesn't only have to be out in public where the bright lights shine down on you. In the beginnings, esp if you're just getting comfortable with your activism mindset; it is sometimes best to get your feet wet and start on the inside within the grassroots community you wish to be active in.

Getting politically active inside the Bi community for instance at places where bi's congreate / rally will help you to build up your confidence and management skills, not to mention a million other invaluable skillsets that you can hone over time in the political arena. This way you face less personal conflict with your family/work situations, it is not likely someone would find out suddenly if your family doesn't tend to pay attention to the forums you're politically interested in. Minimal exposure is always a good approach at the outset.

[Herbwoman39]

Daemon;

I'm starting to think that I AM the Bi Community here in Melbourne, FL. Small towns suck. :tong:

I've already been active with the FMA campaign collecting signatures and sending emails, etc. I'm also a member of the local Equality Florida group and I'm active with the HRC. So I'm doing the behind-the-scenes thing already.

Because Melbourne is so small, I'm really looking forward to moving back to Atlanta in 2 years after my youngest graduates so that I can be physically part of a Bi community. Until then, I'm just doing what I can here.

I guess I just needed to get my fears out in the open and hear from other people that everything is going to be okay.

[anne27]

My compliments to you :cool: ! You have my admiration!

I live small town too, and have not gotten into supporting our causes locally. I have written letters to politicans, signed petitions, and spoken with friends and family members urging them to vote, BUT coming out all the way-not yet.
I also faced opposition/discrimation when I tried to join 'glbt groups' in the local city. Being a married bi woman was less than popular with the lesbians there, to say the least, but that's another topic rant ;).

If you are comfortable with it, go for it! :2cents:

[Mimi]

Major kudos to you for being on the frontlines and being so politically active! I think that's what the bi community needs -- people who are willing to step up and be vocal and identifiable.

That's why I've been so driven to be so out. And I was sort of like you in that I was participating in Pride parades (and being photographed!), coming out to strangers when I did panels in college classrooms, *BUT* I was NOT out to my parents and extended family (only my siblings). Of course I was cautious in that I decided not to be photographed for an Asian community newspaper because the chances of my family finding out were a lot higher.

But after many years of activism I did decide to come clean to my parents. I felt that in order to be a role model to others I needed to tell my parents, as scary and painful as it was. I also felt that if my parents found out, I would rather that they heard it from me rather than some other way.

So now I'm out to my folks (they're still struggling with it), but they don't want me to tell anyone else in the family. So that's the rock-and-a-hard place that I'm at right now, because I recently did a TV interview on local public access talking about bisexuality! And I recently came out to one of my aunts and cousins, and I also posted that I'm bi on my Myspace profile, which some second cousins and kids of my parents' friends have access to. I guess there are just some difficult decisions that have to be made. No pain, no gain, right?

It makes me feel good to know that there others out there like me, fighting the fight. Good luck and tell us how it goes!!!

Mimi :flag1:

[Nara_lovely]

What was your initial reaction? To be asked...or to be asked to speak? Sounds from your post, that you were thrilled at the opportunity to be involved more actively.
Then....the reality set in?? Or the excuses, reasons, etc to say no.

I tend to follow my first instinct, with no regrets. Sure; talk especially to your immediate family...so they know more of what will be said (hey...a good little practice crowd for your speech!) and let them show some support towards you. After all...my guess is you've always been their best supporter, right?

Then, you'll really be able to get involved, and you'll know you are not alone! Take a deep breath and take a chance! Be yourself.

[Herbwoman39]

My thanks to everyone fortheir wonderful supportand advice.

Nara, you prettymuch nailed it right on the head. Yes, I was thrilled to be asked at first. And then reality set in and scared me half to death.

Now that I've talked to my immediate family and gotten the reassurance from them, in addition to the support from everyone here, I'm feeling MUCH more secure. The boys could care less out anyone's reaction and my husband thinks (as do I) that it's far more important for children to have loving homes than for neighbors not to look at us oddly.

((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) ) to everyone who helped me out with this. Thank you :-) I'll keep everyone appriased as things develop.