How did you discover you were bisexual, and how did you accept the urges? [Archive]

CamStar94

Feb 10, 2013, 2:43 PM

Hi there, I am an 18 year old man who is incredibly confused about his sexuality. Growing up, I had the typical heteronormative lifestyle, finding myself enthralled by thoughts of women as well as much arousal to porn. I used to watch softcore lesbian porn on Cinemax late at night when I was about 12 years old, and from there, I gradually moved my way up. Sometimes I think I might be addicted to porn, but lately I've been incredibly depressed as I find nothing gets me off anymore. About 6 months ago, to cope with this I began masturbating online on camsites in order to feel better about my low self-esteem after coming out of a very hurtful relationship with a woman who betrayed and cheated on me.

However, I soon began to discover I was not 100% straight, or else I obviously would not have felt comfortable performing such acts online. One thing I noticed was even though I would let man and woman masturbate to me, (whoever connected), whenever I would actually orgasm I would be doing it to the thought of a woman. I think really the attention just made me feel better about myself, and gave me a sense of sexual power I hadn't felt in months. At first, I thought this was a phase, but it's obviously not the case if I still find myself doing it from time to time.

Now, I notice just about nothing can get me off anymore. Even my imagination. I've tried not masturbating, and there are times I've gone entire weeks without achieving any sort of arousal or erection. This has made me began to question if I'm gay, bisexual, or straight. For about 4 months now, I literally spend 2-3 hours a day searching for symptoms of homosexuality and bisexuality, and came across a form of OCD known as HOCD where people obsess over their orientation for hours on end. I seem to switch on and off between accepting my bicuriosity and denying the urges.

I notice whenever I cum, the urge to experiment disappears completely. When I'm in a room of people, I ALWAYS notice the women first, though this could just be because most men are this way. Growing up, I never questioned it much but now all this anxiety and doubt is killing me.

What the hell am I? And how do I accept myself no matter what? I have almost no sexual desires to perform in real life at all, something that truly separates me from my heterosexual friends. Even looking at a man, I don't feel any desire to try out anything, or any feelings other than those of friendship. As far as woman go, I was so damaged in my last relationship I can't even bring myself to potentially date anyone, and it doesn't help my low self-confidence keeps me uninterested in any woman who shows interest, as I just feel it will end badly or that I'll ruin it somehow.

What is wrong with me?

Gearbox

Feb 10, 2013, 5:59 PM

You do sound like a depressed hetro. It's not un-hetro to feel ok about same gender watching you wank. You may be bi or bicuriouse, but it just doesn't jump out from what you wrote. What jumps out is that you are not coping with your ex-gf's betrayal, pity yourself and feel bitter towards relationships with them. That's not unusual,sadly!You don't have to be bi here, so post about your ex if you like, Get it off your chest.Just a suggestion.

elian

Feb 10, 2013, 6:25 PM

You are a human being. Perhaps one who is apparently hurting a lot right now. I've often thought that when we are in pain we reach out to others like us..I think this is independent of sexual orientation. I agree with drugstore_cowboy - just because you jack off with men doesn't necessarily make you gay or bi. It depends on how much you enjoy looking at the men or women. I am no professional counselor but it seems as though the break up you've been through has caused you to question your self-worth.

To answer your question, I learned I was bisexual when I first started reading the forums here, because up until then I always thought that I had to be EITHER -gay- OR -straight-.

When did I accept the urges? I used to have urges all the time to be with males - I used to fantacize about it all the time. How cute that guy looked, how much I wanted to...umm... :blushes: but I would never act on them growing up.

Actually I used to hate myself quite a lot, I never thought I could be good enough to please everyone but somehow I thought that is what I needed to do and I kept on trying. Of course, now I know that everybody fails and there is nothing wrong with that, good things come from trying. it is a part of life.

I didn't ACCEPT myself until I decided to stop living to please everyone else and just be myself and be happy. It helped that LBGT folks seem to be more accepted at this point in history more than any other. Obama got a lot of flack for supporting gay marriage but it meant something to me when the president of the United States said, "I'm going to reconsider, I think they ought to have the same rights." That was the same week my mom told me, "I just want you to be happy."

The Buddhist philosophy of lovingkindness really helped me out..

You tried, you made yourself vulnerable, you gave a part of yourself to love someone else, you helped each other grow, there is no shame in that..it will be okay. Truly, whether you are gay, bi or straight worry less about your dick and more about yourself. Sex feels REALLY good, and there's nothing I like more than to give and receive pleasure but you really must learn to LOVE and accept yourself first, your orientation doesn't matter - you were born WORTHY .. it is only all the little stories we tell ourselves that convince us that we are not. "I'm too young, I'm too old, I'm too stupid, I'm too weak". No, you're not. You are a part of creation that is worthy and loved just as much as any other. You may struggle, you may have to live with the consequences of your actions, but you are never worthless and you are ALWAYS loved.

By learning to love yourself you will learn what it really means to love others in a healthy way..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qlh2gJ3r2bA

tenni

Feb 10, 2013, 8:05 PM

Hi
Well, you are not the first man that I have heard from about wanting to try guys after bitter and painful experience with women, They are usually coming out of a long term marriage of fifteen plus years though.

