rosey21
Apr 18, 2013, 3:58 PM
A little background: we dated 9 months before becoming official,and have been together year and a half now. I am his very first girlfriendEVER! He is 30 years old. he’s was a huge "ladies man" his wholelife. when we were just dating he was very depressed. his friends say they havenever seen him so happy! I’ve caught him chatting with girls via Facebook ontwo separate occasions before and he swore to never do it again, and hewas just bored. it really hurtmy feelings because I had given him my trust despite the fact that I wasMAJORLY fucked over in my last relationship. he reassured him that it wasnothing more than chatting which for me was still wrong but it was clear thatthey never actually had sex. I love this man with all my heart and have nevermet a man as caring and sweet as him. he said things when we first starteddating to lead me to believe that he has had sex with men. but we never reallypressed the topic. so I guess it’s always been in the back of my mind. I didask him once months later and he denied it completely! he has mentioned to methat he only made it official with me to see if he was actually even capable ofhaving a gf, sort of an experiment? RUDE! but now claims to be madly in love.
Fast Forward: he’s moved down south about 4 months ago. Igave him the option of just remaining friends but insist I move down there withhim and that we stay in a long distance relationship until my lease here is upin July. so far long distance has been working I’m there every other month he’shere every other. I’m totally down to start a new adventure with him and movedown south!
the dilemma: I admit it I’m a snooper! I looked through hisphone while he was here last week...... I found nothing....until... i seen himtexting a random number. the guy asked him if he were gay or bi. and if he’dlike to meet at a hotel in 30 mins. my boyfriend responded with being a bisexual male and then proceeded to say he’s a topper and likes to suck. then theguy asked him to eat his ass. he said he didn’t know if he wanted to cause henever has. then text him back saying never mind he’s too chicken for the meetup and sorry to waste his time. he came in the room I confronted him and heimmediately started crying and admitted to being bisexual. I was confused andwas way more pissed at the fact that he was willing to meet up and have sexwith someone then him hiding him being bi. we had a very long talk and saidthat he was sexually molested when he was small and thinks that’s why he’sattracted to men but loves women more. he’s had sex with about a dozen men andhas chatted with at least three since we have been together. he says he’s embarrassed,and that he hasn’t had sex with a man in years but now it’s more of just a fantasyfor him. he also went on to say that the only person he has told is his aunt (heoften confides in her with a lot of things). he believes his friends woulddisown him if they knew. but I really don’t think that would be the case.
how I feel: I’m torn. him being bisexual in no way makes Ilove this man or desire to be with him any less then I did a couple weeks ago.but I don’t know how to feel about him having these desires I’m not a man I don’thave anything for him to suck. we’ve tried anal before but I didn’t really likeit. it makes me feel incompetent as a sexual partner for him because I’d liketo for fill his wants and needs but I am not into bringing anyone male or femalein the relationship. I told him not to be embarrassed and that this is just theway he is and there’s nothing he can do about it but accept it. he says he doesn’twant to feel like this and that it discuss him. he also goes on to say that he’snot attracted to men that he doesn’t look at them and want to fuck them. he didn’treally want to talk about it anymore than this. he wants to go talk to acounselor about how he’s feeling and I encourage it.! I gave him an ultimatumand told him if he doesn’t think that he can stop talking to other people sexuallythat we shouldn’t be together. he later promised to never do it again and that he wouldnt want me to move with him if he wasnt serious about us. he looks through my things and I have no problemwith it because I have nothing to hide. thisis the third time I’ve caught him doing this and am tired of having the sameconvo about it over and over. im also concerned because he found this man on craigslist. i asked him if he even planned on using condoms and he said no because he already knew he wasnt going to pull through with it.
any advice would be helpful. I don’t need anyone being rude I’mjust curious if anyone has gone through something similar or been on the otherend of this situation. :oh:
Thanks
Fast Forward: he’s moved down south about 4 months ago. Igave him the option of just remaining friends but insist I move down there withhim and that we stay in a long distance relationship until my lease here is upin July. so far long distance has been working I’m there every other month he’shere every other. I’m totally down to start a new adventure with him and movedown south!
the dilemma: I admit it I’m a snooper! I looked through hisphone while he was here last week...... I found nothing....until... i seen himtexting a random number. the guy asked him if he were gay or bi. and if he’dlike to meet at a hotel in 30 mins. my boyfriend responded with being a bisexual male and then proceeded to say he’s a topper and likes to suck. then theguy asked him to eat his ass. he said he didn’t know if he wanted to cause henever has. then text him back saying never mind he’s too chicken for the meetup and sorry to waste his time. he came in the room I confronted him and heimmediately started crying and admitted to being bisexual. I was confused andwas way more pissed at the fact that he was willing to meet up and have sexwith someone then him hiding him being bi. we had a very long talk and saidthat he was sexually molested when he was small and thinks that’s why he’sattracted to men but loves women more. he’s had sex with about a dozen men andhas chatted with at least three since we have been together. he says he’s embarrassed,and that he hasn’t had sex with a man in years but now it’s more of just a fantasyfor him. he also went on to say that the only person he has told is his aunt (heoften confides in her with a lot of things). he believes his friends woulddisown him if they knew. but I really don’t think that would be the case.
how I feel: I’m torn. him being bisexual in no way makes Ilove this man or desire to be with him any less then I did a couple weeks ago.but I don’t know how to feel about him having these desires I’m not a man I don’thave anything for him to suck. we’ve tried anal before but I didn’t really likeit. it makes me feel incompetent as a sexual partner for him because I’d liketo for fill his wants and needs but I am not into bringing anyone male or femalein the relationship. I told him not to be embarrassed and that this is just theway he is and there’s nothing he can do about it but accept it. he says he doesn’twant to feel like this and that it discuss him. he also goes on to say that he’snot attracted to men that he doesn’t look at them and want to fuck them. he didn’treally want to talk about it anymore than this. he wants to go talk to acounselor about how he’s feeling and I encourage it.! I gave him an ultimatumand told him if he doesn’t think that he can stop talking to other people sexuallythat we shouldn’t be together. he later promised to never do it again and that he wouldnt want me to move with him if he wasnt serious about us. he looks through my things and I have no problemwith it because I have nothing to hide. thisis the third time I’ve caught him doing this and am tired of having the sameconvo about it over and over. im also concerned because he found this man on craigslist. i asked him if he even planned on using condoms and he said no because he already knew he wasnt going to pull through with it.
any advice would be helpful. I don’t need anyone being rude I’mjust curious if anyone has gone through something similar or been on the otherend of this situation. :oh:
Thanks