Disease free married three years and wife still wants me to wear a condom

[Justin Chad Taylor]

If a husband and wife are married for three years and both are disease free and are truly commited to one another then is it fair for the man to ask the wife to go on birth control pills? My wife is against taking birth control pills because she heard of some women had heart attacks and strokes. Evey time we make love I have to wear a condom and never get to enjoy the natrual feeling of intercourse. Does it seem that I am overreacting or do I have some point here. I respect my wife but is there any way I could get her to see my point of view. :eek2:

[ZmbGirl]

You can't force your wife to take birth control and she can't force you to wear a condom. If you don't like it tell her and if she still wants you to wear one then you have to make the decision whether you want sex or not. You could always go and get the operation done and then you wouldn't have to worry about getting her pregnant. It all depends on how important the "natural" feeling of sex is and how badly you don't want to get her pregnant. Birth Control pills can really screw a woman's system up and can also make it impossible to have children some day. Always weigh all the outcomes.

[Realist]

Justin, Zmbgirl's got a point, there.

My first wife was the same way, she had two children, when we married, and didn't want any more. There were reports that some women were having reactions to BC pills, too. Tests indicated she could be one of that small percentage.

Luckily, I was in the Air Force, then, and they were giving vasectomies to anyone who wanted them. Honestly, it may have been the best thing I ever did!

I never wanted children, anyway, and that ensured I'd never have an accident. It certainly gave me peace of mind and increased my fun exponentially!

That's not advice, just something I did and never regretted it!

[cherry88]

If a husband and wife are married for three years and both are disease free and are truly commited to one another then is it fair for the man to ask the wife to go on birth control pills? My wife is against taking birth control pills because she heard of some women had heart attacks and strokes. Evey time we make love I have to wear a condom and never get to enjoy the natrual feeling of intercourse. Does it seem that I am overreacting or do I have some point here. I respect my wife but is there any way I could get her to see my point of view. :eek2:

it is true for some hormones are not a healthy way to go for lots of reasons, you really cant ask someone to take hormones if they dont want to. if you dont tolerate them well they can cause a lot of problems in some people.

i think the actual risk of strokes and things is really very very low, however it does happen especially if there are risk factors.

there are other options for women that dont contain or involve hormones. im pretty sure certain kinds of iud's dont contain hormones and i think most diaghragms (sp) dont use them.

also there are other options for men, some more drastic than others of course!

im a woman and i would personally really dislike using condoms all the time, but having been on the pill for many years and knowing the stuff it can sometimes cause, i would vastly prefer condoms, if i were one of those who had bad effects to the hormones. its well within her rights to refuse to take them if they dont agree with her.

anyway i would look into some other options, i personally wouldnt want to use condoms all the time either, there are other options.

[MicroMitso]

You might want to check to see if birth control counselling is available to you as a couple in your area. It sounds like there might be issues that you could talk about with a counsellor as you both become more aware of what is available to you.

Have to admit, your thread title is a bit confusing. Is your wife's issue prevention of pregnancy, or avoiding the risk of an STD?

Ideally whatever you decide should be a choice you are both happy with.

Most important for the quality and duration of your relationship is that there be no emotional blackmail, nor any deception.

[DuckiesDarling]

reads back on previous threads.. yep I can see why she would want you to wear one..................

[AzREO69]

have her use the rythem method. not full-proof, but then you can natural. try using toys in the relationship unless she is too prudish. that sometimes gets them going for the real deal.

[darkeyes]

have her use the rythem method. not full-proof, . Excuse me? U are kidding...not full proof? Ne 1 who considers and uses it as a reliable method of contraception is proof of a fool...

[tenni]

Jason
I also have read your various posts and checked them back to 2009. I'm sorry that the heterosexual woman has posted (#6) with such negative innuendo.

You are bisexual and you have had sex with both men and women for what appears decades. Post 6 shows no empathy for your situation as a bisexual man. I'm sorry that your first wife died what seems to be 2004 and you took several years before becoming sexually active again with anyone. I'm sorry that you have had such struggles as a bisexual man for your attraction to both men and women. Congratulations on over coming your break up struggles a few years back with this same woman that you seem to now be married to. I recall that I believe that you moved in with a man but seem to have returned to your now second wife. As a bi man with strong(er) attraction to men than women,it is not easy in our present hetero driven society and especially when posters give veiled slurs against you on a bisexual site.