Like Elian, I did not know about the term bisexual for the first ten to fifteen years that I was messing around with guys. This is way before the internet and so there was no cam wanking. (I might have tried that back then. It has no appeal for me now though.)

What I did is ask gay guys a group of questions such as: Have you ever had sex with a woman? Did you like it? Have you ever been in love with a woman? I got some interesting answers from guys who identified as gay including guys who had been married and said that they loved their wife but were not in love with them. Gay guys who were repulsed by vaginas was an eye opener. I knew that was not me. It took a long time though to not only find the word bisexual but self accept it. Fek the rest of the world..its none of their business. ;)

The ebb and flow of bisexuality can be a bastard deceiver. At your age watch out for that. Based on what you wrote, I think think that you are probably not a pure hetero. You may be but don’t deceive yourself that in four years if when you are with a woman that you can put all of this behind you. It may very well sneak up on you and bite your arse ten years down the road.(back to cam wanting..lol) The thing that you should accept that you are not lily white hetero. Sure guys in their teens etc. may circle jerk and then move on to women. Guy sex comes back to some and not to others. (same with camming probably)

The loss of interest after you cum is very normal for most guys. If you were watching the other guy wank on cam, then you may be cock focused and that is why you have no interest in the rest of the man or guys generally...sexually. It is still not pure hetero behaviour. Don't worry about a label at this point of your life though.

Rather than see yourself as a human being as Elian states, I would suggest that you see yourself as a sexual guy who is burned right now. I think that you may have come across something about OCD though that may fit you. You do seem to be obsessing over your sexuality. Just go out and be sexual whether it is with another woman or a guy. You may need a few more months to get over the pain though.

Good luck.

ExSailor

Feb 10, 2013, 8:26 PM

Fuck the rest of the world..its none of their business. ;)[/SIZE][/FONT] Someone's a closet queen! :rolleyes: Do you honestly believe that the rest of the world or nobody in your personal life knows that you're not hetero? If you do you are living in an alternative reality.

tenni

Feb 10, 2013, 8:42 PM

ExSailor

Feb 10, 2013, 10:10 PM

he he :) :three: I knew that I would attract someone with that line. I do live an alternate life but not an alternate reality. I'm an artist. No one cares what my sexuality is in my world of same sex marriage rights unless they want to have sex with me. If there is a reason to speak on a bisexual issue I will and do. I will speak now. Sorry but anyone who uses gay terms like "closet queen" is not as much of a bisexual political activist. It sound more like a LGBT anachronism from a repressed era. Do you still use the term "gay marriage" too? You're not that good at trolling. Tenni I have done more for bisexual people and as a bisexual political activist than you ever will from the closet. The term "closet queen" is not a "gay" term it's just slang for someone as yourself who is deeply closeted about their sexuality even though everyone knows this person is not heterosexual. No I do not use the term "gay marriage". Since nobody cares what your sexuality is why stay deeply closeted like you are, since otherwise it's just theory and useless mental masturbation on your part.

darkeyes

Feb 11, 2013, 6:32 AM

My dad's bigger than ur dad. My knob's bigger than ur knob... Ive fucked more girls than uve fucked.. or guys.. I'm better than u are.. 'struth.. grow up... little boy's games.. Trolling is a little boy's game and if Tenni isn't much good at it, there is a reason for that... quite a different reason than the reason xsailor isnt gud at it... but 'e dont haff do a lot of it..in 1 form or t'otha...

..and the term "closet queen".. usually used by the intolerant, and those who have no understanding why many cannot go public.. and who believe no one is allowed privacy in their lives.. gay bi and str8 peeps use it... for sometimes the same, sometimes different reasons... the str8 world and the gay are not the only worlds which suffers intolerable bigotry from within their ranks.. and if no 1 cares what Tenni's sexuality is.. isn't that exactly how we believe the world shud be for all? Ahhh but wot do I kno? Lil gay girl from cold and damp lil country in middle of the sea...

Long Duck Dong

Feb 11, 2013, 7:23 AM

Realist

Feb 11, 2013, 8:54 AM

LDD, that's been my understanding of the term, "closet queens" too.

CamStar, I don't think anything's wrong with you. You're probably going through something like most of us have, at one time, or another.

I began my bisexual journey innocently enough, at an early age and felt no remorse, or guilt about it. In my teens, I experienced a couple of incidents that brought the moral question to my attention and I felt guilt over my interests in both genders. I struggled with it for some time, before I realized I wasn't going to be able to change who I was.....a bisexual, who could and did love both genders.

I'm sure you're impatient for answers, but sometimes it takes a while to sort things out. You came to a good place for answers, but you can also get some flack on this site, too. Try to sort out the things you can use and ignore the rest.

Good luck!

darkeyes

Feb 11, 2013, 8:55 AM

the term closet queen, ( in NZ ) is used to refer to a person that is in the closet but makes a big drama out of most things that really have nothing to do with them.....and closet queens happen to be some of the most intolerant, bigoted and offensive people in the LGBT community as they are very quick to tell others how to live, but struggle to live by the rules they lay down......

if nobody cares about a persons sexuality or if its nobodies business... then why is it so regularly used against members in the site, fran....... hence the term closet queen... they hide their own sexuality and condemn others for theirs.......

it gets to the stage where you need to stop pointing fingers... cos people are not pointing fingers back... they are turning their backs instead ...as I said.. sometimes the same.. sometimes different reasons...

I didn't say no one cares about a person's sexuality.. I remarked rather wistfully, maybe even hopelessly, that isn't that how it should be? ..and there are different ways of pointing fingers.. people who turn backs use them all too often... u certainly won't find me pointing a finger because of a person's sexuality.. so be careful just how u phrase words, Duckie dear ...

tenni

Feb 11, 2013, 9:12 AM

"The term "closet queen" is not a "gay""

Who invented this term to ridicule and condemn others? If bisexuals or heterosexuals did not invent this term, it leaves only gay people.

As to myself, I already pointed out to Ex that I speak out when I see the need to speak out about injustice regardless or race, gender, sexual orientation, disabled etc. and when I disagree with others..like Ex who is using gay language to ridicule others.

Yes, dark eyes in my world which is an art world, people do not go around calling others closet queen or "did you know that she is a lesbian" gossip etc.

BiCDragon

Feb 11, 2013, 10:10 AM

had a few experiences when I was younger, and they passed over time. Lately, I had a couple playmates in MFMs and more recently been having nice, erotic dreams about playing with another guys cock. Now to just find a cute local guy and play..... *SIGHS*

Long Duck Dong

Feb 11, 2013, 10:35 AM

...as I said.. sometimes the same.. sometimes different reasons...

I didn't say no one cares about a person's sexuality.. I remarked rather wistfully, maybe even hopelessly, that isn't that how it should be? ..and there are different ways of pointing fingers.. people who turn backs use them all too often... u certainly won't find me pointing a finger because of a person's sexuality.. so be careful just how u phrase words, Duckie dear ...

I agree, its how it should be.... but then what would people use against you and me and DD etc, as a weapon, to discredit our opinions as NON bisexuals, if our sexuality is not able to be used as a weapon........

you and I agree, sexuality is a aspect of a person, not a weapon to be used against them.... and its ironic that people that are vocal about it going on, are some of the people that are regularly doing it..... a bit like a closet queen will do.....

no I was not implying that you, fran, was pointing fingers.... it was a general remark about the people that point the finger at others too many times, may find that its not fingers they find pointing back... but backs turned against them..... I have seen it happen many times......

anyways, i was going to post in this thread with a on topic post about my own bisexual past but we both know what happens when I do that.....

tenni

Feb 11, 2013, 10:49 AM

"I agree, its how it should be.... but then what would people use against you and me and DD etc, as a weapon, to discredit our opinions as NON bisexuals, if our sexuality is not able to be used as a weapon........"

You seem to be trying to make this thread about you as a victim again? May we get back to the thread topic and stop the off topic trolling? The OP has asked us(sexual bisexuals?) to comment about how we discovered our bisexuality and accepting our urges..not our lesbianism, heterosexuality, asexuality etc.

12voltman59

Feb 11, 2013, 11:54 AM

To the Original Poster of this thread---I think that your most pressing issue---got totally ignored and put aside---namely that you are experiencing a strong case of lack of self-esteem and related issues---something that as a person of your age---I dare say that we all experienced unless we are a totally self-absorbed narcissistic asshole and we think that we are perfect and our "shit don't stink."

I can say that I surely had a strong sense of doubts in those regards--and compound those normal, common feelings with the fact that I knew that I was not purely a heterosexual nor did I feel any affinity with "the gay world." I felt that I was not attractive enough to fit well into either "world"--and wondered what my place was in the bigger world.

Like most people at that age too---we are so tied into and swayed by what the mass culture dictates and for males---there is that thing that if you want to or actually do something at all sexual with another guy---well then my friend----"you are gay and that is that---no ifs, ands or buts about it!! So just accept that fact!!"

I had heard of bisexuality of course---but since everyone I knew basically said that bisexuality, at least for guys, is total bullshit--I believed that as well.

Thankfully---I always had a contrarian streak in me and as I went along in life--and did my own "research" about all sorts of things ranging from philosophy, history beyond the actual very small amount we get taught in school, religion/spirituality and many other areas---I began to realize just how much we are duped by what we are taught and told by our teachers, preachers and even our direct elders--and its not so much out of any grand plan to deceive us--its just that we humans like things nice and neat and we get told a bit of the truth that makes sense of things for us--so we just accept it and go on to live our lives. Most people I think---really do not care to have to think or contemplate too deeply on "the deeper issues" so they are content to be spoon fed a limited amount of stuff that seems like it makes sense of life, so they stick to that--and Lord knows--how dare you challenge their set in granite views of things.

Noam Chomsky, a noted linguist and social commentator, labels such things as "manufactured consent."

To me when it comes to matters of a sexual nature----one of the greatest bullshit myths--perpetrated by both the mainstream, straight culture and surely by the "gay culture" that at least for men-----you are either gay or hetero and that is it---I know I repeat myself--but I strongly contend that this is total nonsense--because if you do look at the actual evidence--human sexuality does range across a broad spectrum and that while it might be true for some that their "set point" is basically fixed--that is not case for everyone and it is fluid----that is the accepted scientific take on this----at least as best it can be determined at present----but yet we still do have this crap that you are one thing or the other and never the twain will meet.

It is also a contention of mine----that for all that encompasses what it means to be a male gay in our culture-----the sexual aspect of that is only a very small percentage of the total picture-----to be a gay male in Western Culture----really is so much more than just the sexual component.

When it comes to your basic issues of lack of self-esteem----I would urge that you consider finding yourself some sort of counseling regarding trying to bolster that up----in a real way--not in some rah-rah feel good way that you find in many self-help books--but someone who can walk you through the very real and common feelings you have in and nearly all of us have faced if we really are mentally healthy---then--once you tackle that---then you can also deal with your sexual orientation issues---and I can also say---that the 20s-- it is not an easy time of life---probably your hardest years--and that if you get through them without becoming a drunk or druggie or other veg case----as you move on into your 30s--things sort themselves out and you come to realize who you are as a person---and get it figured out "where you fit" and as a result--hopefully---you will come to accept yourself as you are and begin to feel more comfortable with yourself---I do think that perhaps this is why--so many of us come to finally act upon our long time desires to do things with other guys--or with the ladies-to be with other ladies because with maturity---we do figure that we since we have those desires and we cannot tamp them down--we are gonna experience what it is to be with someone of the same sex. It also probably has to do with a combo of "this is on my bucket list and by god--I am gonna do it finally" and we get to that point that we really don't give a shit if other people care or not--so we are gonna do it!!

Good luck and welcome to life----

darkeyes

Feb 11, 2013, 12:51 PM

lillytotoo

Feb 14, 2013, 12:08 AM

i need advice please.

i just found out (less then an hour ago) that my current boyfriend (i am a female and he is a male, and until now i thought we were both hetero in a strictly hetero relationship) used to enjoy being dominated by men. i found message history from at least 4 men, and one of the men was blackmailing him with videos and pictures. my boyfriend seemed to respond by saying that he wasnt into that anymore, that that was a temporary phase in his life that is now over, but the conversation ended with my boyfriend agreeing to start seeing this man again.

the message showed that he was into girls now, and hadnt been with any other men in a year prior to the conversation and he had pressured this partner to wear female articles like stockings and wigs.

he does not know that i know this about him. we have been in a relationship for 2 years now. i dont know how to bring it up, and i dont know if ill be able to be with him. if we compromise and find some way to incorporate stuff in the bedroom, or if he admits that he is not happy with a woman.

i dont know. i am expecting the worse. i dont know what i am to him anymore... am i a last chance at hetero life for him, am i temporary... could he be cheating on me to get his fix... do people try things and really ever go back...?

please help

Realist

Feb 14, 2013, 7:31 AM

Lilly, you probably should have started a new thread.

But, it sounds to me that you've got a closeted bisexual boyfriend. He most certainly has some deep secrets.

As to someone returning to a previous same-gender experience, I've never seen any statistics about the number who try it, then never return. I've attempted to live a heterosexual lifestyle, on a few occasions, but the desire to be with both females and males has never completely gone away.

Personally, I've only know one person, who spent any time with someone of the same gender and never returned. (THAT I KNOW OF...I only know what I was told)

That person has reiterated over the years that they NEVER was with anyone of the same gender, sexually, again.

I do know several, who had same-gender experiences and never lost the desire for it.

You've got two choices, the way I see it......you can tell him what you've found out, or keep it hidden and let eat on you.

This situation is obviously bugging you and I suspect it's his keeping that secret from you is the biggest issue.

One other thing to think about is; If he's having sex with multiple partners, the chances of him (and then you) getting some kind of sexually-related ailment, has increased exponentially!

This is my thoughts for me.......I wouldn't let a problem sit and fester in my brain and heart...if I were you, I'd take appropriate action, soon. Only you know what you need to do and I'm not going to attempt to make that decision for you.

But good luck with whatever you decide.

Roxas

Feb 17, 2013, 4:06 AM

Like the original poster I'm also 18. For me realizing I was bisexuel was a gradual process with little drama. I belived that I was stright until about two years ago. That was when I first started to find guys attractive. It started out just seeing a guy without a shirt on and thinking he looked good. The feelings grew and I started to notice guys more often and fantasize about them, but I still retained my liking for women as well so I have accepted that I am bi.

While I have not advertized the fact most of my friends know and the only person I'm really keeping in the dark is my mother, but if I ever get into a serious relationship with a guy I guess she will know.

Now about your problem it doesn't sound to me like you are bi from your post. You do however sound hurt. You should try talking to someone about your lack of self esteem and not someone online, a close friend or a shrink.

if you think that your sexuel orientation is changing because you are having a hard time getting of to the porn your used to watching its likely a different issue. From my experiance, It is uncommon for someone to completely switch from stright to gay. Many gay people do get confused, dont realize, or deny that they are gay, but most of them do not go from fantasizing about women constantly and watching lesbian porn to completely losing interest in women and only liking men.

Your issue is likely stemming from your rejection and the bad situation that you had with this girl. However in not a psychologist so you may want to seek out help. You could see a psychiatrist or simply talk to your school counselor.

if you do feel like you a genuinely developing gay or bisexuel feelings then you should try to explore them. Don't feel like you need to be one way or the other.

if you do overcome your rejection and self esteem issues and still find a lack motivation to have sex with a man or a woman you may be interested in the label asexuel referring to the tendency to not desire to have sex with others but preferring to keep to yourself.

