Mum, I spent last night......

[innaminka]

How to make the tummy churn.......
This morning I received a text from my older (23 yr old) daughter, who has been living independently for over 2 years.
My daughters and I have had some pretty frank discussions on sex, starting well before puberty, but have always kept them within certain boundaries.
They both live away from home and although I now have a completely new life with a new lady, they are fully supportive of my sexuality.

To the tummy churn

The text read (quote) Mum, spent last night with another girl. Very nice. :) (her smiley) It answered a lot of things about you. I am NOT gay! Don't tell ******** (sister)

My reply was simply. Thanx for telling me. I'm happy for you, see you next Friday.

I'm gay! I live with a wonderful lady in a sexually active lesbian relationship, yet why did my tummy churn?
Why, deep down am I perhaps worried she might be gay?????????
Which of course matters not a whit!!!

The mind and inbuilt expectations certainly can play havoc.

Have any other Mums or Dads experienced anything like my reaction? which I admit borders on hypocrisy, even though my head says "so what?"

[Young pussy and dope]

It's because you have internalized biphobia or homophobia and have issues about your lesbian sexuality. Yeah it is hypocrisy on your part.

[DuckiesDarling]

How to make the tummy churn.......
This morning I received a text from my older (23 yr old) daughter, who has been living independently for over 2 years.
My daughters and I have had some pretty frank discussions on sex, starting well before puberty, but have always kept them within certain boundaries.
They both live away from home and although I now have a completely new life with a new lady, they are fully supportive of my sexuality.

To the tummy churn

The text read(quote) Mum, spent last night with another girl. Very nice. :) (her smiley) It answered a lot of things about you. I am NOT gay! Don't tell ******** (sister)

My reply was simply. Thanx for telling me. I'm happy for you, see you next Friday.

I'm gay! I live with a wonderful lady in a sexually active lesbian relationship, yet why did my tummy churn?
Why, deep down am I perhaps worried she might be gay?????????
Which of course matters not a whit!!!

The mind and inbuilt expectations certainly can play havoc.

Have any other Mums or Dads experienced anything like my reaction? which I admit borders on hypocrisy, even though my head says "so what?"

Hon, I think you have the same reaction any parent who cares about their children would have. You know what you went through on your journey to your current life and you want to not see her have the same rocky path. It's a common thing for parents to want to cushion things for their children but all you can do is just continue to be her sounding board and let her live her life while supporting quietly.

[Coastocoast]

I think many of us would feel the same. It has been hard for many of us to come to terms with same sex relationships as it can make life more difficult on many fonts due to society. Although I would support my kids no matter what they choose, in my heart I think life would likely be easier on them if the are straight in 2013. I like you want them to be happy no matter what they choose but I think their world might be less complicated as straight and you may have some of these same thoughts.

[hasty1]

I would like to thank you so much for writing this post. I'm the straight partner of a bi man, and it has been difficult at times, but on reading your post and considering my likely reactions to the same event I have had a light bulb moment. I spent several hours overnight letting your post settle in my mind, imagining how I would feel if it were to be either of my kids. My honest answer is that I would be thrilled that they had experimented early on while single, that I would have felt proud that I was the person they confided in and that I would have found ways to help and guide them to an honest truth for themselves. I was thinking that I have no doubt that either of my kids could form a lasting relationship in the future, based on whatever they decided was desirable and best for them and their partner. In fact, it still might happen, my daughter is married but my son is still quietly single at 28, he seems to be happy alone and I think I struggle with this rather than the idea that he could be gay or bi.

