Bisexual - Faithfull ?

[Haemoglobin]

even when i now risk a bad image , i gotta say that i find it pretty hard to stay faithfull , and thats surely maybe because i like guys and girls .

I think that its not only a bad saying but that bisexuals are maybe the most unfaithfull people in a relationship right .
I mean if youre dating (or are married to) a person whos straight how will you ever satisfy your needs - hello ?
so i ask myself . am i the only one with a big "beeing faithfull" problem ?

personally i would wish that my man and i could live together with a lesbian women really - that would be lots of fun i guess . id do it :bibounce: :tong:
he thinks then it would be crowded and none of us has fun but he likes watchin anyways and so we'll see about that . . the last word isnt spoken yet . . :bigrin: joking . .

so , i thought we should bring up the topic of beeing faithfull(or not) . . and maybe some even have figured out how to be faithfull and still satisfied - then tell me , cause i havent :(

[Brian]

Wow, we are hitting all the difficult topics today! :)

I think it's important to define "faithful". And I define it as following the mutually-agreed-to rules set out by all the parties in the relationship. Assuming that we are talking about a man and woman to start then I think they need to set some rules, in otherwords define for themselves what it means to be faithful. Is it okay for the bi one of the couple to sleep with people of the same sex? opposite sex? Is it only acceptable if the partner is present (threesomes or more)? Is it okay for the straight one to sleep with a person of the opposite sex (oooh, good question!)? And so on. And then "faithful" means being honest with one another and following those rules.

That's my take on it.

- Drew :paw:

[Long Duck Dong]

faithful or bisexual or both lol

its actually possible to be faithful and bisexual.... but it requires a little forward thinking

in the case of a bisexual male, its possible to have a female partner use a strap on on a male, if he is just after the feel of being fk'ed.... but in the case of a female bisexual... its a lil harder lol

the differcult thing is the decision for a bisexual... to be in a relationship or not... and it quickly identifies the different types of bisexual....you have the sexual bisexual who likes sex with both genders and the * true * bisexual, who needs and wants the full commitment of both genders in a relationship, as well as the sexual side of things

i, myself are a * true * bisexual... so I remain out of relationships as I struggle in a one on one relationship and tho I dearly long for a relationship, I respect people and would much rather stay out of a relationship rather than run the risk of betraying and hurting a partner that loves me, due to my biseuxal needs, wants and desires
the trouble with a dual relationship, is that cos of my mental and emotional bisexual sides ( male and female ) there is a lot of fighting and discomfort caused by my bisexual sides growing jealous and vengeful of the partners int he relationship, and the other people in the relationship suffer, cos of my bisexuality

any bisexual in a relationship, can be regarded as selfish, as they are saying to their partner " i love you and want you, but i want another as well, so you have to decide if i am important enuf to you, for you to allow me to sleep with other people " and the whole aspect of love faithfulness and loyalty goes out the window

[Lisa (va)]

Well, as Drew pointed out being faithful and being monogamous may or may not be different. Folks tend to define their bisexuality in their own terms: for instance myself - I think of being bisexual in the terms that the feelings towards another person should not be based or restricted due to the persons gender. Also note that as well as a person defining their sexuality for themselves it is also important to set guidelines within their marriage (sexual or otherwise). What may work for one person (or couple) may or may not work for another. It's up to the two of you to come up with a solution that is equally suitable for you both.

Lisa

hugs n kisses

[Haemoglobin]

when i said "faithfull" i meant apart from the rules that have been set . if its ok that you have sex with someone else then its no betrayal , then youre still "faithfull" in my opinion , only i wouldnt use this word .

anyways , i just experienced that i can only be faithfull if not a nice girl cumes up and i have a chance to spend a great night . if theres any chance i can have her i would just tell my man , you know what , im having late class tonight or whatever to get to the girl .
and thats kinda sad , but true . beeing faithfull isnt my strongest talent , luckily :rolleyes: but well , what can i say . im in love with both genders equally . i just go nuts if i cant have both , and i cannot be like described above - not in a relationship just cause im like i am , i need the love and comfort of a relationship .

i always tell myself that its not bad cause its not another guy or another girl , its another gender and so the betrayal gets kinda less , makes me feel better as cruel as it sounds . .