Cherokee_Mountaincat

Feb 19, 2013, 4:11 PM

To answer the man's original question: I discovered I was Bi kinda by accident. I loved looking at my Uncle's old Playboys, and never really knew Why the pics of beautiful naked women excited me. All I knew was that it Did. In Jr high I came upon a young woman in Gym class who turned out to be Hermaphrodite(SP).
We became friends and eventually, began to discover each other's sexuality. I didnt consider it wrong, I didnt consider it a bad thing, but knew the rest of the world Did, especially her Mormon family. She was enough of an embarrassment to them as it was..:( We kept the affair to ourselves, and spent every moment we could together. No one knew of her secret, except for me.
We had an 'affair' for a year until they moved away. I lost touch with her over the years until recently. She's single, I'm single..there's potential for some very Interesting possibilities.
Good luck OP. I hope it all turns out well for you..:}
Cat

Neils

Feb 27, 2013, 1:27 AM

Hi there, I am an 18 year old man who is incredibly confused about his sexuality.
.
.
What is wrong with me?

Son, (LMAO I always wanted to say that. I only have daughters) there's nothing wrong with you. this is the thought process of the average teenage boy based on personal experience: "If it moves, fuck it. if it doesn't move why haven't I fucked it already? I was supposed to do something important right now, but I'm fantasizing about sexing that hot chick/guy/teacher/horse/chicken/firehydrant/office chair. Wait I have a free hand... time to masturbate."

Sounds to me like your body needed a little time off from trying to rub one out a couple times a day (and I have no idea how often you do it). All joking aside, your asexual zone could be your big brain in overdrive. Don't overthink things. The deep thinking is self evident in your very articulate post. Just relax if you can. I bet the last time you shot a load, your general happiness meter was higher than right now? try to think of something that makes you feel happy and good. then do it again. and again. I'm no doctor, but the extended periods of concern and deep worry over what makes your dick hard could be putting you in the dark funk that's robbing you of your mojo.

Are you getting any exercise? sitting in your desk chair trying to spank the monkey isn't moving the blood around the way a 3 mile run will. an low-oxygenated brain would be kinda mopey, no? take those 2-3 hours a day spent with your google research, and use that time in the gym, in the pool, on the court, on a bike, or anything that gets your heart rate up for an hour or two. Try pumping up your energy levels for three weeks with regular workouts, an hour a day and then see how you feel between the ears. If that doesn't help, then pay a visit to your family doc and talk about the self confidence and self esteem issues. I'll tell you this - if I knew at the age of 18 what I know now and I wanted to put this issue down to rest right away, I'd bust out every weapon in the arsenal: get exercising, take up a new sport, see a counselor (aka therapist) and talk it out like they were a sports coach who could help you improve a particular skill. find a good wingman, a buddy who will go to bat for you to line up the ladies, then you try to hook up. laugh about the flaming burnouts, and refine your approach, but don't stop trying. hell I'd even try to scrape together a hundred bucks to get a hooker and make her earn her dough. tell her your woes. "here's $50 honey. make me cum like like a porn star in 15 minutes and I'll double it." I'm now realizing that I'm reciting the solution set from a Green Day song. W-T-F, sorry.:tongue:

bottom line: Mix things up a bit, get out of your routine, get fresh air in those lungs, blood pumping to your highly functioning brain, and think of all those lonely firehydrants and chickens.

Now I'll wait quietly to see if I'm vilified by the community for my responses and approach, resulting in the board mods putting banhammer down on me. Yes, I have a big brain too. :bigrin: If I get banned, then it's not nearly as big as I thought. Honestly I do hope you find some helpful tidbits here. Good luck and tell us how things go! And if it turns out that the male of the species turns your crank as much as the ladies do, well hell you are definitely not alone, and you have plenty of friends here to offer words of encouragement, friendship and ideas.

VZR1800

Feb 27, 2013, 3:00 AM

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I am 51, and I'll not vilify you. Could not have put it better myself. Thumbs up for that response.

dafydd

Feb 27, 2013, 4:20 AM

You're not that good at trolling. Tenni I have done more for bisexual people and as a bisexual political activist than you ever will from the closet. The term "closet queen" is not a "gay" term it's just slang for someone as yourself who is deeply closeted about their sexuality even though everyone knows this person is not heterosexual. No I do not use the term "gay marriage". Since nobody cares what your sexuality is why stay deeply closeted like you are, since otherwise it's just theory and useless mental masturbation on your part.

What have you done as a political activist exsailor?
Im always glad to meet those kind of peeps here... What area of activism in the LGBT communiies did u work on?. Its just that given the secrecy of many bisexuals around their sexuallity.... ..

in marriages that don't work ,
or in constant fear of being labelled gay if they come out as bisexual.
Or the temptation to remain in the dark about one aspect of their desire, as they can still be fulfullled by the other..
Or the lack of communtiy suppprt from Lesbian and Gay communities themsrlves,
Not to mention lack of role models, and 'out' bisexual men and women in the public eye who aren't cheating bigomists,

....it seems perhaps *the* most sensitive area for bisexuals....*the* area which must be treated with dignity, compassion, and understanding for those who are now where we all once were.... Needs a bit more sensitivity from one so used to emancipation of our people, sailor boy.
Brotherhood, mentoring, role models.....and visibility. all key. (all missing from your profile) Strange that..for a bisexual out and proud activist ..
You say u have done more for bisexuals than Tenni .?
look, Tenni has been doing bisexuals his whole life... its not a numbers game

Ive always found it better to remember coming out not as pride, but as courage, for that is what it takes... ..not so homophobia can be shared more equally between everyone, ...because thats kind of sadistic...to.rout em out, to share the load.
And his load. And his load...
And Tenni is not a troll. He's actually an artist. And trolls dont tend to fly 8000 miles to meet members off this bisexual site. Real people who travel do that. Also trolls live in caves, not closets and Tenni lives in mansion. Like Wilde. And Dorian Gray.

