how do i explain it to the wife

[funtime123]

i'm new here and joined because i have some questions. ive been reading some other forums and they have been pretty helpful. everyone seems to have some pretty good advice so i figured id ask for some help. well im a married guy and been married for a few years. i love my wife more than anything in this world. we have 1 kid together. my question is that i believe that i am bisexual and dont know how i should tell her. ive never cheated on her. i wouldnt cheat on her. i really like transexuals. i dont think i really like other men for anything besides sex. i am more into the chance of having my wife and another man at the same time just for sex. no emotional attractions for the other man....just sex with the other man and my wife. so my question is do i tell her and take a chance on losing her or do i just keep it to myself and go on forever with it in my mind.

thanks

[arana]

Welcome to the group funtime. I can imagine it's a very confusing time for you and I know there are a lot of guys here that have had similar situations and will be able to give you some helpful advice. When it comes down to it though, you are the one that knows your wife better then anyone and how she will take this sort of news. If she is open minded enough I think you should have a talk with her. Don't overwhelm her but just tell her about your feelings and confusions, just like you have here with us. Who knows, maybe she's had feelings she's been afraid to tell you about.
I wish you all the best of luck and hope things work out for you.

[Herbwoman39]

Greetings Funtime :-)

I've been where you are. I'm a married bisexual woman and I love my husband very dearly. Like you I would sooner rip out internal organs than cheat. BUT I was terrified to tell him. I had been married 5 years before the denial I was living in was ripped away.

He was confused and frightened at first. Once I explained that I had no intention ofleaving/cheating/etc. and reasurred him *repeatedly*, he made the adjustment very well and is pretty supportive.

Honesty is the best policy. i know it sounds cliche`. Marriages are built on trust. Trust her to know that you're not going anywhere.

[taz67156]

you should be honest to her and let her know about that and see what she does or says about it but don't force her into anything that she might not want to do cause that could hurt your marriage in the long run you never know the outcome of you saying anything until it happens.

taz67156

[glantern954]

There are so many factors to consider in trying to determine how a spouse might react to your curiousity about bisexuality. It is hard for strangers to try and predict how she might react. If you know that she is not homophobic you might try testing the waters.

The next time she is mentioning how cute, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, or any other male celebrity she likes you can say something like, "Well if you happen to get his number let me know and we can have some fun."

If she starts to freak out you can laugh it off as a joke, and if your content to just let that be a fantasy so be it.

If her interest is peaked you might consider adding some toys to the bedroom. For example, pleasure her with a dildo and lick her at the same time. Occasionally lick the dildo and judge her response. If it makes her hot, suck on it, call it the name of the male celeb she likes. Check the reaction again.

If she is turned on by that she might be interested in going on to the next step. At this point you should be prepared to answer LOTS of questions though.

Again, if she reacts poorly to any of this and your content to just let that be a fantasy so be it. Any of the above could be laughed off or just filed as being "freaky" or trying to spice things up in the bedroom.

[jazz5]

There are so many factors to consider in trying to determine how a spouse might react to your curiousity about bisexuality. It is hard for strangers to try and predict how she might react. If you know that she is not homophobic you might try testing the waters.

The next time she is mentioning how cute, Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp, or any other male celebrity she likes you can say something like, "Well if you happen to get his number let me know and we can have some fun."

If she starts to freak out you can laugh it off as a joke, and if your content to just let that be a fantasy so be it.

If her interest is peaked you might consider adding some toys to the bedroom. For example, pleasure her with a dildo and lick her at the same time. Occasionally lick the dildo and judge her response. If it makes her hot, suck on it, call it the name of the male celeb she likes. Check the reaction again.

If she is turned on by that she might be interested in going on to the next step. At this point you should be prepared to answer LOTS of questions though.

Again, if she reacts poorly to any of this and your content to just let that be a fantasy so be it. Any of the above could be laughed off or just filed as being "freaky" or trying to spice things up in the bedroom.


Excellent advice

[jedinudist]

Honesty is the best policy. i know it sounds cliche`. Marriages are built on trust. Trust her to know that you're not going anywhere.


