augustcloud
Sep 21, 2013, 5:01 AM
I met this guy in Florida, who I really enjoy sharing with. He is bi, as I am. We've literally bared all, share our most hidden moments with one another, and we continue to do so, through daily emails. I'm out of the country (usa) at present. But I hope to get to meet him when I return soon. In the mean time, we just have enjoyed our daily dialog back and forth. And what a relief of burden it is. What I shared with this friend today, in my letter to him, allows him to look deeper into me, and how I got to be who I am and where I am today. I want you to know, that I am not ridiculing anyone, condemning anyone, or pointing a finger at anyone. I'm not an authority on anything. I am not providing any form of leadership philosophy. I'm simply allowing him to look inside a very private place, the first time anyone has ever had that opportunity. After writing what I did, I thought I would share it with you. Why? Because I don't think I'm alone. And being bi can be a very lonely existence. And it is comforting to know, that you are not alone, and someone else understands. If for some reason you may be offended by this, I respect that. But it is not my intent. You don't have to agree, to read it. It is just part of who I am, who I am trying to discover. Here's the letter, comments are welcome, even if you don't agree.........
Dear _________
I trust you are up an at 'em by the time you open this. A very good morning to you. I was just sitting here thinking. ( a dangerous activity no doubt). You are the only living soul on this planet, that knows my deepest darkest secrets. I have literally bared my insides to you. And of course you have to me also. And I'm honored with that trust. Thank you.
My life and yours remind me of an old song that goes like this....
I CAN'T BE MYSELF
(Merle Haggard)
« © '71 Tree Publishing, BMI »
It's a way of mine to say just what I'm thinking
And to do the things I really want to do
And you want to change the part of me I'm proud of
So I can't be myself when I'm with you
Oh you never liked the clothes I wear on Sunday
Just because I don't believe the way you do
But I believe the Lord knows I'm unhappy
cause I can't be myself when I'm with you
I can't be myself and be what pleases you
And down deep inside I don't believe that you want me to
And it's not my way to take so long deciding
that I can't be myself when I'm with you
I can't be myself and be what pleases you...
No I can't be myself when I'm with you
And see, the worst part of all of this is, that my wife never knows what pleases her. I've changed a thousand times for her. When I get to where she wanted me to be, I only find she's not there herself anymore. What she wants has changed and she is perplexed because I didn't know she changed, and because I don't change with her. Add to that, that she's "two faced" (gemini), and you have an impossible person to deal with.
Men don't change, they only pretend. And yes, I am the great pretender. I know you are much more real than I am. I envy where you are. I want to get to that place, where what you see, is what you get. As Popeye once said, "I am that I am and that is all that I am." I'm so sick of living a hypocritical life. I'm a living lie. Really! Is that not pathetic, at age 70? A living lie. I hate me for that. What a fool I've been, to waste my life trying to be someone who I am not to please others who probably could care less. Depressing. Down right depressing.
Trying to please women is a curse, and it goes all the way back to the Garden. It's time to preach the power of being a man, in a man's world. So what if we like to suck a good clean cock of a friend now and then. That does not keep us from being men, and acting like men, in a world women are trying to rule and destroy.
We can' blame the government. We can't blame the women. We are the ones that are pussy whipped. We have only ourselves to blame. We will accept almost anything abusive, as long as there is a steady supply of pussy. Women have all but fucked us out of existence and identity. Well, I aim to rekindle and reclaim mine.
You've done a much better job of living your life in the clear of this. I admire that, more than words can say.When a woman is in control, it's messed up. Pick a place of social strata, put a woman in charge, and you have a perverted existence. They want to call gays, lesbians, and bi's perverts? Excuse me? Have they just looked in the mirror lately? Of course not. The apostle Paul told them to sit down and shut up. They didn't listen. Unfortunately, neither did the men. And any challange was quickly met by a good blow job, and the battle was lost right then and there. Show me a woman is insanely insecure with her husband and his "womanizing", and I'll show you a woman who lusts to be in control, but has vainly failed in taking the helm. And when sex no longer works, what a pitiful agony is laid before us. Such a helpless and hopeless thing she is. Empty, sad, and alone. Our nation today is full of divorced women. Controllers. Feminists. FEMINISTS! They tried to be something they were not made to be, and in trying to do so, they crush the man of their dreams, and drive him away from themselves, and into the arms of another.
I'm not a woman hater, brother. Iwould almost give my life to find a good woman who knows how to be a good wife, a help mate, a lover, a friend, a supporter, an admirer, an enabler. They are extremely rare. I hate women who do not know, nor have they ever been taught, how to be a lady, and a woman, and a wife. I've seen it on rare occassion, and what an oasis of bliss it is. I just turn green with envy, for the man and the woman.
I know this young couple who live in Malaysia. They were both brought up in an evagelical charasmatic church. But these kids were not hypocrites. They were raised right. They were both virgins when they got married, at age 21 or 2. I went to their wedding. It was the most beautiful wedding I've ever witnessed. It just wreaked of purity. Clean right down to the bone. You just feel better standing close to these kids. It is extremely enviable. And the young lady knows how to be a help mate, and not a control freak. Oh my, it is so rare. It is a privilege to witness. If folks only knew what they are missing. My my.
