Being safe...Advice?

[FetusHead]

No, not safe sex. ;) I'm fairly certain most people are well versed in that in this day and age.

My question pertains to locating another man or couple open to having fun with both the wife and I. I've wanted to see my wife have sex with another man (or men!) for a long time. We've had plenty of threesomes with other women, and they were great, but for some reason, finding a guy to to tag team the wife with has been difficult. Most that I have approached about it aren't comfortable with having another guy in the same room with them. This obviously rules out any chance I might be able to have fun with the other guy as well. Finding someone has pretty much come down to something like a personal ad (on here, for example), or a swing club. I definitely don't mind the swinger club - getting to watch my wife have fun is my main goal - but fulfilling my own bisexual fantasies in such a setting are impossible because there are no swing clubs that permit guy on guy sex. Also, it's be great to find someone to have a long-term thing with. I don't really feel comfortable having sex with someone that just wants to hook up once as their nonchalant attitude makes me feel like the chances for an STD would be greater due to their possible promiscuity.

How safe is it meeting single guys or couples from a personal ad? How can you make it safer? Ever approach a male friend or couple you weren't sure would be receptive to such an idea? Having kids makes this even more important for us. Any advice/experiences would be great.

[ALAbiguy]

Wow, I wish you guys were closer to me. There are guys like you are looking out there. I think this is a good place to start looking for a safe man or couple.

[elian]

Standard online dating advice .. take your time, write the person online and read their responses to others. Call them on the phone, chat with them, cam with them - agree to meet in a public place the first time you meet...

[anything]

I was wondering the same thing.. meeting ppl and being safe about it...

[tenni]

Hi
There seems to come to mind several "safety" scenarios. You refer to sexual/disease safety. You refer to physical safety when you refer to your children. I assume that any encounter will not be at your own house if you have young children?

Elian gives the basic safety approach when meeting a stranger for possible sexual encounter. You mention promiscuity when in fact that is what you want..just with boundaries perhaps? You may need to clarify in your mind what you want. Are you looking for an on going sexual relationship such as a closed loop relationship? If so then a lot of what Elian refers to is in order.

You may want to "test drive" the guy on your own before introducing him to your wife. If not a physical sexual test drive then a public meeting before introducing him to your wife. Where is your wife's position on all of this? Does she want to seek out a man or let you do the preliminary checking out the guy. You could meet the guy together in a public place and get to know each other. Meet for a drink and understanding that the first meeting will be brief and no sex. Set the boundaries in other words. Treat it like a date and find some social activity to do together if you want to get to know them a bit better before dropping the laundry.

You seem cautious and nervous? Take your time.

[void()]

Standard online dating advice .. take your time, write the person online and read their responses to others. Call them on the phone, chat with them, cam with them - agree to meet in a public place the first time you meet...

Establish trust slowly. Have faith in a belief, any belief.
Believe in something or fall for anything. Use appropriate
protection measures at your discretion, or always.

*grins at his honey, brandishes an axe and mutters nearly
inaudibly about murdering it, wanders on*

[ErosUrge]

Hi
There seems to come to mind several "safety" scenarios. You refer to sexual/disease safety. You refer to physical safety when you refer to your children. I assume that any encounter will not be at your own house if you have young children?

Elian gives the basic safety approach when meeting a stranger for possible sexual encounter. You mention promiscuity when in fact that is what you want..just with boundaries perhaps? You may need to clarify in your mind what you want. Are you looking for an on going sexual relationship such as a closed loop relationship? If so then a lot of what Elian refers to is in order.

You may want to "test drive" the guy on your own before introducing him to your wife. If not a physical sexual test drive then a public meeting before introducing him to your wife. Where is your wife's position on all of this? Does she want to seek out a man or let you do the preliminary checking out the guy. You could meet the guy together in a public place and get to know each other. Meet for a drink and understanding that the first meeting will be brief and no sex. Set the boundaries in other words. Treat it like a date and find some social activity to do together if you want to get to know them a bit better before dropping the laundry.

You seem cautious and nervous? Take your time.

Couldn't say it any better....all great advice. I must repeat and trumpet the point Tenni makes about a "test drive"....though I've not been in a committed relationship with a woman that wanted to introduce others into our play time, I have been with many couples as a single. The majority had their methods of figuring out how to "filter" what they wanted or didn't want. I was and have always been patient with most couples. No doubt meeting the husband/boyfriend publicly first can be a great start and a lot can be determined from that meeting.

Whoever you should decide upon must always remember that they're the guest and with that comes their responsibility of being patient and understanding the boundaries whatever they are should they agree to join you. I will add that putting too many requirements on a person can scare them away or they might lose interest. That usually doesn't happen. But be flexible and understand that though they are a guest and you're the host, they have a voice and opinion too with their own desires about what they want when it comes time to play.

I think the worst I ever felt when joining a couple was a situation where I didn't have much a voice in anything when it was time to play. The husband wanted to direct every moment and every position...ugh! As Tenni advised, take your time. Though it still comes down to your decision and your choice, do relax. It should all fall into place quite nicely and there can be some really great and enjoyable moments once things click.

[elian]

I can only assume that there are some guys out there who aren't too jealous, macho or nervous to share and are focused instead on the pleasurable aspects of adult play.. It can take time to build trust if you really want a long lasting relationship.