You seem to be a pleasant enough biguy with problems that many biguys experience.(well the condom size issue not all of us guys have problems with ;) ) Again, I apologize to you for this poster 6 not having the empathy with your struggles as a bi man.

For those confused about your title and first line...disease free means no STD etc. doesn't it?

I understand that your wife's concern is about a fear about her health rather than disease? Has she talked with her doctor? I'm sure that you do not want her to have a heart attack etc. if she is high risk. All that you can do is to talk to her about how pleasurable having sex is without a condom. Not all/ many women are opposed to having sex during their periods. Is she open to having non condom sex during her period? Are you comfortable having sex during her period? A towel under her can help during the heavy flow days. Some women are more horny during their period than other times. just a thought. ;)

[DuckiesDarling]

Jason
I also have read your various posts and checked them back to 2009. I'm sorry that the heterosexual woman has posted (#6) with such negative innuendo.

You are bisexual and you have had sex with both men and women for what appears decades. Post 6 shows no empathy for your situation as a bisexual man. I'm sorry that your first wife died what seems to be 2004 and you took several years before becoming sexually active again with anyone. I'm sorry that you have had such struggles as a bisexual man for your attraction to both men and women. Congratulations on over coming your break up struggles a few years back with this same woman that you seem to now be married to. I recall that I believe that you moved in with a man but seem to have returned to your now second wife. As a bi man with strong(er) attraction to men than women,it is not easy in our present hetero driven society and especially when posters give veiled slurs against you on a bisexual site.

You seem to be a pleasant enough biguy with problems that many biguys experience.(well the condom size issue not all of us guys have problems with ;) ) Again, I apologize to you for this poster 6 not having the empathy with your struggles as a bi man.

For those confused about your title and first line...disease free means no STD etc. doesn't it?

I understand that your wife's concern is about a fear about her health rather than disease? Has she talked with her doctor? I'm sure that you do not want her to have a heart attack etc. if she is high risk. All that you can do is to talk to her about how pleasurable having sex is without a condom. Not all/ many women are opposed to having sex during their periods. Is she open to having non condom sex during her period? Are you comfortable having sex during her period? A towel under her can help during the heavy flow days. Some women are more horny during their period than other times. just a thought. ;)


Give it a rest, Tenni, and if you had really read his posts you'd see his name is Justin not Jason. he has posted in the past regarding his issues with both being bisexual, then the having a baby and his bf was upset cause he "cheated" on bf with wife.... so really just grow up. I said I can understand why she asked him to wear a condom and that is what I said. You don't like it, don't fricking read it, but do not continue with your attacks on me because I will not tolerate it from you.

[Jobelorocks]

OP- There are many health risks associated with birth control pills and I understand why someone wouldn't want to take them. The only reason I am taking them is that we can't risk having a kid right now (we use both the pill and condoms). There is little health risks with condoms (except maybe a allergic reaction, which can be remedied through ones made from different materials), but hormonal bc can mess with a woman's body in a lot of ways. I dealt with some of the minor side effects while figuring out which one was best for me (dizziness, vomiting) not to mention I have gained weight since taking them that is hard to get off and that is just some of the minor side effects. Here is a list of possible side effects: nausea, vomiting, dizziness, constipation, bloating, breast swelling and tenderness, decreased libido, weight gain, loss of appetite, mood swings, depression, anxiety, high blood pressure, acne, facial discoloration, fluid retention, bone density loss, hair loss, enlarged ovarian follicles, eye problems, vision impairment, gall bladder disease, gall stones, embolism, immune system suppression, heart attack, stroke, breast or liver tumors, ectopic pregnancies, cervical cancer, blood clots, and jondice.

Most meds have long lists of side effects like this, but it is hard for some women to justify taking the risk when there are things like condoms out there. Check out other forms of bc and you two do research together to find out what is best for you. If she starts taking the pill it is putting her health at risk, not yours, so she has a right to refuse to take it.

[void()]

I can understand your point of view as well as hers. Think it comes down to open, honest communication, respect of one another. Quite a few others have posted some helpful suggestions so I'll belay presenting anything further.