That's pretty much the only advice I could give - honestly. With yourself, and with your wife.

[deletetacount123]

Honestly is the best way to go.
Yes, it might hurt her feelings BUT if I had a husband who was bi, I'll rather he tell me "now" rather than lying and/or not being honest.

Tasha

[Coolhand_69]

We were watching a bi, amature DVD one evening. I noticed that she was starting to squirm around a bit, then she started to cum!

I thought that this was interesting as the part of the movie that got her going was a scene with two men and a woman. One guy and the woman were giving the second guy a very hot BJ, and then one climbed up and started to ride the other's cock while the woman sucked the rider!

So...I told her that I would like to do that. That started a long question and answer session that lasted until the sun came up. This also led to us having a nice time with another cpl and a bi man.

She loves the show, and the play. It has made our sex life more exciting, and we have opened up to each other more on non sexual issues as well.

I am very lucky to have this woman in my life as my wife, and best friend!

[funtime123]

We were watching a bi, amature DVD one evening. I noticed that she was starting to squirm around a bit, then she started to cum!

I thought that this was interesting as the part of the movie that got her going was a scene with two men and a woman. One guy and the woman were giving the second guy a very hot BJ, and then one climbed up and started to ride the other's cock while the woman sucked the rider!

So...I told her that I would like to do that. That started a long question and answer session that lasted until the sun came up. This also led to us having a nice time with another cpl and a bi man.

She loves the show, and the play. It has made our sex life more exciting, and we have opened up to each other more on non sexual issues as well.

I am very lucky to have this woman in my life as my wife, and best friend!
how did you go about getting her to watch a bi movie in the first place. i think that would help if i could get her to watch it first and see what she thought about it. did you tell her you thought you were bi before watching it and yall decided to watch it or was it her idea to watch a bi movie first.

[Reprob8]

how did you go about getting her to watch a bi movie in the first place. i think that would help if i could get her to watch it first and see what she thought about it. did you tell her you thought you were bi before watching it and yall decided to watch it or was it her idea to watch a bi movie first.


better question, where is this DVD, lol jsut kidding :bipride:

[taz67156]

I think there is many ways that you could tell your wife about being bi its just up to you how you choose to tell her and like another member used a movie to hint around and at that they can be found just about anywhere even on regular tv there is movies that have stuff like that.

taz67156

[normandrummr]

I told my very straight-laced wife recently, but it was a very gradual process.

First of all, let me say that I also agree and like the response posted above by glantern954, but mine would probably preceed his.

We were discussing why/how people "turn" gay. I mentioned that when a pubescent youth is going thru the changes, he or she is not at all comfortable about the other gender, especially about such awkward things. But, they do, however, have best friends of the same gender, friends who have built forts together, hunted for frogs in the pasture after a rain together, etc. It's only natural that these people would trust each other enough to experiment with their newly developing sexuality. She agreed...and I confessed that I did.

A little later, I added, "As a matter of fact, when I wrestled in high school, I often was aroused when tangling with another guy. It's only natural, close body contact, legs tangling, crotches exposed, heavy breathing. It was more common than any of us would admit." I admitted to it, and admitted to "experimenting further" with a teammate. Again, she was a little stunned, but not totally surprised.

Gaging her reactions, I got bolder. I then mentioned how I used to party a lot when I was in the service. I said that the late '70s was a much different, much freer, time. When I was high/drunk, the group I ran with would often become horny, and it was common to begin a group grope, and have sex with whoever we were with. "That was party sex, which was nothing more. But..." Again, gaging her reaction, I added that there were other guys back then who I was very close to emotionally, very good friends, who I cared enough about to make love to even without intoxication. I added that I do remember those experiences with fondness, since they were of the heart.

Eventually, after all that, I jumped out on a limb and told her I still felt the need to be with a select few guys who I feel very close to, and wanted her to know. She was receptive to the idea, yet hesitant to commit to any stance on it. Still, it laid it all out on the table, gradually enough that she didn't run away screaming. We'll see where it goes from here. Good luck.

