Bi and Frustrated by Rejections

[BareProf]

I joined here hoping to meet up with a guy of similar traits, namely orally bi, married, physically fit and if possible, also a nudist. I've had intimate conversation and email with three guys that I thought I was truly connecting with both psychologically and sexually. All three have disappeared.

My wife and I have an account on SDC even though she insists she will no longer do MFM or foursomes. So in essence it's my account to surf and hopefully connect. I found a near by couple, both nudists and while he was listed as "straight" I was turned on my the photo of him, nude and erect. Taking a chance I wrote them. He read my note and replied that he too had noticed the similarity in our cocks and that, unknown to his wife, he enjoyed being blown by a guy. Soon we were online at the same time and he asked to do a video chat. Both of us being nude, soon we were masturbating as we talked of sex. He actually came on cam, something I had not seen another guy do with just me in ages. I have watched two men shoot on my hot wife in an MFM.

I continue. I wrote back, thanking him for the show and asked when we could meet. He has deleted all our mail and defrended us (me) on SDC.

Anyone have a cure for bisexual rejection? Yes, I'm depressed about it.

Davie in Florida

[virginia123]

I understand your frustration. There are all sorts of people on here. The best you can do is contact and chat with them and see where it goes. Just know that not everyone on here is completely honest. Sort them out as best you can and try not to get discouraged. I wll always respond to being contacted and will always tell it like it is for me. I just don't see ant reason for playing games. I to am frustrated because I am not free to act upon my desires for sex with other people especially men. I just remember that there is always tomorrow. Best wishes for your quest !

[Gearbox]

You really can't afford to let things like that depress you. No it's not very nice, but it happens, and you shouldn't take it personally.
Whatever reason he had to delete your mails and cancel your friendship status, you should realize that it obviously wasn't something you did. It's something that's going on with him. May even have been his wife, who may have found out what her hubby gets up to.
You just don't know, and it's often best to sigh and move on.:)

[12voltman59]

The one thing I have found with "bisexual rejection" by others---just like other forms of rejection--nine times out of ten, it is a problem they are having with themselves that causes it and it has nothing to do with you.....

I have to remind myself of that fact when it happens to me since it seems so easy to forget.

[1funguy]

Rejection happens out of many reasons ... all from the other side of the conversation. Look at it this way, every no gets you closer to a yes. That yes will be so worthwhile you'll forget all the others before.

[Coastocoast]

Many of us are looking for very specific things and there are things we do not want. If you are interested in safe sex only, someone who is single or is looking for a relationship and you find the person you are communicating with is not the person you are looking for or is after different things, it is likely time to move on. Do not take it personally when someone tells you this and says good luck to you. We all get frustrated with the disappearing act without explanation so remember how it feels and have the courtesy to let people know when things will not work for you. Keep trying and you will find what you are looking for.

[onesucker4u]

No One Has Ever followed thru with a meeting from here with me.

[ALAbiguy]

I wish I was closer to you ;)
I have had much the same experience meeting other bi guys and couples as you, a few e-mails or some chat and then nothing. I think most of the time it is married or deeply closeted guys that aren't really serious about it and don't want to take the chance on getting caught. They chicken out when it's time to actually go through with a meeting. In a perfect world nobody would lie about being married or not really being serious about eventually meeting, but that's not the way it is. I have learned to not take it personally when it happens (which is more times than not), and just move on. To be completely honest I have been on both sides of this situation, mostly when I was first coming to grips with my bisexuality though. Now I always try to be honest up front about my interest, or lack of interest. Sometimes even now if I get a bad vibe I will cut of contact suddenly, after all, safety is important these days. Like I tell myself all the time, keep trying. There aren't as many of us bi guys out there as there are straights or gays so we have to be more patient.

[Lynn731]

No cure, except to keep trying. I have noticed that a lot of guys just want a one time thing. I, on the other hand, want to meet a married bi guy, around my age, with which to have a long romantic relationship. Probably impossible. I ran an ad on craigslist, looking for a guy stressing friendship first. I got tons of replies, not a one even mentioned friendship. There has to be a frustrated bi married guy like me, whose wife has no interest in sex after the change. I am still horny a lot.

