Is there a future for a straight girl and bi guy?

[Odnako]

I have no one to talk to and I need help handling that I just found out my boyfriend is bi. He doesn't know that I know, I came across his craigslist m4m postings by accident.

I love him and his is my whole world. We have been together for 2 years now. He treats me great, very attentive, loving and affectionate. He has just now introduced me to his father and some family. So I would like to think I'm important part of his life and he really loves me, just like I love him. I had never had better sex and been happier in my life ... until two days ago when I found out.

Now I have always been suspicious about him locking his pc and always password protecting any electronic device/communication etc. I now learned why. I feel cheated and betrayed. I'm sad that he lied so many times and for so long, especially after so many conversations about trust. I've been telling him that I feel that something is 'off' for some time, but he always says it's in my head and I just need to believe him.

I love him so much that i can't imagine living without him, I don't know how to handle this at all, and I don't want to lose him. I feel like my world just collapsed, I'm totally losing it. I decided not to confront him out of fury on the spot. For the last two days I've been trying to read online and learn what's best to do. This why I'm here now. I've read that people lie because of fear to lose your partner. Is this my case? Is there a future with him? How do I trust him, ever? How do I get him to tell me so maybe we can find the way to still be together? Please help

[Bellonya]

Hello there,
I can see why you feel betrayed and let me tell you that it's normal and you shouldn't feel bad about him lying about being bi.
On the other hand, my boyfriend for example is also bi, and had a hard time telling me (actually, a friend of mine asked him in fron of me and he took too long to answer) because of past experiencies, fears and even abuse.
If you take a look around, you'll find many people that lost their partner due to their sexuality, partners that were biphobic or had prejudices agains bi people, thinking they are "greedy" or "potential chetears".
Maybe he doesn't even accept himself, or feels disgusted by the idea of feeling atraction towards girls and boys, especially since he has a relationship with you.
I don't know how to adress the subject, but I would start a conversation about sexuality, it may be by a law, or the right for equality, so at least to let him know that you are completely okay with him being bi.
As to if a relationship is possible, absolutely.
It takes comunication and trust, which is something you both need to work on.
I hope the best for the two of you :)

[BiPaoulo69]

Hi Odnako,

I think 'Bellonya' had a wise advice on how to approach this matter.
I am a bi guy and my live in girlfriend of 3 years does not know, yet. I find it very hard to discuss the topic with her and that frustrates me.

And here is my 2 cents contribution:
1- take your time to absorb what you learned about him and to educate yourself about the topic.
2- research and buy a book about bisexuality, make sure he knows you are reading it
3- really think about bisexuality independently of your boyfriend, are you okay with it? is it acceptable to you?
4- if him being bi is acceptable to you, make sure he knows that. Find ways to open the conversation and give him a chance to open up to you before you confront him with what you found out. That will be much better for rebuilding the trust
5- find out from him if he needs the the sexual interaction with other men and if so, are you okay with that?
6- if you are not okay with it, is he willing to suppress his bi-sexual urges and be monogamous with you
7- are you open to expand your sexual horizons if that's what he want?

I raised a lot of questions because it is all subjective and each relation and each person is different. That being said, I know many couples who are happily married and they both explore and experience their sexuality, sometimes together and other times seperately.

I hope that helps and I wish you the best.
And please don't hesitate to email me should you have any questions about my experiences.

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

"You" feel cheated and betrayed, but are upset because he has his devices locked for his privacy. Interesting. And exactly Why were you looking into M4M ad's on Craig's List? How did you know it was him, did he have a pic on his profile or something?

You wrote: "Now I have always been suspicious about him locking his pc and always password protecting any electronic device/communication etc. I now learned why. I feel cheated and betrayed. I'm sad that he lied so many times and for so long, especially after so many conversations about trust."

Sounds like You have some issues that need addressing as well, and not just the idea of him being Bi and not telling you. Telling someone about their sexuality doesnt come easy to Everyone. Could be that he was waiting to tell you. I dont know the circumstances of all of this, but I think you need to sit down and Talk to him about this and quit snooping, before you cause some serious damage...
Just my humble 2 cents.
Cat

[marine20]

i'll make this short. he wants to tell you . he is afraid you won't think he is a real man. but he is . he just likes both sexes. if you love each other , it won't matter. once he shares everything with you , it can open up a door of wonderful pleasure for both of you. but you must convince him that you will look at him the same way you always did. good luck !

[dickhand]

I agree , he is just scared of your reaction . He obviously cares what you think very much . Hopefully you can accept him for what he is and can find a way to tell him so . If you are open to it , it can be a great deal of fun for you both .

[misskinkyboots]

maybe you can join in? 2 guys can be a LOT of fun :-)

I do agree he should have been more upfront and honest though

[DuckiesDarling]

I have no one to talk to and I need help handling that I just found out my boyfriend is bi. He doesn't know that I know, I came across his craigslist m4m postings by accident.

I love him and his is my whole world. We have been together for 2 years now. He treats me great, very attentive, loving and affectionate. He has just now introduced me to his father and some family. So I would like to think I'm important part of his life and he really loves me, just like I love him. I had never had better sex and been happier in my life ... until two days ago when I found out.

Now I have always been suspicious about him locking his pc and always password protecting any electronic device/communication etc. I now learned why. I feel cheated and betrayed. I'm sad that he lied so many times and for so long, especially after so many conversations about trust. I've been telling him that I feel that something is 'off' for some time, but he always says it's in my head and I just need to believe him.

I love him so much that i can't imagine living without him, I don't know how to handle this at all, and I don't want to lose him. I feel like my world just collapsed, I'm totally losing it. I decided not to confront him out of fury on the spot. For the last two days I've been trying to read online and learn what's best to do. This why I'm here now. I've read that people lie because of fear to lose your partner. Is this my case? Is there a future with him? How do I trust him, ever? How do I get him to tell me so maybe we can find the way to still be together? Please help

Short answer is yes. But as long as there is trust. Sounds like neither of you really have it. He's not trusting you enough to tell you something vitally important and you are not trusting him enough to allow him to tell you. If you actually want this work you both need to start not only talking to each other but listening to each other. Without trust, you have a relationship that is just slowly taking on water and eventually it's going to sink. Good luck.

[bibob007]

I hope this is helpful. I am a bi male and know how hard it can be to tell someone you love. There is a great fear that one will be instantly rejected. There are probably more bi males than females but they are rarely put in a positive light. I would cut him some slack because what he goes through is fear to the max. You are in a great situation. If you were to become a part of that side of him the possibilities are outstanding. You and two guys at once taking care of you giving you a ton of attention and you get to help each of them take care of one another. A win win for you. You should tell him you know and that you still love him and you want to be a part of his entire sex life. That is my opinion.

[SEX_DREAMS]

Not to be insensitive but how do you as a straight woman run across a m4m posting on craigslist unless you yourself was looking for something.Why would you be looking at m4m postings unless thats what you already like or you had to have an idea he was on it......somehow somethings not right to me.......Hope it works out.

[tenni]

The OP posted and left the site about seven minutes later. She has not signed in again.

I agree with Cat that this frequent postings by supposedly hetero women getting all upset about cheating bisexual men after accessing the guy's password protected computer etc. smells a bit. Like sexdreams states what was she doing on a craigslist for men to discover her "whole world" boyfriend on?

Since she posted and has not returned it seems trollish. She seems like an insecure if not sophmoric person if she sees him as her whole world. She also seems to lack respect for his boundaries. If he wants to keep his computer access private why does she think that it is suspicious? She seems like a controlling, possessive issue based person..if she is real.

[bi4asplay]

I have to agree with Cat here. It sounds as though he needs to keep things pass word protected. Why would you be attempting to get into them anyway? :Like Cay asked what made you look under M4M when you did break in. Sounds like he may have been right to not trust you. He may not have felt it was the right time to tell you. Maybe he is not really sure if he wants to go there or not. Maybe he is not sure of you or your reaction to the news. With your snooping he may have been correct in not telling you and keeping things protected from you.

[tenni]

Another suspicious point to her post is that he is her whole world but it has taken two years for him to introduce her to his father? If it takes him two years to take her to a family function, why would he give her his passwords to such things as his bank accounts on his computer? This is not the relationship that she seems to think that it is. Now that she has snooped and gotten into his password protected computer, If he finds out, he may want to kick her to the curb.

[centillini]

communicate, it is hard I know. If you feel real bad, here is a suggestion, ask/rent a biporn and watch/discuss with him. That is the ice breaker, worked for my old g/f, we was in a relationship for 10 years. It can and does work, but have to communicate and establish boundries.

[dafydd]

The OP posted and left the site about seven minutes later. She has not signed in again.

I agree with Cat that this frequent postings by supposedly hetero women getting all upset about cheating bisexual men after accessing the guy's password protected computer etc. smells a bit. Like sexdreams states what was she doing on a craigslist for men to discover her "whole world" boyfriend on?

Since she posted and has not returned it seems trollish. She seems like an insecure if not sophmoric person if she sees him as her whole world. She also seems to lack respect for his boundaries. If he wants to keep his computer access private why does she think that it is suspicious? She seems like a controlling, possessive issue based person..if she is real.

ur reading way to much into her online activities. whats wrong with posting and then logging out? whats wrong with checking the site without logging in? whats wrong with being freaked out with this site as is? there so much freakery here. shes probably reading the thread without logging in and too embarrassed to be seen on here. all totally understandable. why does she have to not 'be real'?
u said that if 'he wants to keep his computer access private why does she think thats suspicious?'
yet ur totally suspicious of her because she hasn't logged in. i.e. keeping her site access private.
u don't have to log in to read the forums tenni. u guys sound more suspicious of her than she does of her partner. no wonder shes buggered off, if thats what shes done.

d

[tenni]

Some good points d re reading without logging on. I do that all the time. ;)

Still, it seems suspicious. Every month or so we hear from a hetero woman who has "somehow" accessed private areas of guys that are/were their whole world.