But then I thought about my insecurities with my own relationship, which suddenly seemed ridiculous. My man is bi, he loves me and we have a plan, whatever made me feel insecure about that? I'm in a good place at the moment anyway, but this understanding has made me feel 'lighter' and honestly, I can feel tears in my eyes with gratitude for being able to truly understand at last, and the best bit is that it was inside me all the time. So thank you for posting, and for the record, I think you should be proud she contacted you, you are obviously a stellar mother and role model. x

[darkeyes]

They are our children.. we love them... we know of our world and our own struggles and that the world is not always nice to gay (or bi) people... our societies are not yet so free of prejudice that they have nothing to fear... we have what seems to be a very str8 teenage daughter.. what she is she is, but it doesn't stop us worrying about her and what she is especially when she goes out of an evening and the difficulties she will face in her life by being heterosexual.... and no doubt when her younger sister is the same age no doubt we will have just the same frets whatever she happens to be.......

[zigzig]

Both of my parents are straight, and my husbands parents as well. So I can't imagine if I would have a situation like that, when in future I might have a female partner besides my husband or the only lover, and how kids would react to it. I can agree that many societies still have issues of accepting same sex couples, and hopefully in future it will change for the better.

[tenni]

"I'm gay! I live with a wonderful lady in a sexually active lesbian relationship, yet why did my tummy churn?
Why, deep down am I perhaps worried she might be gay?????????"

I wonder if your tummy churned out of deep down "guilt" that maybe (incorrectly) that if one of your children was gay that you may genetically have contributed? Regardless about that theory a form of guilt might come in to play whether it was sexuality or some physical trait, if society doesn't perceive that trait as a positive we might feel some responsibility.

I think that you have done an extremely admirable job in raising your daughters. Understandably, she was open enough, to give it a whirl in a self exploratory way.

[innaminka]

Thank you all for your supportive letters. I think that possibly I may have done a bit of a drama queen in what I wrote, but then .......
Just a few points
- Young Pussy - I can assure you I am not bi/homophobic. I've lived as a Bi and lesbian for close on 20 years - my work partner is lesbian; I am totally comfortable with who I am.
Tenni - I think like all parents I possibly do worry that my genetics may have been passed on - Possibly if it had been a disease gene - hell yes, heaps of guilt, but passing on the gay gene - not a problem. (Actually, genetically she is her father. She appears to have none of my rotten genes. And he is rampant hetero - and I mean RAMPANT :male: )

HOWEVER!

Things are clearer today. My (wicked!!) daughter rang me yesterday arvo - realizing during the day that being a mother my response to such a leftfield text would be overreaction - which to a degree it was.
She explained - in a very cautious way - that having a quickie with another girl is far from unknown in the so-called younger, well educated "set" It's just one of those things that happen. She loved the experience, but again reassured me she is not gay. This I think is more for her own reassurance than mine, but again, in the younger grouping, being gay doesn't even register today.
She said we'd have a slightly more in-depth chat when she comes for dinner Friday.

Gotta go, this is impinging on my work time. Thanks again.

[jamieknyc]

When it's your own children, the idea of them having sex makes your stomach churn, whether it is hetero or same-sex activity. That is human nature. My older child is married, and even so I don't like to think about it.

[darkeyes]

When it's your own children, the idea of them having sex makes your stomach churn, whether it is hetero or same-sex activity. That is human nature. My older child is married, and even so I don't like to think about it... wudn't say stomache wrenching zactly... but must admit 2 not enjoying the thought much... dusn't churn me tum quite as much as thinking of me parents at it.. now that's tummy retching never mind churning... and our eldest tells us she just dusn't wont to kno wot we get up 2 in bedroom or newer else... tidying up, getting dressed, doing our faces, filling wash basket and sleeping is bout as raunchy as she likes 2 think bout that...

[Desert Dragon]

Of course, I wonder if you would have felt similarly had she told you about a heterosexual encounter? Many times we feel similar feelings over "opposite" things, but we notice more when it feels hypocritical. For instance, I have no problem answering certain questions from my one son, but when my other son asks the same basic thing, I have to check myself. I have to remind myself that I would answer "X" for the other son, why not for this son, too? I don't feel it is hypocritical when you recognize it and work on it within yourself, and maybe with your daughters and your partner. We all have things to work on, why not work on them together?