[Bisexual Explorer]

More than once what I thought were going to be interesting contacts disappeared after exchanging a few messages. Though disappointed, I figured this is just what happens. No big deal. I also figured that when I disappeared or dropped a contact (more than once I am embarrassed to admit) that everyone else would also see it as no big deal. Apparently not. So, first, I want to apologize to all those whom I have dropped contacts. Second, rather than disappearing, I will end a contact I am not interested in pursuing as politely and gently as I can.

Bisexual Explorer

[jamieknyc]

I did actually meet a guy from on here (successfully). But I have had several others disappear on me, even after talking about meeting, when it gets to be time to actually set it up.

[matutum]

most men are afraid that if they form a relationship with another guy that it will make them act gay. Also they don't want to be found out by their male friends who don't play around and be labled.

[NjbiGuy01]

NO pun intended, but you have to just keep plugging away....I've grown tired of the search to the point I'll pay for a male massage and some contact, rather than deal with people who play games. Too many people (here and elsewhere) that tell you how they are "real" and so forth, and you end up wasting time e-mailing, trading pics, and then they disappear...I've seen the same profile picture show up on a new profile and write them and usually the same thing happens. Seems like too many people like the fantasy of doing this, but cannot actually cross that imaginary line and really make it happen. It would not be appropriate to post the names of those who did this here, but there have been many......I would rather someone write and say "I changed my mind, not interested, met someone" even if it was false, at least there's some resolution and finality to it....

[Wynlvr1]

Me and my girlfriend have a similar problem. We are both bi and she loves it when we have MFM and I suck a cock or get fucked but even if we are lucky enough to find a third willing male they seem to be in it for my girlfriend and then they disappear. We do have an SDC profile but no luck yet. We go to swing clubs here in Fort Lauderdale but there is such a double standard when it comes to bi contact. All the women seem to be OK with it and the men are just phobic. :-( it would be nice to have a bi male or a couple to play with every once in a while...sigh....

[torguy4bifun]

Don't be frustrated. Most people on these types of sites don't actually meet. For whatever reason they talk about it but never really go through with it. It's like a game or some kind of ego boost for them. I am quite sure eventually you will find what you are looking for. Good luck

[Cherokee_Mountaincat]

I've only met a couple of folks from here, and one, outside of Rich, is a dear friend of mine. There are so many that I would Love to meet..and a couple that I'd pounce on and ravish in a heartbeat! lol.
Good luck out there Darlings, and dont give up. If they stand you up, its Their fallacy, not yours..:}
Hugzz
Cat

[onewhocares]

Well, I can say that I am the straight wife of a bi/gay man and we joined this site in 2005. Initially it was to find a man to become involved with hubby. I never thought that I, the straight spouse would be accepted. I was here for insight, understanding and hoping for guidence. I was most pleasantly surprise at the welcome I received. I met some wonderful people, bi, gay, and straight. I ended up joining hubby with some men, but for the most part when I was traveling for business years ago, I would have an opportunity to meet folks from this site just to meet them not to necessarliy to have set...sometimes there was chemistry and some playtime was involved. I can tell you that all the folks that I met were just as they portrayed. Some became lifelong friends who mean the world to me. I would suggest not to give up because someday you will find the needle in the haystack. Belle in Boston

[jamieknyc]

I have met Belle and her husband (strictly socially and nothing sexual, all you dirty minds out there) and I can vouch that they are great people.

[onewhocares]

Yes, and I can tell you all that Jaime is a true gentleman and we enjoyed meeting him. Belle

[elmwood7]

I think being bisexual on any site you need to not let stuff like that bother you. Don't give up just continue on. If I may ask what is SDC?

[BareProf]

"SDC" stands for Swingers Date Club. That and "AFF" Adult Friend Finder are the two largest online swinger organizations. When we indulged, we would draw from one or the other. There may be more bi guys on AFF. THeir chat room and Instant Messaging are user friendly.

Thanks to all for the encouragement. I still hope to meet a bi guy in the Tampa/Clearwater area.

[rlrtaz]

You know it is nice too be able to connect or meet a guy or gal on here, But just remember most are on here because they are horney and will say anything... I mainly get onhere to chat and if the right guy get it on using cyber. I have found that with the right guy it is quite rewarding.

