Settling a hetero "swinger" question . . . .

[wifeandibi]

Ok, so here it is . . . .its not really a problem, but a discussion we had last night. My wife and I are Bi, which, for the purposes of this discussion is irrelevant, however we are participants in the "swinger" lifestyle. So here is the issue:

I (the male half) have pronounced sexual interest in our next door neighbor, who is female and as a result, we have had sex. Thus far, only one on one, although my wife nor my neighbor is opposed to the others presences

Our OTHER neighbor, across the street, male and married would very much like to have sex with my wife, to which I am not opposed, however, it would be without his wifes knowledge, which as far as I'm concerned, is between him and his wife, and I don't really care.

The problem lies with the guy across the street. He will let my wife lay in his lap, he will feel her up, he'll kiss her and he'll stick his hand in her pants, but not go beyond the waistline, so here's the question:

He is not happy in his marriage, knows she is cheating on him, but will not go the distance with my wife given the chance. Now, my wife and I have an understanding and we are all good, but what do you think we should say to the guy across the street?

Obviously, he would very much love to fuck my wife, and he is more than welcome, in fact it has even been suggested that he can do so in the same room while I and our female neighbor do the same, but it is not required.

To make things clear, my wife is willing to fuck him, but really doesn't care if he doesn't, so honestly, it is just a "would be fun thing" for her but whatever if he doesn't.

I suppose what I am asking here is, not so much if he should fuck my wife, but if he should just loosen up, open his eyes and take control of his life.

I guess the sex stuff was just for visuals and the "girl next door" is damn sure a hell of a lot of fun, so some slight braggin' goin' on there.

Let me know what you think . . . .

EJ

[ambi53mm]

Without knowing all of the extenuating circumstances, it’s hard to form an opinion. People explore the “swinger lifestyle” for a variety of reasons and as you know there are many couples that won’t tolerate or entertain cheating spouses. It’s not that they have an issue with expressing their sexuality, but do have an issue with enabling someone to cheat. There are also many couples that don’t go along with the philosophy of “What’s good for the goose, is good for the gander”.We all move into the sexual arena at a different pace and for different reasons and have to weigh the consequences of our actions. Perhaps he is in more control than would appear to someone who embraces their sexual explorations with less inhibition.
If your wife is content with his non-action at this point and he’s expressed no desire to take it any further at this time, then really that’s their choice. Once you’ve opened up certain doors and walked through, there’s no turning back what’s been done. It’s hard to know the complexity of another’s mindset but time usually will reveal all :2cents:

Ambi :)

[softfruit]

He is not happy in his marriage, knows she is cheating on him, but will not go the distance with my wife given the chance.
.....
I suppose what I am asking here is, not so much if he should fuck my wife, but if he should just loosen up, open his eyes and take control of his life.


Could be. But maybe he doesn't want to - or maybe he already has.

Thing is, in a sexually-focused forum like this it's easy to wind up thinking the most important thing in a marriage is getting the sex right. I'm not knocking that :D but maybe he's just not that sexually motivated, or his marriage vows of fidelity still carry some more weight for him than for his wife. Maybe the home life ticks along good or bad, but the things that are really important to him are spiritual or creative or work-life.

Could be that sorting out his love life, either by going "all the way" with someone other than his wife, or by getting out of that marriage, will make him happier in the long run. But might be it'd be an awful lot worse for him with the uncertainty of how his wife would respond to infidelity or how he would deal with divorce processes, making new living arrangements and such.

But it's a decision for him and/or his wife to make in their own time, and one of those things where a friend who tries to push things along rarely gets thanked.

[anne27]

Maybe he just doesn't want to cheat on his wife. I'd look elsewhere for a playmate. :2cents:

My hubby and I have had a fair amount of playmates, but we don't play with married people without their spouses consent. Part of it's pure morality, but there's also a fair amount of personal safety thrown in for good measure. Where we live, it's not at all uncommon for jealous spouses to be toting shotguns. ;)

[pete333]

I guess I would simply say that if he won't go all the way becuase he doesn't want to cheat, then that is his decision. For example, my wife considers cheating going all the way with another man, without my knowledge or approval, and the same for me. So, maybe he sees it as all the other stuff being fun, and going further being is cheating, which sounds like what his wife is doing, which he may view negatively.


If thats the way he sees it, I would say it is comendable.

That said, he should probably do something about his situation if his wife is trully the bad person that she seems to be from your post.

Take care! Pete

[Diane54]

Putting the fun aside - the ramifications could carry serious consequences :2cents:

[Nara_lovely]

You two know where you satnd, openly discuss things, trust each other and it's all good...wow!

The factors of doubt are with reactions of other people who don't communicate as openly, honestly, or without absolute trust.

That's where the problems will arise, if any of those other parties decide it will not/should not/ or should not have happened. That's when the emotional reactions explode.

I feel...that there must be total honesty with another couple involved. BOTH need to know and give approval. That's my view anyway.

[Sparks]

Just one mans opinion. . . The closeness of a man and a woman is the most passionate and sensual of experiences. I know that I could never let another man just fuck my mate, nor would I want a woman that is interested in me fucking another woman. I believe in the intamacy of MF relationships.

Nevertheless, I have no problem with her having a female friend emotinally and sexually. And, I'd like the same in return. As far as swining goes, for me, it would be about two couples getting together as friends. Dinner, etc. Then we share same sex sex. She with the woman, and I with the man. :2cents: