I've been bi for years and now my bf has come out to me

[nightshade44637]

Ok so here's my story. A long time ago (about 10 years) I came out to my bf as being bi. We'd been together for about a year at that point and I was worried we'd break up. He's been nothing but supportive of me and even encourages me to go seek out a fem if I need (we've only ever been sex partners with each other). For a while we considered polyamory or even just a threesome to establish what I might need if anything to express my attraction to women. Nothing ever happened with it and at this point I don't know that it will for my part. Now I've suspected for a long time he was bi too but he's only just come to the realization for himself recently. So essentially the shoe is on the other foot and I'm waiting to see what he wants to do if anything. I'm being supportive and talking things over with him. Answering questions he has, what have you. Should either of us really be considering what amounts to an open relationship at this point? We've been together for almost 12 years and have two children to consider too.

[neosexual]

When my wife finally came out to me (I knew) and since I had come out to her at the beginning we decided to experiment with 3somes and 4somes it worked great and it made a difference that we did it together and in the open. This lasted ten years until her death two years ago. I miss her.

[wifekinky4husband]

Sounds like the two of you have some uncharted water to get your feet wet in. Take it slow but keep it open and honest as I am sure you know. With children, our lives often get put on hold so I do advise caution. I know that once we had the house to ourselves again, sexually we picked up. Also Role Playing helped me quite a bit with my crazy desires until we were free to get loud and wild again. Get creative and explore together where you want to take this, and in the mean time RP and even reverse RP might help.

[bityme]

It's interesting that you both have come to the realization that you are Bi (10 years apart), yet you say: "(we've only ever been sex partners with each other)." While you are free to utilize any label you desire, without having actually experienced any same-sex interaction, most people would place you in the "bi-curious" category. If you both are truly supportive of each other and desire to take your inclinations to the next level, I strongly suggest taking the advice of neosexual. Explore together in threesomes or foursomes as opposed to an open relationship where you explore separate and apart from each other.

Why? Because joint exploration means nothing is ever hidden or unseen. There are never any questions about whether or not you are getting a true report of events. You always know, for sure, whether or not your partner is exercising proper precautions (condoms, etc.). Being a part of each others adventure will help to grow your relationship while separate exploration, while not necessarily a detractor, adds nothing.

[nightshade44637]

He would classify as bi-curious but I see myself as bi because while I've not been sexually involved with someone I have had a relationship that was very much about attraction and love with someone of the same sex (on my part as it was a close friendship to others). I know my heart is bi in any case. I told her about it years later and she joked that we could have been involved had she known being bi herself. In reality it was a friendship which felt very much as if I were in an emotional relationship with her.

We'd talked about threesomes a long time ago when I came out and they seem to be the best option for the very reasons you state : Because joint exploration means nothing is ever hidden or unseen. There are never any questions about whether or not you are getting a true report of events. You always know, for sure, whether or not your partner is exercising proper precautions (condoms, etc.). Being a part of each others adventure will help to grow your relationship while separate exploration, while not necessarily a detractor, adds nothing.

I think that this is the only way we'll be able to feel secure. Our love as a couple has always been our greatest concern and consideration and we're talking it all out before we consider doing anything. Mostly I wanted advice on how to know we would be able to without risking our relationship in the process, losing some vital aspect of our connection. It's a pretty big part of why I haven't gotten involved with a woman to be honest beyond the lack of local options.

[nightshade44637]

Wifekinky we've been talking quite a lot about my side of things and are now doing so with his. We are being careful and taking it easy. I like your idea of roleplay and I have used it in the past. In the meantime he asks me about things he's curious about such as going down on a man. I think talking frankly with him helps him understand I get where he's coming from as much as offering him information on his curiosity.

[nightshade44637]

neosexual I'm sorry for your loss :( My partner and I are very close too and I know I'd be very saddened if he passed on. We always talk thing through and work together when we face new challenges. i like to think we are strong enough to go forward but I do worry about losing some aspect of our bond. Did anything like that happen when you started to explore as a couple?

[neosexual]

Nightshade it strengthen our bond, and trust in each other and made it so we could tell each other anything without fear.

[cbb83]

Whatever you two do, nightshade, do it together - that's my $0.02.

[bityme]

Wifekinky we've been talking quite a lot about my side of things and are now doing so with his. We are being careful and taking it easy. I like your idea of roleplay and I have used it in the past. In the meantime he asks me about things he's curious about such as going down on a man. I think talking frankly with him helps him understand I get where he's coming from as much as offering him information on his curiosity.

You might try a feeldoe (strapless strap-on). One part inserted in you and the other available for him to simulate going down on a man or other penetration. You are both participating together and receiving sensations at the same time.

[nightshade44637]

Thanks bityme, I hadn't heard of such a device I'll have to tell him about it.

neosexual we feel like that now actually :) It's rather nice to have those thoughts and feelings out in the open. Kind of like having a tensed muscle let go.

[bityme]

neosexual I'm sorry for your loss :( My partner and I are very close too and I know I'd be very saddened if he passed on. We always talk thing through and work together when we face new challenges. i like to think we are strong enough to go forward but I do worry about losing some aspect of our bond. Did anything like that happen when you started to explore as a couple?


Nightshade it strengthen our bond, and trust in each other and made it so we could tell each other anything without fear.

We have to agree with neosexual. Many people worry about the formation of emotional attachments to other parties, but we find a great difference in our "making love" with each other as opposed to what we call "recreational sex" with other playmates. Keeping that perspective avoids can really help.