[elian]

Hmm, I've met a few "friends" on this site - 2 out of 4 were in the same state and only one was what I would consider "local". Out of the two where relationships were involved I've only kept up with one of them....the other was too far away and the circumstances changed. Of course, I never joined this site with the expectation of hooking up - that's not really what this site seems to be about. It seems more like a "family" support site.

I am writing through because I do feel frustrated, not just with this site but with all of the relationships I've managed to form. I'm a little weird, a little shy and it isn't very easy for me to make friends - when I do, they are likely to be friends for a long time. The few women I've genuinely loved I didn't feel like i could approach. The few men I've dated, most of them don't seem all that interested. I don't know if they don't think I'm being authentic or what.. Maybe I'm just not patient enough but at this point I have to say, who really likes "feminine" boys? I can only be myself. I'd like to be able to tell you I'm giving up and going straight - but that wouldn't be who I am either.

I'm getting really tired, none of my friends are in this area, most of my family are in different states now, just about the only thing left is a good job. Friends at work are nice too, but none of those are lovers either. I know that being in an intimate relationship is no guarantee of happiness but I get really, really tired of being a good friend to everyone and a lover to none.

People in this state just seem ignorant, rude and always in a hurry, I'm not sure I belong here any more. I preach compassion, love, tolerance - I'm just tired - you know what my "fantasy" is - just to be loved - that's it. Deeply, genuinely loved..I know that there are no knights in shining armor all the time.

This was interesting to read..

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/anger.htm

[elian]

So if we all dream of being intimately loved, what is it that separates us, what makes us afraid to share love?

A dream is a poor substitute for the real thing.

[Bi Nudist Male]

Part of problem may be that the reply has to go through Yahoo…and it's hard to get a message to you. Remember me? I'm still interested...

Been trying to figure out how to reply to our earlier talks.

Mike.

[Dimitri]

Well I have found many of the people on this site dismissive, rude and frankly quite crass - none of this particularly bothers me it is simply an observation. I personally joined to cht with people, have an exchange of ideas, I would enjoy getting to know you , not in an intimate way but on a friend basis - when chat is back on let's give it a whirl. No one here are perfect and I keep in mind that like in real life there are some very nice people, but also the complete opposite.

[cuttin2dachase]

I've met only one person from this site. He is a bi married man and we hit it off immediately. He lived just 25 miles from me and we were able to hook up and play 6 times over a 1 year period. I lived alone and he could only visit when his family and work schedules allowed. Each time was better than the last because we both enjoyed trying new things in addition to the fun things we already liked doing. Neither of us were looking for love or emotional attachment, but we did both enjoy no-strings romance and sex together. Both of us met other men when we could and there was no jealousy or hurt feelings. We both enjoyed telling each other about other "boyfriends" and details on the sex we had with them. It got us both so oohot for each other ! I relocated 500 miles away and we remain good friends although we chat only once every 3 or 4 months. I have met between 20 and 25 men from other sites and all but 3 of them were one-time meets. Of the one-time hookups, there were only 3 of those guys I would have liked having as semi-regular partners/lovers. I never felt rejected by any man who didn't want to meet me or who didn't want to meet me a second time. I moved on and sought new prospects.

This is not meant as a criticism, but those looking for true love, LTRs or exclusivity on sex sites are bound to be disappointed and more likely to be hurt and feel rejected. You must have patience and accept the fact that most bi men (especially married bi men) are not looking for anything more than one-time hookups with a variety of men. If you keep looking long enough, you will meet some nice men who are looking for the same things you are looking for.

[BiCuriousVAN]

What I have found (not here, but other sites) is that there are a lot of posers. They think they might be bi-curious, but when it comes to meeting, they aren't ready. I find this especially true for anal. I have met a few people for oral, but have never been able to find somebody interested in trying anal. I guess I need to find somebody is is actually bi and not bi-curious and go from there.