He's a thinker and a tailor,
And a soldier with his sailors,
Hes a rich man.
You're a poor man
But we all r buggery thieves.

You clearly have forgotten what it is like to come out of the closet.... to be 'out' or not is not our concern when bisexuals are actively engaing with a porcess in a careful, public and thoughtful way.Why push people toward the cliff edge...when they can quite clearly see for themselves an easier way to go down.

Now...wiki time..
.... to add to the font of all porridge back there.. the blue crossed fairy... ;l
"Closet queen'' can be also used as slang, a perjorative word used by gay for gay to desribe the hypocracy of a gay man who over-eggs his masculinity thru boasting, bravado and butchness......, but once in bed, is a right naughty lazy little girl, who likes her botty smacked and her mouth washed out, by a Dom daddy with a huge naughty step to sit on.

One can be out, but still deep in the closest.....
Or can be Gay but still deeply homophobic,
And one can wave the thin veil of truth that one has sacricifced all for the political cause..
and yet still remain deeply up ones own arse.

Ive been guilty of all three... I just don't think you can always know a closeted man.... until you've looked (or jizzed) him in the eye. U know Tenni that well?

D

cbb83

Feb 27, 2013, 10:17 AM

Neils

Feb 27, 2013, 12:23 PM

Yawp. hey OP, I didn't read cowboy's post before writing mine -- we're both seeing the same symptoms from your post and made similar suggestions. He was a lot more efficient. I tried to inject some lulz.

Based on what you wrote you are heterosexual and not bisexual or gay at all. Just because you jacked off and ejaculated on webcam and had women and men watch that does not mean that you are bisexual. You yourself wrote how when you would ejaculate you would fantasize about women so this means that you are straight/hetero. Unless you are actually sexually attracted to both genders then you are not bisexual or "bicurious" at all. To be honest you sound depressed and should talk to a counselor or therapist. Also get out and date some women or go out and find a slutty woman who will put out and fuck her for some NSA pussy.

Waylon

Feb 27, 2013, 12:30 PM

Although I had some a couple of isolated experiences in highschool and a couple in college, I never thought of myself as truly bisexual until about 10 years or so ago. I became curious about bisex porn and loved seeing fellatio movies and even "practiced" on a realistic male cock dildo (a big 8 incher). Finally my curiosity got the best of me and I hooked up with a guy I met at the nearby lake one summer day when wifey was out of town. Once that took place, I knew my lifestyle would now include men as well as women. I have accepted the urges with no reservations.

VZR1800

Feb 27, 2013, 12:37 PM

I've known I tended to the Bi side for as long as my cock has been able to get hard. Had a few good times with a friend back in my younger days, just mutual jo. For the most part I've just kept it suppressed thoughout the years, never acted on it. Turned down a few guys who were hitting on me, probably to my loss. Had a few guys hit on me, and did not realize it until after the fact, again much to my loss. Guess I am just not in tune to guys hitting on me, gotta do something about that.

upones

Feb 27, 2013, 1:49 PM

Neils

Feb 27, 2013, 3:46 PM

started by going to abs and watching porn (straight) then gay porn finally got first bj from man in booth houston abs later sucked at abs in san antonio not intending to bring him off in my mouth but as he exploded held my head in place and i had to swallow after that progressed tosucking regularly and fucking other asses till older male took my cherryass in bathhouse in austin havent slowed since was in late thirties earyl forties when change began still loved to eat wifes pussy and fuck her but then i began with creampie eating to get her off more

I always thought the abs route would be how I'd get real experience, just not there yet...

Did you ever use protection for anal? I think if I ever grew the cojones to give/receive oral or anal i'd use a condom, just because i'm afraid of STD/HIV in those situations.

dafydd

Feb 27, 2013, 6:08 PM

Why the hell is it that almost every thread on this site degenerates into some sort of spat between the most-posting regulars? It's the same damned theme over and over again too. You guys need to chill (you know who you are). Seriously - I'm starting to think you're all in some multi-party marriage the way you guys bicker.

@OP: Listen to Neils, he knows what he's talking about.