[canuckotter]

Different people have different needs. I know a few bisexuals (myself included) who have no more problems being faithful (and monogamous, for that matter) than straight people do. I also know others who simply can't do it, no matter how hard they try. I can stay monogamous with a woman, but I think if I were in a relationship with a man I'd need to have at least the occasional encounter with a woman too or I'd go crazy. I need women, I like men. If that makes sense. :)

You should probably try to figure out what you need, and work from there. If you need women and your partner can't handle that... it's time for a new partner. But if you only really want women and your partner can't handle that, then you need to figure out whether your partner's more important than having fun with the occasional woman. If your partner's OK with it, then great, no problems. But personally, I'd recommend not cheating. Don't lie to your partner. Live your life honestly. In the long run, it's a lot easier, healthier, and happier for everyone.

[vip2469]

I have no problem being faithfull. As a bi male with a wonderful str8 wife we have very simple rules. I never meet men alone. We enjoy MMF so we look for men we both can enjoy. I may meet a guy for coffee and if I am interested, my wife will meet him. If she say's yes than it's party time. If not the seach begins again.
I very much enjoy men. I think about MM often, However I will not give up a wonderful long term relationship with my wife for any man.

[arana]

I think saying you cannot be "faithful" because you're bisexual is an excuse. Any person can be faithful or not, it's a choice. Don't lock yourself into a relationship that forces you to cheat if you know you have uncontrolable urges you know you must satisfy. It's not fair to either person.
I've known a lot of "straight" cheaters so sexual preferance does not preclude to being "faithful". It's the person themselves that determines this.

[wildangel]

I think saying you cannot be "faithful" because you're bisexual is an excuse. Any person can be faithful or not, it's a choice. Don't lock yourself into a relationship that forces you to cheat if you know you have uncontrolable urges you know you must satisfy. It's not fair to either person.
I've known a lot of "straight" cheaters so sexual preferance does not preclude to being "faithful". It's the person themselves that determines this.

Through the entire thread, I was thinking the same thing myself, Arana. My husband and I have set rules that most people would see as "cheating". But it's my understanding that cheating means breaking the rules [in a nutshell]. If the rules say we don't have to have sex exclusively with each other, then how would it be breaking the rules to have sex with another woman? There are rules inside of that, though, such as we both meet the other's partner (for safety reasons mostly) and get along with them, and that there is nothing behind the other's back.

It has worked well for us. I have fulfilled my bi urges to be with another woman and I have no need to be unfaithful to my husband in doing so. However, if my husband had not been okay with me being intimate with another woman, it would not have happened. That being said, I also value my independence and most likely would not have married him if I had thought our marriage would have been a 'Pat Robertson' marriage. :bigrin:

[Giggler26881]

In an ideal world faithful should indeed mean the non breaking of any pre-set rules given by the people involved in that said relationship. However sadly although we have evolved quite a lot to except gay/lesbian/bisexual tendancies in people society still seems to promote faithful as one on one and complete commitment to that cause. Religion doesnt help build this ideal world either as many religions are led from completely monogamous heterosexual relationships, they dont allow for any exceptions to the rule.

People who deem faithful as a one on one only thing have a very hard time understanding my marriage.

I am bicurious/bisexual and my husband is straight, as well as me as his wife he has a girlfriend who he loves very much. I dont deem anything the two of them do as unfaithful as I have been informed of everything from the word go and have a friendship with his other partner. I have often stayed with them both when he goes to visit. In my ideal world my husbands girlfriend would also be bisexual and the three of us would have all our needs fullfilled but sadly thats not the case.

I have yet to find another partner of my own in order to have my first bisexual experience but I know that when I do my husband will have no issue with it nor will he feel as though I am being unfaithful as I will be as honest and open about whats going on as he is and has been with his partner.

Everyones idea of what they deem a happy relationship is different and therefore there will always be differing opinions on what faithful actually is.
As long as everything is done with full consent of everyone involved and nothing kept from each other then I see nothing unfaithful about it.

[jedinudist]

Wow, we are hitting all the difficult topics today! :)

I think it's important to define "faithful". And I define it as following the mutually-agreed-to rules set out by all the parties in the relationship. Assuming that we are talking about a man and woman to start then I think they need to set some rules, in otherwords define for themselves what it means to be faithful. Is it okay for the bi one of the couple to sleep with people of the same sex? opposite sex? Is it only acceptable if the partner is present (threesomes or more)? Is it okay for the straight one to sleep with a person of the opposite sex (oooh, good question!)? And so on. And then "faithful" means being honest with one another and following those rules.

That's my take on it.

- Drew :paw:


That's our "take" on it as well. Pure and total honesty up front and above board! And we are fatihful :)

[CountryLover]

How timely for me.

Y'all can wish me happy - my sweetheart and I are officially engaged now. We're so thrilled to have found each other.

One of the issues that I've had to deal with is monogamy. HE, even as a bi man, is very monogamous....I haven't been monogamous in over 10 years. It's been a real struggle for me to adapt. I normally have a couple male lovers and one female lover at a time.

I already have a beautiful lady friend, we just celebrated our one year anniversary as lovers and friends. She fulfills a very important need in me, my bisexual side that was ignored and shoved aside for most of my life. I'm not about to give her up. Then I met my sweetheart.

What to do?

Thankfully, after some consideration, he was able to adapt to my having a bi lover. He told me he's realized she is not a threat to "US", but instead a part of the person he loves. I'm not out looking for quickies with strangers, but settled into a loving relationship with one woman.

He's always been very monogamous, maintaining only one relationship at a time. I'm the first woman in his life to have offered him the open door to having both.

Why do I struggle to adapt? Because it pleases him, first - gives him the security and safe place he needs - and second, I know this is the healthiest and best way to have a deeply emotionally fulfilling relationship with him, and I need that most of all.

[LouiseBrookslover]

I can't say that I'm exactly a "credit to my race". ;)

[arana]

How timely for me.

Y'all can wish me happy - my sweetheart and I are officially engaged now. We're so thrilled to have found each other.

One of the issues that I've had to deal with is monogamy. HE, even as a bi man, is very monogamous....I haven't been monogamous in over 10 years. It's been a real struggle for me to adapt. I normally have a couple male lovers and one female lover at a time.

I already have a beautiful lady friend, we just celebrated our one year anniversary as lovers and friends. She fulfills a very important need in me, my bisexual side that was ignored and shoved aside for most of my life. I'm not about to give her up. Then I met my sweetheart.

What to do?

Thankfully, after some consideration, he was able to adapt to my having a bi lover. He told me he's realized she is not a threat to "US", but instead a part of the person he loves. I'm not out looking for quickies with strangers, but settled into a loving relationship with one woman.

He's always been very monogamous, maintaining only one relationship at a time. I'm the first woman in his life to have offered him the open door to having both.

Why do I struggle to adapt? Because it pleases him, first - gives him the security and safe place he needs - and second, I know this is the healthiest and best way to have a deeply emotionally fulfilling relationship with him, and I need that most of all.
Congratulations Country!!! Sounds like you have a good man there. He must love you very much to give you what you need and set aside his ideals of monogamous. I hope it all works out for you. I know once the ring is on sometimes personalities change so best of luck to you.

[Azrael]

I always have been. That said, this was one of the reasons I eventually split with my lover. It just completely stabbed me a million ways. In retrospect, however I wish I could have gotten over it while I was with her. It wasn't until after we were over that I finally found the testicular fortitude to forgive her, and it was too late. If I had, perhaps we could have salvaged the relationship. I still have a low opinion of cheating, but at a certain point you have to let everything go or it'll just destroy you. As for other bisexuals I can't say, as I don't really know many outside the interweb universe.