[FinkDoodle]

Vasectomies are reversable now . . consider that option.

[BiDaveDtown]

There are other types of BC she can take besides the pill but they are not completely effective as using condoms. She should talk to a doctor and if she does not want to take the pill that is her choice.

[chicagom]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9zIlSVT4mBA

[tenni]

Sorry Justin for using an incorrect name.

As far as reading skills, I'm fine. I'm "edjumacated". I can read inference very well even with attempts to disguise after the fact of posting. Three years disease free pretty much eliminates certain arguments about STD and condom use. Add reading skills of detail recall such as the wife having concern about health issues/the pill and that makes it clear to most. Most of us (bisexuals) do not use a moral judgment of Justin's struggle as a bisexual man. If a person doesn't mean to offend or insult a bi guy, a polite person might apologize for creating a misunderstanding.

Szepplin I think that you are misunderstanding the difference between personal attacks and writing about the issue.

[ExSailor]

Sorry Justin for using an incorrect name. As far as reading skills, I'm fine. I'm "edjumacated". I can read inference very well even with attempts to disguise after the fact of posting. Three years disease free pretty much eliminates certain arguments about STD and condom use. Add reading skills of detail recall such as the wife having concern about health issues/the pill and that makes it clear to most. Most of us (bisexuals) do not use a moral judgment of Justin's struggle as a bisexual man. If a person doesn't mean to offend or insult a bi guy, a polite person might apologize for creating a misunderstanding. Just because people claim they are monogamous and claim to be "disease free" does not mean that they actually are either of these things. People in relationships lie and cheat on each other all the time, and get infected with other STDs from people who they are cheating on their partner with. Just because they get tested at one time it does not mean that they actually are or will remain disease free. Nobody is insulting a bisexual man, bisexuality, or anything of that nature as a professional PC victim is now trying to claim is happening and any sort of appology from people who are telling Justin Chad Taylor how it's not up to him if his wife does not want to take the pill and insists he use condoms. Bottom line, it's Justin Chad Taylor's wife's personal choice to not use the pill or take it. Condoms are not that big of a deal and I have used them with male and female partners for decades and I still use them since I am HIV+ and my partners remain HIV neg.

[Annika L]

Lots of factors to consider with birth control pills...I can think of lots of reasons she either might not want to or might not be able to use them.

But if you don't like condoms as birth control, you should explore other options together. If the issue truly isn't concerns about STDs, but preganancy, then you could consider IUDs (surprised nobody has mentioned that), spermidices (not sure of the effectiveness without a condom there...I'm no expert), or female condoms. Probably some other options, too.

But no. It's not cool to pressure another person to mess with their body chemistry.

[R4zz13]

Justin,

If the issue is birth control, have you considered an IUD? (inter-uterine device; hope I spelled that right) I've heard of one called ParaGard if I'm remembering the name correctly. It doesn't use hormones and is supposed to good for 10 years.

[Mike and Pam]

If a husband and wife are married for three years and both are disease free and are truly commited to one another then is it fair for the man to ask the wife to go on birth control pills? My wife is against taking birth control pills because she heard of some women had heart attacks and strokes. Evey time we make love I have to wear a condom and never get to enjoy the natrual feeling of intercourse. Does it seem that I am overreacting or do I have some point here. I respect my wife but is there any way I could get her to see my point of view. :eek2:

This is the female half...I'm sorry but if I was your wife..I would make you wear a condom too. Its either that or no sex..if you are having sex with another man, then condoms are a must!

[darkeyes]

This is the female half...I'm sorry but if I was your wife..I would make you wear a condom too. Its either that or no sex..if you are having sex with another man, then condoms are a must!
.. and there is the crux of it.... about that there can be no argument... a test is only a guarantee we are not infected at the time of the test.. not at any time in between tests...

If the OP is not having sex with another man it remains her right to choose her own method of birth control.. it is his too... for him.... just as she cannot demand of him, neither does he have the right to demand of her... most couples discuss it and come to an agreement, but this is not always possible.. and where agreement cannot be reached then it gets down to how much each loves, respects, needs and wants the other in her or his life.. or whether his or her sexual proclivities and need to do are more important than the other person in his or her life..

[tenni]

This is the female half...I'm sorry but if I was your wife..I would make you wear a condom too. Its either that or no sex..if you are having sex with another man, then condoms are a must!