You dont have to worry too much, its just people with different views, we're all still hard and horny and waiting for the next poll on what colour pubes we all prefer....
Sorry.. but its what makes this site unique.. amongst chat sites... That half the peiole online here looking for pics of dick and minge and the others want to have a good ole mass debate...or a whinge.. as they've been doing for years..
Sorry if it ruins your sexy vibe..
May I recommend manhunt.net or Scruff App for a much more uniform atmosphere. .. where men don't chat back,..or chat to anyone who doesnt have a face pic on their profile...see its not such a hostile place here after all... Hostile is being met with
"No PIC no chat"
Never hear that here.....That's because we accept that there are a plethora of anonymous, avatars, judging silently from behind those generic silhjouettes all the mad crazy loud OUT bisexuals...who are also respctful of the not out, married, youmg, afraid or ashamed / concerned, and worried people who arent so free to rant publicly about their private hell.. Or gel.
And if we can all turn a blind eye to married men posting ads here that "wife is outta town this weekend" .. If we can let those posts that use this site pithily, to commit brazen adultery, then can't we ignore the rest we dont like...its only thoughtful rage. It may not be ur glory hole, but you're not my bedtime story.. To each their own.. And arent we all dum,ping some kind of load here?...
So lick it up or look the other way.... Its easy to scroll down and ignore a post
Harder to finish someone off In bed when you're suddenly repulsed by their red, strained, edging, ageing cum face.
.
at least we're introduced now... :-) :-) I'm Daf... nuts at mo.:-)

Neils

Feb 28, 2013, 12:52 AM

Thanks! though I hope OP can get something from it.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

I am 51, and I'll not vilify you. Could not have put it better myself. Thumbs up for that response.

bi4asplay

Feb 28, 2013, 11:06 AM

I have been BI for around 40 years.My late wife started it out for me. She had started using homemade toys on me.You could not go out and but then then, in Texas. I had never even thought about sex with another guy, until for her birth day she had set up a four day weekend partyStarting at the house, tehn a couple of days on our sailboat Going to Catalina island. At fiirst I resisted strongly. how ever she had made me promise that I would do anything she said was what she wanted for her BD. After my first taste of cock and the first time I felt cock in my ass, I loved it.In that 4 days I sucked the other 3 guys 4 or 5 times each and was fuck by them and their wives about the same number of times.She and I played like this for the next 15 years until she passed.I still enjoy MMF play, and would love to find another lady that is into it.
BTW closet queen was in use back than and I have not heard it used in the last 20 plus years.

Realist

Feb 28, 2013, 2:03 PM

I've been attracted to both genders as long as I can remember. However, I had my first orgasmic sexual experience, with an older man, at 14. Shortly after that, I had my first sexual experience with an older woman.

I never could determine which I enjoyed most, but didn't hear the actual term for what I was for some time.

In my youth, I accepted the fact that I liked both, but as I approached the end of my teen years, I developed some degree of guilt about it.

By my early 20s, though, I realized I couldn't change, if I wanted to, so continued on, in a discreet mode, from then-on.

lizard-lix

Feb 28, 2013, 5:59 PM

When I was about 11, the situation presented itself with my best male friend and we went for it (he and I continued that relationship, with each other and others of both sexes for 7 years).

It never occurred to me to choose or say yes or no based on gender.

I've always been attracted to both (all?) genders. If I like the person, I'd likely want to have sex with them.

I am married to a woman and monogamous now, but I am still attracted to both sexes (and working on getting my wife to consider us playing with others).

Liz

Isitfun

Mar 2, 2013, 9:41 PM

Truth be told my first sexual experience was with another guy. Make that my first 3 were with guys… It was not until I was in my teens when I was with a fantastic lady. I really did have sooooo much fun. Loved it all!

Axumite

Mar 31, 2013, 7:22 PM

I've always been attracted to men and women since I was a child. When I was 19 I considered myself bi curious but now that I'm 20 I'm starting to consider myself bi-sexual. I have never tried anything with a man or woman and I haven't had a boyfriend or girlfriend either.

jem_is_bi

Mar 31, 2013, 10:27 PM

Seriously - I'm starting to think you're all in some multi-party marriage the way you guys bicker.

@OP: Listen to Neils, he knows what he's talking about.

I never thought about that possibility!!!! YOU MAY BE RIGHT. They may be multi-party bicker sexuals.

Chris_t_boston

Apr 1, 2013, 4:07 PM

OP - I come from a different time period than you, but it's sort of relevant.

Ifirst had an inkling that I was bi when I was about 12. I was looking at nudist magazines with my friends and while they were all commenting on boobs, I was looking at penises. A couple of years later I got an incredible crush on a neighbor's cousin. He was gay but I still didn't know what bi/gay/straight was all about.

Back then, "fags" were routinely beat up ("fags" being anyone not into sports, never mind those attracted to guys) so I pushed it far back into the closet, dated girls and got married. It wasn't until I was in my early 50's that I recognized to myself that I was bi.

Take the opportunity to discover yourself now. It's not a race... you can figure it out tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. When you do, you'll know. Just don't agonize over it.

niftyshellshock

Apr 1, 2013, 8:03 PM

I think I accepted I was bi the minute I accepted a cumload into my mouth during my first m/m experience

whispering

May 16, 2013, 10:47 AM

I always knew that there was something different about me compared to others around me. And as I moved in to puberty increasingly I found myself knowing what it was... I never had a complex about it, and was never confused, neither did I concern myself with how others would think of me even if I didn't know what to call it..... My upbringing prevented me from having the internal conflict which so may others have... and how did I accept the urges? Gratefully....:impleased

A young woman who has worked with me for 8 years had a similar, graceful transition at puberty. She and another girl wanted to try kissing one afternoon, to see what it felt like, and it went on from there for three years. The were together all the time. Kids talked, but nobody knew. She started dating boys; her girlfriend didn't (and later came out as gay). She lives with a guy now, but has "girly weekends" about every month, where she goes off on a trip with a girlfriend. Yes, she would use the word "gratefully" also, darkeyes.