[Rhuth]

Is it okay for the straight one to sleep with a person of the opposite sex (oooh, good question!)?*giggles* I was comfortable with that one before I was comfortable calling myself bisexual! I guess the jealousy connection in my brain never developed or something. You should have seen what I got him for our seventh anniversary! Seven year itch? Here ya go! Bye!

I was actually surprised to see this posted by a woman, Haemoglobin. I assumed most guys, like my husband, would react to the idea of their woman sleeping with another woman with excitement. Is this not as common as I thought?

I do have one difficulty with our loyalty arrangement though. Our agreement is that I have the green light with women, but a red light with men. With men, his jealousy connection is working just fine thank you! That's fine. His feelings are to be respected, and I do. It's just hard to turn off flirting with people when half the people I am attracted to are okay to flirt with.

Pretty girl crossing the street: GO!

Girl at the checkout counter smiles: GO!

Guy bagging the same groceries behind her smiles: GOP!

[Haemoglobin]

well , i think im maybe only the only woman who finally can say that also we have "beeing faithfull" problems . not only guys are cheaters . dont get me wrong . . i wouldnt call myself exactly a cheater , but hmm well , lets leave that out .

also its not true that every guy likes watchin two women having sex and second , who says that they are even supposed to watch or be there at all . personally i dont nessecarily need a guy there to turn me on , for what ?

and i think that most problem is , and people dont get that , is that when you are with a cheater you wouldnt know that , so anyone who strongly believes "my wife/husband is faithfull" maybe is wrong even .
I mean how come that im the only one finding it hard to stay with one partner .

and it DOES have smth to do with bisexuality ! i mean its different to betray your guy with another one , or if you do it with a woman i guess and its also for different reasons .

my man does allow me to sleep with other women , but only if hes arround mostly and sometimes i would just feel like spending some quality time with a woman alone . . no crime there , , but then , well its cheating .
i dont know . i think more people than maybe here say have the same issues , and are cheating themselves or beeing cheated on . i cant possibly really be the only one who thinks about this topic .

but what i knew is , im the bad girl now :eek: :bigrin:

[csrakate]

I do hate that this subject continues to come up and from what I am reading...the lot of you are perpetuating the myth that bisexuals are unable to maintain a monogamous relationship. Is that a true assessment of all bisexuals?..I think not.

From my understanding...the understanding that I have had after 26 years of marriage to a bisexual male, is that yes..at times he fantasizes and imagines himself with another man...but when push comes to shove...and please do excuse me for that imagery....when the time comes for loving and consensual sex, he turns to me....not because he HAS to ..but because he desires to. That is what a loving and nurturing relationship is all about. And yes..we may share desires and fantasies about others while having sex..but we do have sex together...we share those fantasies together...lovingly and quite often, very physically.

So...pardon me if I take exception to the rule here...I just don't think that monogamy and exclusivity need to be traits of hetero sex only....sorry..just my personal experience and my two cents worth.

Hugs,
Kate

[Rhuth]

Wow. Sorry to have offended you, Kate. I thought this thread was intended for those of us who had decided against monogamy. Are you chastising us for making that decision with our significant others, or are you chastising us for openly talking about when we have difficulties? Do you feel that monogamy and exclusivity are necessary for a healthy loving relationship? Are you suggesting that those of us who do follow the poly bi stereotype are not welcome here so that bisexuality can no longer be muddled?

[csrakate]

Rhuth,
I am not chastising anyone nor am I touting my particular situation as the best way to live...I am merely saying that many unknowing people automatically assume that bisexuals are promiscuous and unable to live a monogamous lifestyle and I guess I just wanted to say that it isn't necessarily so. I have no issue with how you or anyone chooses to live their life and I will always defend anyone's right to do so. I also would NEVER suggest that anyone does not belong here for how they choose to live...if that were the case, then what am I doing here as a straight woman?

I am sorry if my comments came across as chatisement...that was far from my intention...and I will be the first to admit that I am perhaps a bit touchy when it comes to this subject LOL!