Well, I don't think other than heterosexual women's fears there is proof to your comment about being Justin's wife. He is not saying that is her reason for wanting condoms.

They both see themselves as 1 on the Kinsey scale.

Interesting is Mike & Pam's profile statement that they are looking for NSA sex. How does her fear of STD/condom use play out with this type of sexual search?

So many off topic questions for Pam. Maybe Pam will start her own thread on condom use in her sex activities.

[Doggie_Wood]

13097

[Mike and Pam]

Well..if people dont want others comments then maybe they shouldnt post. We all have different opinions on subjects.

[ExSailor]

IUDs also have their issues as do diaphragms. Just use condoms they are more effective and it is her choice that you use them and she does not want to use the pill.

[runwildtonight]

Have you tried different varieties of condoms? I personally like LifeStyles's Skyn condoms. I can barely feel them on and have had female friends tell me they freaked out the first time thinking the guy was going without one. If you haven't explored different condoms you may be pleasantly surprised. And what a great excuse it is to have sex with your wife than to be trying different forms of barely there condoms. Anyway that's my 2-cents.

[ExSailor]

This is the female half...I'm sorry but if I was your wife..I would make you wear a condom too. Its either that or no sex..if you are having sex with another man, then condoms are a must! So by your personally flawed logic if he was having sex with other women who have STDs who lied or didn't know they had an STD then it would be OK to not use a condom with his wife. :rolleyes: Not only is your opinion sexist it's also homophobic/biphobic and pozphobic since it's not just bisexual and gay men who are HIV+ or who have STDs.

[Mike and Pam]

So by your personally flawed logic if he was having sex with other women who have STDs who lied or didn't know they had an STD then it would be OK to not use a condom with his wife. :rolleyes: Not only is your opinion sexist it's also homophobic/biphobic and pozphobic since it's not just bisexual and gay men who are HIV+ or who have STDs.

Like I said before....if people dont want others comments then maybe they shouldnt post. We all have different opinions on subjects.

[Vuillardgr]

It's not about a phobia or not being understanding. It's about taking responsibility for your own health. If your partner is having sex with others, ask them to take precautions and make sure you protect yourself. Hopefully you can trust them to do so, it's so important in a relationship, but I don't believe in blind trust. Your health is your responsibility. If your partner wants sex with others and you agree, ok...but that means precautions...and yes condoms and anything else you feel you need to protect yourself.

[dickhand]

If I was a woman , I wouldn't want to be on the pill either . Everytime you turn around there is a commercial for a class action suit due to the damage done by drugs in general and some for birth control . Yaz comes to mind as a recent one . My woman swore she would never take hormones for menopause . Unfortunately she didn't live long enough to see how that would go . Use the condoms for her !

[condomlover]

try sagami 002
very thin, very comfortable.

[Ja&Ve]

This is the female half...I'm sorry but if I was your wife..I would make you wear a condom too. Its either that or no sex..if you are having sex with another man, then condoms are a must!
^this

my husband and I are monogamous, use no protection and even then it's only because I know my cycle to a T and am not particularly fertile. The second we decide to open our marriage for any reason that involves a condom not being used, or if there is infidelity, he knows he will wear condoms with me for the rest of his life. I REFUSE to take chances with my own life.

[cbb83]

Just to chime in here, modern birth control pills are exceedingly safe for both long and short term use. Cases that damage a reproductive system are extremely rare and usually very predictable. There's very little reason to fear the pill (we're talking one in millions kind of odds). That said dude, it's her choice 100%. There's nothing you can really do about it except wear the condom, quit, or offer to get a vasectomy.

[Ja&Ve]

Birth control pills killed my sex drive and made me gain weight very very quickly. I tried several kinds. It's awful. J will be getting snipped this year. It's not like we don't have a good system but I'm too old to take the chance getting preggers at pushing 40.

[Realist]

Having a vasectomy's the best thing I ever did! Never wanted kids...had too much to do. I didn't want to slip up and get some girl pregnant, either. It was the right thing for me to do.

[lookn4fun64]

Real I seriously thought about the same method of control if I ever got married. Life turned a different direction when I found myself with a gay partner. Life never turns out the way you think it might when you are 18