Don't know what brought all this on. You are getting to see into my mind. Why? Because sometimes, I have something on my mind to write. But most of my writing is responsive writing. I just transmit what is going through my mind, into my fingers and out it comes, as it comes. Does that make sense?
It is my privilege to be able to write these things, and share them with you. Thank you for listening and caring.
Peace,
Dear _________
I trust you are up an at 'em by the time you open this. A very good morning to you. I was just sitting here thinking. ( a dangerous activity no doubt). You are the only living soul on this planet, that knows my deepest darkest secrets. I have literally bared my insides to you. And of course you have to me also. And I'm honored with that trust. Thank you.
My life and yours remind me of an old song that goes like this....
I CAN'T BE MYSELF
(Merle Haggard)
« © '71 Tree Publishing, BMI »
It's a way of mine to say just what I'm thinking
And to do the things I really want to do
And you want to change the part of me I'm proud of
So I can't be myself when I'm with you
Oh you never liked the clothes I wear on Sunday
Just because I don't believe the way you do
But I believe the Lord knows I'm unhappy
cause I can't be myself when I'm with you
I can't be myself and be what pleases you
And down deep inside I don't believe that you want me to
And it's not my way to take so long deciding
that I can't be myself when I'm with you
I can't be myself and be what pleases you...
No I can't be myself when I'm with you
And see, the worst part of all of this is, that my wife never knows what pleases her. I've changed a thousand times for her. When I get to where she wanted me to be, I only find she's not there herself anymore. What she wants has changed and she is perplexed because I didn't know she changed, and because I don't change with her. Add to that, that she's "two faced" (gemini), and you have an impossible person to deal with.
Men don't change, they only pretend. And yes, I am the great pretender. I know you are much more real than I am. I envy where you are. I want to get to that place, where what you see, is what you get. As Popeye once said, "I am that I am and that is all that I am." I'm so sick of living a hypocritical life. I'm a living lie. Really! Is that not pathetic, at age 70? A living lie. I hate me for that. What a fool I've been, to waste my life trying to be someone who I am not to please others who probably could care less. Depressing. Down right depressing.
Trying to please women is a curse, and it goes all the way back to the Garden. It's time to preach the power of being a man, in a man's world. So what if we like to suck a good clean cock of a friend now and then. That does not keep us from being men, and acting like men, in a world women are trying to rule and destroy.
We can' blame the government. We can't blame the women. We are the ones that are pussy whipped. We have only ourselves to blame. We will accept almost anything abusive, as long as there is a steady supply of pussy. Women have all but fucked us out of existence and identity. Well, I aim to rekindle and reclaim mine.
You've done a much better job of living your life in the clear of this. I admire that, more than words can say.When a woman is in control, it's messed up. Pick a place of social strata, put a woman in charge, and you have a perverted existence. They want to call gays, lesbians, and bi's perverts? Excuse me? Have they just looked in the mirror lately? Of course not. The apostle Paul told them to sit down and shut up. They didn't listen. Unfortunately, neither did the men. And any challange was quickly met by a good blow job, and the battle was lost right then and there. Show me a woman is insanely insecure with her husband and his "womanizing", and I'll show you a woman who lusts to be in control, but has vainly failed in taking the helm. And when sex no longer works, what a pitiful agony is laid before us. Such a helpless and hopeless thing she is. Empty, sad, and alone. Our nation today is full of divorced women. Controllers. Feminists. FEMINISTS! They tried to be something they were not made to be, and in trying to do so, they crush the man of their dreams, and drive him away from themselves, and into the arms of another.
I'm not a woman hater, brother. Iwould almost give my life to find a good woman who knows how to be a good wife, a help mate, a lover, a friend, a supporter, an admirer, an enabler. They are extremely rare. I hate women who do not know, nor have they ever been taught, how to be a lady, and a woman, and a wife. I've seen it on rare occassion, and what an oasis of bliss it is. I just turn green with envy, for the man and the woman.
I know this young couple who live in Malaysia. They were both brought up in an evagelical charasmatic church. But these kids were not hypocrites. They were raised right. They were both virgins when they got married, at age 21 or 2. I went to their wedding. It was the most beautiful wedding I've ever witnessed. It just wreaked of purity. Clean right down to the bone. You just feel better standing close to these kids. It is extremely enviable. And the young lady knows how to be a help mate, and not a control freak. Oh my, it is so rare. It is a privilege to witness. If folks only knew what they are missing. My my.
Don't know what brought all this on. You are getting to see into my mind. Why? Because sometimes, I have something on my mind to write. But most of my writing is responsive writing. I just transmit what is going through my mind, into my fingers and out it comes, as it comes. Does that make sense?
It is my privilege to be able to write these things, and share them with you. Thank you for listening and caring.
Peace,