[qiangqiang]

I think there is no concealment and deception between husband and wife. Tell your wife honestly what you think. Of course you can be tactful and follow the advice of your wife. This is very important, in fact it depends on the wife's ability to accept! If you cannot accept three-person exercise (male, two female and one), you can try to use sex toys (https://acmejoy.com/) instead. See what the wife would say!

[4nik8ter]

Married 42 years. Even before getting married, she talked about wanting to see and be part of 2 men together sexually. At the time I did not act on that "suggestion". Fast forward to about 10-15 years ago I started to seriously get interested. She knows, has no problem with me trying another man, just have not done it yet. I would only do it with her present to watch and join in. Up to now it is a huge fantasy that we talk about, especially when she is taking my in the ass with my dildo........................ One of these days.............

[SilkyHoseLover]

She knows, has no problem with me trying another man, just have not done it yet. I would only do it with her present to watch and join in. Up to now it is a huge fantasy that we talk about, especially when she is taking my in the ass with my dildo......

You, my friend, are in a position that many on this forum would love to find themselves. Sounds to me as if there's a bit of hesitation on your part. If you're truly interested, confirm with your wife that it's really something that she'd enjoy trying, and go for it!

Then discuss it afterward. If it turns out to be a positive experience for you both, exciting times lay ahead. If not, you'll still be the same people you were before you engaged in this activity. Don't let it define you and engender negative thoughts if it turns out to be 'not for you'!

[dan.woodlawn]

do i tell her and take a chance on losing her or do i just keep it to myself and go on forever with it in my mind.

thanks

"Telling her" is best if its not a one time event. Its best when its an ongoing conversation and this takes 'feeling her out', and giving her time to acclimate. Yes, I get that you are simply sharing information and not asking for judgment and this is not a mutual decision like "buying a house".
And for the short term, you want to ensure her that while you might be curious, you are in control of your impulses and feel like you have only been sharing 90% of who you are.
So the goal is to get to 100% of who you are.

I would recommend that you first establish how much of a challenge you face. Find a couple movies that work on multiple levels and watch them...something like Sense8 is an entertaining story while delivering some pretty LGBT themes with some mild sex. Start binging that series and gauge her reactions. If she is LGBT friendly, an ally or even better, curious, discussing that series in essence discussing your specific situation and allows you to feel her out.

From there, if she is openly an ally or bi curious or whatever, then you can share your views...remind her that its just fantasy sharing and you have not experienced it and are not planning it. remind her that out of all your choices in life, you selected her and that decision remains firm.

I find on this topic, letting an organic conversation happen rather than the big reveal is important.

[Jazminedress]

The problem is, you listed some information about you, but not your wife. Is this a relationship where you are her first and there has never been anyone else ?
Because that could cause her to think she isn't good enough.

Is your wife someone who liked to party before marriage and (trying to phrase this delicately), someone has been with say more than one or two other men in her life............
This could mean she is more open to outside fun

Is she the type that would watch porn, or be disgusted, or, as happens, feel you need that because she isn't hot enough or good enough.

These things sound silly, but you are dealing with emotions, and sometimes the fantasy can be hot and heavy up to the point it becomes reality

DO you know if she has ever made out or gone further with another woman ? some women will share that, some will hide it. The first time I was with a couple, it was her that wanted a threesome, talking about it was their foreplay in the bedroom, and they chose me as we were all good friends. I wanted to be respectful so every part of the way I would ask what she wants to live out her fantasy, turns out, she wanted to see her husband blow another guy.

Depending on your wife's personality, 100 things could go wrong, 100 things could go right. You may talk to her and afterwards, every time you talk to a neighbor she would be scared you are fucking him...............dynamics can change quick.

Maybe turn it into a game type of thing...................a little truth or dare one night while drinking wine and watching a movie (something that can help lead up to questions, especially if it has a girls kissing scene, not a porno). Start with simple questions like.......

- have you ever kissed a girl
- who would be your male celebrity crush
- who would be your female celebrity crush
- whats your wildest sexual fantasy

make sure she has a slight buzz at the time