Sorry if I offended...that was that last thing that I meant to do.

Hugs,
Kate

[Rhuth]

*hugs Kate* I'm sorry I got offended so easily! Lol Not sure what came over me. It's good to know I'm not being judged here. Thanks for clarifying it for me.

/Rhuth

[KatieBi]

Well, I opened this thread expecting conversations regarding the widely encountered stereotype that bisexuals have trouble being faithful/monogomous.

And then found out it was about having trouble being faithful as a bi person, lol (no offense meant in my laughter). An interesting surprise, but I also wanted to add my "balancing" voice to this discussion for those non-bi partners who also participate in these forums - I personally don't think my bisexuality has made it more difficult to be faithful than it would be for any non-bi person, and I am one of the many (I suspect) bisexuals who not only *can* but also only *want* to be in a committed, monogomous relationship.

[arana]

when i said "faithfull" i meant apart from the rules that have been set . if its ok that you have sex with someone else then its no betrayal , then youre still "faithfull" in my opinion , only i wouldnt use this word . . .
I still stand by, it's the person not the sexual preferrence that drives them to do what they want. Bisexuals and Gays get a bad rap for doing something that EVERY group does.

[DÆMØN]

And then "faithful" means being honest with one another and following those rules.

That's my take on it.

- Drew :paw:

Yepsie's, just as Drew has pointed out above. You also might consider taking a page or two from Polyamorous lifestyles and apply some of those "ethics" to your faithfulness indoctrination.
:bigrin: A little honesty goes a LONG ways in the world of LOVE and TRUST. Being upfront about things and being ethical about it WILL help make life in general with your partner(s)/playmate(s) fulfilling and give added real value to your relationship style for all concerned and you'll be happier for it. Why complicate life unneccessarily.

[Azrael]

I still stand by, it's the person not the sexual preferrence that drives them to do what they want. Bisexuals and Gays get a bad rap for doing something that EVERY group does.
Exactly. Dishonest people are dishonest people, period.

[LouiseBrookslover]

I never was unfaithful during my marriage. I always thought I eventually WOULD be....I'm not, well, very "full of faith" in myself. Oh, to my surprise when my strictly hetero Catholic schoolgirl wife was the first to cheat.

[AndrogynousLuv]

An interesting topic indeed...especially for a bisexual like myself. I respect all aspects of all sexualities in their choices. But I must admit and this probably has all to do with my choice of remaining single for so long out of choice that though I would love to become part of a "devoted committed" situation with someone, I am not certain any longer whether I could resist prevent myself from experiencing the joy of being sexual with the same sex though I would be in love with a woman. There is no doubt that I can love completely that one individual but to say that love is not complete unless I am only giving myself sexually to one and only one person is not necessarily true. Again, as many have already indicated, each person has to define this one for themselves. I think it is dangerous territory to tread in defining that in others. For instance, just because someone has sex with several people, does that really mean that they love their primary lover any less? ? Some will rush to answer this question and will answer right from the gut. And that's okay....it doesn't make any one person right or wrong. We all set our own parameters with these things. I don't doubt that those who are committed to only one person and no longer stray outside that love each other. But I think it must be mentioned in all fairness that it is also not only very possible but a reality that those who choose to have several lovers of the flesh and friendships can also have the "One" that means the most to them and it's understood that this person means more to them than all the others. It's a difficult one to grasp when one is in the midst of either one and only one person commitments or whatever else such as deciding together that on ocassion they will share some individuals, and all the other possible combinations that bisexuals live. It is so easy to say that those who choose to continue in casual sex or to have the freedom to experience lovers while committing devotion to one person (with their approval and awareness) haven't a clue as to what it means to love deeply. From the outside, it does appear to be very selfish...but is it really????....this is a very difficult topic. Again, it's something that each one and each couple have to define for themselves.

[Nara_lovely]

Being faithful or unfaithful is based on the person, not the orientation.

Is that the nutshell?