ErosUrge

May 18, 2013, 2:23 AM

I touched on this topic before but will again now.

I have always been bi but didn't have a label for it until I turned 18 or 19 years old and that was because I was a huge fan of David Bowie who had just revealed to the world he was bi. I knew that I really enjoyed sex with both as a teen and was aware that it wasn't safe in junior/middle school and high school to reveal that I was into sex with guys too. I hid it very carefully. I was never troubled about it or concerned that I enjoyed sex with both...I didn't start thinking about or analyzing it until I was in my late 20's/early 30's. I struggled with it at that time because for whatever reason, I decided I only wanted to be sexual with women and devoted to one woman only. At that point I attempted to push away my desire for same sex-sex; it didn't work. If anything, it made me desire it all the more. The same applies too if I am only sexual with a male; my desire for a woman increases all the more....

After years of struggling with my sexual identity and denying that my hunger was for both sexes, I finally came to terms with it. As a result of that, I finally felt whole and was/am at peace about it.

12voltman59

May 18, 2013, 11:06 AM

For me----having an attraction to both males and females goes as far back in life as I can recall. I did not realize at the time of course--but not only did I like looking a pictures of "girls" in magazines and such-----but thinking back to when I liked to read comic books of all sorts, not only those with "superheros" but others they had---I would find the male characters, in their costumes and such to be a "turn on."

I cannot recall the name of one comic strip character in particular----but it was a story that would appear in editions of another larger comic book that had various stories running. The main character was this young boy----he was cute and blond----and his "costume" was pretty basic---he only wore a pair of white bikini like shorts. His story would be done over maybe three of four pages and he always wound up getting captured by bad guys who threatened to do him harm--but he always was able to escape, of course. I would play in my room, imagining myself to be that character---wearing my little "tighty whitey" undies---being held in chains or something. I was only like five or six----so I did not quite really understand or even think about my attraction to this character----I just had it.

I did not think about liking this story and character and make the connection to my bisexual nature until rather recently in life.

Later, in my pre-teen years----there was this old abandoned cabin located in a wooded area not far from where I lived. The kids in the area all knew that people went to the shack to have illicit sex. It had a nasty old couch in it and you would always find used condoms in the thing---also needles too--so I guess some people went there to shoot up heroine or whatever. I never did ever actually see anyone having sex there or doing drugs----but one day--by myself---I came there and found that someone had dumped their stash of sex mags of all sorts there----there were Playboys, Penthouses and other hetero sex mags that were more hardcore and showed things beyond just posed naked women but them having sex with guys and other girls, along with a big pile of classic '70s gay sex mags. I enjoyed looking at it all. I wound up taking away a collection of both sorts of mags back home where I hid it pretty well---there were also ones that featured kids naked in sexual positions and acts--I don't think I kept any of those.

I not only found some arousal from looking at the straight sex mags---but really did find the gay ones to be "interesting" and liked what I saw with the pictures of those naked men with big, erect cocks and showing them sucking cock and getting fucked.

I didn't make much distinction between looking at the straight sex mags and the gay ones--I just knew I liked them all and I surely did my share of jerking off to both sorts of mags. To me it didn't matter if I looked at photos of naked women or men----I liked looking at them both.

Eventually someone burned down that old "sex shack" and sometime later----the area was developed and today has homes, shopping centers, commercial buildings and small manufacturing companies on it.

It was a fun place to explore as a kid.

In my sexual experiences with other guys---both when I was young and had a series of them and now that I do this when I can at this stage of my life----it always felt natural and "right" just like having sex with ladies felt the same. I enjoy being with whatever partner I am with at the time and try to make all aspects of our time together fun and enjoyable as I possibly can----only being limited usually by the way the other person, male or female is dealing with the experience.

void()

May 19, 2013, 9:09 AM

Knew when I was a boy of six to eight years. At the time loved a boy and girl at school. Teachers & adults thought I would grow through it as a phase. Accepted it as being part of me naturally at age thirteen. One week I had my friend over who proved himself to be a gay boy. The next week I had a girl over who proved heterosexuality functioned much the same.

Accepting myself, "urges" has never really been too difficult. Accepting that folks hate me for me being me, is kind of tough. Always has created a sense of confusion. As a child one is taught to be themselves, be proud of being themselves. Into adolescence one comes and realizes the lesson is to keep one's mouth shut and be someone else. "Go on now, child, fit in."

Hilarious moment in life was coming out to my mom. I was preparing to move away with a woman loved enough to become my wife. I explained to mom that this woman accepted me for who and what I was. Mom asked just what I was. I told her of being bisexual. Her response follows.

"Oh, is that all? Well, I guess that's alright. I've raised you to have a good head on your shoulders, to understand you don't choose who you love. I had my suspicions with you but I wanted you to tell me. First thought you were gay when you slept with ____ then, you slept with ____, a girl and that really messed with me a bit. By the way son, you don't fall far from the tree. I'm bi too."

Imagine the shock of total acceptance for someone expecting the complete opposite response.