[cuttin2dachase]

I love making out, touching, stroking and hot mutual oral sex, but am not into anal. It certainly limits the pool of local bi men who might be interested in meeting me. Most ads I read on sex sites are desirous of anal sex, so I do not contact those men. My site profiles state my preferences, yet I still get contacted by men who tell me I don't know what I'm missing by not going all the way and topping or bottoming. The problem of posers/fakes/pic collectors online goes with the territory . Experienced men can quickly weed them out, but most bi newbies and bi curious guys must go through the learning curve before they are successful at hooking up. It takes time and patience to meet the right partner/s but it is very rewarding and worth the wait for those bi or bicurious guys who are patient and sincere about meeting.

[NjbiGuy01]

I joined here hoping to meet up with a guy of similar traits, namely orally bi, married, physically fit and if possible, also a nudist. I've had intimate conversation and email with three guys that I thought I was truly connecting with both psychologically and sexually. All three have disappeared. Anyone have a cure for bisexual rejection? Yes, I'm depressed about it.
Davie in Florida

Ah Davie, that is the mantra of this lifestyle and our age it seems....I've spoken to numerous couples and/or men to hopefully establish some kind of relationship. Everyone talks a great game initially (when and if you actually reach them and start an exchange) but for one reason or another they seem to vaporize eventually. I'm on SLS as well as Silver-Daddies and here. Dunno, maybe it's the internet age. I tried Craig's list (pretty scary and filled with "regulars" who post daily which is scary) and even put a little tag line on my e-mails "kindly respond even if not interested, just so I know my mail went through". Few seem to respond, even when I'm exactly what the ad says they want !!! I get the couple situation. I'm sorta an average unicorn and most couples want porn-hung, are not into bi, or get buried in responses from younger hunger closer you name it....Even some people here that were kind enough to engage in some serious chats, sent pictures, I even spoke to the guys wife on the phone, and then they simply stop responding. Now they are on another website from which they don't respond either.

I remain hopeful that I'll cross paths with the right situation and it might last. Just like you....:tongue:

[matutum]

you couldn't pay me to live on the easy coast, you are right about how people act there, not just in your state but surrounding area, I live in rural Nevada, I have become a private person because of the fakes and flakes, I have only 3 people out side of family that come to my house, I stopped trusting people after Vietnam, I have had lots of aquaintences but no real friends, I have a male friend and we hook up every so often, other wise a huge % of people and especially men are flakes, one guy I talked to wants to be anonamous (sp), he wants to be sucked but doesn't want anyone to see him, he wants a glory hole, I told him I need to see what u look like before we do anything, the rest is like Russian roulette

[Hypersexual11]

I know this thread is aging but I thought I'd show a bright side. I was e-mailing a guy I contacted thru SLS. We made a few dates but for one reason or another we never connected. At one point, when we had made a date to meet that evening, he disappeared. No contact for months, then one day out of the blue I get an e-mail. Without going on forever, because this is a very long story, we met for drinks Monday night at our house. I wasn't going to go anywhere to meet a previous flake. He showed up and was like a zombie. We could not get him to open up with more than one word responses. We were about to give up as he was finishing his 3rd beer, which was the magic number because he finally loosened up and we stated to like him. So the next day, yesterday, I called him and asked if he would like to come back after work. He did want to, he showed up, we had an amazing mmf. Sometimes it works out. Looks like he may be an ltr

[newlynymphos]

Haven't met anyone from this site, but SLS (Swing LifeStyle) has been a successful swinging outlet, for nude and bi swinging :)

[FunCouple619]

Don't be to bothered by it. I talk to so many men that are actually on fantasizing and will never actually make the yummy leap. We also have an account on AFF and that one is super busy,but that is my wife on that one and she has no issues getting men. REAL bisexual men are tough to come by even here.

[Realist]

I agree with Hyper............patience will often produce excellent results.

In my 20s, I knew a married couple for over two years, before I was invited to live with them. That may have been one of the best relationships I ever had!

Another connection began slowly, but turned out to be an excellent union of 7 years.

I knew one fellow for over 6 years, before we began an intimate relationship. It lasted over 10 years and ended only because I retired and moved.

See what I mean?

[matutum]

agree!!!!!!!!!!

[zigzig]

I can agree that many people chicken out of meeting someone from Internet. I met my husband through a dating site I was on for 3 years. I chatted with many people, but my husband was the only one I actually met from there in real life. Guess with other sites it is the same that you have to chat with many people to meet a special one.