[bib4u]

I have no one to talk to and I need help handling that I just found out my boyfriend is bi. He doesn't know that I know, I came across his craigslist m4m postings by accident.

I love him and his is my whole world. We have been together for 2 years now. He treats me great, very attentive, loving and affectionate. He has just now introduced me to his father and some family. So I would like to think I'm important part of his life and he really loves me, just like I love him. I had never had better sex and been happier in my life ... until two days ago when I found out.

Now I have always been suspicious about him locking his pc and always password protecting any electronic device/communication etc. I now learned why. I feel cheated and betrayed. I'm sad that he lied so many times and for so long, especially after so many conversations about trust. I've been telling him that I feel that something is 'off' for some time, but he always says it's in my head and I just need to believe him.

I love him so much that i can't imagine living without him, I don't know how to handle this at all, and I don't want to lose him. I feel like my world just collapsed, I'm totally losing it. I decided not to confront him out of fury on the spot. For the last two days I've been trying to read online and learn what's best to do. This why I'm here now. I've read that people lie because of fear to lose your partner. Is this my case? Is there a future with him? How do I trust him, ever? How do I get him to tell me so maybe we can find the way to still be together? Please help

Since you said: "I feel cheated and betrayed. I'm sad that he lied so many times and for so long, especially after so many conversations about trust. I've been telling him that I feel that something is 'off' for some time, but he always says it's in my head and I just need to believe him." Then you already have your answer girl, you don't need someone that won't be honest with you..it's that simple..plenty of fish in the sea, time to go fishing! Forget about the past, you won't get over it otherwise..there are plenty of guys that will tell you they are bisexual or whatever..you don't need this baggage and all the other nonsense that goes with Craigslist,etc..don't be a marytr, free yourself when you LEARN things that will..free you!

[void()]

Since you said: "I feel cheated and betrayed. I'm sad that he lied so many times and for so long, especially after so many conversations about trust. I've been telling him that I feel that something is 'off' for some time, but he always says it's in my head and I just need to believe him." Then you already have your answer girl, you don't need someone that won't be honest with you..it's that simple..plenty of fish in the sea, time to go fishing! Forget about the past, you won't get over it otherwise..there are plenty of guys that will tell you they are bisexual or whatever..you don't need this baggage and all the other nonsense that goes with Craigslist,etc..don't be a marytr, free yourself when you LEARN things that will..free you!

Good bit of truth in your posting. :)


How do you as a straight woman run across a m4m posting on craigslist unless you yourself was looking for something?

Good truth in this question as well. What exactly was your rationale in visiting the M4M portion of craigslist? Seems logical something "triggered" you to do that.


The OP posted and left the site about seven minutes later. She has not signed in again.

I agree with Cat that this frequent postings by supposedly hetero women getting all upset about cheating bisexual men after accessing the guy's password protected computer etc. smells a bit. Like sexdreams states what was she doing on a craigslist for men to discover her "whole world" boyfriend on?

Since she posted and has not returned it seems trollish. She seems like an insecure if not sophmoric person if she sees him as her whole world. She also seems to lack respect for his boundaries. If he wants to keep his computer access private why does she think that it is suspicious? She seems like a controlling, possessive issue based person..if she is real.

I can agree with and see a bit of truth in this post. Maybe, her insecurity "triggered" the looking on M4M at craigslist?

My wife allows full access to her computer, cell phone, tablet. She has full access to my computer. We do have directories
which are encrypted, or at least labeled private. Neither of us snoops into the "private" directories. I think I may have a few adult
entertainment images in one, specifically of oral sex.

Point being, we're both human beings and grant one another the basic human dignity and right of privacy. So, I can agree
and see a lot of truth in this one.


ur reading way to much into her online activities. whats wrong with posting and then logging out? whats wrong with checking the site without logging in? whats wrong with being freaked out with this site as is? there so much freakery here. shes probably reading the thread without logging in and too embarrassed to be seen on here. all totally understandable. why does she have to not 'be real'?
u said that if 'he wants to keep his computer access private why does she think thats suspicious?'
yet ur totally suspicious of her because she hasn't logged in. i.e. keeping her site access private.
u don't have to log in to read the forums tenni. u guys sound more suspicious of her than she does of her partner. no wonder shes buggered off, if thats what shes done.

d

You all can quibble until the cows come home. Have a good one. :)

[twoforone16]

It took my husband quit awhile for my now husband to tell me that he was Bi. In fact he was about to break up with me rather than tell me. We both worked for the same company and he didn't want it to get out.
I am so glad that he did and we are still together. If anything ever happened to him I would only date Bi-men they are much better lovers and he treats better than any man I have ever been with.
Sue